My online profile

[Abbott]

I've wondered about the "screening out" thing. How many people are actually serious about those things?

Example: She wants a man who's 5'9"-6'3". I'm 5'8", somehow I doubt an inch matters.

Example: She wants a Christian. How many people actually care about that? My experience is that almost no one actually talks about that or cares, and most aren't particularly serious. I'm not Christian at all, but no one knows because I don't tell anyone, and no one asks me.

Example: She wants a man who "Drinks socially." Well, there are people who "drink socially," and get completely plastered when they do. I don't get drunk, but I do have a drink or two every day, a little more on weekends. Thus I tell the truth and say I "Drinks regularly." Is that such a bad thing to have a couple drinks every day when you don't get drunk?


My point is, how many people are adamant about their guidelines, as opposed to being flexible?

And how do you feel about starting your profile with a disclaimer?

 

[The Forms]

If you start your profile on the defensive you'll put the reader on the defensive (ie if you start your profile with disclaimers and the like). Your personal issues about online dating are best left to be expressed later.

The best way to figure out if she REALLY cares if you're christian, or 5'8", or what "social drinking" means to her, is to ask her. It'll vary from girl to girl.

 

[afrojiggles]

haaaa..haaa..total afc move

 

[Abbott]

haaaa..haaa..total afc move

What's "AFC?"

A) Asking what she likes?

OR

B) Starting the profile with a disclaimer?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've wondered about the "screening out" thing. How many people are actually serious about those things?

Example: She wants a man who's 5'9"-6'3". I'm 5'8", somehow I doubt an inch matters.

Example: She wants a Christian. How many people actually care about that? My experience is that almost no one actually talks about that or cares, and most aren't particularly serious. I'm not Christian at all, but no one knows because I don't tell anyone, and no one asks me.

Example: She wants a man who "Drinks socially." Well, there are people who "drink socially," and get completely plastered when they do. I don't get drunk, but I do have a drink or two every day, a little more on weekends. Thus I tell the truth and say I "Drinks regularly." Is that such a bad thing to have a couple drinks every day when you don't get drunk?


My point is, how many people are adamant about their guidelines, as opposed to being flexible?

And how do you feel about starting your profile with a disclaimer?

I wouldn't start off with a disclaimer however I will state my preferences throughout my profile. Starting with a disclaimer will cause people to be wary of you just as you are doing now.

Height matters to a lot of women but not because they dislike short men. I've heard that it's mostly because short guys completely lie about their height to the point that most women believe that guys in general lie about their height. Be truthful about your height, you can't hide it.

The religious thing throws up a red flag to me. It's not that I'm against any religion, it's just that a lot of people who seek a person of a certain faith tends to have stereotypical ideas about relationships; that's not my type.

The drinking thing is about the frequency of drinking episodes a person has, not necessarily the quantity. I'm not sure that many people actively seek out drunken lushes though. If you drink daily, that's fine; just don't expect everyone to accept it in someone they are dating.

I say respect a person's guideline. They may be flexible in some aspects but until a guy says that he doesn't care about a woman's appearance where she can weigh anywhere between 100 and 400 pounds, it's not too difficult to respect a person's preferences.

 

[Abbott]

I wouldn't start off with a disclaimer however I will state my preferences throughout my profile. Starting with a disclaimer will cause people to be wary of you just as you are doing now.

You're probably right. Others have said other similar things, and I've read women's profiles that start with disclaimers. I get the impression they're angry or frustrated. OK, so maybe I am too a little bit, but they don't need to know that.

Height matters to a lot of women but not because they dislike short men. I've heard that it's mostly because short guys completely lie about their height to the point that most women believe that guys in general lie about their height. Be truthful about your height, you can't hide it.

I've heard that too. So far, I've been completely honest, about height and other things. But if women assume you lie a little bit, could not adding an inch, when they assume you do, backfire a little bit, leading them to think I'm shorter than I am?

