I have realized the errors of my ways and am in the process of recovery but my mind still resists. I have always suffered from Low Self-Esteem and anxiety and I am working to build myself up, I have read several articles on self improvement and i know that it won't get you women, you have to have the balls to get the number, but this AFCness still has a hold on my mind, I know jerks have better success with women but everytime I read this it seems the programming ingrained in my head starts to resist. Is there some way to shatter what I have learned all these years?
My Mind Resisting Change
- Thread starter bobafet
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realsmoothie
Master Don Juan
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"Boba Fett? WHERE?"
Sorry, had to do it.
Take it from a guy slowly (SLOW-LY) moving out of the AFC condition. It doesn't happen quickly. Start with bettering yourself, honestly. If you feel more confident about yourself than the women will come.
I still can't really pick-up women cold on the street. But I can almost do it at the bar, and any girl that I know from work or friends is now fresh meat. It's not very DJ yet, but it's getting there.
Sorry, had to do it.
Take it from a guy slowly (SLOW-LY) moving out of the AFC condition. It doesn't happen quickly. Start with bettering yourself, honestly. If you feel more confident about yourself than the women will come.
I still can't really pick-up women cold on the street. But I can almost do it at the bar, and any girl that I know from work or friends is now fresh meat. It's not very DJ yet, but it's getting there.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
You're not going to be able to come out of your condition until you specifically define the person you'd like to be.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
BOBA, remember back in high school when you took drivers ed? One of the skills that you have to learn is that when you're in a skid you must turn the wheel into the skid. We can be told to do this and answer this question on a drivers test, but when you're actually in the situation of skidding every part of your naturally instinct tells you to slam on the breaks. This of course only makes things worse and the car spins out of control. It 'feels' counterintuitive to actually turn into the skid, but when we can get past this sense of what we think 'ought' to be the correct response we find that the car rights itself.
There are a lot of experiences we can relate this analogy to. Martial Arts, Sky Diving, really anything that we'd (probably realistically) find dangerous and/or counterproductive to our betterment. Yet with practice and experience we find that we can sublimate these instincts to the point where the confidence in our abilities to use these skills replaces the natural propensity to prefer security and they become our new default responses.
It's not easy to take risks you're not accustomed to. Your AFC, NIce Guy default seems to you the path of least resistance and one that provides the most secure way to ensure you get to a woman's intimacy. This has most likely been conditioned into you and reinforced over the better part of your life. It seems logical, it seems like an effective way to, if not prevent rejection, then to lessen the impact of it. This is false security, and although it seems counterintuitive, you must unlearn the idea that you "have to" slam on the brakes and learn to turn into the skid - you have to train yorself for this to be the default response.
That's not to say become a Jerk, but it is to say use his tools. Take the chance and err on the side of being perceived as a Jerk rather than a Nice Guy. You have to risk this and start becoming comfortable with taking this risk. Self -love is not so great a sin as self-neglect; the Jerk and the Nice Guy are opposite extremes on a spectrum, only the Jerk maintains respect for his self-concern. Too many men (and all AFCs) default to the Nice Guy side of the spectrum. Don't become the Jerk, don't become the abuser, but lean towards his side of the spectrum and use his methods tempered with a bit of empathy.
There are a lot of experiences we can relate this analogy to. Martial Arts, Sky Diving, really anything that we'd (probably realistically) find dangerous and/or counterproductive to our betterment. Yet with practice and experience we find that we can sublimate these instincts to the point where the confidence in our abilities to use these skills replaces the natural propensity to prefer security and they become our new default responses.
It's not easy to take risks you're not accustomed to. Your AFC, NIce Guy default seems to you the path of least resistance and one that provides the most secure way to ensure you get to a woman's intimacy. This has most likely been conditioned into you and reinforced over the better part of your life. It seems logical, it seems like an effective way to, if not prevent rejection, then to lessen the impact of it. This is false security, and although it seems counterintuitive, you must unlearn the idea that you "have to" slam on the brakes and learn to turn into the skid - you have to train yorself for this to be the default response.
