My Girlfriend's 'guyfriend'

[Ekimuk]

I've been goin out with my gf for about 3 months now, and i haven't really felt jealous before about her hanging out with any other guys and stuff, but recently she's been spending some time with a society she's joined, and there's this new guy who seems to hang around with her along with some of her other friends. Maybe i'm taking this the wrong way, but i've seen him buy her a drink and stuff and she's even invited him out to have dinner with me and a group of her friends (which he declined to go after - not too sure if it's because i decided to go)


I don't know what it is, but i just don't like him at all, and i just cannot stand him anymore. I can't excactly tell her "No you can't seem him again" or "i don't like you to hang around with him" cause that would show that i'm insecure. How would you guys go about dealing with this? Am i just overreacting? Cause it sure is annoying...

 

[newbeginning]

I know exactly how you feel. There hasnt been a day gone by when my girl didnt say how much she adores a mutual friend of ours. As a matter of fact, they're out having dinner and then a movie afterwards, alone. Of course i always kept my cool, cuz like you said it'll only show our insecurities. My antedote for this is find another female friend to hang out. Preferrably an EX, haha that'll get her going real good. I never thought she was the jealous type because she seems to have many guy friends and would understand if i have many female friends. But she showed hints of jealousy and fear of losing me. Most women have a bit of jealousy in their blood. And if that doesnt work then i guess you'll just have to deal with it and pretend not to care.

 

[Abcd]

Is it just me or are the girls who use the term "guyfriend" always weirdo *****es? It's just a stupid term anyway, because it's obvious that he's more than a friend if she decides to prefix it with "guy." Friends are called friends, the gender isn't an issue. And it's almost like they are bragging, intentionally making you jealous, as if to say "i have friends who are guys! how about that!"

 

[jbbrain]

I'm young, but I was having problems with jealousy mostly with my crazy ex gf and a little with my current gf, when I knew deep down there was no realisatic foundation to back any of my fantasies up.

I talked to my bro about it. Hes older, and has a shyt load of experience with girls. He told me the key to handling jealousy is a little word called perspective.

The trouble with trying to convince yourself that you're the "shyt" and that shed be crazy to leave you or cheat on you is that when it happens, that very fantasy about yourself that you used as your sole defense crumbles.

"Man, I'm the shyt, but she cheated in me with an obese gorilla!"

That won't help you. Rather, what helps is using your rationality as a man. You're obviously with this girl because deep down you trust her, other wise you wouldnt be with her, right? (I hope so)

Having a good healthy perspective of the world lets real world reality set in. It begs the question "I'm with her and I trust her, but WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF SHE WERE TO CHEAT ON ME?"

Are you going to marry this chick? Probably not. Chances are you like her, you might even like her a lot, but what would your life be like if all of a sudden if she wasn't around. Would you be fine?

I know I would be. Thats how I'm getting over the jealousy thing. I let my girls do their own thing (as long as its not disrespectful to me) because at the end of the day I know I'm going to be fine with myself, all by myself, if they do decide to stray. I have my own shyt going on for me in this world. i learned that you can never really control anybody else's beahviour. Like many ppl have mentioned before, she will cheat on you at some point if that is her desire. The KEY is how you respond to this reality.

Perspective gives you the ultimate confidence. "Realize" that you don't "need" any chick (because in all reality noone really does, it's just that thousands of guys on this site are unaware of this at the moment) and jealousy won't faze you a bit.

This does not mean that you should be oblivious to your girl's actions. Be aware, but don't let all the small stuff get to you.


Why?

Because you're a man with perspective.

 

[badger]

Don't be such a jerk! Why would any guy just want to "hang around" a girl? He's got one thing on his mind, to get a bit of belly rubbin' goin'.

 

[squirrels]

Do you get the idea that she's cheating, or is she deflecting his advances and you're just getting ticked off because you're insecure?

If it's the former, then dump her, she's not good enough for you.

If it's the latter, then dump her, YOU are not good enough for HER.



But seriously...I don't know the whole story, just what you've told me, but if your girl is attractive, then YES, other guys are going to hit on her. And lots of girls just don't realize that most (if not all) guys aren't capable of purely platonic friendships with women.

Make your own call...but I think (with my extremely limited knowledge of the situation) that you're overreacting and need to just chill out and stop worrying.

 

[Ekimuk]

wow.

Originally posted by jbbrain
Perspective gives you the ultimate confidence. "Realize" that you don't "need" any chick (because in all reality noone really does, it's just that thousands of guys on this site are unaware of this at the moment) and jealousy won't faze you a bit.

your advice on how i should look at things in "perspective" was very very helpful, it made a lot of sense and it is probably one of the most useful things i've read.

thanks.

 

[CLOONEY]

One thing you should remember, that if she is waving this guy around infront of you "inviting him to dinner etc", you probably dont have any worries. Girls DONT let you meet the guys they are FUKCING!! She is honestly probably innocent to the fact that this guy wants to get in her pants, or she could be trying to make you Jealous, only you could answer this. Just laugh at what a chump he is.