The religious thing throws up a red flag to me. It's not that I'm against any religion, it's just that a lot of people who seek a person of a certain faith tends to have stereotypical ideas about relationships; that's not my type.

That never occurred to me. It makes sense.

As for religion/faith, in my profiles I simply don't answer. I don't feel good about outright lying, but I also know that there's a good reason not to tell others. There's a poll that says that people with my beliefs are considered the least patriotic of all Americans, even though it's not true. Thus I feel a need to downplay it, using the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. So far it's worked, at least in real life.

The drinking thing is about the frequency of drinking episodes a person has, not necessarily the quantity. I'm not sure that many people actively seek out drunken lushes though. If you drink daily, that's fine; just don't expect everyone to accept it in someone they are dating.

I say respect a person's guideline. They may be flexible in some aspects but until a guy says that he doesn't care about a woman's appearance where she can weigh anywhere between 100 and 400 pounds, it's not too difficult to respect a person's preferences.

OK. So you don't believe most people are adamant?

I've always figured that small discrepancies are OK (like an inch off for height, one year of age difference except 20 vs. 21), but larger ones are not (foot difference in height, seriously overweight, way too young/old). I just wonder how many feel that way.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...OK. So you don't believe most people are adamant?

I've always figured that small discrepancies are OK (like an inch off for height, one year of age difference except 20 vs. 21), but larger ones are not (foot difference in height, seriously overweight, way too young/old). I just wonder how many feel that way.

There are those who will be steadfast. They'll probably be looking for a long time and getting a little frustrated in the process.

Small discrepancies won't matter to anyone who's realistic. As for height and age, a little variance could be used to your benefit. For me it's height. Women love to post that they want a guy who's six feet tall, I'm only 5'11 and I refuse to embellish. I will use that to my benefit when contacting these women by joking that I can't meet them for a week because it will take that long for me to grow an inch. It's corny but women seem to go for a guy who can point out that it would be silly if we don't meet because of some as minuscule (haha) as that.

 

[jaymo]

There are those who will be steadfast. They'll probably be looking for a long time and getting a little frustrated in the process.

Small discrepancies won't matter to anyone who's realistic. As for height and age, a little variance could be used to your benefit. For me it's height. Women love to post that they want a guy who's six feet tall, I'm only 5'11 and I refuse to embellish. I will use that to my benefit when contacting these women by joking that I can't meet them for a week because it will take that long for me to grow an inch. It's corny but women seem to go for a guy who can point out that it would be silly if we don't meet because of some as minuscule (haha) as that.

Sorry, but I don't know where the whole "disclaimer" discussion came from. Was there something in my old or new profile that somehow came across as that?

Also, I don't think I was screening out too many people initially or being too specific. I said I wasn't willing to drive more than an hour, so if they lived further than that they'd have to make the effort. I also said I am not interested in anyone with kids, which for me is an almost instant dis-qualifier.

I think the idea of "who we want" in a woman or guy is a largely subjective thing, which is why i said I'd judge on a case by case basis instead of saying that I'm not interested in anyone higher than 6 foot 3 or whatever.

 

[Obsidian]

girls that say they want a 6 foot man are stupid. I'm only 5'10", and I find plenty of women that seem borderline too short for me. If I were much taller, it would just complicate things further

imo, I'm the perfect height

 

[COD]

OKAY........PAY ATTENTION HERE, match.com or whatever site you used has a 10/90 success ratio for men.

your profile of it own has about a 10% sucess rate.....your pictures and how well/clever its written will give you the full 10 %. That means only about 10 % of the women will respond based upon your profile.

THE 90% SUCCESS RATE (by success I mean phone numbers/Im user names or other contact info) will come from you INITIATING emails to women. You see, on most dating sites the men out number the ladies, so women rarely have to go searching. They just type in their search criteria and a bunch of men pop up and hot chics get flooded with lame emails from men 24-7. With so many email offers, women dont have time to initiate emails, they are too busy responding, looking, at all their fan mails.