That's not to say become a Jerk, but it is to say use his tools. Take the chance and err on the side of being perceived as a Jerk rather than a Nice Guy. You have to risk this and start becoming comfortable with taking this risk. Self -love is not so great a sin as self-neglect; the Jerk and the Nice Guy are opposite extremes on a spectrum, only the Jerk maintains respect for his self-concern. Too many men (and all AFCs) default to the Nice Guy side of the spectrum. Don't become the Jerk, don't become the abuser, but lean towards his side of the spectrum and use his methods tempered with a bit of empathy.
I really appreciate the responses especially yours Rollo, I have read alot of your posts and I really respect what you have to say. My mind is usually at best chaotic full of negative thoughts, and going on this path offered the most resistence in my head. I looked back on my childhood and the conditioning that I recieved. Seeking others approval and comparing myself to others are my biggest negative habits. I have lived most of my life rating my worth to what others have thought, the amount of friends I have etc. Never really asked what I want because in the end that is all the matters.
As for the jerk thing, when I think of the word jerk I think of abuser. I think that is what really caused my AFCness to react when I read those posts. But I forced myself to read them and its not about being abusive but being Assertive, and in tune with your sexuality.
As for the jerk thing, when I think of the word jerk I think of abuser. I think that is what really caused my AFCness to react when I read those posts. But I forced myself to read them and its not about being abusive but being Assertive, and in tune with your sexuality.
realsmoothie
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Yeah, I like that.bobafet said:
Lately I came to a bit of a revelation. I was thinking about how we treat girls with kid gloves because, for one reason, that they are the ones with the sexual power. But then I had a few successful semi-random encounters where it was clear that the girl was getting just as good as she was giving and suddenly I realized something: girls WANT you to be dominant. It's in their nature, maybe not as much as some guys here insist, but enough.
So when you're assertive or ****y or "masculine", you're actually acting in the girl's best interests.
Mind_Body_Soul
Senior Don Juan
This is so true. We each have a role to play. When the roles are not played out, disorder (read unhappiness) results.
It didn't used to be this way, but this country has become a breeding ground for AFC's and it has thrown everything out of wack. Nowadays, people don't even realize that they are going against nature in their relationships.
Men need to be men. We are in control. We get our way. That is the way mother nature intended it. Whether we make it pleasureable for the woman or not is really just a matter of details - the woman will stick around either way. Granted, she may be "happier" if we grant her concessions, we can get away with treating her like sh.t (e.g. the Jerk).
Err on the side of the jerk, not the AFC.
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Yo Troops,
It's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to voluntarily change a behavior or way of thinking that you find a sense of pleasure or a (twisted) sense of COMFORT in.
The only way to do this OUTSIDE of being impacted by a CRISIS, is by changing your PERCEPTION of how you view your CURRENT behavior or way of thinking.
You do this by linking massive amounts of NEGATIVITY to your current thinking, while simultaneously linking massive amounts of POSITIVITY to the behavior or thought processes you want to adopt.
And if you do this over time consistently enough, AND with enough EMOTION behind it, YOU WILL CHANGE.
And guess what?
The irony is that WHENEVER we DO change due to encountering a life-altering crisis-----it is because we have SUBCONSCIOUSLY went through this EXACT same process!
Peace...one day.
It's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to voluntarily change a behavior or way of thinking that you find a sense of pleasure or a (twisted) sense of COMFORT in.
The only way to do this OUTSIDE of being impacted by a CRISIS, is by changing your PERCEPTION of how you view your CURRENT behavior or way of thinking.
You do this by linking massive amounts of NEGATIVITY to your current thinking, while simultaneously linking massive amounts of POSITIVITY to the behavior or thought processes you want to adopt.
And if you do this over time consistently enough, AND with enough EMOTION behind it, YOU WILL CHANGE.
And guess what?
The irony is that WHENEVER we DO change due to encountering a life-altering crisis-----it is because we have SUBCONSCIOUSLY went through this EXACT same process!
Peace...one day.
edger
Master Don Juan
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It's all about coming to the realization that a certain type of "method" isn't working, and thus viewing that particular method as a negative attribute. Great post!Victory Unlimited said:
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
BOBA, you will only get what you've gotten if you keep doing what you have done.
