My Girlfriend has a stalker

[Finch]

Hey guys I need your advice about what to do with this guy that is kind of stalking my girlfriend. The guy is no threat. He's not big at all, is by all standards a loser, and I'm not even the slightest bit worried about this guy taking my girl.

But the problem is that this guy just won't leave her alone. He's one creepy mother ****er. My girlfriend just started telling me about how creepy this guy really is and it's starting to piss me off. Apparently he knows exactly where my girlfriend lives, has her cell phone/home phone #, and constantly calls her.

Now my girlfriend never gave away any of this information to this guy. She is a sweet girl so she tried to be patient with him and would answer some of his calls from time to time. But his calls became more and more frequent that he calls up to 5+ times a day. Finally she's told him to leave her alone, but I'm sure she phrased it in a nice way knowing her.

The other day I called this guy up on my girlfriend's phone *at the request of my girlfriend* and had a little chat. I played it off nice because I thought this guy would obviously take a hint. I told him that my girlfriend was honestly tired of him calling her all the time and that he should stop and leave her alone. I told him that I'm not the jealous type of guy or anything, but he really needs to leave my girlfriend alone because SHE wants to be left alone. He tells me he's so sorry, had no idea that my girlfriend wanted to be left alone, and he didn't want to come between us two.

Well I thought that was the end of that, but obviously it wasn't. He has sent her little hateful messages about how she's a typical girl ***** that just wants to hurt his feelings, etc, etc. Anyway, he's still calling and now this guy is disrespecting me.

What do you guys think I should do about it? Now I'm bigger than petty threats.. but if it comes down to it I have no problem with getting physical. I would rather things end more peacefully though just because I really don't want to waste unnecessary energy on this loser. This guy seems a little psycho if you ask me though.. he's obviously obsessed.

 

[JonJack]

If you all are young, call his parents. If you're older, call the cops. If all else fails, move somewhere else.

Beating the dude up isn't really a good idea. He could be expecting it and waiting with a gun or something. You'll never know with psychos.

 

[So pimp its scary]

Don't one-on-one the guy, just get some close buddies, some pepper spray and a baseball bat or two...

Either that, or call the cops get a restraining order on the guy... then if he even calls he goes to jail for the weekend.

 

[Finch]

I don't plan on meeting up with this guy one-on-one. I could take him, but it'll be a helluva lot more intimidating with a group of my eager to fight friends. Meeting up with this guy is kind of my last resort though. As far as calling his parents up.. I don't know how much good that would do. I'm in college, he's going to college (??), so I think it would just piss him off. Not that I'm afraid of pissing him off, but I'm more concerned about my girlfriends wellbeing. Lastly, restraining order would be saved for if he gets really out of line.

I'm thinking right now my best bet is to call him once more and give him the rundown. I'll let him know that his calls to my girlfriend are not welcome by her or myself. Also I'll let him know that he should just drop it and leave her alone because he's pretty much ruined any possibility of friendship between the two of them. I'll let him know that she won't be picking up anymore of his calls so calling is useless and she won't be responding to anymore messages that he sends her. I don't think any threats are really necessary at this point.. I think the best bet at this point is just the ignoring factor unless he wants to progress things :nono:

What do you guys think about that? Also is telling my girlfriend not to pick up his calls at all possessive? I'm pretty sure she won't be picking up his calls, but she has before so I kind of want to tell her not to so this guy takes a hint and backs off.

 

[onelife]

wow your being really patient with this guy. i would have threated to bash the fool long ago.. which would as you know be a bad idea.
good on ya for being mature and acting like a man

 

[So pimp its scary]

You know, it's a bad idea... but some people only learn from blunt force therapy.

 

[spider_007]

people NEVER respond good to threts. Their egos get worked up (even if they are smaller) and they try to retaliate. That's why I bash their heads in right away. They should be smart enough to figure out the consaquences of their actions and then they wonder what happened :crackup:

Call him up and tell him "this is the last time im gona warrn you budd, and then i'm calling the police, understand. YOU wouldn't appreciate if i was calling and messaging your g/f when she didn't want to talk to me, put your self in my shoes, you can understand my frustration?

