My night at the bar with the ex....she said what???!

[Pakwah]

Damn girls spill so much more than drinks when they are at the bar....

My ex was 'beggin' me to come out to the bar last night, pretty please and all that...ive been in that situation with girls...usually they want to tell you something there or have the drunk courage to do something.

Ive been playing it up with her, punkin her off, pissing her off, being distant, not needing to talk to her, making her do all the phone calls, and not returning half of them, etc...we have a kid together, hence the continued contact.

So at the bar she says to me that 'she would drop her current bf "in a second" to get back together with me'

Told me that ive had her heart for 6 years...i said but we have been broken up for 3...she shakes her head and says 'six years'

Why the announcement? why put herself out there with something like that?
I told her today 'you were saying some crazy **** last night' she says 'i meant what i said'
Why the risk? Why tell me and lose whatever power or control she would have or want? Looking for ladies look on this too. She pretty much gave me all the power. She says she misses me, thinks about me, looks at our kid and thinks of me, and of course, has to throw it out there - says - don't you want to be a family again?

She told me to think about it.....
wtf?

 

[King Turi]

I'd say she genuinely misses you and probably wants to settle down.

 

[KontrollerX]

"don't you want to be a family again?

She told me to think about it....."

What she's saying is she can't find a guy that wants to raise your kid with her so she wants to suck you back into her life so she gets some relief from having to watch your kid all the time.

So in short her missing you is just a bullsh!t lie and disgusting manipulation.

She wants a baby daddy and has judged you stupid enough to fall for her oh I loved you for 6 years scheme.

So don't go back with her, tell her to get a nanny.

 

[nightcrawler]

"don't you want to be a family again?

She told me to think about it....."

What she's saying is she can't find a guy that wants to raise your kid with her so she wants to suck you back into her life so she gets some relief from having to watch your kid all the time.

So in short her missing you is just a bullsh!t lie and disgusting manipulation.

She wants a baby daddy and has judged you stupid enough to fall for her oh I loved you for 6 years scheme.

So don't go back with her, tell her to get a nanny.

what if she meant what she said and loves him?

 

[KontrollerX]

"what if she meant what she said and loves him?"

She doesn't.

For if she did she wouldn't be trying to manipulate him with the line about their kid and wanting to be a family again.

Thats just transparently slimey.

The worst human beings on the planet use their kids as leverage in their fights, manipulations etc.

Its similar to how the politicians kiss babies to secure votes.

Again manipulative and fvcking slimey.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

"what if she meant what she said and loves him?"

She doesn't.

For if she did she wouldn't be trying to manipulate him with the line about their kid and wanting to be a family again.

Thats just transparently slimey.

The worst human beings on the planet use their kids as leverage in their fights, manipulations etc.

Its similar to how the politicians kiss babies to secure votes.

Again manipulative and fvcking slimey.

I wouldn't put it past her telling the truth, but we have no way to know. Even if she is telling the truth, though, that doesn't make it much better of an idea to get back with her. It's bad news either way.

 

[cola]

Dear KontrollerX,
I know you've been on this forum way longer than me.
Most likely your older than me in real life.
You may even be a better man than I --.

But that wasn't a fair assesment. No one knows what lyes on the hearts of men(or this case women) and everything in life isn't black and white. Perhaps he genuienly has a place in her heart that never left after 3 years.
-sorry if I offended you.
-chris

 

[KontrollerX]

Dear Discussion Forum posters,

Once you get more life experience you'll find yourself coming back to this post of mine and laughing at yourselves for how wrong you all were.

Never the less for now we all simply will have to agree to disagree.

Sincerely,

Your buddy KontrollerX.

 

[Pakwah]

she only really mentioned the 'family' thing with alot of other stuff, its just somethings i cant remember....
I wonder what made her throw her whole self out there and say what she said. I don't doubt anything i do, someone else can do better, so im trying to ask her something along that line, which is why?

The only thing i can get from this sorta is she is not happy with her bf, the one she dated after me...and this sounding so anti-dj, when i asked her what set me apart from the others, she said she knew she was loved.

I tiptoeing around this, taking my time to study and analyse all of this.

And im not going to allow myself to even remotely get close to her if i have any doubts to her intentions. Whats to gain by saying something like this? Is she looking to see if she has an 'out' from her crappy situation?

But id be lying if i was not thinking...what IF she is serious? I mean it would be a looonngg process to where i would be comfortable, but i never wanted my kid to have his parents under seperate roofs. I mean 'you've had my heart for 6 years...' kinda poetic, but whos to say in 7 or 8 she is done then?
She says her bf sucks in bed, is no more than 5 min almost always. Damn, when i was with her i touched and kissed and felt and tasted whatever i could. She knows i enjoyed my hands on her body, and she knows that i got pleasure out of pleasing her.

