MY relapse to AFCism

[jdon23]

I confess. I went back to my AFC ways. How could this of happened?

I'll try to walk you through it the best I can.

Here's my story. I started reading this material for about a year but haven't really had the balls to start practicing it until about a month ago. I started caring more about myself and started doing all the things i've ever dreamed of. Started new hobbies, I welcomed new people in my life, I felt like I could do anything- and it would come true if I willed it hard enough.

I started talking to women confidently and fearlessly. I didn't even need to think about the words that came from my mouth. It came natural, and the women were always smiling and laughing. THEY started the kino! THEY would offer their number. It was almost too easy. Everything was working well for me... Until I ran back into this girl.

I had history with her, but it was when I was an extreme AFC. She always had a control over me. Well not anymore. I was a MAN now. I treated her like she was nothing, and I noticed a complete change in her face. She started txting me and calling me incessently, asking when we would hang out. She acted extremely feminine and cute, and was very flirtatious.

This is where I went down hill..

At first this girl was the last thing on my mind. I kept rejecting her and she would try harder and harder.. until the sexual tension was too much. We spent the night together. The day after she acted COMPLETELY distant and it ruined my frame. It was an obvious **** test. I started acting like a clingy AFC and it turned her off and it was over between us. I was devastated for two days.

At least I learned a valuable lesson. Never get too attached- it will be your end-doing.

 

[Head DJ]

wow.....can someone provide some tips on how to avoid or pass this "TEST"? How do you not act like a clingy AFC once you have the girl. I feel like I always get myself into this and it takes some time to get back into the game.

 

[Easy_Lover29]

Amen brother. I did the same thing. Don't let the guard down next time. It feels ****ty to become an insecure AFC and they sense the fear and insecurity. It's a doomed situation. I recently lived it but now I know. Consider it good for the experience. We can learn from these failures. Now jump back in as a DJ.

 

[KontrollerX]

wow.....can someone provide some tips on how to avoid or pass this "TEST"? How do you not act like a clingy AFC once you have the girl. I feel like I always get myself into this and it takes some time to get back into the game.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995

Coming right up!

Read that thread.

 

[jdon23]

Thanks KontrollerX, I read it. At first I was thinking "there's something wrong with this girl" One moment shes obsessed with me, the next day she is acting distant and uninterested. I told myself that their must be something completely wrong with this woman. I thought it was HER, but now I understand that it was me. I definitely failed the active test.

The day AFTER, I texted her in the morning, and called her at night. She didnt respond and then I even txted her one more time after that. I CONVINCED myself that she must of left her phone at home. There is NO way she would go from txting me all the time to nothing. (first bad idea)

I decided to stop by her job to wait for her to get out.. (second bad idea). It became clear to me that she didn't really want me there. She must of had a bad day or something and didn't want to deal with me.

This destroyed my frame of mind. I acted like a complete tool and child. I let her bad mood affect mine and I showed my emotion on my sleeve. Ughhh I looked so pathetic now that I think back. I took her mood as a loss of affection for me and the whole look on my face showed insecurity. It was over and I didn't even realize why.

I learned a great lesson. Never let a woman become "your own world". Don't ever give the woman this power! What she does SHOULDN'T affect you. That's backwards and counter-productive as a man AND a DJ. If she does something you don't like, tell her its unacceptable. An AFC just deals with it and is submissive. Also, don't get stuck in a 'set pattern' and worry when those patterns deviate. Don't ever get too comfortable, because everything changes.



I hope I could give insight to anyone else in the same situation. Nothing else to do now but look to the future

 

[Head DJ]

wow.....I know I was just about doing what I do......talking to all the girls....(thanks to this site and lots of hard work at the gym) approaching girls is the easiest thing in the world.....

anyways, this hb8 that i've been checking out and talking to for a few weeks got some kind of a hint and told one of my boys "he is cool as hell and i think he likes me" and comes to me that night at a club and pretty much says she is interested in a ONS. I'm down but for some reason I let my guard down and I am not sure what about me gave her this impression, but she told me "we should be friends but its not going anywhere, you're still down to f*ck". I say hell yeah, I'm taking too much ****ing time on closing this ****. After that we danced and made out a bit but she ended up leaving with her friends.

For some reason the past few days I've been feeling a little down after she said "its not going anywhere" even though all I wanted to do was f*ck. is it some kind of mind game this b*tch is playing. I have an opportunity to skip dates and everything and just get to bed with her but I just feel like I should take her out on a date or something at least. I swear while I type this, I can feel hints of my AFC. this **** needs to go away. talk to me guys.....

