My Problem

[adit]

I'm through beating myself up on not being able to get a girlfriend.Some of you probably know that I can make out with girls I meet at concerts/pool bars and stuff,but turning them into my girlfriend is not my piece of cake (yeah laugh,ok).

I did a self-analysis and realised that I'm pretty OK at talking to girls on the phone,I use kino to a slight extent and can keep eye contact.However,my main problem is that the girls don't go out with me.They are always busy.

I addressed my problem,and tried to solve it with the following ways,but with very little success.

-I used the 'dont make it seem like a date' way.I just told the girl 'hey Im going to starbucks,wanna come along' and related stuff.No success.

-I became more ****y and funny like you guys say,yet no success.

-I met a lot more girls but had similar results.Ok,I went out with two of the eight I met in the past 3 months,but I didn't like them.One was too boring and the other was too serious,though they were hot.

So how do you guys handle this?How do you get girls to go out with you?If I meet the girl while I'm already out,then I can make out with her,I'm very confident about that.But if I take the same girl's phone number and call her,and try to go out with her,she wont come.

Here is a little specific problem I'm encountering.I met this girl 3 months ago,and we've talked a few times on the phone.We had two sets of exams so I couldn't call much.Anyways,I've asked this girl out (in the 'wanna come along' way) 2 months ago,and she didnt come.Now I want to ask her out again.How should I go about it?Just do the same thing like before?

This is what I thought of actually.I plan to tell her,'Hey lets watch that new movie,I'll let you treat me (a bit of laughs).But if you cant come this time,I dont think we can be friends in the future'

What do you guys think of that?

Thanks for all the help you give me!

 

[WC2]

Haha ultimatums. Never give a girl an ultimatum like that. If you tell her that you don't want to be friends in the future if she doesn't come along, then she definitely will not come along.

I think your problem is that you think way too much about a specific girl you might be hitting on. Trust me, it's an illusion to your mind. You don't need a girlfriend. No matter how much you think you like a girl, you don't need her, and showing that you need her is just going to make her want you less. If anything, tell her you'd like it better if they were just friends. She'll go crazy wondering why you don't want anything else.

Try this; from now on when you think you want a girl as a girlfriend, step out of that illusion and put her on the backburner. Start talking to other chicks an d maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't. If she doesn't, then she wasn't interested in you in the first place. The last thing a girl wants to hear is I want a relationship when you've only talked to her on the phone a few times. They'd rather be so taken away by you, that they are the ones asking for the relationship.

So stop sweating the small stuff, get that relationship business out of your head and just be a DJ. Make her laugh, work some kino, and then make your move. Trust me, girls rarely run away from a guy just because he doesnt want anything. It's not what the guy feels, it's what the girl ultimately feels

 

[oakraiderz2]

It seems like youre kinda a robot. You dont do things that are natural to you, so you come of in a awkward manner. By "acting" ****y, using your tag along line and whatever else you do that you probably do verbatum that you learned from here hurts you as well.

1. If you're NOT ****y then DONT ACT ****Y! Being ****y isnt gonna get you girls bro. You need to understand that you DONT have to follow everything on this site, its a mere outline. Fit the advice to fit to your personality.

2. Dont ask if she wants to tag along. Have the testicular fortitude to ask if she wants to hang out, its really not that big of a deal. Like i said before, you DONT have to do everything suggested to you from here.

Why dont you try to be yourself? Apply what you've learned and see what works for you. Stop taking all this stuff so seriously. How do you make out with girls yet you cant get ONE of them to go on a date with you? Please tell me how that works. If you can attract them initially, you can get a date with them. Do what you did to get them in the first place. Why do you want a girlfriend so bad anyway? Stop looking so hard and you'll find what you're looking for.

 

[adit]

Yes,the part that I can make out but I can't get a date boggles my mind too.I think I score well when I initially meet the girl,but as time goes along,she loses her interest?I should adress that problem definitely,if it actually is the problem.

The reason I want a girl is that I see people holding hands in malls,getting intimate and stuff,kissing during movies etc.It makes me feel like I'm missing out on something.I leave this place in 2 months,and I want to make the most of the time I have.

My main problem,actually,is not getting the girlfriend.I figure that if I can get a girl out on a date I can attract her.I don't have school right now so I'm not going to be meeting any girls whose phone numbers I've got,so the only way to meet them would be to go out with them.

Just for notes,I'm very ****y,it's just that I used to be shy applying it all to girls before.

The idea of 'asking her to hang out' seems very good.I'll be sure to try that out tonight.

What do you think of going out with a lot people at first,so that the girl doesn't feel weird (if she actually does),and then separating ourselves from the group gradually?

Thanks for the help guys!

 

[Jester090]

Why do you want a girlfriend so bad anyway? Stop looking so hard and you'll find what you're looking for.

Dude, this advice makes no sense. How will his chances of finding a girlfriend improve if he stops looking so hard? The advice your giving him is like telling a telemarketer "Why do you wanna make a sale? Stop calling so many people and you'll be more likely to make a sale." The whole notion people carry that a girlfriend will just fall into someone's lap if they're not looking for one is complete bull****, and I speak from experience. Adit, if it's that important to you, which is totally understandable, you need to increase your focus, not decrease it--that's just plain illogical.

