My long lost 'dad' found me on facebook.

[Warrior74]

In my opinion fvck anyone who runs out on their kids.

But then I have a stepdad who is awesome and never needed anything from my biological dad. He tried to contact me but I wanted no part of it. Any man or woman who would abandon their other with a 6 month old has nothing that I need.

But to each their own. If you want or need something out of it, even just an ending, you should talk to him.

Wait till you have an ex wife, tell me if the thought doesn't cross your mind. If it doesn't, hurray for you, but if it does...don't beat yourself up, you're human. Sometimes it takes two to make a dad walk away, you never knew that man's issues or circumstances and to be honest. None of you know what your mothers are really like. You only know them as mothers. I bet if you talked to some of their ex boyfriends you'd be surprised to learned that your dear old ma is just like the girls here guys complain about. Don't judge to harshly.

 

[EA Gold]

I don't blame you for not liking my response, there are years in my childhood that can't be replaced. I apologize if I sounded like I didn't have any sympathy. If my father wasn't there I'd be a different person today. I myself had a good childhood, even though I was born out of wedlock my father was man enough to take responsibility to get married to my mom and raise me.

I know there maybe some anger and resentment and It does take time to heal. I'm sure you had years to think about this but are you going to let someone's bad decision 34 years ago control the rest of your life and how you feel?

You can keep doing what your doing but you know whats happening when you don't forgive. Not only do you put that person in a cage of hate and anger but internally your putting yourself in one.

The funny thing is the keys to freedom are at arms length, and the keys are love and forgiveness. The truth is we decide not to be free and spend years as a prisoner of the past, and your not alone. Millions over the decades have had terrible things done to them and sadly never get resolved in this world.

Are you going to continue living in the past? Whatever happened in the past isn't real any more and to be honest has no meaning. There just events that you and I give meaning to. Whats real is here and now and that's all we have. You can choose to let the past control you or decide to live free from the past and future and live right now and happy. You decide.

 

[horaholic]

I dont know why you think Im not forgiving him. I've already wrote him, and told him about the last 16 years of my life. I know when I first saw his name that I would talk to him, I just needed a few days for it to sink in.

 

[5string]

In my opinion fvck anyone who runs out on their kids.

But then I have a stepdad who is awesome and never needed anything from my biological dad. He tried to contact me but I wanted no part of it. Any man or woman who would abandon their other with a 6 month old has nothing that I need.

But to each their own. If you want or need something out of it, even just an ending, you should talk to him.

Runnin out on kids is pretty low. Agree.

horaholic has every right to feel the way he does, whatever that may be. It's his choice whether or not to communicate with the guy.

A little story for thought.

My wife came from a very disfunctional family. Her mother actually ran away with some other guy to California with her brother and sisters when she was 7 or 8 yrs old. The mother basically hid her dads kids from him. When my wife was in her late teens or early twenties, she saw him a few times and then they lost track of one another. I don't really know why other than he moved out east and my wife took a travel job.

My wife lost track of her dad for nearly 30 years and did not know how to contact him although she said she would love to talk to him again and maybe even see him. Not to say it's the case with horaholic, but I placed blame on both my wife and her father for not keeping in contact.

Then the wife asked me if I could find him. I told her if he's alive I can (I do sh!t like this in my job). So I find him, they talk and I fly him and her stepmom out for a 5 day visit. It went great and they have been talking ever since.

horaholic has some deep scars from his father which from what I read, seem totally justifiable. I think he is handling this very well. I feel sad for him and hope that somehow, everything works out for the best.

 

[FairShake]

Wait till you have an ex wife, tell me if the thought doesn't cross your mind. If it doesn't, hurray for you, but if it does...don't beat yourself up, you're human. Sometimes it takes two to make a dad walk away, you never knew that man's issues or circumstances and to be honest. None of you know what your mothers are really like. You only know them as mothers. I bet if you talked to some of their ex boyfriends you'd be surprised to learned that your dear old ma is just like the girls here guys complain about. Don't judge to harshly.

I have an ex-gf with whom I had a kid at 17 fresh out of high school. I worked as a cabbie at night in the ghettos of Philadelphia while attending class during the day to get my nursing degree to keep an apartment in a decent neighborhood. I had guns stuck in my faces and a knife stuck in my stomach. I come from a different sort than most men and women I suppose. I would NEVER run away from responsibility like children even when my ex-gf played games.

If you let your girlfriend or wife get in the way of the greatest responsibility of all you are the ultimate AFC.

 

[ElChoclo]

Nobody needs to run away from their wife these days, she will do it for you by taking your kids 1000 miles away to live. If you don't give your kids money when they ask for it, they will just ignore you. Far more fun to smoke dope, drink and bone their girlfriend than talk to their father. A good example of respectful children can be found as far back as De Balzac's novel "Old Goriot" written in the 1800s I guess. Read it and learn.

 

[Rubirosa]

Just see what he wants and hear the dude out. You're a man now yourself...

 

[horaholic]

He doesnt want money. He's done alright for himself. He aint rich, but he has done OK. He builds dune buggies in his spare time, so I know he has a little bit to play with.

He emailed me an apologetic letter, and I wrote him back. Im an adult. Its too late for him to be a father, but life's too short not to forgive people either, and I would rather let him back in, than harbor a bunch of negativity about him. Its not like he can hurt me again. I literally have nothing to lose, and who knows what to gain. I've already gotten in touch with an aunt I didnt know I had, who is a year younger than me.

The fact is, forgiveness is for YOURSELF. My forgiving of him will lift a weight off of MY soul, and get rid of a lot of unwanted negativity in MY life. The true reason for forgiveness is a selfish one.

Im not doing it for him, and I told him this in my response


This is what it is.

here is the email he sent me:



Basically, he was too much of a pvssy to contact me all those years.

In case you didnt read page 1.

 

[Marvin Gaye]

Horaholic the man my username is derived from was SHOT by his own father--be happy your relationship isn't of that same magnitude.

 

[Chagnon]

Tell him you've turned out gay and that you'd like to suck him off.

 

[horaholic]

How about I just give him your number?

 

[Strelok]

Tell him you've turned out gay and that you'd like to suck him off.

The things is disgusting itself,plus you throw it out in the middle of a serious topic.

Damn why don't you just read all the topics in here about growing up and behave as a man? trust me they are even more useful than the ones about women.

 

[Plinco]

This does give you a window into your genetic past too. You can always ask if cancer runs in the family or something.

 

[Darth]

He emailed me an apologetic letter, and I wrote him back. Im an adult. Its too late for him to be a father, but life's too short not to forgive people either...forgiveness is for YOURSELF. My forgiving of him will lift a weight off of MY soul.

Well you have my respect, that was the right thing to do. Props to you man.