my report from the festival; i honestly don't get it

[Notgoodwithgirls]

yesterday there was an annual festival in my state for people of my heritage, so that means lots of chicks. i haven't gone the past few years but i decided to go this year and scope things out. as i suspected there were tons of chicks and it brought memories of this site so i figured why not try to game them. there were literally over hundreds of chicks i am not kidding and you'd think at least one would be receptive right? WRONG. i cold approached a few and they all did the same exact ****ing thing "oh sorry i am already with someone" or they just spit out a few lines and left to go with there friends. but i wasn't even pissed at that, what i was pissed at was how i was pretty much ignored. the majority of girls didn't even give me the time of day, they either pretty much looked past me or gave me that look, i'm sure you guys know what i'm talking about, that look when they go "oh please" or they roll their eyes and this happens ALL THE TIME to me, 99.9% of the time. on the contrary what i got was a bunch of wannabee hard asses trying to stare me down but i won't be intimidated. now what is it i did i see? all the retarded looking guido and affliction mother ****ers with someone, good for them i am happy they don't have my fate, but i know at the end of the day they are retarded sheep. bythe end of the night i was pissed and on the verge of throwing myself into a rage. i mean is it because i am ugly? is that what it is because i can't understand this. i wore decent clothes, i showered, i was in a good mood (at first). yeah i could put on some muscle but thats no excuse because i have seen skinnier and uglier pull. i'm starting to get sick to ****ing here at these mother ****ers who think they are entitled to these high ucking standards when they are to ****ing lazy and cowardly to even put themselves out there. and this is my ****ing point, how the hell am i supposed to get better with girls or even talk to them when they are so ****ing antisocial and don't want to talk themselves, only stay in their little retarded cliques and never allow anything to happen with anyone from the outside. i'm honestly starting to get ****ing pissed at them.

sorry about going into a tirade here but until you go out to a huge function and get shut out by just about every girl you won't understand. see i actually WANT to try, i WANT to get better but everytime i come close to a girl it's "oh i better put up a wall around him". even the ugly ****ing cows did it, the audacity given the fact thye obviously haven't looked in a ****ing mirror. that whole day was retarded and i am not going through it again. if i have to bcome a supreme ultra ******* then i will.

and before you chime in with something like "you have to see yourself as the prize " realize a person who has never had success isn't going to see themselves as the prize no matter how muc hthey fake it, that's for the multimillionaires or the sex that was lucky to be born with a snatch since they do nothing and always have guys coming at them. i am going to be 25 years old in a couple of months and i cna't even say i've been close to a date in my entire life. how am i going to fake it? only if i'm mentally ill.

before i did not say anything and i gave them too much credit. all they did was mock me because i was at my lowest. now everytime some girl starts *****ing and whining about being treated badly i will just laugh in her face and tell her to get over it.

 

[Ice882]

being the prize is a mentality bro. Adopt it, even if you're not the prize.....


which you're not.

 

[BongDuy]

well what did you use as openers? how was your tone of voice? nervous? unsure?

 

[FairShake]

You should probably try to talk to females in your daily life first. Through school/work, parties, friends, errands, etc.

Approaching at a social event like this or at clubs is much harder because of competition with douchebags and the like.

Once your competent or at least better at just shooting the **** and having a good time with the females you can go to these other get togethers.

 

[Nexxus]

being the prize is a mentality bro. Adopt it, even if you're not the prize.....


which you're not.

lmao

 

[omkara]

Those skinnier, uglier guys that you saw that already have chicks have probably known them for years--or they just have really tight game. At least you showed some courage by going out there and cold approaching. But it's probably more sensible to start by expanding your social circle and getting to know girls in a more natural, less intrusive way. Get involved in something that you're interested in... playing sports, playing music, D & D, work, school, whatever. The more social contacts you have the better, even if they're guys. This is the more natural (IMO) and easier way to get to girls. They won't feel threatened if you meet them through someone they know.

I don't really cold approach because a) it causes a lot of grief (as you so accurately described), b) I think I'm too good to put myself in a position to be dismissed by them; and c) my game isn't really that tight and I'm not that social of a person. I'm just trying to make progress by becoming a more social person in general. Every month it gets better and the quality of chicks I'm talking to is getting better. Plus, as an added side benefit, I have a life now that has nothing to do with chicks! lol I hope you find something that works for you too.

 

[Notgoodwithgirls]

believe it or not i am actually pretty confident in most things. i have a good family, friends, am educated, have a good job, have an active life, yadda yadda. i can say with confidence if any of you were to meet me in real life you'd get along with me. i know of no one who can really say i am a bad person. i have a good amount of close female friends but romantically i've just never been so lucky in that area. this is something that has always troubled me, even when i was young i was very shy around women. i never had any dates and i missed out on things like my proms.

now i don't want symphaty or anything i just want people to understand...i've been there and done it. there is no advice that can be given to me that i honestly have not tried to use unlike some keyboard commando's who just like to critique but don't get off their lazy & cowardly asses and put themselves at risk. i've spent countless hours reading and asking, going to personal developement shops, blah blah. and for those who want to say or think i haven't considered myself to be the problem...i have and have many times admitted my personal faults and i have ALWAYS taken steps to correct them. when i was much younger as a teen i was shy and would literally avoid women i liked, obviously this wasn't very helpful in trying to get something going. since those years i have taken the necessary steps as i mentioned and now i don't have problems like that. while i felt good about it didn't really help me in this area. i have honestly done the best i could in order to improve myself minus the bulking up part, but there are certain health reasons as to why i haven't but am sorting out at the moment, nonetheless i don't think it's a fair reason and i see it as a cop out when people tell me because i have seen much worse then me pull and i mean emaciated..my body type is at least average and i have good height.