 

[jdon23]

wow.....I know I was just about doing what I do......talking to all the girls....(thanks to this site and lots of hard work at the gym) approaching girls is the easiest thing in the world.....

anyways, this hb8 that i've been checking out and talking to for a few weeks got some kind of a hint and told one of my boys "he is cool as hell and i think he likes me" and comes to me that night at a club and pretty much says she is interested in a ONS. I'm down but for some reason I let my guard down and I am not sure what about me gave her this impression, but she told me "we should be friends but its not going anywhere, you're still down to f*ck". I say hell yeah, I'm taking too much ****ing time on closing this ****. After that we danced and made out a bit but she ended up leaving with her friends.

For some reason the past few days I've been feeling a little down after she said "its not going anywhere" even though all I wanted to do was f*ck. is it some kind of mind game this b*tch is playing. I have an opportunity to skip dates and everything and just get to bed with her but I just feel like I should take her out on a date or something at least. I swear while I type this, I can feel hints of my AFC. this **** needs to go away. talk to me guys.....

Why do you care that she just wants to be friends?? She said she wanted to bang you!! You should of been way more aggressive and fvcked her that night. If nothing happened after, then atleast u had some hot sex. Maybe a fvck-buddy relationship would ensue. Who knows?

If you feel your chances are done with this girl, then just end it. Don't waste any more time on her.

 

[Head DJ]

its not over.....i just need to be extremely aggressive and bang her. any good reads on how to be that aggressive?

 

[Head DJ]

and btw....you're right....I've been asking myself that too.....why am I upset....she wants to bang bang and doesn't want anything out of it. **** I wouldn't mind a f*ck buddy. it might be my lack of sleeep the past few days thats f*cking with my head.

 

[scottfall]

Story sounds familiar. Got back with the ex, she dropped me 4 days later. LOL. Ive been a wreck since. It sucks because I let myself fall back into that mindset.

 

[jdon23]

Story sounds familiar. Got back with the ex, she dropped me 4 days later. LOL. Ive been a wreck since. It sucks because I let myself fall back into that mindset.

I feel your pain brother. I too was a wreck the past few days.. but I am fine now. What you have to realize is that women are constantly testing you. EVEN when your dating. She will pull always pull **** when your relationship gets to the next level and see how you deal with it. You failed with this one. You have to let it go. What's good about experience is that you can usually learn the most from your failures

I feel like there is a little AFC voice inside everyone. If you let this voice control your mind, you will revert back to *****-mode. It usually happends without you even knowing it. I started thinking of her as my world, my thoughts were completely different. I wasn't even looking at girls anymore because I felt that I already had the one I was looking for. I stopped worrying about my own needs, and concentrated on hers. WRONG!!! Don't let this voice sucker you into being a submissive pet of a woman.

Also if you think about it.. the woman is testing you for a reason. She wants to see if your worth being with her. When you got back together with your ex, she probably said "yes!!! hes not a chump anymore!! wohooo!!" Then you let her down. I did the same thing man. It sucks lol.

That's why I love this site. You can read other people's stories and understand your situation better. You can gain much insight from people who already went through what you did. Its a long journey to that ever elusive title, "don juan."- but i think im getting closer every day.

 

[JulioJose]

it just happened to me 4 days ago.
lolz


its a story like everyone else. we're havin fun, dating, txting etc.
then when i kissed her it was all good on our way back shes cool with it. the next morning she told me that she hated me now coz what i did was too much(thats what she said). I was like, shocked. wtf!
AFC side of me said sorry which i shouldnt said.
i failed the test.

i contacted her last night after 4 days and she was like cold now.
i was frustrated so what i just did is erase her number and move on.
but look at the brightside. now i know what to do.
its a learning experience for me.
lesson learned!

well anyway, i knew from the start she was flaking. coz shes trying to level me on most of the things i told her which is unconviceble to me.

 

[jdon23]

Yea man. Usually your gut instinct in the beginning is right. Mine told me to stay away from this girl because at one point she stopped talking to me randomly for 2-3 days and then came back asking why I didn't go out of my way to see her.

I said to myself.. this isn't normal behavior. But I just settled and she ended up doing it again. ACTIONS speak louder than words and a leopard doesn't change its spots.

 

[reset]

It's normal behavior if you're being a challenge and they can't figure you out. They will "hibernate" for a stretch of time, intending for you to miss them so much that you'll bust the act of indifference and come chasing after them, hopefully asking something like "r u mad @ me?"

They can't believe that unlike most guys, you are not following her around like a puppy dog. So they test to see if it's an act, or if you really do have enough control to go for days without seeing her.

When you don't do that, they give up and figure out another way to bust through your armor. On your case it took only 2-3 days. It can go for a week or more.