My journey or should I say journal of Self improvement

[Athos]

Okay, hi everyone.

I didn't notice a introduction forum, so I'll go ahead and do that here.

I'm 17 years old, live in New Zealand and go to college.

I came across this forum a few weeks ago and I read a lot of the threads and articles here and found them very useful.

I decided that I've been slacking a lot in my approaching of women lately and that by starting up a journal like this it might help me to be more motivated. In fact reading some of the other peoples journals was motivating in of itself.

A bit about me, I'm not a fan of rehashing negative bull$hit, so I'll say I have/had some anxiety issues in the past and that I am making a lot of progress with it.

Currently - I am a few books on CBT techniques to manage the anxiety, a book on beating anxiety, and watching DVD's of Hypnotica's inner game which I find is helping a lot.

Apart from that, I haven't really approached many women. Yeah. Sucks. Well, I think the total number of sets I have opened in the last 2 months (since I even learnt about PUA) is about 20, maybe 30.

Generally, I fvck up because I forget the 3-second rule and spend too long stewing over it and really nowadays it's not really anxiety about approaching, it's anxiety about saying the right stuff, you know... I really don't have any soild opener that I can use. In fact I think most of the sets I've opened, I've just been so eager to get over my anxiety and open, that I won't even think about continuing the convo or letting it get anywhere. It's usually just hey, how are you or just random ****. I wont keep it going from there.

I think having a solid opener that I can always rely on would be good. One that I'm leaning towards is the "Would you date your best friends ex?"

As far as what I'm doing practically to improve my game? Well, socialising a lot more. I go ice skating a lot which is the only place I really meet new people. Though I need to try harder at that. Apart from that I like to play pool and usually I don't talk to anyone apart from the mates I'm with there. At college.. well, first off there's no one attractive in my classes. Second if there is a hot girl (they are fairly rare in my Campus) I'd probably drop my balls to open - too much negativity about myself there - BUT - I am working on that. Trying to think more positively etc.

I'm planning to sign up for the gym and achieve my goals physically. I do a little there with the skating and taking my dog for runs but yeah looking to really get ripped up.

Anyway, guess that's about it for now.

Feedback/comments would be useful.

 

[j0n24]

Good luck dude!! Strange beautiful country not so beautiful girls?? haha.

I think you'd do much better with cold approaches and not rely on openers but that's my opinion....or you canuse the APOC as your main opener.

 

[Athos]

Hmm, been a couple of days.

Not much to report really.

Been socialising more and am making pretty good progress with that.

I'm still not cold approaching women. And if I do start up a conversation, I really don't take it anywhere and it just dies...

Every time I think about approaching a set, I just make excuses and give up. The thought of it really makes me too anxious.

In relation to this - I gotta say I got some problems with image. Physically, I'm above average in the looks department and I'm pretty healthy/fit. Yet, I'll be out and see myself in some reflective object or what not and find that I don't like the way I look. This brings back feelings of low value, anxiety, and general feeling like ****.

Didn't go out at all really today, just spent the day chilling at home.

I need to get over my fear of approaching. I've actually done a lot of build up to it - I started asking people for the time and then I've opened sets before, but yeah, I'll open, e.g. "Who do you think lies more, men or women?" "Women", "Ah, okay." or if I'm feeling very brave "Why's that?" "I'm not sure"

Like I just get uncomfortable and can't keep it going...

 

[Ease]

Sounds like you need to go out with your guys friends instead. Its always easier to pull at social events.

Drink, dance, flirt, text, have fun and all that.

Dont take the PUA stuff so literally.

 

[Athos]

Oh, I didn't mention that I'm only 17.

Can't get into bars/clubs etc. yet for another 5 months.

Obviously I don't want to let that stop me.

 

[Ease]

Oh, I didn't mention that I'm only 17.

Can't get into bars/clubs etc. yet for another 5 months.

Obviously I don't want to let that stop me.

