My girlfriend doesn't like sex...I need advice.

[Julius_Seizeher]

When a wildcat driller goes deep and gets nothing but water, they evaluate the situation and usually resolve to find a more lucrative hole to drill in.

Be an opportunistic capitalist of love.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Iceberg, I love you man.

OP, it's already all been said. Women come and go. Time, however, just goes. You're not going to get back the hours, days, weeks, or months that you spend frustrated, trying to work things out with THIS girl.

Find out what you can improve, and do better with the NEXT girl.

Rack him!!!
+1

Very concise and efficient way of explaining the concept of time in the right perspective.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

Marry her and hope things will change. Oh wait, tried that... ends in nasty divorce in ten years.

 

[seasonedplayer]

you could rescue the relationship by showing more spontaneous acts of romance as was suggested above. My view is you are young, should date more women so you should end it anyway

 

[SharinganUser]

Marry her and hope things will change. Oh wait, tried that... ends in nasty divorce in ten years.

More like 3 years. :trouble:

 

[Twitch]

I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 21. We've been dating for 4 years. We met in college and after about a month we started having sex. It was pretty frequent at first. I'd say sex was at least a 2-3 times a week thing throughout the first year. After four years, it's really slowed. I think we're only having sex about 3 times a month now and that's doesn't include oral or hand jobs or anything because there really hasn't been much of that either. She just says that she doesn't like sex. It's not important to her. It's a hassle, it's messy, time consuming and she just doesn't feel the need to do it...I'm case anybody wonders, I feel that I am attractive and I have been doing P90X every day for almost a year so I'm in very good shape physically.

I found out early on that she had been sexually assaulted when she was younger but I really didn't think much of it because the sex didn't seem to be much of an issue. She doesn't like ***, which I don't really care about and I am under the impression that she was having orgasms when we were having sex regularly(my stamina is so low nowadays from lack of sex that it's more rare for her to have one now) but I did find out later that she did fake at least 1 orgasm which I'm not sure how common that is for girls.

I guess my ideal would be to have sex at least twice a week. My sex drive is pretty constant, I masturbate every day but I think twice a week of actual sex would be good enough for me to at least feel like I was actually having an intimate relationship and not just a friend, whom I kiss, that I'm living with.

I've been with her 4 years so I really don't want to break up with her. If I could just resolve this, things would be perfect in the relationship. I know its a big IF but does anybody have any advice or maybe a similar experience and any suggestions on what I can do?

"My homies told me drop her cause it would be to my benefit."-Guru
"I've been with her 4 years so I really don't want to break up with her." Cut your losses, you are still young. She was sexually assaulted; she isn't going to like sex now or ever, at least with you.

 

[Masculinity]

I guess my ideal would be to have sex at least twice a week.

You are only 25 and your ideal is twice per week?!

Man, if my girl did that I'd dump her ass. I am on that thing at least three times per week and she screams "fvck my pvssy haaard, papi!" everytime

 

[sodbuster]

Twice in a night,3 nights a WEEK would be more like it. DITCH her or CHANGE her interest in you. Make her chase you.

Best would be to get another one, let her beg you to take her back. If you do...put her on probation... make her EARN it. Remind her how hard she had to work to catch you the first time.

 

[lovelopez]

Sex is a part of marriage, but it is not the whole marriage. Men in general have a stronger sex drive than women, though I said "in general" there are many women who want and need sex as often as their male partners. However, I hate the idea that the person who does not want to have sex more is cheating the other person. No one should have to be another's sex slave. If you are having sex 2-3 times a week, that sounds fair enough. Maybe the person pressuring the other person needs to respect that the person that they are in a relationship with, or "in love with" just doesn't want to devote as much of their activity and energy to sex as they do.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I would test her, start hanging out with other girls and be up front about it. Tell her you want to start seeing other people.

A) It shows her you are not in her back pocket you are still going to be a challenge.
B) Say it after you have the interest of another girl, so she can see that other women want you. Because she will ask who the other woman is...

Those two items are gold when it comes to women. Nothing turns a woman on like seeing the guy they want with another woman, or thinking they are going to lose something for not being good enough. Drives em nuts...

Be cool about it don't be ****y or rude, tell her you are just being honest. Tell her you are sorry and she is still the love of your life.... but you are just going to start seeing other girls. Don't be sad or worried when you talk to her. Always positive, always honest...

A big helper for this strat is to have a decent job so you can romance her a couple nights, then go cold on her and tell her this and stop calling her so much..

She will either step up her game, or give up. It's important to keep in touch with her. Even the break up does not have to be permanent, it's a tool to show her your limits. Just keep it positive, say positive things. Hopefully eventually she will realize what she lost and want to fire things up again so the door needs to be open for her to come back. She has to know that you are still willing to be with her. I'd tell her stuff like "I still love you, but this relationship is not really where I want it to be." say "we can still be friends" alot.

 

[Iceberg]

this thread is from 2 years ago.

 

[AlexDP]

It's not you physique. It's not how long you've been together. It's not her history of sexual abuse. The key to life is knowing how to indentify the real problem. The problem is this. SHE DOESN"T WANT TO HAVE SEX...... WITH YOU. She had no problems in the beginning. Why is that? Why now does she feel like you will still stick around even when you aren't getting any? What does that even say about you in her mind?

Now you have to figure out why? What has changed in your behavior or mentality in the last 4 years? (and seriously, after 4 years and she's only 21, she probably wants to explore her options, and I wouldn't be surprised if you get dumped inside of 6 months).

So tell us how you changed in the last 4 years? If you think you haven't, there is your problem.

It's not necessarily about him. Maybe she just doesn't like sex. Could be that the pill is messing up her hormones. Could be that she doesn't know how to relax. Could be a lot really. But the fact is.. it needs to improve. So the OP needs to know why she doesn't want to have sex. Even so, I don't think she'll ever want it more.

 

[Albatross953]

You don't want to hurt her? Or you don't want to do the hard thing? It's your life. Not a dress rehearsal. Tick tock.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

It's not necessarily about him. Maybe she just doesn't like sex. Could be that the pill is messing up her hormones. Could be that she doesn't know how to relax. Could be a lot really. But the fact is.. it needs to improve. So the OP needs to know why she doesn't want to have sex. Even so, I don't think she'll ever want it more.

Original post is from 2010.

You don't want to hurt her? Or you don't want to do the hard thing? It's your life. Not a dress rehearsal. Tick tock.

Original post is from 2010.

 

[Dekg140]

She just says that she doesn't like sex.

with you.

 

[marmel75]

Correction:

Thread title should be "My girlfriend doesn't like to have sex...with me"

Cause she is likely having it with someone else...

 

[Albatross953]

Two year old thread?! Hope it worked out for him..