the fact of the matter is this: the statistical odds don't support a person not going the entire day without any signiicant conversation taking place but that's what happened. i have no problems approaching strangers to make conversation but i can't help it that they don't want to talk and would rather stay in their little cliques and not let anyone in. i approached a few and tried to get something going but it was always 'sorry i'm with my boyfriend" or "i gotta catch up with my friends" but the majority either just looked past me or gave me that look that says "oh please". i'm used to it, after all i get it all the time which is how i know what's going through their minds and no, i'm not exaggerating. i want to know how i'm supposed to possibly meet someone when this is what i'm encountering? last time i looked in the mirror i was human and not an alien, nothing horrible stuck out so i don't understand. i also don't want to get a whole us vs. them thing going, but i hae noticed whenever i go back to italy it's a hell of a lot easier...hell women approach me there which convinces me that deep down i'm not the entire problem. i'm certain if i lived there i wouldn't have these problems for whatever reason but of course i'm not going to do that and i don't want to do it. that would be a cop out and i'd rather develop myself here but i absolutely WILL NOT deny this happens.

sorry about this being so long i wanted to make it as short as possible because i know yo uguys have lives and don't want you to spend all your time on this one topic but i had to throw everything in once i got started

 

[Notgoodwithgirls]

Those skinnier, uglier guys that you saw that already have chicks have probably known them for years--or they just have really tight game. At least you showed some courage by going out there and cold approaching. But it's probably more sensible to start by expanding your social circle and getting to know girls in a more natural, less intrusive way. Get involved in something that you're interested in... playing sports, playing music, D & D, work, school, whatever. The more social contacts you have the better, even if they're guys. This is the more natural (IMO) and easier way to get to girls. They won't feel threatened if you meet them through someone they know.

I don't really cold approach because a) it causes a lot of grief (as you so accurately described), b) I think I'm too good to put myself in a position to be dismissed by them; and c) my game isn't really that tight and I'm not that social of a person. I'm just trying to make progress by becoming a more social person in general. Every month it gets better and the quality of chicks I'm talking to is getting better. Plus, as an added side benefit, I have a life now that has nothing to do with chicks! lol I hope you find something that works for you too.

well i don't fault you for that and i think you are brave for at least admitting that. i was in the same position as you at one point and i won't look down upon you for it. i hope you will eventually work this out and get past this. i decided one day i woud have a better chance with women cold approaching so i decided to do it, if anything it would put you in control but like my original post says what good is that when the women aren't giving you the chance to? being in control and the ability to lead is a non factor when at first look the women are decided you aren't worth the time.

 

[omkara]

well yeah, I'm sure different things work for different people. All I know is what has worked for me... to improve at least, though I have a long way to go. I still don't even talk to girls that show interest unless I somehow randomly end up talking to them or they approach me. So I can see your point about wanting to take control of the situation. There's something to be said for that.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Your mind is a garden. And whatever you cultivate there, is what will flourish and manifest itself in your reality in a thousand different ways.

What are you growing? Bitterness, jealousy, frustration? Tend your garden

 

[WaterTiger]

Your mind is a garden. And whatever you cultivate there, is what will flourish and manifest itself in your reality in a thousand different ways.

What are you growing? Bitterness, jealousy, frustration? Tend your garden

That is golden! You should sell t-shirts with that printed on it, really!

 

[Mike32ct]

The OP is suggesting that it should be easier to pickup when there are a lot of women around. In my experience, it doesn't make it easier at all. To some extent, it makes it harder because the women will stay in their big cliques. I used to go to this club that had a lot of bachelorette parties going on. There would be 50 to as much as 80 percent women there on a given night. I never scored there. Honestly it was at least as bad as a sausage party. In many ways it was worse because even if a girl is slightly attracted to you, she will blow you off if you don't look to impressive to her 15 friends.

Having a lot of women around may give you more practice, but it doesn't make it easier. This is counterintuitive. One would think the women would be less choosy if they outnumber the dudes.

 

[omkara]

Your mind is a garden. And whatever you cultivate there, is what will flourish and manifest itself in your reality in a thousand different ways.

What are you growing? Bitterness, jealousy, frustration? Tend your garden

That's a good point. I have been working on this a lot recently actually. Like for example, I am pretty careful about what I eat, but I have never given much attention to the toxic thoughts that I allow myself to think. If I could learn how to have as much control over my thoughts as my diet, I would be so much happier.

I have been reading lately this book by the Dalai Lama and a western research psychiatrist called The Art of Happiness, and it deals with this subject in detail. It's pretty much the subject of the entire book. I would recommend it to anyone here who's interested in such things. (Yeah I know, it was real big in the late 90's when it came out, but I was living under a rock at the time.)

Anyway sorry for the tangent. Sometimes a discussion just takes an interesting tangent and it's not worth starting a whole new thread over.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Look up "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. It's one of the original "self help" books and was the first to concentrate on controlling thoughts and internal dialogue as a means of taking command of your life and leading it instead of living it (put broadly).

It isn't easy to change. As one posters' sig reads, 'You fight to hold on, you fight to let go.' In my mental training I literally picture a field of big sunflowers with words such as FAITH, DETERMINATION, STRENGTH, WILL, PERSEVERANCE, etc. written on the flowers. I picture this garden when I lay in bed at night, when I am driving, and when the world tests me.

No, it ain't easy. But I don't want easy anymore. And neither do you. Look at the things which cause you grief, and instead rejoice; for they are not problems but challenges, and they are not curses but the means of your salvation.