 

[RIDER]

Find him, grab his throat and squeeze lightly on his trachea. THEN explain nicely that you want him to keep away from both of you - smile while you do it

No threats or beat downs, just a strong message

 

[Morphiex]

seriuosly find that guy and meet him face to face and tell him to back the ****k off and that hees creeping out both of ya... And tell him she doesnt want to see him no more and soesnt like him....
DO it as fast as possible cuz there are alot of frikkin wierdos out there , who become rapist or worse... i hope he doesnt try to force himself on your girl one day and thats why u should make a move as soon as possible.....

 

[Snowyk]

If you want to REALLY deal with the guy. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Show up at his place, Ring his doorbell, and when he comes to the door, be standing there with a copy of "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" and a six pack. Ask if he wants to hang out. The next day, call his phone 9 times a day, See how he reacts.

Ok, Bad Idea.

Beating the guy is also a bad call.

Giving him a second call, and getting firm with him would be my call. Suggest that its not on, and if it continues, you will take it further.
And if it continues, follow through, call the cops, explain the situation and ask their advice.

Im sure they have seen it all before, and can tell you the best course of action.

 

[mike88nbd]

Originally posted by Snowyk
If you want to REALLY deal with the guy. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Show up at his place, Ring his doorbell, and when he comes to the door, be standing there with a copy of "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" and a six pack. Ask if he wants to hang out. The next day, call his phone 9 times a day, See how he reacts.

LMAO:crackup: :crackup:

 

[cant think of a user name]

Originally posted by Snowyk
If you want to REALLY deal with the guy. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Show up at his place, Ring his doorbell, and when he comes to the door, be standing there with a copy of "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" and a six pack. Ask if he wants to hang out. The next day, call his phone 9 times a day, See how he reacts.

LOL! That's so crazy it just might work!!!


Anyway back to the topic, just remember that you are probably dealing with a weirdo in the situation you described, and thus you should not expect conventional methods (such as threats, bashings, civil communication and explanation) to work.

Other than notifying the authorities (they are more equipped to deal with this and if he acts up again you have the law on your side), there doesnt seem to be any other practical solution really.

Of course, you run the risk of the police questioning him, letting him off, and him getting really annoyed and unstable and doing worse things.

Or maybe that was just a paranoid thought.

 

[Muppet]

"I could take him, but it'll be a helluva lot more intimidating with a group of my eager to fight friends"

How do you know that for sure? Do you know this guy? Do you know if he has any military or martial arts training? If the guy is weird and stalking people I would not put weapons and weird things past him. Don't every ASSUME you can take someone, cause then when you get your ass handed to you , you won't have a clue what just happend.

Best thing to do is talk to him, just tell him he is creeping your girl out, be a man about it. If he doesnt stop, call the cops. If you beat him up, or do something like that he can have you arrested.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by Finch
Apparently he knows exactly where my girlfriend lives, has her cell phone/home phone #, and constantly calls her.

She can call the phone company and ask them that the following phone numbers should be blocked from reaching her phone. She should also get phone number display I.D on her cell or phone at home, so that if she doesn't recognise the call, she won't answer.

Now my girlfriend never gave away any of this information to this guy. She is a sweet girl so she tried to be patient with him and would answer some of his calls from time to time. But his calls became more and more frequent that he calls up to 5+ times a day. Finally she's told him to leave her alone, but I'm sure she phrased it in a nice way knowing her.

By picking up the phone she gives him hope. She must try to cut him off completly.

How long do you know your girlfriend? did she have the stalker prior to you being her boyfriend? reason I am asking because if that were case, you should never have become a Captain-Save-A-Ho.