I know your 17, thats why i said that.

17 is a golden age for stupid behaviour.

Find an id that looks like you, not hard.

 

[Athos]

Number closed HB8

Yesterday while I was bored out of mind at uni, I came onto sosuave.net.

Low and behold... THE DJ BOOTCAMP.

So, I began that, though I didn't get to read through all the material.

I began putting it into practice almost instantly. I began trying to maintain and hold eye contact.

I'm sure people thought I was a weirdo when I would catch there eye and keep looking, haha, but do I care? Not really. Social experiment and all that

I found it liberating really. I was finally doing something to improve and I can see how that would build up to making proper cold approaches.

Anyway.. Moving forward a little. I'm going to talk about something I figured out last night.

As soon as I thought about going out and approaching girls - I'd get an extreme bout of anxiety and all round feeling like sh1t. It was really hard to pinpoint what exactly was causing this. It was to the point where just the thought of having to go out and do it made me extremely nervous. Pretty much what happened when I saw that's what I'd have to do for the Bootcamp.

So, I started wondering why exactly I was feeling that way. I realized as soon as I thought about approaching - my mind immediately imagined the worst case scenario in my head. Like a flash, every lacking or inadequacy I had was brought to the surface. I mean it was unbelievable now that I think about it.

Like I mentioned earlier I had problems with Social anxiety and accepting my physical appearance etc. Basically, every crappy negative thought that was there in my head would come out.

So, how did I get over it.

Well, believe it or not, the biggest part of it was just realizing it was there. Because for me making a cold approach wasn't pushing my comfort zone... It was like a whole different ball game.

So, once I realized that I was imagining the worst case scenario in my head, I thought about it, and it was a relief knowing there was a reason for the fear/anxiety. So, I began imagining the best case scenario. Because, it's only fair right? And then I began thinking about what it meant to be outcome independent.

Before this, it was just something I knew. But could never fully grasp the state where I didn't really care what the result was.

So today, I went out to the mall with my trusty wingman. Made some good conversation and the KEY thing that I'm proud of in the last two days is I began to change the way I THINK and LOOK at those situations.

For me, doing anything social was an act. I'd be fine on the outside, but in my head, I'd have all these negative thoughts/feelings/anxiety. E.g. school. I went to school for 12 years, yet, I felt anxious every single day in memory.

Because, I was playing a role or an act outside. Yet the thoughts in my head remained the same. And after years and years... The negative thought pattern becomes instinctive.

So, today I really, really focused on not letting anxiety mess up my head. Staying outside my head as they say AND spotting the negative thoughts/feelings. I'll describe another for me when I thought about approaching - I'm not good enough/Not cool enough/Not good looking enough blahblahblah. Like a surge of negativity, one was never enough, it always came in packs. But, today, I stayed outside of my head, was outcome independent, and REALLY tried to just go out and have fun.

Wow... this is getting long. I imagine self-therapy usually is

So, we started up a conversation with this girl (hb8) working at subway. I'd like to mention just before this, me and my wing had been hanging around a cheap 2 dollar store and had bought two bright and glossy pink cowboy hats.
Peacock theory or what ever idk, but I was uncomfortable about wearing it.

So he says to me, "This hat will change your life. If you can walk around wearing this hat, and not care about what people think - you can do anything."

So, anyway, we were both rocking these hats. And that's how we were dressed when we talked to this girl.

Amazingly enough, I didn't need any lines/routines (not that I really have any) all I needed was the right emotions - i.e. relaxed, comfortable. So, we talked to her a bit. She asked us about the hats about 60 seconds in, haha. I gotta say, nothing screams confidence like a bright pink cowboy hat. She seemed a little intimidated. Either that or she thought we were gay haha. Anyway, I just told her how we had been ****ing around in the 2 dollar shop and had decided to buy these. So yeah, so i order a sub and go eat it.