 

[Ralston]

You needta ask that ***** straightup if she wants to go out with you. Remember, shes the same ***** that stood you up, so if she says no then NEXT her and go find some ***** that actually wants your **** in it. But, if you see her in person spit some game on her by all means.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Dude, this advice makes no sense. How will his chances of finding a girlfriend improve if he stops looking so hard? The advice your giving him is like telling a telemarketer "Why do you wanna make a sale? Stop calling so many people and you'll be more likely to make a sale." The whole notion people carry that a girlfriend will just fall into someone's lap if they're not looking for one is complete bull****, and I speak from experience. Adit, if it's that important to you, which is totally understandable, you need to increase your focus, not decrease it--that's just plain illogical.

Ok dude, how many people go out and LOOK for a girlfriend? Making a sell and getting a girlfriend arent the samethin. By having the intent of finding a girlfriend when he goes out makes him much more critical of her instead of having a good time. If he goes out looking to have a good time, approach some girls and finds a girl he thinks is cool, then he gains the potential for his oh so important girlfriend. I never said she would fall into his lap, dont add youre fluff to what i say so that you have an arguement. Sorry i dont go out looking for a girlfriend like you do, mr cool guy. I go out to have fun, hook up with some girls, get some numbers and see what happens from there. The difference between the two midsets is how relaxed the person would be.

 

[Jester090]

By having the intent of finding a girlfriend when he goes out makes him much more critical of her instead of having a good time.

Yeah, but "having a good time" isn't adit's goal. If he wanted to have a good time, he could go to the movies or kick it with his guy friends. His goal is to find a potential girlfriend.
If I'm training to become an olympic weightlifter, do I push myself past the point of pain and focus on increasing my lifts or do I lift casually and focus more on having a good time, hoping I'll break records one day...? Two different goals; two different approaches.

Don't PUA's go out with the intent of finding potential girlfriends? Are you telling me they aren't successful because they have this intent in mind?

Sorry i dont go out looking for a girlfriend like you do, mr cool guy. I go out to have fun, hook up with some girls, get some numbers and see what happens from there. The difference between the two midsets is how relaxed the person would be.

Oh really? Then why do you get #'s when you go out? Exactly.
Yeah, you may not be looking for a girlfriend every time you go out; half of your actions are geared towards having fun, and the other half is geared towards getting # closes and dates; you're just trying to encompass everything under the same title: --"going out to have fun".

 

[WC2]

I'm going to have to side with Raiderz on this one. It's totally pointless to focus on finding a girlfriend. That's AFC talk. Trust me, if you go looking for something then your chances of finding it are very slim.

#1 - If you are looking for a girlfriend, you're going to be a lot pickier than usual and you'll end up talking to ZERO girls. Talk to girls for the hell of it. Get to know them and spend some time with them, then you can really ask yourself if she is GF material

#2 - Do you really think girls want a guy who is out there looking for a girlfriend? How lame is that? Oh I'm at the club tonight LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND. Just sit back as everyone laughs in your face. You may not say it outright, but if girls get that vibe, then you're just as much as a joke.

It's ok to want a woman in your life; it's not ok to feel like you need one right away. Have some fun, get to know plenty of women and you'll eventually find the right one. Comparing women to winning an olympic gold medal is rediculous. Women don't work on logics, women work on how they feel. They don't want someone who needs them, they want someone who THEY need.

I hate to bash others, but Jester is giving out advice that is potentially detrimental to you becoming successful with girls and in life. Get your life straight, meet plenty of women, then pick from the pot. The way Jester is explaing it to you, it seems like you are looking for one woman who you will never find because #1 shes not interested in a guy who's #1 goal is to meet a woman and #2 because you're criteria is so specific, you'll be so picky that you won't even encounter potentials.

Trust me, been there done that. Sit back and wait for some more replies, and you'll see that what I'm saying is VERY true.

 

[oakraiderz2]

I'm going to have to side with Raiderz on this one. It's totally pointless to focus on finding a girlfriend. That's AFC talk. Trust me, if you go looking for something then your chances of finding it are very slim.

#1 - If you are looking for a girlfriend, you're going to be a lot pickier than usual and you'll end up talking to ZERO girls. Talk to girls for the hell of it. Get to know them and spend some time with them, then you can really ask yourself if she is GF material

#2 - Do you really think girls want a guy who is out there looking for a girlfriend? How lame is that? Oh I'm at the club tonight LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND. Just sit back as everyone laughs in your face. You may not say it outright, but if girls get that vibe, then you're just as much as a joke.

It's ok to want a woman in your life; it's not ok to feel like you need one right away. Have some fun, get to know plenty of women and you'll eventually find the right one. Comparing women to winning an olympic gold medal is rediculous. Women don't work on logics, women work on how they feel. They don't want someone who needs them, they want someone who THEY need.

I hate to bash others, but Jester is giving out advice that is potentially detrimental to you becoming successful with girls and in life. Get your life straight, meet plenty of women, then pick from the pot. The way Jester is explaing it to you, it seems like you are looking for one woman who you will never find because #1 shes not interested in a guy who's #1 goal is to meet a woman and #2 because you're criteria is so specific, you'll be so picky that you won't even encounter potentials.

Trust me, been there done that. Sit back and wait for some more replies, and you'll see that what I'm saying is VERY true.

Thank you. At least someone here knows what they're talking about. Wanna try to bash anything else jester??

 

[adit]

This is really helpful advice!But guys,my main problem still is that the girls won't go out on a date with me.I don't mean to 'look' around for a girlfriend,that would come on its own,if the girls would go out with me!

And I guess I would get the 'testicular fortitude' to use the method you've (oakraider) stated..'Asking her to hang out'.I should've done it last night,i know,but something came up.

The girlfriend is just the ultimate goal..The 'problem' is that I cant get them to go out with me!

Thanks for the help guys!