Funny thing is, she is the 2nd ex in a week to ask me to get back together.

 

[RFish]

What KontrollerX said is true and also adding to that she could be losing her grip on the current ex which is why she is coming back to you.

If you are going to test the water, for the love of SoSuave and all mankind, don't pump in your emotions and really don't get too invested. I felt, given the circumstances, it really will be alright if you want to go back with her.

If you do then your job now is to find out her true intention behind all these. Girls are great liars. Her true intentions are the most important.

 

[KontrollerX]

Thanks for the vote of confidence RFish.

In anycase for my final say on the matter I agree with this post Rollo made to another poster once upon a time...

Never root through the garbage once you drag the can to the curb. You get dirty, your neighbors see you do it and you rarely find what you thought was worth digging for.


It will always be time better spent developing a new plate (or 3) than attempting to repair an old one. The amount of effort and energy, the time you invest in trying to negotiate a previous GF desire is much better used with a new girl, with whom you have no prior history. I have no doubt you're emotionally invested in this, but you're far more likely to regret the effort you expend to repair it in comparison to meeting and developing with a new girl.

Far too many guys subconsciously think that getting back with the Ex will be easier than risking potential rejection with new women. They go back to the what they think was their "sure thing", with the logic being that she'd been sexual with him before so all he's got to do is fix what was wrong and go back to that guaranteed sex. The reality is actually the opposite - what was "wrong" in the prior relationship becomes the litmus test for the 'repaired' relationship and sex and genuine desire are now conditional. Getting with a new woman has none of these conditions or prior negotiations, and genuine desire isn't a compromise.

 

[Pakwah]

See thats the thing too...its not like she cant find someone else...even if things are going bad with her bf right now, she is not lacking on the looks dept.
She is about 5' 9" about 110 blond hair hazel eyes
She can and could very easily find someone else besides me.
She does not have to be desperate.
Thats why me thinking if she can have anyone she wants, why me?, what did i do that no one else did or can? She don't need to come back to me, she doesn't need to tell me what she did. She don't need a pity party. Part of me does wonder if she is done with her 'ways' or not, and if so, if she just wants to be happy....? And not play the games anymore. I've known her for almost 7 years now. Part of me does still care about her, like i said, another ex asked me the same thing about a week ago and i would never consider it at all with that one.

I consider this sort of a 'success' story to any guys who want to get back with an ex and the advice always given. Just give it time (sometimes years), be distant, don't talk to her as much, live your live, don't drop things for her, don't let her know what your doing or what you've been up to, do your own thing, let her miss you, look better, be better, set goals, don't 'accidentally' show up where she is, sound busy, work out, dress better, don't chase her, no facebook, no myspace, no texting (and if so i use the rule - i send one for every 2 or 3 they send me, no email, don't phone her to 'talk' (let her do all the phone call making and keep the convo short). Keep the peace but don't let her in. if there was ever another chance, this will usually work getting u there...

 

[RFish]

No problem KontrollerX.

To KontrollerX: Yea what you mentioned I thought of it. It makes a lot of sense but I was thinking about the child thing. Under normal circumstances I would have asked him to move on but when child comes in I felt it is really tricky. It is not good for the well-being of the child living in such conditions.

Hence I given the advise if you felt you really want to get back you may try but do cautiously. This is really my opinion based but that said I also must tell you I don't have the experience you, Rollo or KontrollerX had. So I'm not a father yet.

Maybe Rollo could have given you a better analysis of this.

To the OP: Yes that is what will work usually. Actually the point is not really about getting an ex back but as a side effect or rather you will get her back in the process of improving yourself, when you really do so by this time you would probably had already move on with life.

Yours is a good case study. As I think along she could also be using your child to get you back and tie you down as what KontrolleX mentioned so really non of us could really judge for you. 3 years is a long time you probably should know more to judge her than us that we don't even know her name to begin with.

I hope you get your problem solved and do keep us updated. If Rollo drops by he might be able to offer even better advice on this lol.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I think I'm just going to defer to Greg Graffin for this one and hope you get my meaning:

with steam, heat, and rhythm in the back seat of the car
and adolescent perspective projecting life's forecast to the stars
you heard love from the lips and you were rapt by the hips
and the promise was eternal but you couldn't see that far

there's hope in the words and emotion in the eyes
it's so easy to be misled by the savvy gentle guise
and like fools we trust the delivery
but it's all just drunk sincerity
yes it's all just drunk sincerity