My life is turning into a social experiment

[joekerr31]

to be honest i think str8up is simply getting bored of the games associated with 'dating' casually.

its funny, when your 20 the whole mystery of woman is fascinating. you can't get enough of them. in a way, they are a canvass onto which you project your every fantasy - sex, love, trust, excitment, etc.

but by the time your in your mid 30s the novelty has worn off. plus your testosterone levels have gone down a bit and you're a bit more mellow and more concerned with substance over getting your rocks off 10 times a day.

i think what str8up needs is a serious relationship and to move into the next phase of life. i see his current malaise as a good thing - he's growing tired of the same old routine pertaining to women. which is good, because generally when we grow tired of something we become open to new possibilities.

but whether im right or wrong on that, i'll say this much, if you meet the woman for you, she will work around your schedule to build a relationship. she'll bring you supper at work and hang out for a bit, etc. - so don't discount things just becuase you have very little time. lightening can strike.

once str8up meets the woman that he really clicks with things will work out. and i think his current state of mind is merely a phase which will prepare him for a new phase of life.

 

[aliasguy]

to be honest i think str8up is simply getting bored of the games associated with 'dating' casually.

its funny, when your 20 the whole mystery of woman is fascinating. you can't get enough of them. in a way, they are a canvass onto which you project your every fantasy - sex, love, trust, excitment, etc.

but by the time your in your mid 30s the novelty has worn off. plus your testosterone levels have gone down a bit and you're a bit more mellow and more concerned with substance over getting your rocks off 10 times a day.

i think what str8up needs is a serious relationship and to move into the next phase of life. i see his current malaise as a good thing - he's growing tired of the same old routine pertaining to women. which is good, because generally when we grow tired of something we become open to new possibilities.

but whether im right or wrong on that, i'll say this much, if you meet the woman for you, she will work around your schedule to build a relationship. she'll bring you supper at work and hang out for a bit, etc. - so don't discount things just becuase you have very little time. lightening can strike.

once str8up meets the woman that he really clicks with things will work out. and i think his current state of mind is merely a phase which will prepare him for a new phase of life.

I think it would be a seriously TRAGIC development if STR8UP met up with a woman that he "really clicks with."

Because, odds are, the whole thing will crash and burn 1-4 years later, and he'd be hurt and messed up for a half of a decade or so. Then, he'd start over, and be where he is now.

What's the point?

May as well go on as is.

I may sound pessimistic and "downbeat," but women are as women are.

Just my take.

 

[RedPill]

but whether im right or wrong on that, i'll say this much, if you meet the woman for you, she will work around your schedule to build a relationship. she'll bring you supper at work and hang out for a bit, etc. - so don't discount things just becuase you have very little time. lightening can strike.

Bingo.

 

[STR8UP]

ST8UP-----


I understand, but you have to agree that what you want ISN'T out in the female population of the real world. Sometimes, we just have to accept reality.

I know this. And that's what sucks cause it's like you're screwed if you don't have the time or energy to give them the attention they require

You probably can get some chick, or a series of chicks, to buy into what you want for a while. And you might be able to pull this off for YEARS. But you will know inside that you are "gaming" the system. And, ultimately, the chick will bail. You know this.

See, that's just it.

I've already been through a series of these chicks. The last one was hot, 10 years younger and we got along GREAT. Due to time and distance we saw each other 2-4 times per week, and it was AWESOME. I had my space. But of course it's always "where is this going". Why don't you just shut up and enjoy it already?

It isn't fair to them because they have it in their heads that marriage is the GOAL. You gotta reach the GOAL. And for me it's nothing of the sort. My goal is to share time with a person who I enjoy spending time with. The two goals don't mix.

Why do you need some "special" INTIMACY with one particular woman? Just accept what each can offer you, and don't expect more from them.

I guess I don't really understand what else you really WANT. What is it?

