My girlfriend seems to be somewhat disappointed with me but won't confront me about it. I need some help

[conoiseur]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 3 years now. This past week, we spent time since the New Year festivities at my place for 3 days and left midweek on Wednesday to go back to her place. She later requested to come over again for a weekend sleepover from Friday (given that this Saturday is her birthday) to which I agreed. It however turned out that my Friday was to get so busy with work commitments till very late in the night and therefore on Thursday, I informed her in advance of a spike in my Friday schedule. So I requested her to come over on Saturday instead for the sleepover. She gave me a 'Yeah yeah' response that implied some annoyance at my request to reschedule the sleepover till Saturday and hang up on me.

Well, today Saturday was her birthday and despite sending her a sweet Happy Birthday text in the morning, she didn't reply to it all day and even didn't bother to come over nor inform me whether she is coming or not. I Had baked a cake for her in anticipation of her birthday, and now I'm left to wonder why and how all of this could go wrong especially on what would have have been such a special day for her. I somewhat suspect my suggestion to push the sleepover to Saturday probably made her flip but I couldn't know as she hasn't spoken to me in 2 days now. Should I be concerned/disappointed at an element of sulking on her part?

Am I overreacting or overthinking this?

 

[fanatic22]

Hey conoiseur. So first off, sounds like you did nothing wrong. As you said, you can't control your work schedule. If you frequently cancel on her because of work maybe it happening on her birthday led to her taking it harder. But, this is still a ridiculous reaction by her part.

Don't reach out to her again. She owes you an apology for her behavior - make sure you understand that clearly. If you apologize again she'll take that as a green light to walk all over you in the future. When she reaches out to you, act indifferent to the situation and do not apologize. Eventually she'll capitulate and try to reconcile the situation.

 

[conoiseur]

Hey conoiseur. So first off, sounds like you did nothing wrong. As you said, you can't control your work schedule. If you frequently cancel on her because of work maybe it happening on her birthday led to her taking it harder. But, this is still a ridiculous reaction by her part.

Don't reach out to her again. She owes you an apology for her behavior - make sure you understand that clearly. If you apologize again she'll take that as a green light to walk all over you in the future. When she reaches out to you, act indifferent to the situation and do not apologize. Eventually she'll capitulate and try to reconcile the situation.

I haven't been canceling out on her frequently, besides today (Saturday was the material day for her birthday when she should have come over). It was just this one instance and I always respect days like such when we celebrate her birthday together. Too bad this won't happen this year.

Anyway, I will not reach out again though.

 

[AttackFormation]

Let her contact you. When she does you just stay calm and rock solid, make it as quick and concise as possible and tell her to come over to talk more. If she's angry or sour when you hang up that's fine. When she's there ask her "okay, how did/do you feel?", let her vent what she feels and stay calm, start caressing her a bit while she explains and you say something like "okay, I understand...", and escalate to making out or sex. After she's in a better mood because of emotional release + caressing + making out/sex, bring her the birthday cake and touch her some more so she feels good. Joke that "I'm a bastard, I know" with a grin or whatever is appropriate for her to get emotional catharsis.

Something like that is what I'd do. The important thing isn't rationally figuring out what you did or didn't do or whatever when there's no clear reason... just take care of her emotions and be rock solid.

 

[lamath]

She is acting badly, show her you dont accept that with actions.

Withdraw your attention, same thing she is doing atm

 

[marmel75]

Nothing else you can do. Sounds like she may have come to a realization that work will always be more important than her to you(has this happened frequently?) and maybe that she doesn't want to do this anymore.

Sometimes these seemingly innocent things are a tipping point where she begins thinking about the entirety of the relationship and then decides it isnt what she wants anymore. It isnt necessarily this one thing...its likely a lot of things over 3 years and maybe she has decided she doesnt want to accept things the way they are anymore.

Either way, this is not a good place to be in...I'd wager if you dont get dumped here you will be getting dumped within the next 6 months.

