My girlfriend cheated...

[Nicholas Hill]

Hey guys,

Yesterday my ex told me that the previous night her male housemate spent eight hours trying to get her to sleep with him (add this to weeks of similar attempts to get with my girl, fully knowing that she has me as her boyfriend). Such disrespect is outrageous, but I hold true to my own saying: "Cheaters cheat, non-cheaters don't". In her home that night, after a minor argument between us, and one whole bottle of wine drunk in her house to herself, one aggressive guy with a bunch of post-unproven promises, and a "this is how we were" heart-felt phone call from my ex's ex only a few hours before (yes, even her EX is trying to get with her!) she caved in to a guy that lasted five minutes.

Don't rip me to shreds guys for what I am about to say...

I don't believe for a second that this girlfriend of mine of eight months had any bad intentions against me. She came to me almost IMMEDIETLY afterwards (ie a few hours, in the morning) crying and saying I need a better girl. The obvious stuff was said (and she said "I know this is what everyone says..."). She said it meant nothing to her.

My intolerance of cheaters means I have to break up with her and I already have. It's not easy.

That's my pitch - what do you all think?

Nick

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

damn nick..

i've been on the giving end of that one where i cheated on an ex gf...immediately told her and asked for forgiveness and she accepted...i was genuinely sorry and promised to be a better man...

in the beginning, i did everything i could to gain her trust again...but two things started to happen...

1st...nothing i could do would ever reassure her..she'd always think in the back of her head the worst of me...

2nd...i started to hate her for forgiving a jerk like me..the weird part about it was that i actually lost respect for her not letting my sorry a** go...

all in all...your decision to cut her loose is the right one...i'm sure you love this girl...but she broke your trust..hell..you even let her have male housemates..if you didn't b*tch or complain about them living with her...then you did everything as right as possible..

you did the right thing..sorry to hear this..

 

[Viking25]

I am sorry to hear that man! But it's not the end of things. You guys should just sit down and have a long talk. All anger aside,just try to figure out why she did it and was there some hidden agenda behind it? The fact that she didnt hide it from you says a lot about her character!
This could actually strengthn relationship,Idon't think your girl would cheat on you again.
Good luck!

 

[jakethasnake]

Nick,


I am indeed very sorry to hear of this. Try to be strong, friend.



As for your girl - yeah, she didn't mean it. Yeah, she was drunk. BUT PEOPLE HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. And that's that. Just imagine the situation at that house of your girl - the dude will still be convinced that he's gonna get more nookie. And you're gonna go over there one day, either to pick her up for whatever/to visit. How will things look when you find him in the house? I would personally want to take a rusty screwdrive and nail his hand to a wall, a la Jesus Christ. It's just a very dicey and emotionalyl distressing situation, potentially. Just drop this girl, on good terms. Let her know that you can be friends but that she has FOREVER ruined any chance of getting respect as a woman, from you. I would expect no less from you - and listen to Hypnotiq's story. Even if one tries to forgive things are never the same.

 

[honeyshark]

That's horrible. You did the right thing by dumping her. Maintain your self-respect. Do not get back together with her. End it permanently and keep it permanent.

It's okay to forgive her after awhile, but never get back together. The damage that was done is pretty much irreversible. Any relationship built post-cheating is going to be filled with suspicion and bad memories. Your dignity is still intact, hers is not. Her drunkeness is no excuse.

Sorry man. Peace.

 

[dietzcoi]

Well here is an example of the problem with male/female "platonic friendships".

All of you who think this male/female roommate situation is fine, and think the so-called friendships are fine, see what happens!

Dump her and that's it. Maybe I am old fashioned but I would not date a woman with a male roommate... what a load of garbage...

You were just asking for it. Learn from this one.

Dietzcoi

 

[Austin Allegro]

'crying and saying I need a better girl. '

THAT line is bad. It sounds like she's gearing up to dump you - it's a variation on 'you're too good for me'.

I'd go along with the others and say you need to drop her. The other guy is still around so what's to stop the situation occuring again?

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Hey guys, thanks for the, somewhat varied, responses. I've been reading all morning (I'm in work)

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
'crying and saying I need a better girl. '

THAT line is bad. It sounds like she's gearing up to dump you - it's a variation on 'you're too good for me'.

Well, she feels obviously terrible about her actions, and since this is the case, I think I would interpret her comment as a reflection on herself at the time - she doesn't feel good about anything at the moment, do you think she'd really want to dump me? I'm going to have to strongly disagree there.

Nick

 

[Seeph]

Nick all I have to say to you is go with your instincts.. Only you know the girl and can tell if she is genuine.. you do need to have a nice long talk with her though, because even if she's drunk she shouldn't have cheated. We can all give you our hypothesis on what to do, but there is a lot more than just strategies and tactics when it comes to LTR... You know her so have a talk and make a choice.

Best of luck bro.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Seeph
Nick all I have to say to you is go with your instincts.. Only you know the girl and can tell if she is genuine.. you do need to have a nice long talk with her though, because even if she's drunk she shouldn't have cheated. We can all give you our hypothesis on what to do, but there is a lot more than just strategies and tactics when it comes to LTR... You know her so have a talk and make a choice.