C'mon man, you've been around, you know what I mean. It's the nurturing type of intimacy that you can't get from family and friends. And you can't get it from a very casual relationship unless you are prepared to send the wrong signals and end up in a relationship which would be tough for me now.

Str8up, you know WAY too much to wallow in this sh*t. Cut it out.

Can't really help what I feel right now. I guess I'm just coming to accept the fact that I can't have my cake and eat it too. It's just odd that all of a sudden the by product of this is almost total apathy towards several things. I even mentioned to a couple of people that I felt a change coming on and that the change might entail me stepping out of my reality and maybe even disappearing for awhile. Maybe this is it.

 

[mrRuckus]

I don't see them as machines. Exactly the opposite. I see them as fascinating creatures that follow a meandering (emotional) path dictated by nature that is often difficult to follow.

So machines without a manual?

 

[mrRuckus]

I want the good without the bad.

If i were to get into a committed relationship right now I would have to hear "Why don't you spend any time with me?' "You're always working".

And that's the last thing i wanna hear because if I had a choice I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in.

Ideally I would find a woman who is content to have a committed relationship with a man she sees once or twice a week. Does that woman exist? I haven't met her.

You sound like the paradox of feminism. They want to stay home with lots of kids AND have a big, exciting important career. Doesn't work that way and no amount of complaining or blaming people is going to make it happen. Once again it comes down to changing your inner self.

I'm willing to have a smaller career and a decent amount money instead of being rich to have a good woman to share life with...

Women complain no matter what though. I've had girlfriends that complain i never CALL them even though i was SEEING them 4-5 days a week. Brains need marked 'return to sender.'

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Maybe you're just tired of all the Bullshyt and don't care anymore ! ! !


:rockon:

+1 :rockon:

You don't have to put up with the crap of stereotypical women. Focus on yourself and you'll be more able to notice the women who truly stand out from the rest.

 

[guru1000]

It's like I have the "I don't give a fukk" attitude, so I just decided to use that to see what happens when I do this or that in certain situations.
QUOTE]

I think this is the essense of your post.

You realize when you have this attitude, women are drawn to you.

I share this feeling with you. I am literally "out of my mind" on dates.

The foundation of this attitude though is True Confidence. And this is what reflects with extreme confidence.

But most importantly, when you date enough women and they roll over because your game is impeccable, they lose value. This makes settling down even harder. In the meantime, you more or less, sit back and abuse to get a reaction or maybe some entertainment.

This is the life of a DJ. One day , a female DJ will appear, then it will be interesting.

 

[STR8UP]

to be honest i think str8up is simply getting bored of the games associated with 'dating' casually.

I don't know if "bored" is the right word. "Tired" isn't the right word either. It's more like "numb".

And I don't want it to sound like I'm becoming bitter or that "things are getting to me" cause that's not it at all.

I just stopped caring. For the most part. There's still a little spark there. It's not 100% gone. But it's close.

Actually it's kind of refreshing. Caring and desire are burdens. I know, I know, what's the point of life if you don't care about anything or have desires?

I THINK this is just a phase. I would like to think that as quickly as I snapped into this I will be able to snap out of it when the time is right.

but by the time your in your mid 30s the novelty has worn off. plus your testosterone levels have gone down a bit and you're a bit more mellow and more concerned with substance over getting your rocks off 10 times a day.

The most liberating feeling in the world is the day you realize that women and sex shouldn't be a goal in your life, that YOU come first, then your goals and dreams, and the women and sex will naturally follow. It's sad to think that some guys, probably MOST guys never even realize this. They simply fall into the "default" program in life and follow the rest of the sheep right into slaughter. They get burned once, twice, and they keep going back for more making the same mistake thinking that a woman is going to solve their problems and improve their life, but in the big picture a woman will only add extra value to a life that is already complete.

i think what str8up needs is a serious relationship and to move into the next phase of life. i see his current malaise as a good thing - he's growing tired of the same old routine pertaining to women. which is good, because generally when we grow tired of something we become open to new possibilities.

Man, I'm overdue!

