My girl kissed a guy in Hawaii–Open relationships, do they work?

[otr4]

I’ve been seeing this girl for about two months and we’re really into each other. We’ve had sex, and she really seems to want to be around me all the time. (I’ve written other posts, so I won’t go into super detail here). She left for spring break about two weeks ago and she calls and e-mails me everyday. She writes really long e-mails to me and sends me naked pictures, and even gives me phone sex which drives me crazy.
Anyway, she calls me tonight (still in Hawaii) and she says she went out dancing last night, got really drunk, and kissed a guy (or the guy kissed her, she claims).
Now, before I continue, I need to explain that this girl is into me finding another girl to bring home and throw into the “mix” and even brings it up on regular basis, asking “have you found a girl yet?” We’ve also talked about how I would feel if (my girl) kissed another guy. I’ve told her I wouldn’t care, as long as she kept an open line of communication and didn't have sex, since neither of us wants diseases. Now, that she’s actually kissed a guy, I’m kind of pissed off. However, I went on a date last weekend with another girl and we kissed (made out) for a long time, so I really shouldn’t be jealous of my girl doing the same thing... My girl even tells me that I’m her “Number one.”
My question is this–Should I just play it cool and act like I don’t care at all? I have this feeling if I show ANY jealously AT ALL about her kissing this guy, I will probably blow my chances of having a threesome because she will think I’m the jealous, insecure type. Also, I thought about telling my girl immediately that I had also made out with a girl this past weekend, but kept it to myself because I know the girl I went on a date with is not Bi-sexual and also wanted to keep the upper hand in the situation (I feel like if I tell her I did the same thing, she would either get jealous or go on a “guy spree.” What should I do? Anyone with similar experiences who can relate? What did you do?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

A hor is what a hor does - don't be suprised if a hor acts like a hor - especially if you encourage it!!!

 

[joey37]

sleazy fvcking hewer

 

[lerxst]

She may be testing you to see if you really are ok with an open relationship. You told her you wouldn't care if she kissed someone. So, she kissed someone. You feel pissed, which is natural, but if you show that you are jealous, it will show that you aren't congruent with who you said you were. But, don't act like you don't care or that nothing happened. Actually don't care about what happened. Because if you are acting, all it will do is eat at you on the inside until you can't take it anymore and it will come to a head where all you do is call women hors or hewers.

Now, I know you are hoping for that threesome, but stop thinking about it happening cause it won't if you do. Or it will, and it will be a guy she choose plus you which is not what I think you had in mind. Just go about meeting girls and let your girl know that you shouldn't be doing all the work to find that other girl, hint hint. I suggest going to a club, find a girl you can agree upon on the dancefloor, you approach her first using you DJ skills, then after a bit, signal your girl to approach and join the two of you. You'll know soon enough if this girl would be into it.

And don't tell her about what you do with other girls unless she asks you. Also, apply this to the new girls you meet. This will show that you aren't going to go and kiss and tell everyone what ya'll do. And whatever you do, do not ask her about her other guys. If she starts to tell you all about it, tell her you are not interested in hearing it. Open communication means she tells you if she's met/got it on with another guy, not the intimate details. Most importantly, start getting other girls on your team, she gave you the green light to play.

 

[smooth666]

Well as you have spoken about kissings with your GF before, you should play it cool. I think it is a good sign that shew told you immediately. However are you sure she did not sleep with some guys and just gave you the "light version" of the story... BEWARE !!!!!

I would go and tell your GF that you kissed a girl the other night, but that she flaked out when you mentioned a threesome.

If you are not cool about the whole issue,you might want to consider where the threesome will lead you to. Are you really ready for the open relationship you might get .Maybe she wants a girl AND a guy after the threesome...

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

once feelings are established, someone is bound to get hurt.

i had a fvck buddy about a year ago. We were just in it to have a good time and have sex. we didnt care about each other and i have a feeling you care about this girl. an open relationship won't work.

if you really want a threesome, those are hard to work out. I mean, think of the third person. "hey me and my partner want to include you in our sex life! we both want to screw you and we want you to screw us! all at the same time!" essentially that is what you are saying to the third person. Its a touchy place to be. (no pun intended). Just, i'd watch out, and make sure no one is gonna get their feelings hurt.

 

[JohnJones]

I think I would give up on a deep and meaningful relationship with her if that's what you are looking for. I don't know how many girls I hooked up with in college who were so "mature" and "progressive" that they had open relationships, and really I just felt sorry for them and their boyfriends. For me, this is just code for wanting to have something dependable to fall back on.

No girl that truly wants you above everyone else can want anyone else. Maybe that's circular, but its true. Have fun but make it clear to yourself and her that if its an open relationship, there are emotional limits to where it can go. If that's the case, then you have something dependable to keep you occupied till you find something better.

 

[otr4]

Hey guys,
After my little discussion with my girl last night about her kissing the guy, she e-mailed me a letter saying "we are good together" and how much she has missed me and thinks about me everyday and hopes that I'm "cool" with what she told me tonight, mentioning that it wont be a habit and the kiss was just a luxury she allowed herself while on Spring Break in Hawaii. She told me she knows we will be having some amazing times together and wanted me to call her back.
Honestly, what do you think this all means.
This girl is hot and sexy and for her to pretend no other guys in the world are hot or attractive and to have no other guys find her attractive is not reality at all. Let me know...

 

[NewMan]

Hell....

If you had not built up emtions for her I'd say all is good - and of course if you can protect yourself in the process. This would be a good relationship to experience some freaky sh#t - and have fun.

