my problem

[paranoir]

Hello,

I teach in a college and recently found myself interested in this girl from one of my classes. I need some ideas on how to proceed, given these circumstances:
1. it may not be proper or ethical behavior on my part (although no written rules against such relationships)
2. I am by nature introverted, so it would seem unusual if I attempted to establish some sort of informal contact with her
3. the amount of age difference (10 years)

I am single by the way with no previous serious relationships.

Thanks.

 

[ElChoclo]

You should probably ask yourself why you are interested. Since you don't,presumably, do this regularly, why her?

I would be most surprised if there weren't any written rules about this. If you insist on proceeding, having regard to your personality, I would suggest that you attempt to arrange some course related interaction. I assume that this is possible since you must have spoken with her to form some attraction.

Work in some personal discussion into the business discussion and see if anything is returned. It would not be smart to go for it straight off, since for one thing, you don't have the charisma and secondly you have a lot to lose.

 

[joekerr31]

sounds to me like perhaps you dont like your job that much and subconsciously are looking to lose it. because persuing this girl will definitely make that a possibility.

even if there are no rules against this, you will destroy your rep wiht your colleagues.

 

[Poll]

I have the perfect solution for you my friend. go on limewire and type in the search field "bookworm b-i-t-c-h-s" without those dashes and learn how it's done.

 

[squirrels]

Hello,

I teach in a college and recently found myself interested in this girl from one of my classes. I need some ideas on how to proceed, given these circumstances:
1. it may not be proper or ethical behavior on my part (although no written rules against such relationships)
2. I am by nature introverted, so it would seem unusual if I attempted to establish some sort of informal contact with her
3. the amount of age difference (10 years)

I am single by the way with no previous serious relationships.

Thanks.

Tell her she's in danger of failing the class, and then tell her that the only way she can pass is to do some SERIOUS extra-credit work. Then she'll say, "What kind of extra credit?". And that's when you whip it out.

Works in porn.

I would say DON'T proceed. Your job is more important than getting some. You should know better.

Wait until after the semester, after she's out of your class. Then if you see her again, you can holler at her.

 

[Sinistar]

Just curious - how many other plates (ie numbers, dates, etc) do you have spinning right now?

Edit: Also, what clear signals has your student thrown your way to indicate she has an interest in you?

 

[Wyldfire]

If you are her teacher then you shouldn't pursue her in any way, shape or form. Bad idea. If she will have to continue to take your classes in the future then steer clear. If her taking your class is a one time deal, and she won't take another one of your classes in the future, then wait until the class is over and then ask her out if you still want to.

 

[realsmoothie]

I'm pretty sure there are serious implicatins of this kind of thing. As a professor, shouldn't you know this already? Don't they hand out policy handbooks or something?

I'm going to be a professor, too... and this scares the heck out of me.

 

[grinder]

Leave it alone. There are plenty of other toys to play with that won’t burn you. Why choose this one?

 

[G-Theory]

Rules were made to be broken, right?

Seriously though, if you really are no longer interested in your job, and you are ok with losing your reputation in academia, then you are going to have to start having some fun sooner or later. You might as well start off your new, fun life by having a sexual relationship with a hot little college fun bag. Just make sure you have a back up plan for your career, or a plan for your long vacation.

You could tour college campuses giving seminars about why college professors should not screw their attractive students. Just be sure to let the students know that if they want to fulfill their fantasy about having sex with an intelligent professor type you are accepting applications for roadies (tell them to include their sizes and a picture ).

 

[paranoir]

You should probably ask yourself why you are interested. Since you don't,presumably, do this regularly, why her?

why? because she's there.... the same reason if she was a colleagee, my neighbor or the waitress at the cafe down the street.

 

[paranoir]

Just curious - how many other plates (ie numbers, dates, etc) do you have spinning right now?

Edit: Also, what clear signals has your student thrown your way to indicate she has an interest in you?

There are a couple of other girls I'm interested in. Not students (although one happens to be an alumni.)

No signals.

 

[paranoir]

If you are her teacher then you shouldn't pursue her in any way, shape or form. Bad idea. If she will have to continue to take your classes in the future then steer clear. If her taking your class is a one time deal, and she won't take another one of your classes in the future, then wait until the class is over and then ask her out if you still want to.

well, then, it'll be a long wait of a couple of years at the least.

 

[paranoir]

I'm pretty sure there are serious implicatins of this kind of thing. As a professor, shouldn't you know this already? Don't they hand out policy handbooks or something?

I'm going to be a professor, too... and this scares the heck out of me.

well, you better take it in into consideration. you get to meet lots of chicks but they're all off limits. even if your intention is sincere. heck, the waitress at the cafe you have an eye on, you ask for her number, but finds out that she's a student in your campus... what then?

 

[paranoir]

Seriously though, if you really are no longer interested in your job, and you are ok with losing your reputation in academia, then you are going to have to start having some fun sooner or later. You might as well start off your new, fun life by having a sexual relationship with a hot little college fun bag. Just make sure you have a back up plan for your career, or a plan for your long vacation.

No, no, my intentions are not that. It's serious. Am I in the wrong forum?

 

[paranoir]

This is a college, not a high school. There are no underaged kids here. I don't understand why it is such a taboo.

 

[bigjohnson]

If you are in a position of authority it would very likely put you in line for a sexual harassment lawsuit at the very least. How did you get to a teaching position for craps sake?

 

[realsmoothie]

Why is it taboo? Because you're in a superior position. you're grading her. You're deciding the future of her life.

her ***** in the way is a major impetus.

 

[Bonhomme]

When I was a teaching assistant I had one student who was obviously hot for me. Even gave me her #, and came to my dorm room for help. Very flirty. But I was taken, so it was moot. In any case, I'd have waited until the class was over.

I didn't see an answer to Sinistar's question. Is she obviously interested in you? If she's not showing overt signs of interest, just forget it, period. In any case, it takes two (at least ... ahem!) to have interest.

If she is, I concur with Wyldfyre. Wait until the teacher/student relationship issue is out of the picture, or you could work class schedules to dodge such a scenario.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Are the risks worth the benefits? Ideally what would you like to come from an arrangement like this? Can this girl (who you only peripherally know) really be that ideal?

Think for a minute about why you feel pursuing a single girl, who could jeapordize your career, would be time better spent than seeing women (many women) who wouldn't. Are you using your self-ascribed introversion (dubious at best) as a rationale for considering this girl to be worth the effort and risking of a career that most likely took some time to get into professionally?

You're seeing this girl as The Easy Path. Your reasoning is "I'm an introvert, here's a girl who might want to be intimate with me, I don't want to miss my chance." Stop thinking this way; it's self-defeating and has the potential for ruining your life in the long term.

You need to remake your self-image. Stop telling yourself you're an introvert 'by nature.' The theory of personality types is just that, a theory, and it's a constricting one at that, designed to keep you in the role that society wants you locked in by convincing you it's "just your nature." This is horsesh!t. Personality is not static and is infinitely changeable - you only have to want to change it.

Rather than wasting your time risk your career over girls you think might like you, improve your social skills and learn to approach and attract women (in number). You'll invaribly be rejected, a lot, but always remember Rejection is better than Regret - and the regret of sacrificing your career because you were simply too timid and fearful to learn how to socialize will stick with you a lot longer that the temporary sting of rejection.

Now, grab your nuts and go read the DJ Bible and start Bootcamp.