my internet personals ad......

[ogre]

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/m4w/53141729.html


tell me whatcha think

 

[ogre]

My point exactly. NOTHING.

what am I supposed to say?

"Hi! I'm going to be 40, I'm a loser who can't get a date, I'm just now just now learning how to talk to girls...."

face it. 40 is too late to start learning to DJ. Sure, a lot of you guys are 40+ and still pimpin' but you've BEEN doin' it since you were a kid. At 40 a man should be settling down and thinking about his kids. Not about getting a date.

face it. Women in their 40's are UGLY. (My God - do I really look that old?)

face it. Women in their 30's are not diggin' my shyt. They are waaaay to mature and experienced. I'm still at the level of a teen-ager. what are the chances of me finding an attractive 30-ish babe who's even more screwed up than me?

face it. babes in their 20's - are you kidding....?

Guys - some help here - I'm starting to lose it. You've all been great - thank you - but I think I'm a lost cause. I'm out there tryin', there's no substitute for practice practice practice, I meet the babes and I get the digits, but it just all goes to shyt from there

if ONLY I was as YOUNG as "chancer357"

 

[ogre]

I changed it. new URL:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/m4w/53157682.html

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by ogre

if ONLY I was as YOUNG as "chancer357"

Please. I would trade places with anyone.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, you're going to have better success IRL picking up women at your age. On the internet, women have two things to go by: your picture and your profile. Make sure your picture looks damn good. Put up a picture of you doing something a MAN would do (ie cutting your arm off with a tablesaw). Second, your profile needs to be attractive.

When I was doing the online dating thing, I used the title of a Ramones song to catch people's attention, "Today your love, Tomorrow the world!" Let me pick apart your profile...

Take me out for my birthday 12/26

This is BORING. Use something that attracts attention. Your ad has to stand out from 100s of other men. Keep that in mind.

Sunday 12/26. I'm going to be 88.

personally, I wouldn't lie about my age. You've exaggerated it, but not enough. Add about 300 years to your actual age if you're going to do this.

About me: short, skinny, hairy, and pot-bellied. A regular dreamboat!

This isn't bad.

Something simple like the back seat of my minivan would be great.

Personally, I'd leave anything sex-related out of the profile. Unfortunately, that's what most of your profile consists of. What woman would want to contact an 88 year old sex pig.

Make generalizations about EVERY woman reading your profile. Something like "I'll cook you scrambled eggs and stare deeply into your eyes while you chew with your mouth open" or "When I go to your place and wash up for dinner, the toothpaste blobs in your sink will make me want to taste your minty mouth"

 

[ogre]

desdiniova, thanks.

I like you neg-hits idea. I'll try that.

actually the whole sex-pig thing is intended to be funny, and any babe who reads that and takes it seriously obviously doesn't have a sense of humor. I don't have a lot going for me, so I have to rely on things like humor and intelligence, because I don't have looks or money. as for "short, skinny, hairy, and pot-bellied" that's not an exaggeration.

my original ad was alot more timid, but I sent it to a buddy of mine and as a joke he made a few changes. I read it and couldn't stop laughing. So I re-posted the ad and you see the results now.

here is my original ad:

Take me out for my birthday! Sunday 12/26. I'm going to be 88. That's right, the big double-octave. But usually I am mistaken for 30-ish or thereabouts.

About me: short, skinny, hairy, and pot-bellied. A regular dreamboat!

Something simple like a movie or a local club would be great. I have a car, I don't mind picking you up, but it's MY birthday, so don't ask me to treat. Don't worry, I'm a cheap date.

Sense of humor required.

a pic would be nice.

 

[Player_Supreme]

You know what ogre, I'm getting tired of your self deprication. It gets old. Your whinning about yourself starts with calling yourself ogre and it goes on and on and on.

So what if your short and pot bellied. It's not like you CANT lose weight. So what your hairy. It's not like there is nothing you can't do about it.

What you need to do is quit using this board for sympathy votes to make you feel better. At almost 40 years of age you shoulda grown outta that long ago.

I will not feed into your obsession with YOU, cause that is all it truely is. I am doing you one better. My goal is to get you to stop whinning about what life delt you and start standing up as a man.

**** try being black during the 60's 50's 40's and way back...

Or try of being Chineese back when they were forced to build the railroads.

Try being Japanese when we locked them up in concentration camps.

Try being American Indians when we took their lands and put them on property where you couldn't possible eek out a living.

You should have a lot to be thankful for and when I see people like you acting this way it makes my stomach wanna heave!

 

[Player_Supreme]

Now about your ad. Try playing up your good sides and ignore the things you don't like about being YOU.

Witty, Intelligent, tall at 5 foot 3,

you see what I'm saying. Play it up not down or make jokes about yourself. Nobody wants to date the town jester.

