My new Internet Ad, What is Wrong?

[Marcopolo]

FIRST, FOR THE 80% OF YOU WHO THINK THE INTERNET IS FOR LOSERS, I KNOW YOU THINK THIS AND ARE WASTING YOUR TIME AND MINE REMINDING ME WHAT YOU THINK, SO DON"T. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
Which is why I wish they had a forum for online stuff here. For the rest of you who may have some helpful advice, here is the deal-I posted an internet ad on this dating site I have been using for awhile and I got a fair amount of success. The first version I was just having fun with and frankly did not put that much effort into it. I decided that if I really thought it out that I could have even more success from this internet thing. So I revised it and put it up and sudenly nothing. I sent out about 20 letters last week and got nothing. I used to get several winks a week and now almost nothing. And I really thought my ad was good but apparently not. I don't want to go back to my old ad but I don't want to keep this one that gets no results either. Any advice on what I am doing that is not working now? Here it is-

""Traffic lights work in mysterious ways"- a great wise ass"

I am a: xx yr old man

located in: xxxxxxxx, California, United States

looking for: Dating: xx to xx-year old woman

within 75 miles of xxxxxx, California, United States

relationships: Divorced

my ethnicity: White / Caucasian

body type: About average

height: 5’ 9” (175.3 cms)

sense of humor: Goofy: Cartoons still crack me up, Clever: Nothing’s better than a quick-witted comeback, Dry / Sarcastic: I'm not bitter because I'm single. Quite the opposite

sign: I don’t believe in astrology


About me and who I'd like to date
I know you just went straight for my pictures, didn't you? Shame on you! Now that you have decided that I am hot enough for you to actually take the time to read about the real me, I guess I need to dazzle you with my sheer wit and brilliance by actually writing something unique that no one else here has said. Okay, here goes- Do you love taking long walks in the great outdoors while enjoying the breathtaking beauty of nature?, breathing in the fresh air, the sensuous pleasure of an outdoor picnic? So do I! Or going to a beautiful little romantic place like Mendocino, where we can eat dinner and relax in a cozy little restaurant, while watching the sunset? Do you enjoy reading my run-on sentences?..uh, never mind. A little about myself-I can fight off attacking dragons, even the big, fire-breathing ones. I can also leap tall buildings in a single bound. When I am not jumping over buildings or slaying fire breathing dragons, I generally like to do things like skiing, hiking, flying airplanes, and oil painting. Painting has been my hobby for about a year and a half now and have been taking classes on weekends. I am also a voracious reader. Oh, and I even have some cooking skills. I like to experiment in the kitchen and cook gourmet meals occasionally, but my friends tell me I also make the world’s greatest pizza and hamburgers. My parents are still married going on 40 years now, and they are both very educated and come from a good background. I know how to be a gentleman and how to treat you like a lady, in an "old fashioned" kind of way. Right now I am looking for friendship with a possibility for more. My ideal person is someone who is kind, compassionate and who can be my friend. . Mutual respect is also important to me, and so is someone who is capable of genuine love. Enough about me, Now it is your turn to tell me a little about you!



Appearance

height: 5’ 9” (175.3 cms)

eyes: Hazel

hair: Blonde

body type: About average

body art: Wouldn’t even think about it

best feature: Hands

Interests

for fun:
Skiing, hiking, mountain biking, flying airplanes, drawing and oil painting, scuba diving, salsa dancing at Alberto's, traveling to cool, exotic places, and I am open to new adventures


favorite hot spots:
I have travelled to many parts of Asia, Europe, and Central America. My favorite spots so far are Costa Rica, and yes, this is cliche, but I like Bali. The nearby Komodo and Flores Islands were cool, sort of an Asian Galopagos Islands- I would like..

favorite things:
(continued from previous) to have one of the Komodo Dragons from there as a pet, but they don't give you that option to put in the pets section here(stupid multiple choice!)

last read:
The last thing I read If i just wrote to you was probably your dating intro(really, I did!). Other than that, a book called "The First Immortal" by David Halperin, a Sci Fi Novel. Oh, and the Kama Sutra-it is great for practicing figure drawing

sense of humor: Goofy: Cartoons still crack me up, Clever: Nothing’s better than a quick-witted comeback, Dry / Sarcastic: I'm not bitter because I'm single. Quite the opposite

sports and exercise: Cycling, Walking / Hiking, Skiing

common interests: Book club/Discussion, Camping, Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Hobbies and crafts, Movies/Videos, Museums and art, Music and concerts, Nightclubs/Dancing, Performing arts, Shopping/Antiques, Travel/Sightseeing, Wine tasting

