I have posted a few questions on this forum since I joined (yesterday) but I never really introduced myself. I figured once I had resolved my issue I wouldn't need this forum anymore. After reading some of the articles today and going through the posts I have come to realise this forum is an absolute goldmine of information that can help me with my life. So I apologize for what will be a long and (perhaps) boring post but please read it and comment on my life to date.
I live in Australia, am 25 years old, employed full time and live with my parents (not for long hopefully, it's a long story).
I was never popular in high school. I never had really close friends and never had girls after me. I did have a girlfriend but I got sooky and emotional on her and she ran for the hills. It lasted 6 weeks. After high school I desperately wanted a girlfriend. I wanted to lose my virginity bad but was also keen to meet someone and fall in love.
When I was 19 (almost 20) I met a girl while on holiday. I wasn't really attracted to her initially but as we got to know each other a bit more I became more interested. I played it cool, not giving anything away and agreed that we would see each other when we got back home from holidays (she lived pretty close to me). Well when I got back she sent me a message asking if I was interested in her or if I was just keen to hook up while on holiday. I told her I was interested and we agreed to start going out (in Australia this means we are in a relationship and not seeing anyone else). Thing's moved very quickly and within a couple of weeks she had told me she loved me and withing a month we had had sex.
I tend to get emotionally involved very quickly and often find myelf falling in love with girls after a very short period of time. I think this might be an insecurity issue or the fact that i'm scared of never meeting "the one" and being alone for the rest of my life.
Our relationship was great for a couple of years and although we fought quite a bit our love was always strong enough to overcome these issues. About 3.5 years into the relationship I began to get cold feet. I felt like I was getting old really fast and I had never slept around or partied and flirted with lots of girls. Because of this I found myself being flirty with her friend when we would go out. I figured this way I could flirt and have fun while still maintaining our relationship. This didn't make her happy and she would contantly pull me up on it. Of course I would explain it meant nothing (even though I knew it did) and we would continue on.
A while later I found myself becoming far less attracted to my girlfriend but didn't want to say anything for fear of hurting her feelings and for fear of losing her and being alone.
After about 4.5 years of being together I made a HUGE mistake. I kissed another girl who I worked with. I felt really bad about this and told me girlfriend immediately. She was devastated but I reassured her that it was a mistake and alcohol was the main reason for my behaviour. I knew in my heart that this was total crap as I was attracted to this new girl and was in constant contact with her. A week later I slept with this girl. What was I doing? I suppose when I think about me sleeping with this girl was an easy way out of the relationship that I was no longer interested in. I must admit it felt great. I realised that chicks actually digged me and I should really be taking advantage of this.
I told my girlfriend about this a few days later and we broke up. At the start I felt fine, this was my chance to go out and enjoy myself and do all the things I had never done, I felt great. But for some reason I felt the need to continue talking to my ex and couldn't help asking questions like "have you slept with anyone?". When she eventually told me she had been seeing someone I broke down. I cried and felt absolutely shocking. What had I done? I blew it! I threw away a great relationship and for what?
For the next few months I made it my job to do two things.
1) Sleep with as many chicks as possible to take my mind off it.
2) Get my ex back!
Well I slept with a few chicks but none really helped my confidence or made me happy. I guess this as because I wasn't interested in these girls at all.
As for number 2, well I never got my ex back and eventually I stopped contacting her and constantly reading her myspace to see what she was doing.
I continued on for a while but I didn't really enjoy single life. I took rejection hard and alcohol never really made me feel good (I drank a lot while single). I knew I wanted a girlfriend and I knew it had to be someone special. Now I have to admit here that a part of me wanted to have a girlfriend to make my ex jealous. I know it's horrible but I felt like she was the one who cheated by sleeping with a guy (even though I had slept around) and I hated her for that and wanted to make her as jealous as possible.
I live in Australia, am 25 years old, employed full time and live with my parents (not for long hopefully, it's a long story).
I was never popular in high school. I never had really close friends and never had girls after me. I did have a girlfriend but I got sooky and emotional on her and she ran for the hills. It lasted 6 weeks. After high school I desperately wanted a girlfriend. I wanted to lose my virginity bad but was also keen to meet someone and fall in love.
When I was 19 (almost 20) I met a girl while on holiday. I wasn't really attracted to her initially but as we got to know each other a bit more I became more interested. I played it cool, not giving anything away and agreed that we would see each other when we got back home from holidays (she lived pretty close to me). Well when I got back she sent me a message asking if I was interested in her or if I was just keen to hook up while on holiday. I told her I was interested and we agreed to start going out (in Australia this means we are in a relationship and not seeing anyone else). Thing's moved very quickly and within a couple of weeks she had told me she loved me and withing a month we had had sex.
I tend to get emotionally involved very quickly and often find myelf falling in love with girls after a very short period of time. I think this might be an insecurity issue or the fact that i'm scared of never meeting "the one" and being alone for the rest of my life.
Our relationship was great for a couple of years and although we fought quite a bit our love was always strong enough to overcome these issues. About 3.5 years into the relationship I began to get cold feet. I felt like I was getting old really fast and I had never slept around or partied and flirted with lots of girls. Because of this I found myself being flirty with her friend when we would go out. I figured this way I could flirt and have fun while still maintaining our relationship. This didn't make her happy and she would contantly pull me up on it. Of course I would explain it meant nothing (even though I knew it did) and we would continue on.
A while later I found myself becoming far less attracted to my girlfriend but didn't want to say anything for fear of hurting her feelings and for fear of losing her and being alone.
After about 4.5 years of being together I made a HUGE mistake. I kissed another girl who I worked with. I felt really bad about this and told me girlfriend immediately. She was devastated but I reassured her that it was a mistake and alcohol was the main reason for my behaviour. I knew in my heart that this was total crap as I was attracted to this new girl and was in constant contact with her. A week later I slept with this girl. What was I doing? I suppose when I think about me sleeping with this girl was an easy way out of the relationship that I was no longer interested in. I must admit it felt great. I realised that chicks actually digged me and I should really be taking advantage of this.
I told my girlfriend about this a few days later and we broke up. At the start I felt fine, this was my chance to go out and enjoy myself and do all the things I had never done, I felt great. But for some reason I felt the need to continue talking to my ex and couldn't help asking questions like "have you slept with anyone?". When she eventually told me she had been seeing someone I broke down. I cried and felt absolutely shocking. What had I done? I blew it! I threw away a great relationship and for what?
For the next few months I made it my job to do two things.
1) Sleep with as many chicks as possible to take my mind off it.
2) Get my ex back!
Well I slept with a few chicks but none really helped my confidence or made me happy. I guess this as because I wasn't interested in these girls at all.
As for number 2, well I never got my ex back and eventually I stopped contacting her and constantly reading her myspace to see what she was doing.
I continued on for a while but I didn't really enjoy single life. I took rejection hard and alcohol never really made me feel good (I drank a lot while single). I knew I wanted a girlfriend and I knew it had to be someone special. Now I have to admit here that a part of me wanted to have a girlfriend to make my ex jealous. I know it's horrible but I felt like she was the one who cheated by sleeping with a guy (even though I had slept around) and I hated her for that and wanted to make her as jealous as possible.