 

[ogre]

"Nobody wants to date the town jester"

No, I suppose not. but you've just described me.

I never said I was going to stop playing. I'm still playing and still learning. I'm trying everything I can think of. I just want to see some progress.

Maybe someday it'll all just "click" like a big light bulb, and I'll start scoring some nice wrinkled and flabby older women. but it's unlikely that I will ever score a young HB. and it's also unlikely that I'll ever be a father. and that does not leave me feeling warm and fuzzy.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Player's got a point there about being more positive in your ad. I know that I seldom read a woman's ad if she's ragging on herself. Confidence and non sefl depricating humor; those are the things that tend to attract more of the same type of people.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by ogre
"Nobody wants to date the town jester"

No, I suppose not. but you've just described me.

I never said I was going to stop playing. I'm still playing and still learning. I'm trying everything I can think of. I just want to see some progress.

Maybe someday it'll all just "click" like a big light bulb, and I'll start scoring some nice wrinkled and flabby older women. but it's unlikely that I will ever score a young HB. and it's also unlikely that I'll ever be a father. and that does not leave me feeling warm and fuzzy.

Ogre, can it! I date older women only now. Fawk that young shyt. You have nothing in common with em and your only spinning your wheels trying to get it.

Yeah lets face it your chances of landing a 18 year old are slim and none...but so the fawk what. Why would you even want to just cause of some lame assed ego obsession of yours.

Your letting your ego dominate your entire life. Your ego has total control over you. Why do you think it keeps feeding you that Ogre crap about yourself...and putting you on this foolish task of bagging a young fine piece.

There is someone for everyone. If your not very attractive then so be it date a few numbers up from you. If your a 5 then go for a 7. Cause a 7 with the right make up and clothes can be a 9.

I personally do not buy into the hype some of those dating guru's put out about being short and ugly and dating models...that's a bunch of bullshyt to sell their worthless programs.

I'm done with you Ogre, your love for attention will not get any of mine anymore.

Good luck.

 

[Falcon Eye]

I couldn't agree more Supreme

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
Ogre, can it! I date older women only now. Fawk that young shyt. You have nothing in common with em and your only spinning your wheels trying to get it.

Yeah lets face it your chances of landing a 18 year old are slim and none...but so the fawk what. Why would you even want to just cause of some lame assed ego obsession of yours.

Your letting your ego dominate your entire life. Your ego has total control over you. Why do you think it keeps feeding you that Ogre crap about yourself...and putting you on this foolish task of bagging a young fine piece.

There is someone for everyone. If your not very attractive then so be it date a few numbers up from you. If your a 5 then go for a 7. Cause a 7 with the right make up and clothes can be a 9.

I personally do not buy into the hype some of those dating guru's put out about being short and ugly and dating models...that's a bunch of bullshyt to sell their worthless programs.

I'm done with you Ogre, your love for attention will not get any of mine anymore.

Good luck.

For the life of me I can never understand why a man of forty or close to that number would be interested in twenty year olds. Christ! What could a Mature Man have in common with them. They're inexperienced, immature and a lot of them are as dumb as door knobs.

Remember 44 year old Frank? Hardly ever had a date in his life and tried to get into the dating game with twenty to twenty-five year olds. Couldn't understand then why he couldn't get any action.

For me what works is to stay within my age group. I'm forty three and I'll screw any woman, that turns my crank, from thirty five to fifty five. Some of the older ones are something like taking candy from a candy store; they're that easy. Folks, women take care of themselves these days, don't tell me that there aren't suitable thirty five plus year old women out there. I see them every day.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

F*ck, I'm 33, and I can barely stand being around 28 year olds. The younger ones make me completely sick - pretentious, stuck up, with an overblown sense of entitlement, whiny, bratty, they are the generation of Britneys. Not to mention, most of them are hos.

Girl after girl that I met in this age group were completely screwed in the head.

Ogre - this generation of women who are my age and younger are completely f*cked, you do realise that, don't you?

I gave dating women of this twisted, messed up generation one last chance this year. Yeah, I had some success bagging them, but they are well and truly messed up - half of them got mental disorders and the other half are spoiled rotten.

With this group of women, one has to weigh the difference between the f*cking he's gonna get, as opposed to the f*cking he's gonna take, and believe me, it just ain't worth it anymore.

I have way more fun with women a little older than me, they weren't part of this generation of screwed up people.

At least that's my answer. I wasted most of my 20's in two LTRs with girls that weren't worth spit, because of my AFCism.

You really gotta get over this sexy young girl look they got, because underneath all that make up, there really isn't much of anything that is remotely stimulating.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

BTW, I also have way more fun with my lady parading me around all the young women and watching thier collective jaws drop in awe of how she managed to land me.