Do not accept the role society expects you to play - really in any regard, not just with women. Up to this point in your life your personality is the sum total of what has been conditioned, acculturated and socialized into you by your peers, your family, freinds, schools, employers, the government, the media and to a lesser degree, how readily you've accepted their messages and internalized them into who you are now. And the more you seek the approval from the people who define your role, the more you compare yourself to their (often contradictory) standards, the more you cememnt yourself into that mold.
The good news is that half the work of changing your own mind about yourself you've already realized - you're self-aware. Most people are not. They're contented in the roles that have been pre-packaged for them, according to individual agendas, and simply can't (or wont) see the Matrix for what it is. They'll obliviously say "that's just the way I am" without ever asking themselves why or how they became that way. In fact, more often than not, they're proud of themselves for their ignorance in this respect and wonder why you simply can't accept "the way things are."
Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you. Personality is NEVER static, it's always changing. You will not be the same person you are today in six months. In fact you're not the same person with different people now - your character shifts around your parents and your employer and then again with a woman you're sarging. We assume different masks for different environments - the only difference is now that you're aware of the mechanics of this it's time to manipulate this to acheive the things YOU genuinely want rather than playing the role other cast you in.
Do not accept the role society expects you to play - really in any regard, not just with women. Up to this point in your life your personality is the sum total of what has been conditioned, acculturated and socialized into you by your peers, your family, freinds, schools, employers, the government, the media and to a lesser degree, how readily you've accepted their messages and internalized them into who you are now. And the more you seek the approval from the people who define your role, the more you compare yourself to their (often contradictory) standards, the more you cememnt yourself into that mold.
The good news is that half the work of changing your own mind about yourself you've already realized - you're self-aware. Most people are not. They're contented in the roles that have been pre-packaged for them, according to individual agendas, and simply can't (or wont) see the Matrix for what it is. They'll obliviously say "that's just the way I am" without ever asking themselves why or how they became that way. In fact, more often than not, they're proud of themselves for their ignorance in this respect and wonder why you simply can't accept "the way things are."
Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you. Personality is NEVER static, it's always changing. You will not be the same person you are today in six months. In fact you're not the same person with different people now - your character shifts around your parents and your employer and then again with a woman you're sarging. We assume different masks for different environments - the only difference is now that you're aware of the mechanics of this it's time to manipulate this to acheive the things YOU genuinely want rather than playing the role other cast you in.
What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.
You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
BuckeyeBrigadier
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I would like to think that I am a rAFC or even an AFC. After all, they're the guys who are merely going the wrong direction right? All they need to to go from left to right, not really completely reinvent themselves. I really wish I could say I was one of those. Well I guess what I'm asking is, for someone who's shy to the point that he has absolutely no social life at all and finds it impossible to make new friends, what would you recommend?
insanity
Master Don Juan
boba i don't think it's your mind resisting change. your mind has been conditioned to thinking that what is sees and feels is hardcore proof. the greatest way to change your train of thought is to challenge the thought that is restricting you from being truly free. i use to think all this stuff that people said on this forum was garbage and there was no way that stuff could work. but i had no choice but to try it because nothing else was working. so when i applied this stuff on women. i was shocked and so was my brain. it worked!!! women just aren't scary anymore.
as lame as it sounds, your brain needs proof that what your really thinking is right. without actually putting what you want into practice will only keep you stuck. you have to challenge your thoughts and as much as it makes you sweat, the benefits will eventually show up. look at some of those speakers who get up and do speeches. most times they'll tell you that they use to be petrified to get up and talk. but they challenged their thoughts and they went out and spoke. eventually their minds learned that the more they did it the less nervous they became.
challenge yourself man.
as lame as it sounds, your brain needs proof that what your really thinking is right. without actually putting what you want into practice will only keep you stuck. you have to challenge your thoughts and as much as it makes you sweat, the benefits will eventually show up. look at some of those speakers who get up and do speeches. most times they'll tell you that they use to be petrified to get up and talk. but they challenged their thoughts and they went out and spoke. eventually their minds learned that the more they did it the less nervous they became.
challenge yourself man.