I once knew an AW (prior to dating her) who had a stalker and who did the exect same thing, the guy even ended showing up at her work a few times and knocked on the door to her house a few times as well . I decided to be Captain-Save-A-Ho because I really liked this girl and this guy always showed up before she took her break at work ( the thing is that chick had a boyfriend but he never had time to catch this guy so guess who was the chump to volunteer!??). So I went there and I saw this guy waiting for her and completly ignored him. The one thing I have noticed is that the AW was really nice to him and that she herself would answer his phone calls from time to time and tell him in a nice way to leave her alone because she has a boyfriend. So when she turned him down to go on a lunch with her and said yes to me, all of the sudden I realised I have became the dumbest person alive. I looked over to his direction and I saw the hateful vengeful look in his eyes, I unknowingly became his public enemy number 1.

A couple of weeks later and the AW told me that she found out from her friend who knew the guy that he ended up being send to a mental instituion for schizophrenia and depression. Looks like I doddged a particular nasty situation with a person who was clincally insane. I also realised how much of a chump I was for trying to protect an AW who never gave a damn about me, while putting my life somewhat at risk and her boyfriend being free from any threats to his well- being (he never saw him) while still enjoying in fvcking her.

 

[Void]

Originally posted by DJDamage
She can call the phone company and ask them that the following phone numbers should be blocked from reaching her phone. She should also get phone number display I.D on her cell or phone at home, so that if she doesn't recognise the call, she won't answer.



By picking up the phone she gives him hope. She must try to cut him off completly.

How long do you know your girlfriend? did she have the stalker prior to you being her boyfriend? reason I am asking because if that were case, you should never have become a Captain-Save-A-Ho.

I once knew an AW (prior to dating her) who had a stalker and who did the exect same thing, the guy even ended showing up at her work a few times and knocked on the door to her house a few times as well . I decided to be Captain-Save-A-Ho because I really liked this girl and this guy always showed up before she took her break at work ( the thing is that chick had a boyfriend but he never had time to catch this guy so guess who was the chump to volunteer!??). So I went there and I saw this guy waiting for her and completly ignored him. The one thing I have noticed is that the AW was really nice to him and that she herself would answer his phone calls from time to time and tell him in a nice way to leave her alone because she has a boyfriend. So when she turned him down to go on a lunch with her and said yes to me, all of the sudden I realised I have became the dumbest person alive. I looked over to his direction and I saw the hateful vengeful look in his eyes, I unknowingly became his public enemy number 1.

A couple of weeks later and the AW told me that she found out from her friend who knew the guy that he ended up being send to a mental instituion for schizophrenia and depression. Looks like I doddged a particular nasty situation with a person who was clincally insane. I also realised how much of a chump I was for trying to protect an AW who never gave a damn about me, while putting my life somewhat at risk and her boyfriend being free from any threats to his well- being (he never saw him) while still enjoying in fvcking her.

Ouch bro...

You know, if I were you I would just meet him and freak the **** out of him. Or call the cops. (blocking the number isn't such a good idea because then he arrives at her house to see why she hasn't been answering. )

 

[TxCowboy]

This happened to me and my ex/gf also ... Be mindful that she may be trying to play you 2 out and see which one wins ... If she really wants him to go away, then SHE is the one who needs to tell his a$$ off!

peace out

 

[JohnJones]

Is your g/f in college and are she and he at the same college?

The school may have anti-harrassment policies and a place to call that might get her a better response than the police.

If you beat the guy up where there's no real threat to you, you're asking for trouble. More than likely the cops/admin will take this as merely a fight over a girl, or worse, a jealous and dangerous b/f.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I love the counter-stalking idea. I once went out with a girl who got stalked by an obssessed guy. So we both stalked him back, showing up at midnight and ringing his doorbell and asking if he wants to go with us to the cemetary for santanic rituals. Then we would call him a million times a day, even when he was at work (his boss got quite pissed off). He ended up not stalking her anymore.

Fun for the family