I tell my friend to close and he says "how?" and surprisingly, the vast amounts of theory I've been reading/watching helped out.

So, ended up going like this.

"Hey Steph. Do you like to party?" "Oh, yeah definitely."
"Well, there's a pretty good one happening this Friday. Are you keen?"
"Yeah! And we can go hit the town afterwards. I'll bring my girlfriends."
"Okay. Give me your number and I'll drop you a text"

She wrote it down on a piece of paper and handed it to me. Pretty much it.

Relating to this, advice I'm giving myself and anyone else who was in my situation. If you feel anxiety about approaching. Slow down and figure out what exactly is causing it. What thought/feeling do you get when you think about approaching? And change it. Though half the battle seems to be finding out exactly what you're doing.

Secondly - this used to be me. Every time I'd see someone talking about approaching women, I'd look at him and try and find something - ANYTHING- he had that I didn't to explain why he could approach/deserved/got women.

It was a mental game that I kept playing. It was always the idea that they have something you don't. And I personally always looked for reasons for why I couldn't approach. "I'll do it once I hit the gym and have abs like that."

So, don't worry too much if you aren't making as MANY approaches. Rather work on CHANGING the way you think on the ones that you do. Try and change your frame of mind and keep it that way. Focus on how easy it is/how relaxed you are and can be etc. And beating the AA.

Don't think about what you are lacking, because seriously, no one is PERFECT. Cliche as hell, but every male/female on the planet is lacking something. Focus on what you do have.

A lot of these epiphany's I must thank to Hypnotica's inner game and RSD Blue Print decoded.

And Tyler Durden who isn't the most attractive of males yet still pulls models. If he can do it, why can't you or I?

 

[Athos]

It just hit me again.

I number closed a hb8 while wearing a ****ing pink cowboy hat.

Gotta, say, it's helping my confidence.

 

[Athos]

Wowwww it's been a while. I thought it's time to revive this thread.

Haha, even more 'No's from yesterday.

I can't wait till this stuff doesn't bother me at all.

Last night for example 2 set sitting down on a bench - this is in town (**** club game is hard)

"Hey guys can I get a quick female opinion about something?"
"No."
"Blank stare"
"That's your opinion, no." (this is all just 1 chick by the way, now Im thinking i should have started talking to her friend by saying "wow is your friend always this rude?"
Me: "Wow, that's not very nice, is it that time of the month already?" and then I just walked off.

Another 2 set that were sitting down. "Hey guys how's your night going?"
Keep talking about stuff.. mainly boring stuff. Few questions on their part the main problem was it was quite loud so i had no choice but to peck (bend down to try and hear) and also had to repeat myself a few times.

I tried the "its a bit loud here do you want to talk outside?" "we're about to go dance"

This was when it gets interesting my wing is doing good with his girl and now this girl is just sitting there. And I'm like "LOL" so I say 'Well, aren't you gonna go dance?" And she's like "yeah" and spends the next 5 minutes trying to get her friends attention haha.

My wing is using something about how the finger you wear the ring on can tell you about your personality etc. And her friend is so mad it's hilarious.

"Is he a jeweller or something?" "what, no" "why does he know so much about that ring blahblah" "dunno, he knows stuff".

Haha, FINALLY, she manages to convince her friend its time to leave.

Oh 1 set opened me err maybe 8 or at least 7.5... but man didn't take it anywhere. Just talked about boring ****. Tried the ring finger thing but get this she was like 'no that finger is the romantic blahblah" and I was just like "**** i must have got it wrong" so i played along. Then my wing tells me I was right and she was probably drunk lol.

Anyway she says something about how she's just going to be right back. Dunno, actually believed her for some reason. Anyway me and pulse bounced from the club.

He opened a 2 set leaning against the wall outside. Opened with "i need a quick opinion, who lies more, guys or girls?" and transitioned to the "how long have you two known each other?" "blahblah" "well ah I thought so because you guys have really similar facial expressions etc." He tries to make them bounce with us but they just going home.