On the flip side - I would not be in an LTR with this girl. My belief is she has probably kissed more than the 1 guy - and who knows, perhaps even gone further?

Bringing a third party into a relationship only ends up fvcking the whole thing up (it happened to me and one of my friends - both relationships ended) - if you can seperate your emotions then go for it. It's not for everyone.

I'd also say, sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality - know what I mean?

This is a tough one bro.

I'd would proceed with caution - concentrate on tapping that a## as often as possible - having as much fun as you can - but protect yourself - because you could end up getting crushed.

 

[jakethasnake]

Use caution.

It was more than a little peck, bro. Are you stupid? Don't be so naive. Chances are, it was a sweaty makeout session with trails of saliva on each others' chins, sweat drippin down the forehead, and probing hands all over each others' bodies.



I'm not saying this to upset you - but dang, do you really think that a party girl like that would just give a guy a peck on the lips when she's drunk? Nope.

 

[PlayerSupreme]

1. Your woman is in a state of being disconnected. That is why she is able to kiss another man and who REALLY knows what she did and desire to bring another woman to bed.

2. Obviously you do not have her interest. You are not giving her something for her to accept an open relationship. Your alot more relaxed and willing to accept it when your needs are not getting met.

3. She is also selfish and into her own self gratification.

4. If your going to be in an (open) relationship then you also need to disconnect. Obviously you haven't or you wouldn't be posting your woes right now.

5. Either you really do the (open) crap or let it go.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

This really comes down to you.

Are you an "Open" relationship guy or not? Do you mind your girl doing other guys or not? Do you mind doing other girls when you technically have a girlfriend or not?

If you answered "Yes" or "Its Okay I guess", then you have found the girl for you, in fact she's perfect.

If you answered "No" or "Not really" but especially if you answered "I feel in my gut right now that I can't handle my girl doing other guys", then you should move on because your girl has just cheated on you and she will do it again.

This is not a logical DJ question. It is an emotional gut instinct one because you have to be handle an open relationship at a deep down level. Your gut will now be telling you what your long-term reaction will be.

 

[DJ_Dork]

the key to being a DJ is TRY to be drama free. This girl is already giving you drama. you already messed up by saying this and that about you "playing cool" or "keeping it real" about threesomes. Now you know what you're getting into.

 

[CLOONEY]

Open relationships can only work if you dont really care about her. She is just a bit of meat to you. I would get rid of her NOW. She isnt totally into you if she wants others involved. WTF, are you kidding yourself? You have a dirty hoe on your hands!!!

 

[DEKKA]

when you get a disease don't say i didn't warn ya.

 

[otr4]

I'm serious--
Everyone on this board is so negative--
Has no one else ever been in a relationship where you can have threesomes? Do you think if you ever met a girl who was into this stuff that she would somehow never look at other guys?
I'm a little confused here. So much conflicting info...
How should I talk with this girl now, at this point? In my opinion, this is a big test on her part. I feel somewhat like a hypocrite because I told her I wouldn't care if she kissed another guy and also, I've kissed another girl. BUT, I worry if I "play it cool" and act like I don't care, she will make out with a lot more guys, but if I take the opposite route and I act even the slightest bit jealous, or make a mention of it, she will think I'm just like every other jealous, insecure wuss on the face of the Earth.
Come on! if a girl is going to be cool about you finding another girl to have sex with you and her, can you really get mad at her for kissing another guy? (I'm not asking for your personal opinion, but for a more "universal" perspective on the threesomes and this particular kind of relationship). I need advice as soon as possible and PLEASE, try and help me out and give me the best advice possible through your knowledge, not just talk s***. Thanks...

 

[jbbrain]

otr-

let's be real here. You obviously, as JDIA put quite nicely, CARE. You might try to convince yourself on a superficial level that it's "all good" for your lady and yourself to be messing around/fvcking other ppl, bur deep down in your gut, you know the possibility of her fvcking other guys is going to drive you completely up the wall.

Get out, dude. And be fvcking honest with yourself. You're obviously a guy who cares a lot about fidelity/integrity (hence your numerous posts in the past) and I think you know that the way this relationship is operating is really not what you need in your life right now. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You like this girl, you love the idea of having 3somes with other girls, but you should know that open relationships are actually "open" for both parties present. Remember that.

Gizzle Lizzle.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by jbbrain
otr-

let's be real here. You obviously, as JDIA put quite nicely, CARE. You might try to convince yourself on a superficial level that it's "all good" for your lady and yourself to be messing around/fvcking other ppl, bur deep down in your gut, you know the possibility of her fvcking other guys is going to drive you completely up the wall.

Get out, dude. And be fvcking honest with yourself. You're obviously a guy who cares a lot about fidelity/integrity (hence your numerous posts in the past) and I think you know that the way this relationship is operating is really not what you need in your life right now. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You like this girl, you love the idea of having 3somes with other girls, but you should know that open relationships are actually "open" for both parties present. Remember that.

Gizzle Lizzle.

Listen to the man!! Except that last part, Gizzle Lizzle, whatever that is, haha. JB, how have things worked out for you and your girl?

 

[playasupreme]

If she admitted to kissing a guy she's been doing a lot more than that. Sorry to burst your bubble but she at least gave the guy a bl*wjob. If she's a wh*re than you shouldn't even consider calling her a girlfriend. Know the difference. Make women earn your respect not vice-versa, because any girl that feels comfortable walking on you will, as this one already has.

 

[otr4]

Playasupreme--
How do you have any idea that this girl gave the guy a blow***?
And, you're saying by this girl kissing a guy, she is walking all over me? I kissed another girl when she was gone...does this mean I'm walking all over HER?