You should see some of the looks we get - and this is mostly from the snotty type girls who would normally act all stuck up in front of me and play pretend games like they weren't checking me out because of their own tremendous egos.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
**** try being black during the 60's 50's 40's and way back...

blah, blah, blah, blah , blah.

I don't know how the mods continually allow you to bring up racial issues ALL THE TIME.

Give me a B

Give me a A

Give me a N

Sorry, I'm just dreaming I guess.

 

[ogre]

excellent!

thank you don juannabe & falconeye!
thank you for playing too, player_

these dating gurus sho' make a lot of dough selling me fantasies about dating the young hotties and I believed them. But it's true the young 'uns are all basically insane, selfish and stupid. I'll stop wasting my time chasing after them. No need to bruise my forehead from bangin' my head against a brick wall......

I need only remind myself of Kevin Spacey in "American Beauty".

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by ogre
excellent!

thank you don juannabe & falconeye!
thank you for playing too, player_

these dating gurus sho' make a lot of dough selling me fantasies about dating the young hotties and I believed them. But it's true the young 'uns are all basically insane, selfish and stupid. I'll stop wasting my time chasing after them. No need to bruise my forehead from bangin' my head against a brick wall......

I need only remind myself of Kevin Spacey in "American Beauty".

OK, so I'm not going to be as self effacing as you are regarding my looks - in fact, I know I'm hot. But I'll tell you one thing, it's no cakewalk for me with younger girls at all. So if I find it a pain in the arse, you are going to find it even moreso.

A young woman doesn't have the depth to look past looks much anymore anyway. Me? I'm ancient in their eyes at 33.

I highly recommend you start working out, like try, everyday and make it your religion. If you aren't in shape, nothing else will fall into place for you.

Work on your body. There's alot of overweight people out there who would be quite good looking people if only they'd get rid of the flab.

Make it your main goal in life, because believe me, your life will only improve if you do, I can't recommend excercise more.

And change your damn attitude, that's no way to live your life, no wonder you are failing with women. Personality means alot and if you don't have one, then you are f*cked.

Life is too damn short, so you'd better start enjoying it now. So get off your lazy arse and improve yourself, because no one else is gonna do it for you.

Get a damn haircut and get some new clothes, work out, have fun with your mates, play football.

and above all:

LEARN TO LAUGH.

Also - if you have a female friend, or a sister you are close to, have her help you out on modifying your image.

Now I know you probably don't have too many bikers in Wales, but here in Canada we do - they are roly poly, got beards, they have that tough guy image and they have women all the time. Buy a motorcycle, I dunno, figure out what image suits your looks and go with it.

You think I don't work on myself everyday?

My biggest snag is mental, but I'm tryin' and I'm gettin' there.

 

[Tao of Steve]

I would echo the advice of a previous post: If you are skinny and pot bellied - make priority # 1 changing this! Get rid of the pot, and weight train to thicken your muscles. Work on yourself! it wont take that long to improve your body - 2-3 months and you will change that.

if your body is too hairy - wax it or get the professional hair removing thing. if you are thin on the top - keep your cut ultra short, and cut it every week or two.

learn about fashion sense for a professional man in his 30's forties.

work on your posture, speaking style, voice etc.

many of the problems you listed are changeable. changing these things will improve your confidence and outllok.

with your current mindset - u will not have success.

work on yourself, and you can make signifigant changes in a matter of months. vision the man you want to be and work towards that goal.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by Helter Skelter
blah, blah, blah, blah , blah.

I don't know how the mods continually allow you to bring up racial issues ALL THE TIME.

Give me a B

Give me a A

Give me a N

Sorry, I'm just dreaming I guess.

Give me a B
Give me a l
Give me a A
Give me a h

now repeat it until infinity!

your still trolling this site no-nuts & skidmarks? Well you know what skidmarks you can keep on dreamin.

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by Tao of Steve
I would echo the advice of a previous post: If you are skinny and pot bellied - make priority # 1 changing this! Get rid of the pot, and weight train to thicken your muscles. Work on yourself! it wont take that long to improve your body - 2-3 months and you will change that.

if your body is too hairy - wax it or get the professional hair removing thing. if you are thin on the top - keep your cut ultra short, and cut it every week or two.

learn about fashion sense for a professional man in his 30's forties.

work on your posture, speaking style, voice etc.

many of the problems you listed are changeable. changing these things will improve your confidence and outllok.

with your current mindset - u will not have success.

work on yourself, and you can make signifigant changes in a matter of months. vision the man you want to be and work towards that goal.

All good stuff, I would also highly recommend ditching glasses (if any are being worn). Wear contacts, or if you're brave enough, get Lasik/eye correction surgery. Glasses should only be worn by guys who have an impeccable sense of style, on the rest of us, glasses make us look dorky & nerdy.