**** again club game is HARRRRD. We opened a few more sets. I did one that was sitting by herself, and looked like miserable LOL. Ehhh crappy opener (probably)

"Hey, whats up you looks sad?" "nah I'm fine blahblah" "Ok." walk away

It's 3 am by now or what ever. I think me and Pulse spent too long *****ing out of approaching and not escalating.

I think need to be more sexual, try and chill out some more and create a better vibe.

Practice makes perfect.

 

[Athos]

First set of the night sitting and drinking at the bar

Me: Hey how's your night going? (I talked to both of em really)
Them: Good blah blah, we're not from around here
Me: Where you from etc. casual fluff talk
more afc ****
Me: Who do you think lies more, men or women? (Lol at me using this at this point in the convo - i thought it was better to try some material then nothing)

Them: Idk its hard to say blahblah
Me: Random fluff talk.

I wasn't paying attention to IOI's. One of the chicks went to dance, the other stayed there and I kept talking to her. They said something about bouncing. We talked a bit about how the club didnt have many people etc. How they'd (stupidly) spent $120 bucks getting here by taxi. Should have negged here but I made the mistake of being "nice guy".

I didn't really have a plan for the whole thing. They wanted to bounce to another club and I was like well we're heading to xyz club wanna come? And they were like yeah we dont know where anything is. Then I went to talk to the group I was with who were dancing and I took to long and they went out. We saw them outside. They started talking to the chicks I was with.

I tried to neg them their and she was like "I wasn't talking to you" LOL so sorta backfired on me. Anyway so we kept going and they went the other way ah well.

The hard part I guess is figuring out what rookie mistakes I made.

Another group set maybe 6. ****ed up cause I just talked to one. And my wings pussied out. I said introduce me to the rest but they weren't paying attention w/e next time I'll remember to talk to them and start a conversation with all of them.

Anyway, idk this chick seemed okay, wasn't that hot though but man she thought she was a 9 or something.

Me: how's your night going?
Her: yeah not bad we just finished exams blahblah
Her: hows your night going
Me: oh cool some ****
Me: Whats your name shake hand yadayada
Her: Something i cant remember REALLY hard to pronounce i think she was indian or something
Me: blahblah noticing declining interest levels - okay we're gonna play a game
you're gonna pick three people that you don't know and tell me which one
loooks like a stripper, a lawyer and a doctor and why.
LOL i couldnt remember how the real one went but yeah, thought i was gonna lose the set and didnt care too much at this point. And she was like thats a lame game blahblah (im so hot and i can act *****y lol) and pretty much bounced.

Hmm should probably try and give more details about the conversation but any obvious stuff I did wrong/recommendations?

What do I need to change? I can't figure out why I'm messing up these sets.

Gonna go sarging again tomorrow night, fortunately I should have a decent wingman - met him today. w00t? Pretty awesome their are actually any PUA's in Auckland.

OHH I also approached a bartender and said "Can I have your number?" "No. *Headshake*" "Why do you have a boyfriend?" "Yes" "Okay well I thought it was worth a shot".

Well I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere I really just wanted to say I had the balls to do it lol. Messed up heaps though, I think she saw me waiting around for it, following her etc and obviously there's no game if I just go and ask her but yeah. The outright "no" stung a bit haha but I figure I better get use to it and harden up.

 

[Athos]

Okay, went out with my trustee wing Pulse.

Not a bad night at all, though I did lose my phone... Cheap phone <3. Just gives me another reason to keep using cheap phones.

Anyway, went to some uni party in town. Walked in, sets everywhere. But I felt like I'd dropped my balls. I couldn't approach. Boom so we **** around a bit, shoot the **** and meet up with some other mates.

I think I had some stupid stuff running through my head, y'know. For some reason I was thinking of myself as low value etc.