So you have to make the first move and break the first contact barrier and make sure you stand out and NOT SOUND LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Women delete emails for all sorts of crazy reasons. Out of a 100 emails they get they might respond positvely to about 10-15. Out of those 15....7 might get a phone number........out of those 7....3 might get a date.....and out of those 3.....1 might get sex.

Trust me when I say you could have the worlds best profile and only experience a few women contacting you first. But you make the first move and then women check out your profile and you could have dates lined up for the next month. A good profile enhances your email tenfold.

I was on match for less than two weeks.......wrote a bunch of women with a small email template i designed in 30 seconds and got 50 women responding.

27-phone numbers in the very first email response
13-with IM chat names
7-asked me for my number
3-parted with numbers with 2nd or 3rd email.

i ACTUALLY TRIED writing nothing in my profile and see how that affected my response rate......it only affected it by about 15%. It comes down to your first contact email.

TRY THIS.....AND THEN GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR OWN SUCCESS STORY.

 

[Abbott]

Sorry, but I don't know where the whole "disclaimer" discussion came from. Was there something in my old or new profile that somehow came across as that?

Also, I don't think I was screening out too many people initially or being too specific. I said I wasn't willing to drive more than an hour, so if they lived further than that they'd have to make the effort. I also said I am not interested in anyone with kids, which for me is an almost instant dis-qualifier.

I think the idea of "who we want" in a woman or guy is a largely subjective thing, which is why i said I'd judge on a case by case basis instead of saying that I'm not interested in anyone higher than 6 foot 3 or whatever.

The disclaimer thing came from a previous post I made. Currently, I do have a profile on Match, and I do start mine with a disclaimer. I added it because it seems that there's always one or two traits where I'm not a perfect fit. That's why I started the flexible guidelines vs. hard-line rules discussion, with regards to what traits a woman wants in her date.

 

[Abbott]

OKAY........PAY ATTENTION HERE, match.com or whatever site you used has a 10/90 success ratio for men.

your profile of it own has about a 10% sucess rate.....your pictures and how well/clever its written will give you the full 10 %. That means only about 10 % of the women will respond based upon your profile.

THE 90% SUCCESS RATE (by success I mean phone numbers/Im user names or other contact info) will come from you INITIATING emails to women. You see, on most dating sites the men out number the ladies, so women rarely have to go searching. They just type in their search criteria and a bunch of men pop up and hot chics get flooded with lame emails from men 24-7. With so many email offers, women dont have time to initiate emails, they are too busy responding, looking, at all their fan mails.

So you have to make the first move and break the first contact barrier and make sure you stand out and NOT SOUND LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Women delete emails for all sorts of crazy reasons. Out of a 100 emails they get they might respond positvely to about 10-15. Out of those 15....7 might get a phone number........out of those 7....3 might get a date.....and out of those 3.....1 might get sex.

Trust me when I say you could have the worlds best profile and only experience a few women contacting you first. But you make the first move and then women check out your profile and you could have dates lined up for the next month. A good profile enhances your email tenfold.

I was on match for less than two weeks.......wrote a bunch of women with a small email template i designed in 30 seconds and got 50 women responding.

27-phone numbers in the very first email response
13-with IM chat names
7-asked me for my number
3-parted with numbers with 2nd or 3rd email.

i ACTUALLY TRIED writing nothing in my profile and see how that affected my response rate......it only affected it by about 15%. It comes down to your first contact email.

TRY THIS.....AND THEN GET BACK TO ME WITH YOUR OWN SUCCESS STORY.

Uh huh...so you say it all boils down to the first E-mail, but you don't say anything about what to put in the first E-mail.

100 women? Man, I'd have to increase my search radius from 50 miles to 100+ miles to do that. After all, however far away she is, divide that by two and that's how long I'd have to drive and risk being stood up.