 

[Big Pappy]

Why would any guy just want to "hang around" a girl?

- badger

In my case, that's an easy answer. Because girls often know other girls. Grandpappy always told me to be nice even to the fat chicks, because they'll tell their good looking friends how cool you are. Word of mouth advertising isn't just for restaurants.

Women often seek out guy friendships for a number of reasons. First, they like to think that these relationships are less complicated than their girl-girl friendships. No competition, no back-stabbing, etc.

Second, they have often found that men can be pretty inconsistent when dealing with girls, so the "friendship" gives them a chance to compare what the guy does to what the guy says. Half the LTR's I've had started out as just friends.

 

[DJ Alejandro]

Ey! i like hanging out with my girl friends too! their wicked hot too ! but not all my girl friends are the types id like to bang. (though there are some.. )

great advice from the other guy who said that girlz dont let you know the guyz their cheating with. unless you've already known him already, u wont rily know.

just monitor his moves, man. if he does sumthin disrespectful, its his time to face your music.

music = fists, kicks and more fists.

 

[dietzcoi]

Sorry, but this woman has no business going ALONE to dinner and movies with this chump "friend". You will be writing to us shortly "My GF cheated on me with her guy "friend"".

Some of you are like guys who stand on the railroad track, looking east, saying "nothing coming" while a train from the west bears down on you.......

Dietzcoi

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Quit blaming and disliking the guy - your problem is with your girl who seems ****y enough to invite him to dinner when you are with her! Huh?

Go out with your girl on your own and not with others!!!!!

If she leaves you alone and she decides to hang out with friends instead, then you make sure you go out and look for a replacement ho that knows the proper male/female role in a relationship. Take control...this is your fault!!

 

[Trance]

Really, anyone here EVER went to a movie ALONE with a girl they weren't interested?? Or any other sort of atention giving.

Open your eyes man, and open her eyes about what men want from girls.
She knows perfectly what's going on, for her he's a nice backup. Its time for you to put her in respect!! If she's saving backup guys, than say bye bye to her.

 

[Abcd]

quote--
Really, anyone here EVER went to a movie ALONE with a girl they weren't interested??
--

Truthfully yes, a few times a year at least

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

abcd (original name btw) If this girl "friend" opened her legs to you, you would jump in head first!!!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Ok I want to add a few things:

-Most guys who claim to be "just friends" with a hot girl want to **** her, they want to **** her BAD!!! But they don't know how attraction works, so they usually end up in the friend zone. Most of you know once you've been LJBF'd its nearly impossible to get out if you continue hanging out with the girl a lot. So in that sense there's nothing to worry about.

-Bump to who said girls will not let you mee the guy they're cheating on you with. They're more catty then that...LOL

-Some girls are truely just clueless. They have NO FUKIN' IDEA that the reason this dood is being so nice to her is because he wants to bend her over and drill her just as much as the next guy.


All you guys who are in relationships worried about your girl cheating on you STOP WORRYING!! If you are the Alpha Male, the constant DJ, your so rare and unique that the girl would never want to cheat on you!!! Its only once you start to become a wussy AFC that the girl will even look in another direction.


My philosophy has always been and always will be, GIRLS WILL NOT CHEAT ON YOU, UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM A REASON TO!!




PIMP

 

[Abcd]

PuertoRican_Lover, if you're serious I'm guessing you're a virgin? Once you realize how overrated sex is, i think you'll see that a meaningful long-term relationship with a girl is not worth fvcking up by fvcking just for fun. Actually I guess you'd be right if the girl were hot, I would be tempted. But the few girls I hang out with just for fun aren't that good looking, or I'd already be trying to have sex with them.

Pimp-sicle- agreed completely.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
My philosophy has always been and always will be, GIRLS WILL NOT CHEAT ON YOU, UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM A REASON TO!!

PIMP

I can't believe you said this!! Women/Hors today are a different breed and your thinking is in error, expecially for a pimp! Hors are loyal to no one! If they are sexing you they have no qualms on sexing another dude - you are no one special! Get this out of your head. You are obviously inexperienced with a woman's thinking!!!

ABCD - yes, I'm a 41 year old virgin - c'mon dude, get real here!!
I'm not a hormonger, I do prefer ltr's, and I respect a proper woman. But I will not hang around other women, nor will my girl hang around other men!! FOR WHAT PURPOSE??? If you prefer the company of women over men, when there is no sex involved, then this is abnormal behavior. You can be an acquaintance - but an weekly thing is not normal. A man should be pursuing manly things and hobbies and not keeping company with women on his spare time!!

 

[dietzcoi]

AMEN, PR_L!!!!

None of you "friendly" type guys have yet to explain why you want to just hang out with women "friends" you don't want to bone... what, do you like listening to their soap opera conversations? Want to learn about cosmetology?

Take up hunting, fishing, mountain biking, ski touring, whatever...

Maybe it is a new generation seeing things different from ours...

Dietzcoi