Anyway, Pulse opens the first set, (5 guys, 1 chick). Just a basic "Is this the Law party?" Boom, took some balls for that. Couldn't have done it at that point.

I'm still unable to open at this point, so he opens another. Can't remember what happened, doesn't go anywhere.

So we're sitting down with our drinks... and I'm like okay okay I gotta do this. So I see this 3 set sitting in the corner and I say "After I finish my drink... I'll go approach". He says "Go now." And takes my drink away.

Okay so I just start walking... and boom goes surprisingly well.

Me: Hey guys I just got a question. Say you had a boyfriend, would it be okay for him to hang out with his ex? Say they use to be bestfriends etc. etc.
Them: Usual questions etc. (one chick is quite uninterested but fortunately leaves and the other two are quite interested.

Basically, getting lots of IOI's, ask questions about my gf etc. I explain that it's my friend, they say to bring him etc. So I introduce him into the set.

We spend almost 30 minutes? maybe a bit more. He number closes his girl, and I know for sure I could have closed mine, but she was only a 6 and had just gone to get drinks. So yeah, he gets his girls number and says lets bounce and we go along.

What I learnt from this set: How important it is to just be chilled out and not care too much.

I got some solid practice on C + F, just being playful/teasing, which I can see works. Worked on body language and just stayed out of my head. Just lots of **** that I learnt here. Really good set.

We bounce to another club. Spend 10 minutes ****ing around dropping our balls and then Pulse does a first - a direct opener on two hb 7's sitting down. I think he used "Hey, I think you're cute and I wanted to come talk to you".

Admittedly from where we were sitting they looked like 8's maybe even one 9 lol. Anyway another good set, he number closes - I keep my girl busy.

Bit of an anomaly really. Really smart chick, does psych at uni and we spent ages talking about art history, how she'd love to visit places etc. etc. Likes talking a bit... too much I reckon. Really weird also because the IOI's confused me.

She started kinoing first and throughout the entire set I kept my body facing slightly away.

Hmm, so yeah, she was laughing a lot, doing kino, asking questions. Then randomly brings up her boyfriend use to be in prison (LOL). Apparently this is why she likes working with people (Psych degree) anyway, this girl is a bit bat**** insane.. but I honestly did enjoy talking to her. It was such a refreshing change, being able to have an intellectual conversation with a chick... in a club. Anyway, she says she's going to be right back and talk to her friend. I say byebye. Because by now I know when a chick says she's leaving, 99% of the time she ain't coming back.

But yeah this doesn't really phase me because my head hurts from talking about art and ****. Pulse number closes about now, and tells girl she can join us if she wants. No direct response or what really, but yeah. I see my blonde girl outside.

She says something about wanting her palm read by pulse (he was doing it to his targ) and I say maybe next time and we gap.

Good night.

Solid practice, got one step closer to being in "state". I think I have an idea what it feels like now. Have to go buy a new phone tomorrow.

Oh, some **** drama after that... but over all good night.

Peace, 5 am time to crash.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Hey man, I read some of your journal. Seems good. So how much do you feel that you have improved since you started it? What about your anxiety for socializing and aproaching? How thight is your inner and outer game?

As for openers, seriously, don't use them. They form a shell around you. If you just keep using openers like that, you wont get much better. It just enhances your ego, cause your not congruent with what you're saying.
Now, I'm not able to fully explain what I mean here. Whether it is because of my lack of experience or just a lack of writing skill. I'll PM you. Keep going.

 

[Athos]

I don't feel like the same person man. I remember I use to always look over my shoulder, always worrying what people were thinking about me. Really it was quite bad.

Basically, I started to change the way I think about myself - confidence went up. Started to go out heaps - increased social circle, made new friends.

So, to answer your question, I've improved a lot. In every aspect really. I started new hobbies that I have become very passionate about. For example, Karate. Gym, Squash, Ice skating. I'm doing more interesting stuff and trying to improve in every area of my life.