I hope I can get some good answers. Otherwise I should probably just cancel my membership. For that money I can almost finance a couple weekday nights or a weekend night at bars and nightclubs. At least I'd get booze in the deal.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Uh huh...so you say it all boils down to the first E-mail, but you don't say anything about what to put in the first E-mail....

I don't know why guys get stuck on this. Tell them why you are writing them!

 

[Abbott]

I don't know why guys get stuck on this. Tell them why you are writing them!

So if a man just wants to "do the nasty," as some men do, he should just say so?


I can't seem to think of anything that doesn't seem totally cliche and recycled. Unless it's an E-mail seeking friendship, but I won't say that unless that's really all I have in mind. By the way, I have tried sending such E-mails to women, if they seem like the type where I probably can't have a relationship, but may make a good friend.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

So if a man just wants to "do the nasty," as some men do, he should just say so?

Absolutely, but not online. He should go to his local seedy street corner with $50.

I can't seem to think of anything that doesn't seem totally cliche and recycled. ....

This is why women don't answer their emails. They are literally overwhelmed by underwhelming emails from guys who can't think of anything original to say. C'mon, it just takes a little effort. When you are out with a woman is your conversation filled with cliches? Hopefully not, why should your emails be any different?

 

[jaymo]

Uh huh...so you say it all boils down to the first E-mail, but you don't say anything about what to put in the first E-mail.

100 women? Man, I'd have to increase my search radius from 50 miles to 100+ miles to do that. After all, however far away she is, divide that by two and that's how long I'd have to drive and risk being stood up.


I hope I can get some good answers. Otherwise I should probably just cancel my membership. For that money I can almost finance a couple weekday nights or a weekend night at bars and nightclubs. At least I'd get booze in the deal.

don't forget that picture has a lot to do with it too. I mean if you're a well built guy, you can just put a picture of yourself with your shirt off, write a short email, and you get good results even with absolutely nothing written in the profile.

 

[Jackman]

Pictures do definatley count, but you're severaly mistaken if you think it takes a shirtless, muscled up one to get them to reply.

There's only one reason, and one reason only, why women browse men's personal ads. They're fvcking bored. Period. If they're doing it for any other reason than boredom, you want nothing to do with them.

These "hot shirtless guys" on personals sites are literally advertizing hard ons and quality women see right throught it. Yes, they get hundreds of e-mails, but 50% of them are ugly b1tches and the rest are shallow attention *****s.

As for your latest ad, it most definately is confronting and conditional, with nothing to offer to boot. You say next to nothing about who you really are and what it would be like to hang out with you. Literally zero incentive for a quality woman to reply (and yes, there ARE quality women online believe it or not), let alone a quality woman who will pay money or play computer games to contact you.

You're living in a fantasy world if you think you'll get anything worthwhile out of the way you're approaching the online game the way you are right now.

 

[jaymo]

These "hot shirtless guys" on personals sites are literally advertizing hard ons and quality women see right throught it. Yes, they get hundreds of e-mails, but 50% of them are ugly b1tches and the rest are shallow attention *****s.

Is this from experience? Seems like a rather broad statement to me. Kinda hard to believe that all the good looking ones that contact guys like that are ALL attention w h o r e s, esp if it's out of 50 good/decent looking women (if the "hundreds of emails" part is accurate). But hey, you have more experience than I do....

As for your latest ad, it most definately is confronting and conditional, with nothing to offer to boot. You say next to nothing about who you really are and what it would be like to hang out with you. Literally zero incentive for a quality woman to reply (and yes, there ARE quality women online believe it or not), let alone a quality woman who will pay money or play computer games to contact you.

You're living in a fantasy world if you think you'll get anything worthwhile out of the way you're approaching the online game the way you are right now.

Well as it is I'm just experimenting with stuff here. Would be nice if you offered a way to improve what I wrote. I appreciate criticism, but not when you don't offer an alternative or suggest improvements.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... I mean if you're a well built guy, you can just put a picture of yourself with your shirt off, write a short email, and you get good results even with absolutely nothing written in the profile.

You're kidding, right?