Lifestyle

exercise habits: Exercise regularly

daily diet: No Answer

smoke: No Way

drink: Social drinker, maybe one or two

job: Teacher / Professor

I teach physics

income: $50,001 to $75,000

my place: Live alone

have kids: Not that I know of

want kids: Someday

pets:

I have: No Answer

I don't have, but like: Dogs, Fish, Reptiles, Exotic pets, Fleas

I don't like: No Answer

Background/Values

ethnicity: White / Caucasian

Mostly Norweigan and Scandanavian descent

faith: Other

education: Graduate degree

languages: English

politics: Middle of the Road

About My Date

hair: Any

eyes: Any

height: 4’ 0” (122.0 cms) to 5’ 10” (178.0 cms)

body type: Slender, About average, Athletic and toned

languages: Any

ethnicity: Any

faith: Any

education: Any

job: Any

income: Any

smoke: No Way, Occasionally

drink: Non-alcoholic beverages only, Social drinker, maybe one or two, Gave it up

relationships: Any

have kids: Any

want kids: Any

turn-ons: Flirting, Thrills, Erotica, Candlelight

turn-offs: No Answer

 

[Kaine]

Wow what a helluva long spiel.

I'm sure there's heaps that could be improved on. These were obvious things which kicked me in the face. Here's my subjective opinion::

Dry / Sarcastic: I'm not bitter because I'm single. Quite the opposite

This leads me to believe you are bitter, if not because you're single

Liked the intro where you've already decided that she think's you're hot

The part about dragons and jumping from buildings made me wince.

You're a physics teacher, people usually have a presupposed sexless preception on anyone in this area of work/interest. I would have mentioned that this was my day job, by night I was a male escort etc

Needs some paragraphs, it's hard to read.

Overall feels like it needs more testerone in it.

take what you like, good luck

 

[Marcopolo]

You are right, the dragon thing at the very least makes it look like i am trying too hard. I revised a few minor things-


I know you just went straight for my pictures, didn't you? Shame on you! Now that you have decided that I am hot enough for you to actually take the time to read about the real me, I guess I need to dazzle you with my sheer wit and brilliance by actually writing something unique that no one else here has said. Okay, here goes- Do you love taking long walks in the great outdoors while enjoying the breathtaking beauty of nature?, breathing in the fresh air, the sensuous pleasure of an outdoor picnic? Or going to a beautiful little romantic place like Mendocino, where we can eat dinner and relax in a cozy little restaurant, while watching the sunset? Do you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain? Do you like reading my run-on sentences?..uh, never mind. A little about myself-I grew up in the great state of Washington (that is 2 states north of here) I generally like to do things like skiing, hiking, flying airplanes, and oil painting. Painting has been my hobby for about a year and a half now and have been taking classes on weekends. I am also a voracious reader. Oh, and I even have some cooking skills. I like to experiment in the kitchen and cook gourmet meals occasionally, but my friends tell me I also make the world’s greatest pizza and hamburgers. My parents are still married going on 40 years now, and they are both very educated and come from a good background. I know how to be a gentleman and how to treat you like a lady, in an "old fashioned" kind of way. Right now I am looking for friendship with a possibility for more. My ideal person is someone who is kind, compassionate and who can be my friend. . Mutual respect is also important to me, and so is someone who is capable of genuine love. Enough about me, Now it is your turn to tell me a little about you!

 

[sapphire]

As the saying goes, if it aint broke don't fix it.

Apparently you are on match. com, correct?

I have been on match for seventeen days now and my stats as of today are as follows:

215 views

12 winks

13 e-mails

I don't know whether that is good, average, etc. I narrowed the field to about 5 women who I consider good looking enough to date and just had my first date on Friday which ended up with her at my house

All kidding aside, I would not panic. I suppose these things have their ebb and flow. In would not change anything at least for another week. If things don't improve then just go back to your old profile.

By the way, I used a variation of Player Supreme's profile that he was so kind to share with us and for me at least it appears to be getting pretty decent results.

 

[MRomeo99]

What has worked for me is being very descriptive. Telling what I want and like. I put in an ad recently that no blondes need bother apply. Doubled my rate of blondes who email me. Which is good and bad I suppose. In reality I just don't really like blondes.

One thing about Match.com is that ads get stale REALLY often. So, what you have to do is rotate your main pictures about once a month, and create a brand new profile name as well. What I will do is move my profile to another city for a few days with a new name, then create another profile name in my target city. That puts me in the list as "new". It helps to shake things up a bit every now and again. Especially if I've moved everyone else over to regular email.