Best of luck bro.

I agree. You can judge best.

But if you get back with her, be prepared for a LONG time of hard times and mistrust. This is something that is going to take a LONG time to work through.

Best to move on I think, you are young. And if she gave up puzz that easy, she has no self control.

Sorry man, this has got to be hard. Chicks man, they seem to be more trouble than good. That saying "cant live with em, cant live without em" is spot on.

 

[Don Ronny]

IMO, cheating is when someone has an ongoing affair and tries to deceive you. This girl did not cheat...she went right to your face and told you the deal. I wish more women were this honest!

But yeah, you did the right thang. Trust is a funny thing..takes so much time to build, but is so easy to destroy.

I could say I am sorry but i am not..these experiences make a stronger man out of you. Plus now you are free to get your mack on once again. Welcome back to the game buddy!

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by honeyshark
Any relationship built post-cheating is going to be filled with suspicion and bad memories. Your dignity is still intact, hers is not. Her drunkeness is no excuse.
Sorry man. Peace.

I agree. Respect her for coming to you and being honest, that shows she has character. However, you don't want to continue down this road with her. As shark said, your relationship would be filled with 'suspicion and bad memories'.

 

[OldNumb3r7]

Almost the exact same thing happened to me. She said almost the exact same things as well. My stupid ass wanted to try to fix things bw us and try to save our relationship.

You did the right thing man. It doesnt matter what the situation is, cheating is uncalled for. Be strong, hold your head high. It wont be easy, but you can do it.

 

[MacDiddy]

nick

did you verify that she was drunk when she cheated or are you basing that from what you heard. From what I've read, I doubt she was drunk, and more likely to have dun it in spite, out of being angry at you or frustrated. I think this drunk business is an attempt to justify the unjustifiable.

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Still reading...

did you verify that she was drunk when she cheated or are you basing that from what you heard. From what I've read, I doubt she was drunk, and more likely to have dun it in spite, out of being angry at you or frustrated. I think this drunk business is an attempt to justify the unjustifiable.

It is not within her personality to do such a devious thing. Trust me - she's the most honest girl I've ever known. For her to become a liar AND a cheat in a day is a very, very tall order indeed.

As for your girl - yeah, she didn't mean it. Yeah, she was drunk. BUT PEOPLE HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.

Since going out, I've always held to a zero-tolerance policy on cheating. It is difficult to not entertain the thought that I could stay with her.

Is it a bad thing, guys, that I have yet to beat the pulp out of the guy that did such a thing to her? I have so far decided to avoid confrontation, because I don't know if my rage will suddenly change what I intended to do at the time.

Nickk

 

[maranathaman]

Beating the guy-up...

will-NOT undo, what's been done.
Moreover, the guy might have you thrown in jail if you touch-him.
Then you'll be your cellmates bi-tch...

 

[JohnJones]

Did you have any doubts about her character before this happened?

 

[entropy]

Yesterday my ex told me that the previous night her male housemate spent eight hours trying to get her to sleep with him (add this to weeks of similar attempts to get with my girl, fully knowing that she has me as her boyfriend).

STOP!

First warning sign right here....

Your ex DID NOT CHECK these advances, a loving g/f would.

Think you could get away with doing this to a girl who didn't want you to?

Which tells me she liked the attention, or she was keeping her options open.

The simple fact dude, is that you didn't know this girl even after 8 months.

Either the signs were always there and you didn't see them/chose to ignore them, or you attributed things to this girl that she was not.

Do not be her chum!!!

She obviously felt your bond wasn't strong or compelling enough, to resist the temptation of fawking her minute man roomy (which tells me either he isn't getting pu&&y and/or he's been beating off to her for awhile).

I would tap into her paradigm and manipulate it.

Plant seeds of shame and doubt, make her think she's incapable of holding down something meaningful (in this case her recent adventures will lend credence).

If you do this right you can haunt this girl.

Why?

Because her roomy gave her an experience of an extreme lower value than her coupling with you, so she reasons it was a mistake.

Or she really is a decent person and feels guilty for this one slip, which seems highly doubtfull (I'm judging by what you wrote) because it just doens't make sense.

Either way you've got something to work with.

Give her baggage.

Leave her with the feeling she messed up by losing you. If done right, she'll assign attributes to you and warp her image of you into mythical romance novel proportions.


P.S. Girl with a guy roomy is a bad idea. Don't buy into this
modern notion, as you see what happens.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Never be 'serious' with a girl who has a male room-mate!! I'm sure she feels Hor-rible and you were Hor-rified to hear such news, but this is what hors do!!!

Is was not the wine that made her do 'it' - it was her 'horish' character!!

Dudes only go after a girl who already has a boyfriend because they know she is not loyal and will eventually 'cheat' on him with a little coaxing and wine. Dudes saw this in your girl - hors are never loyal!!!

 

[entropy]