Seriously, I have been pretty much single for over two years. I haven't been single for THAT long since I started dating.

But you know what? Although I don't regret those relationships, they were really mistakes. If I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't be the person I am today, but they were mistakes nonetheless. Now I'm at a point where I don't make so many of those mistakes.

 

[Mr.Positive]

You don't have to put up with the crap of stereotypical women. Focus on yourself and you'll be more able to notice the women who truly stand out from the rest.

Francisco, this little golden nugget of wisdom needs attention..great point.

Sometimes, by focusing on personal goals, and personal growth, all the plate spinning, women and socializing get's 'blurry', in a good way. When women get 'blurry' so to speak, one may stand out in the crowd and shine. Find a gal that 'shines'.

 

[aliasguy]

I don't know if "bored" is the right word. "Tired" isn't the right word either. It's more like "numb".

And I don't want it to sound like I'm becoming bitter or that "things are getting to me" cause that's not it at all.

I just stopped caring. For the most part. There's still a little spark there. It's not 100% gone. But it's close.

Actually it's kind of refreshing. Caring and desire are burdens. I know, I know, what's the point of life if you don't care about anything or have desires?

I THINK this is just a phase. I would like to think that as quickly as I snapped into this I will be able to snap out of it when the time is right.



The most liberating feeling in the world is the day you realize that women and sex shouldn't be a goal in your life, that YOU come first, then your goals and dreams, and the women and sex will naturally follow. It's sad to think that some guys, probably MOST guys never even realize this. They simply fall into the "default" program in life and follow the rest of the sheep right into slaughter. They get burned once, twice, and they keep going back for more making the same mistake thinking that a woman is going to solve their problems and improve their life, but in the big picture a woman will only add extra value to a life that is already complete.



Man, I'm overdue!

Seriously, I have been pretty much single for over two years. I haven't been single for THAT long since I started dating.

But you know what? Although I don't regret those relationships, they were really mistakes. If I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't be the person I am today, but they were mistakes nonetheless. Now I'm at a point where I don't make so many of those mistakes.

You are reaching the TRUE POINT, man. Whether you are tired, or numb, or bitter or bored DOESN'T matter. You are now doing what you want to do (I think.) You are RIGHT not to regret "mistakes" of the past. And you are RIGHT not to make them again.

You are seeing that your life is YOUR LIFE, and how these WOMEN act doesn't really MATTER.

Single for two years --- so what? If you had been MARRIED to some woman for those two years, would you be happier? Even if she left last week? I'm not averse to good relationships with good women. That can be nice. but it isn't everything. What matters is YOU, and YOUR LIFE, and how YOU live it, and whether you can SLEEP at night, knowing what you know about how YOU have acted.

You are building your business, you are interacting with other people, and you are working hard. Respect yourself for this.

You wrote: "Caring and desire are burdens." WHY? Care all you WANT. Desire what you desire. Just don't become a SLAVE to your cares and desires.

STOP the self-deluding urge to "snap out of" wherever you are now. Accept where you are now. You don't have to embrace it forever, but you are where you are at this time. Flow with it, unless you see it HURTING you. If it does, then CHANGE it.

You are RIGHT about regret. To change up a line from Pulp Fiction.... "Regret never helps, it HURTS....


You are ok, str8up, and you will be ok tomorrow, and further on. Stop with the self-doubt.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You are ok, str8up, and you will be ok tomorrow, and further on. Stop with the self-doubt.

HALLELUJAH AND A MOTHERFVCKING AMEN!

You will be right as rain brother. Don't sweat the small sh!t.

 

[grinder]

It's like I have little desire to even "connect" with most women lately, I just want to do or say something I normally wouldn't, and watch their reaction.

Maybe it's not healthy. Maybe it's a step in ladder to becoming the man I want to be. Maybe I'm too busy for the social life I would like so I'm making a hobby out of the fact that I would have a hard time being in a TRUE relationship.