HTH,

MR

 

[Vincent]

 

[Kaine]

Telling what I want and like. I put in an ad recently that no blondes need bother apply. Doubled my rate of blondes who email me. Which is good and bad I suppose. In reality I just don't really like blondes.

That's very interesting, perhaps the concept of challenge works just as well in this way.

Perhaps come off as picky or at least very specific, you will get more hits?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by MRomeo99
What has worked for me is being very descriptive. Telling what I want and like. I put in an ad recently that no blondes need bother apply. Doubled my rate of blondes who email me. Which is good and bad I suppose. In reality I just don't really like blondes.

One thing about Match.com is that ads get stale REALLY often. So, what you have to do is rotate your main pictures about once a month, and create a brand new profile name as well. What I will do is move my profile to another city for a few days with a new name, then create another profile name in my target city. That puts me in the list as "new". It helps to shake things up a bit every now and again. Especially if I've moved everyone else over to regular email.

HTH,

MR

I agree with all of the above. Especially about rotating pictures and revamping your profile monthly. The easiest way to do that is to keep it up to date with what you've been up to. That's how you can easily add things that are very specific to your ad.

Another thing that you can do on Match is to use your FRIEND profile for a lot of your C/F material. THEN you can wow them with your deep and intellectual DJism in your dating profile. For example I put some of my Halloween pictures in my FRIENDS profile which I wrote completely for sh1tz n' giggles. But for my dating profile I pulled out all of the DJisms that I could put into writing.

Keep up the good work Marco, you've joined the ranks of the DJs on the board that have had success in at least gaining womens attention online!

 

[Desdinova]

It's pretty boring, but it has its moments. You're giving way too much info about yourself. Take out ALL long descriptions of yourself and make things up (you can't avoid the brief ones unfortunately). Also, make general assumptions about the woman reading it. Here's an example:

About me and who I'd like to date:
I want somebody who talks in their sleep because I enjoy the challenge of having an intelligent conversation with somebody who isn't coherent. You also need you to burn my dinner every once in a while. There's nothing more reassuring than a piece of charcoal to say "I love you".

Interests

for fun:
Chasing cars, Throwing balogna out the window, Popping the pimples on your back, looking up funny names in the phone book, making toast, taping your snoring and playing it for you in the morning.

favorite hot spots:
Sun, lamp, furnace, stove

favorite things:
Chairs, tables, bed, painted toenails, paper, hair brush

last read:
A piece of mail that told me I could save 49 cents on pantyliners

sports and exercise:
Typing, pushing the accelerator pedal on my car, keeping meteors from crashing into the earth, brushing my teeth

common interests
Watching spaghetti cook, eating spaghetti, buying spaghetti

 

[Kaine]

Hahahaha Popping pimples on your back? Thats' powerful imagery

Yeah I think it's powerful if you can get a reaction, draw or instill some emotion. Laughter is a method, but with that profile I would imagine you were never serious.

I agree with Franciso, mix it up abit, be unpredictable.... Make her laugh as well as throw in some deep musings and imagery where she can paint herself in every now and then. Take her for a little emotional ride, you don't have to give much away at all, just give her enough so she's curious to want to peel that onion.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

FIRST, FOR THE 80% OF YOU WHO THINK THE INTERNET IS FOR LOSERS, I KNOW YOU THINK THIS AND ARE WASTING YOUR TIME AND MINE REMINDING ME WHAT YOU THINK, SO DON"T. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

After the I don't care what you think and you still don't know what's wrong?

Ok Marco, you know you need to change your headline intro.

The headline should attract attention and make the reader want to read more about YOU. It's like a marketing headline. Would you buy a product from a manufacturer who said they didn't care what you thought?

Hell no.

Well apply that to the women who are buying into the possiblity of spending a moment of time with YOU!

I didn't bother reading the rest cause the headline was enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

Oh yeah a clue:

Take out anything negative...like the word :

LOSERS!

Think about how the brian tracks words and which ones stick in a person head as they are skimming through!

 

[penkitten]

i use the less is more idea... and it get lots of replies

 

[MRomeo99]

I don't think the less is more thing works unless you have a really powerful picture. I think more is better. I max out my words in every category. And, I routinely get women who say my profile is one of the best they have ever read. I know I asked for PM's from before for me to give it out. But, I'll just post now what I have in my profile on Yahoo. I'd prefer if you didn't use it in full, but do with it what you will. I get 1-5 emails a week using this profile. And have had such good quality responses, all the ones I get I have almost been able to convert all of them into dates. So, it keeps me plenty busy enough. Enjoy.