 

[In2theGame]

She gave me a 'Yeah yeah' response that implied some annoyance at my request to reschedule the sleepover till Saturday and hang up on me.

Well, today Saturday was her birthday and despite sending her a sweet Happy Birthday text in the morning, she didn't reply to it all day and even didn't bother to come over nor inform me whether she is coming or not.

The beginning of the end anyone?

 

[Chev.Chelios]

just end it peacefully and move on with you're life and find better prospects..

analyse your self and learn wether you are causing a valid problem that's pissing her off. or she's just making irrational problems out of thin air.

if you don't have better prospects then consider fully restructing your life to get better prospects.

 

[Bullbearpig]

Dump her and try to fvck her mom.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Birthdays are a time for reflection, especially for women, I think. They tend to question their choices in life, especially their relationships.

 

[fanatic22]

Telling someone to break up with their gf of 3 years over a brief silent treatment is a little extreme, no? Sure, this might not be the first red flag, but you can’t just assume that.

 

[highSpeed]

Telling someone to break up with their gf of 3 years over a brief silent treatment is a little extreme, no? Sure, this might not be the first red flag, but you can’t just assume that.

I don't know, not answering a bday text and skipping out on plans for her birthday, that's more than some silent treatment. Either he was a complete ahole or she is a complete dbag. Either way, the silent treatment for 2 days and no response on her birthday or birthday plans with him is not a good sign for him or a mature interaction with her boyfriend of 3 years.

 

[In2theGame]

Telling someone to break up with their gf of 3 years over a brief silent treatment is a little extreme, no? Sure, this might not be the first red flag, but you can’t just assume that.

The thing is once Women begin acting this way towards their Boyfriend or Husband, In many cases its a road sign that an Exit may very well be on the way and that she has lost or is greatly losing respect for him.

He sent her Birthday Wishes and by her not even responding pretty much says that she told him to fvck off in a way, This is a bad sign in every angle. Plus her response with "Yeah Yeah" to him is another way or saying "Whatever I dont care". In my opinion, The end is on the Horizon.

 

[Spaz]

The thing is once Women begin acting this way towards their Boyfriend or Husband, In many cases its a road sign that an Exit may very well be on the way and that she has lost or is greatly losing respect for him.

He sent her Birthday Wishes and by her not even responding pretty much says that she told him to fvck off in a way, This is a bad sign in every angle. Plus her response with "Yeah Yeah" to him is another way or saying "Whatever I dont care". In my opinion, The end is on the Horizon.

Agreed. Respect is lost in this case.

When respect is lost there can be no admiration and when that is lost there can be no love. OP just need to realise this.

I recommend dumping her 1st in order to gain some leverage, perhaps might even salvage their relationship.

 

[Spaz]

Telling someone to break up with their gf of 3 years over a brief silent treatment is a little extreme, no? Sure, this might not be the first red flag, but you can’t just assume that.

Want to place a wager on the outcome ?

 

[glass half full]

Agree with the assessments...Might be funny to put a pic on FB or other app she might see (or her friends), ask if anyone would be interested in the cake you made. For a special occasion, but plans changed. Lol

 

[fanatic22]

I am not denying that it is bad. It’s potentially really bad. Some distance is definitely warranted. But there’s a lot of effort that goes into building a 3 year relationship, and it’s not realistic to break up with a girl as soon as she fvcks up without acknowledging her prior behavior.

This is not on the same level as cheating. If she’s on good behavior 95% of the time, I wouldn’t throw it away. OP would have to give a better sense of her prior behavior for me to make a call.

 

[backseatjuan]

You guys are 3 years together, don't you think you should propose to her, get married, get some children going. That's what women want, they want marriage, and children. Otherwise she will have no choice but to abandone you and get a guy that wants to get married. That is a true reason she is disappointed in you, she sees a husband in you, but you are not, and she has her doubts in you. There years in, and you two are at the stage of fvck buddies, it's horrible.