Not sure what it's all about, but I have found myself making even BETTER decisions when dealing with women, so I guess it can't be that bad......

Don’t know if you’ve heard of the term “compassion fatigue” but it refers to those in the helping fields who essentially get burned out with having to “care” all the time.

It comes from an unbalanced focus on “caring” and its associated encumbrances, whether forced or sincere.

I think an unbalanced focus on anything can result in the same fatigue.

Things seen through the periphery are sometimes clearer.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, this little golden nugget of wisdom needs attention..great point.

Sometimes, by focusing on personal goals, and personal growth, all the plate spinning, women and socializing get's 'blurry', in a good way. When women get 'blurry' so to speak, one may stand out in the crowd and shine. Find a gal that 'shines'.

But it means guys having a primary purpose other than scoring with women. The problem is that so many guys define themselves primarily by their social interactions with women. What's worse is they do it with women who tend to create rollercoaster type relationships. Talk about living in a vicious, self-defeating cycle. Madness...

 

[Bonhomme]

Joekerr, metro3pilot, and Francisco made some good points.

One always has the option of opting out of the bullshit and only dealing with those with whom it's positive to deal .

 

[STR8UP]

Single for two years --- so what? If you had been MARRIED to some woman for those two years, would you be happier? Even if she left last week? I'm not averse to good relationships with good women. That can be nice. but it isn't everything. What matters is YOU, and YOUR LIFE, and how YOU live it, and whether you can SLEEP at night, knowing what you know about how YOU have acted.

I am perfectly fine being single for that long because i now realize that most of the times I WASN'T single in the past was out of fear of being alone, and now I AM single because I don't carry that fear. It's just another change I've been through that has made me introspective about my past and present.

You wrote: "Caring and desire are burdens." WHY? Care all you WANT. Desire what you desire. Just don't become a SLAVE to your cares and desires.

I see where you are going with this. And healthy care and desire are beneficial and necessary, but I have always been the type to go overboard. When that happens they do become a burden.

STOP the self-deluding urge to "snap out of" wherever you are now. Accept where you are now. You don't have to embrace it forever, but you are where you are at this time. Flow with it, unless you see it HURTING you. If it does, then CHANGE it.

No I realy think it's helping me. It's a pendulum swing in the opposite direction from where I was at that I'm thinking will help me settle into a happy medium.

It's just very strange to wake up and realize that I am different than i was a few months ago.

"That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" applies here. I think that I might be at a turning point with life in general, as it has been a rough road the past year or two having to deal with serious issues with childhood friends and business associates. The result, the place where I am at now is the culmination of a lot of different factors, and women actually only account for a small part of this. It's just manifesting itself in my interactions with women as well as other things.

You are ok, str8up, and you will be ok tomorrow, and further on. Stop with the self-doubt.

I don't think it's self doubt at all. I pretty much know myself and I know where I am at and I am ok with that. It's the external things that I have much less control over.

 

[Mr.Positive]

The problem is that so many guys define themselves primarily by their social interactions with women.

Exactly, they give their perceived value away to women, instead of holding it for themselves.

If a single guy is not pursuing women, and focusing on personal goals, it really takes a lot of strength to intentionally do this. To say to yourself, I'm taking a break from women, to achieve this..or that..

The reason is not turning the focus off of women, it's the pressures of society...

It's the family wondering what's wrong with you, thinking you are selfish for not living your life to 'give' to a woman... it's friends and coworkers, losing respect for you because you are not 'pulling tail', it's the women at work who are interested in you, now questioning that you might be gay.

So it takes a lot of strength to go against societies norms. But it's that same strength, that personal growth is achieved as well.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...So it takes a lot of strength to go against societies norms. But it's that same strength, that personal growth is achieved as well.

Guys always ask how they should go about being a challenge. Going against the stereotypical norm is the best way in my opinion. To me it's easier than being a mystery and aloof which most guys do to a point of being perceived as enigmatic and strange. I say being different and being bold is a great way to be noticed.