You come over to my house for our first date. I open the door, and let you in for a minute. The first thing you notice about me is my height, I’m rather tall, dark and handsome, and my smile, which is quick to emerge at any moment. You have a chance to meet my baby, Annabelle, the boxer. And the first test, she’s a human lie detector. She knows right away if she likes someone or not. Of course Annabelle falls in love with you. And she gives you the first kiss of the evening. You have a chance to look around. You notice the newest copies of Entrepreneur, Personal Fitness, Architectural Digest, Surfer, and the ubiquitous Maxim. The cool sounds of Miles Davis plays lightly in the background, setting the mood. The decorations and furniture are classy. Pictures of my family, take up prominence around the room- obviously family is important. A large bookcase with at least 1,000 volumes dominates one wall. Books of all variety, from business and sales, to great works of fiction from Steinbeck, Hemmingway and Ayn Rand. I finish gathering my stuff and we decide to go.

We decide to take my convertible, it’s a beautiful afternoon, and it begs to have the top down(the car silly, take your mind out of the gutter). You’re fun and carefree, and not concerned if your hair isn’t perfect when we get there. There’s a great coffee shop right around the corner, sounds like just the place.

We arrive at the Café, and go in. You notice that I hold the door for you, and appear to be a gentleman. We enter, even though I don’t know the cashier, I still make small talk with her, and make her feel comfortable. It’s obvious I’m self confident, and am easy to talk to. We get our drinks and sit on one of the couches in the front, and watch the people go by. We have a blast making up funny stories about everyone who passes by, and what they are like. Everyone in the café notices how we are obviously having more fun than anyone else, and their eyes just gravitate to us.

As we get to know each other better, we both are engrossed in a thoroughly stimulating conversation. It turns out that not only are you obviously beautiful, but you’re also intelligent, adventurous, and easy to get along with. You notice that I appear to be handsome, considerate, well-mannered and fun loving. We also both love to laugh, and nothing feels better than the instantaneous comfort of meeting someone who is easy to get along with, and not having to strain to keep the conversation going. I seem to be in control, but not controlling, confident but not arrogant, funny but not obnoxious. It seems like we could talk all day, and still not get it all out. We both hate all the games that go with dating, yet we enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone interesting. We both have had relationships in the past that haven’t worked out, but aren’t bitter, and despondent of ever finding what we want, no evident major hang-ups. Neither of us enjoy excessive drama in our lives, really needy people, or those who are dishonest with others and themselves.
It’s much easier to be with someone who is secure, and only makes you better at being you. Honesty is the foundation of every great relationship, so we realize we don’t have to exaggerate, or make up stories about ourselves to make ourselves more appealing.

If nothing else, it seems like we would be wonderful friends. We just naturally sort of click, and it’s obvious that we have a blast together. It’s a nice thought, but the electricity that seems to run through us, every time we happen to touch each other, or our knees bump quickly makes us realize friendship isn’t all we have here. Well, our tea, and coffee are now done. The chess game is put away. An hour over coffee is just not going to be enough, so I suggest that we…..


Looks like you’re going to have to email me for the rest.

Hope to hear from you soon.

 

[Maverick001]

Originally posted by Desdinova
It's pretty boring, but it has its moments. You're giving way too much info about yourself. Take out ALL long descriptions of yourself and make things up (you can't avoid the brief ones unfortunately). Also, make general assumptions about the woman reading it. Here's an example:

About me and who I'd like to date:
I want somebody who talks in their sleep because I enjoy the challenge of having an intelligent conversation with somebody who isn't coherent. You also need you to burn my dinner every once in a while. There's nothing more reassuring than a piece of charcoal to say "I love you".

Interests

for fun:
Chasing cars, Throwing balogna out the window, Popping the pimples on your back, looking up funny names in the phone book, making toast, taping your snoring and playing it for you in the morning.

favorite hot spots:
Sun, lamp, furnace, stove

favorite things:
Chairs, tables, bed, painted toenails, paper, hair brush

last read:
A piece of mail that told me I could save 49 cents on pantyliners

sports and exercise:
Typing, pushing the accelerator pedal on my car, keeping meteors from crashing into the earth, brushing my teeth

common interests
Watching spaghetti cook, eating spaghetti, buying spaghetti

Marcopolo,

Make your ad ****y and funny to the max. and over the top too, if you're current one isn't getting the results you want.