As far as how "tight" my game is, I really don't know. I'm always constantly trying to improve my inner game because I feel outer game is just a reflection of solid inner game. You'll have to read my thread and tell me.

Anyway, it's a bit like a puzzle. In the beginning, my reality was missing a sh1t tonne. Slowly by adding to my confidence and self esteem and improving in every way, I've changed my reality to become "high value".

If you dont' give up, you can never fail.

 

[Athos]

Damn went out today with Pulse and tried day game for the first time.

Couldn't make any approaches. We did a couple at the mall.. Though mine were only chicks working in shops l0l and I didn't take it anywhere.

Apart from that spent 2 hours walking around the city seeing TONNES of hb's and unable to approach.

Ah well, you live and learn.

We set a goal of 10 sets each (6+) to make up for it.

Cheeeah

 

[macallik]

Good stuff Athos nice to see you out in the field. One thing that might help you have more fulfilling and longer lasting conversations is to approach women with the passion that you approach ice skating, karate and the gym. That has helped me out a lot recently and you feel more interested in the conversation and figuring out more about the person instead of constantly thinking of the next funny thing to say.

Don't sweat the zero you put up with the cold approaches, I remember a bunch of days walking around aimlessly and nervous until I started cold approaching more consistently. I still have those days that are duds but I just regroup for the next time. Just keep going out with Pulse or solo and eventually you'll get some approaches in

 

[Athos]

Hmm that's an interesting point Macallik.

Do you mean like passion for the 'game'? Because at the moment.. I'm living and breathing it. In fact I feel sort of bad, I'm ignoring other stuff for this. Missed karate for the first time in weeks last night.

Or do you mean passionate about the girl itself?

Did two approaches last night... One four set that was going okay until I did the stupid "So which one of you girls are single?" "None". gg.

Another two set, one is married, one is engaged. Both probably lying. I don't know. Maybe even the four set I reckon a couple were lying.

All gggg though. Going out again tonight. I GOT A PASSION MAN. Going to get this ****.

If you never give up you can never fail.

 

[Athos]

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/351/profilezz.jpg
http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/7235/partayc.jpg

If anyone cares what I look like lawl.

 

[Athos]

****... I can't believe I was saying that approaching wasn't a big deal for me and it was doing something after that that was the problem...

Went out tonight with Pulse for like 2 hours and... we couldn't even make one approach...

Best we did was trying to warm up and managed to say hello to strangers walking past us on the road. Pretty much all of them were dudes though lol.

On the plus... the chick from Wednesday night we met up with in town. Reasonably high interest levels. Talked to her for a bit, made her come down to our club etc. grabbed some food and then said we were off.

Basically built a bit of comfort.

I need to figure out whats happening and why I'm not able to make any approaches.

Peace

 

[macallik]

Hmm that's an interesting point Macallik.

Do you mean like passion for the 'game'? Because at the moment.. I'm living and breathing it. In fact I feel sort of bad, I'm ignoring other stuff for this. Missed karate for the first time in weeks last night.

Or do you mean passionate about the girl itself?

Did two approaches last night... One four set that was going okay until I did the stupid "So which one of you girls are single?" "None". gg.

Another two set, one is married, one is engaged. Both probably lying. I don't know. Maybe even the four set I reckon a couple were lying.

All gggg though. Going out again tonight. I GOT A PASSION MAN. Going to get this ****.

If you never give up you can never fail.

Hey Athos, I mean being more passionate about the girl as opposed to the pickup. If you focus on the girl instead of getting in the girls pants, it will make conversing easier imo.

It is kinda like if you go for a job interview and you are interested about how much you are getting paid instead of the actual job. You will end up asking the same generic questions as everyone else and get results much like everyone else.

However, when you are generally interested in what you are talking about, you tend to be more creative and fun in your interactions which results in better conversations and the women feel more of a connection.

 

[Athos]

Ah, that was my first guess.

True advice. I'll start practicing it.