My Oneitis, the past year and a half of my life

[Jokerlsk]

Basically, my entire 17 year old existence has been wishful thinking on my part. I always wanted to believe and did believe that the non players, the stupid, caring, guys like me could get the girl. I always thought i could be an exception, because i've always been an exception. Since sophomore year in highschool I've had amazing friends. I've been well liked and a lot of my older friends from my child see me as popular. I'm fortunate because i've always been a nerd, but I'm a little more than that. My childhood friends who i don't hang out with as much as i should are a reflection of how i used to be... I was just so damn lucky. I have confidence in my personality, but i'm riddled with insecurity about how i look. Looking at it rationally, i have it all. Great friends in both genders, an amazing family, good grades, an awesome job with even better people. I'm blessed. The only thing that separates me from my friends is that since highschool started, they've all dated someone. I'm a senior starting this next year and i never have. I can't say i'm not jealous, because i am. I can't make excuses because i could have had something, anything by now, but it wouldn't be who i wanted. Because there's this one girl i'm crazy about, and I know no matter what I'll never have anything with her, and I know it's my fault.

I met her two years ago, and she was dating this guy for over a year and i thought i could get her. I really did. I thought i could be her friend and eventually she would see the kind of person i am and we'd date and it'd be awesome. I'm sure you all know that what happened. I became her best friend and that's all i'll ever be. The funny part is I didn't listen to anybody on here. Not igetit, not anyone. It's my fault. I take responsibility. Because my insecurities always have stopped me. Every single time. I let them. I let a girl intimidate me. A girl. I'm supposed to be a guy, and a man in a year. I've always thought if i treated a girl right, listened to her, actually cared about her, told her she was beautiful, amazing, however I really felt about her, she would eventually fall for me. But the reality of it is that, that was never gonna happen, and all of yall told me time and time again it wouldn't. I'm not like my friends. I can't hook up with girls. I don't have the confidence, and even if i did, I wouldn't. You don't have to believe me, but I'm just not like that even though sometimes i wish i was. Times like right now i wish i could leave who i am behind and be the best of somebody better.

Throughout the past year and a half, i've seen guys hurt her, i've stood up for her, I've let her cry to me, I've been her best friend. Yeah, i've flirted with her, but i never made anything obvious like a man would because i liked her so much that i was afraid to mess anything up, so i made myself believe i could just be her friend when i knew i couldn't. I just want to get over her and move on. I've never been like this. I don't know how. I just know in my heart that i don't have a shot. I wanna move on and i don't want to make the same mistakes, but i don't want to change who i am. I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for advice. I take full blame for how badly i ****ed up.

 

[lorekeeper]

Glad you finally got it.
Glad you've accepted it's your fault, because that gives you the knowledge that you have the ability to change.
I wish you all the strength to make that change you want happen.

Strength and honor brother.

 

[ARrocket]

Lorekeeper is correct. The fact that you realize you fvcked up is the biggest and most difficult step that many guys never even come to. Good.

I had a similar situation with a oneitis my last two years of high school. After I realized she wasn't interested, I tried to remain her friend, I really did. And I couldn't understand why I couldn't get over her. I wanted to cry...it was horrible.

As for advice...you may not like to hear this, but here's mine: You HAVE to walk away from the situation. Don't talk to her anymore. Seriously, it may hurt to do so, but you must remove yourself from this situation. As long as you are around her and talking to her, you will not be able to get over her. Stop calling her, stop hanging out with her, distance yourself from her as much as possible. You can try to make a move if you want, but we both know that really won't get you anywhere.

You are in the friendzone, and you realize that. You know where you messed up, and you can always go through your old threads for the advice given to you, so you know how to fix it! So yes, you have no chance with this girl, but you do have to tools to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Finally...you're 17 bro. Women come and go, it's not the end of the world. As soon as you meet another girl, I promise you, you'll feel a million times better.

So read up on this site, and go get some new women!!