Desdinova's suggestions are funny and on the money. Girls want to see that you're a guy that they can have fun with and not be able to dominate. The latter one in combination with the former will crank up their attraction for you.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

i

Originally posted by Desdinova
It's pretty boring, but it has its moments. You're giving way too much info about yourself. Take out ALL long descriptions of yourself and make things up (you can't avoid the brief ones unfortunately). Also, make general assumptions about the woman reading it. Here's an example:

About me and who I'd like to date:
I want somebody who talks in their sleep because I enjoy the challenge of having an intelligent conversation with somebody who isn't coherent. You also need you to burn my dinner every once in a while. There's nothing more reassuring than a piece of charcoal to say "I love you".

Interests

for fun:
Chasing cars, Throwing balogna out the window, Popping the pimples on your back, looking up funny names in the phone book, making toast, taping your snoring and playing it for you in the morning.

favorite hot spots:
Sun, lamp, furnace, stove

favorite things:
Chairs, tables, bed, painted toenails, paper, hair brush

last read:
A piece of mail that told me I could save 49 cents on pantyliners

sports and exercise:
Typing, pushing the accelerator pedal on my car, keeping meteors from crashing into the earth, brushing my teeth

common interests
Watching spaghetti cook, eating spaghetti, buying spaghetti

That's some funny shiznit!

 

[Marcopolo]

I don;t have time right now to read all of this or write a long post here, but a couple of things. It looks like ther are quite a few different ideas to take a look at and think about. a couple of things-Metaphysical, the part you mentioned is not part of my profile, just part of my message here on this board because I did not want this thread to become another debate on the merits of internet dating. M Romeo-don't worry, I cannot copy your ad exactly, because first offf I am not tall dark and handsome, I am blond, medium height, but I am in the 98-99th percentile for my age group according to this one internet site where you can post your pic, so I guess I am handsome anyway-just not tall and dark. anyways, gotta go.

 

[MRomeo99]

Seducing a woman begins and ends in her mind. Whether it's online, or in real life. You can make your choice about what type of women you want to be with.

What works for me is to embrace the role of a Romantic Hero. A little bit of Don Juan De Marco, with some James Bond mixed in, and some Jon Stewart/Craig Kilburn for added juice. You start off with a good picture, then you play with their mind, I tell them a story, I lead them down the path of what I want them to think and feel. And then I leave them wanting more. I've had more than one woman tell me that before they finished reading my profile, they had decided they wanted to seduce me. That is working for me right now.

I have also had a profile that was mostly Craig Kilburn with a little James Bond. Sarcastic, funny, witty and engaged. That attracted a different type of woman. But, I did the same thing. I appealed to a certain part in women and was able to engage that part of her brain.

I'm not a 9 in looks. I rank a decent 7.5-8. So, while I am tall, dark and moderately handsome. I'm not a stunner, by any means. What I have become proficient at is finding ways to stimulate their mind. Using the double entendre to maximum effect. Sarcasm and ****y + funny. The touch on the arm, the brushing of the hair way from the face. The kiss that can make them weak in the knees. All these have to be in your bag of tricks. You can seduce a woman with just your words, and a little bit extra. Once you realize how easy it is, you'll be amazed.

Be careful however, that you don't sell what you're not capable of delivering. I have made that mistake of selling myself as something that I'm not. I know what I like and what I don't. And that was truly a mistake.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

Originally posted by MRomeo99
Seducing a woman begins and ends in her mind. Whether it's online, or in real life. You can make your choice about what type of women you want to be with.

What works for me is to embrace the role of a Romantic Hero. A little bit of Don Juan De Marco, with some James Bond mixed in, and some Jon Stewart/Craig Kilburn for added juice. You start off with a good picture, then you play with their mind, I tell them a story, I lead them down the path of what I want them to think and feel. And then I leave them wanting more. I've had more than one woman tell me that before they finished reading my profile, they had decided they wanted to seduce me. That is working for me right now.

Finally someone who understands the game!!!

 

[MRomeo99]

Finally someone who understands the game!!!

This "loser" appreciates that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...I've used the site you're using before. (I'm a woman)

I would not respond to your ad. The trafficlight thing is corny. In fact, not to be mean, but the whole ad is corny and you come off like you're trying so hard. Don't do that. Keep your answers simple, relatively short, to the point and witty/clever, NOT corny. It's not about the quantity of the words, it's about the quality of them.

Also, do NOT come up with a universal letter to send out to women you want to contact. I used to get those and they annoyed me so bad I wouldn't even look at the guy's profile. If he can't think of something unique to say based on my profile then he's not going to be able to hold my attention.