My gf lost all her attraction....and it sucks...

[harkkam08]

This is my second gf, whom I went out with for two years. And today she broke the news to me that she is not attracted to me anymore. She said alot of things that caught me off guard but yet did not fully surpirse me, because in the end, I know everything that she said, is what this site has been saying to all the men forever and ever.

A few key things that she said that really struck out and I thought I should share them with people.

She said "Im not attracted to you anymore, I think of you as one of my best friends"

She said "I think your whinny, and you dont have any inner personal strenght, and your not dominating. I want a guy that when we meet a group of people that he takes the lead and says things that gets everybodies attention"

Shes said "I like being quiet, but when ever you try to talk to people they dont pay attention so I have to say something to grab their attention and say something charming"

I have social anxiety, and she knows that, so I mean thats kind of harsh I think to hold that against me.

She said " Your lazy, and I'll call you and all you'll say is oh nothing just watching a movie instead of having a hobby or working out or reading"

But the thing is that I play guitar, and Im studying to be a Pre-med major, going to dental school. So took two science courses together and three labs and volunteered at the same time with a gpa 3.0.

But I can be lazy at times.

She doesnt think Im charming enough and that Im too sensative for her. I admit I have cried in front of her many times.

Its just thought that she was with me for so long that she knew who I was as a person and she accepted me. So I stopped trying to be attractive for her and just be myself.

Except she didnt find who I was a person attractive.

She said women want their prince charming. Dominating and strong.

I guess this is a lesson. That either I shouldnt date because no women are attracted to who you are unless you fit the mold I just described. Or you change yourself to what is attractive.

I thought I could be who I am and still get attraction.

This sucks...

 

[oakraiderz2]

With dark days come bright nights. Experiences like this make worth living. At least she told you what you need to work on, so consider yourself lucky. Trying to get more hobbies and activities so you arent constantly thinking about what you missing.

 

[Pathgen]

Dude dont feel too bad I just had a pretty rough night also. I am sort of laughing about it now but i just told my ex girlfriend who i am madly in love with that i cant talk to her anymore... then took it back. (I have oneitis with this one but i never cared because she always shared it with me)

She told me that we should just be friends. Our situation is different because she is still attracted to me but it tears her apart because i moved away. I know that she is still attracted to me for all you none believers because she doesnt slap me or tell me off when all night i tried to do more than what friends do...)

The bottom line is that i know i should have told her that we can't communicate anymore. I also thought that i could be who i was and get attraction. **** the rules that have given me the best insight into women that i have ever heard (yeah right). Well i know i am wrong in still talking and being friends with her, but i have decided officially that this girl will only be my friend from now on.

Bottom line is that you have to choices here in my opinion:

1)Be her friend and have a 0.000001% chance to have her come back to you. Move on with your life and get to the other women.
2)Do not communicate with her at all and if she comes back she does. Move on with your life and get to the other women.

good luck with everything man

 

[harkkam08]

thx

thx guys. I have serious one-itis with her too. Im 22 and even though we are young I really thought I could have been with her to get married to. She would say it all the time to me. In fact she was more enthusiastic than I was about it at first.

but regardless.....Im pretty sure you cant make a person feel attraction for you. I know I have to move on, but its hard since I've had so many memories of her. So many fond memories that even at the thought of them just hurt me....

 

[KontrollerX]

"I admit I have cried in front of her many times."

Jeeeeesssssusss Christ!

Never ever do this again.

NOT EVER!!!

It exhibits weakness, sympery and being an absolute pvssy like nothing else.

All things no woman will ever be attracted to.

The only possible acceptable time to cry in front of a woman is if you've been married to her for years and you find out she has been diagnosed with a terminal illness or one of your sons or daughters has been killed in a tragic accident or in some tragic way and even then it would probably be better for the sake of comforting your wife and exhibiting much needed strength in a horrible time to only allow yourself to get misty eyed in front of her and not flat out bawling like a b!tch.

"So I stopped trying to be attractive for her and just be myself."

She had every right to leave you.

You presented her with a false image of you that she wanted when she thought that was who you really were and then you got tired of putting up the charade and showed her your true self and she wanted out because you were no longer the guy she fell in love with.

The facade was shattered and the real you came out.

You pulled a total bait and switch on her.

Thats why we tell guys on here all the time you have to internalize and come to love being a DJ so that it really is you and you'll never slack off and become who you used to be leaving whatever girl you're with wondering where her former man went. :nono:

In closing you can admire this girl for her honesty and integrity in telling you all of this but you need to drop her from your life forever no friendship, no nothing, no future romance either somewhere down the line because even though she was nice and honest with all this she basically sh!t all over your character and massively disrespected you beyond repair.

Only an absolute AFC would improve himself after such an eviscerating just to get back with a chick thats said such things to him to soothe his oneitis and live out his one true love fantasies.

So repair and rebuild your life from here on out, work to get over the oneitis and then once you are back at 100% and ready to go on the hunt be sure if its a relationship you are after you will be the guy that you are presenting to the new girl forever because if you aren't you'll likely meet the same fate as this relationship.

 

[Jitterbug]

"I admit I have cried in front of her many times."

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=RTrK0UwTCwk

She was harsh but she was very honest. You'll eventually thank her for it. This is a blessing in disguise. Getting a wake-up call at 22 years of age is much better than later in life. You still have plenty of time to work on yourself.

 

[JFun]

I feel for you, brother. I was basically in the same exact position you were in 7 months ago. My ex fell out of love with me because I had let myself go, became lazy and complacent.

It's such a common thing: you meet someone and then drop everything you were doing, drop your friends for her, etc. KontrollerX is dead-on.

So get your hobbies back, get back to playing guitar, study harder, and hit the gym. And once you meet someone... KEEP doing those things.

 

[DonGorgon]

lol..... dont let her make you blame yourself .. her inner ho would have come out no matter how perfect you were...

 

[Superman5432]

Went thorough the same thing myself. My gf of one year broke it off with me this past May and I hear you. It does hurt, but trust me and everyone else when they say things will get better. It's really about being your own man and not relying on anyone for ****..when you seek to be independent in life you won't even worry about women and that's when they really want your ass haha

 

[Metaphysical]

Why am i not surprised?

This is the most common issue here. Guys come on here, learn a trick or two but don't really CHANGE THEMSELVES.

And when their true personality comes out, the girls no longer like them. The girls well in love with the PUA tricks they used, but not with the guy. So when the tricks are done... what does the girl do? she starts to look for a REAL MAN.

That's why i tell you guys: Don't waste your time on the PUA tricks, instead learn to make yourself a real man. That will stick with you for the rest of your life, where as a trick only gives you the spotlight for 3 seconds.

 

[Juan_Man]

So your girlfriend dumped you for not being an attention wh0re? Sounds to me like you are better off. I know how you feel. You feel bad because you think about all of the good times you had with her. But that is not fair to your heart. You have to look at the good and the bad. The yin and yang. And when you do, you will realize that you deserve better. Belee that!

 

[slaog]

This is my second gf, whom I went out with for two years. And today she broke the news to me that she is not attracted to me anymore. She said alot of things that caught me off guard but yet did not fully surpirse me, because in the end, I know everything that she said, is what this site has been saying to all the men forever and ever.

A few key things that she said that really struck out and I thought I should share them with people.

She said "Im not attracted to you anymore, I think of you as one of my best friends"

She said "I think your whinny, and you dont have any inner personal strenght, and your not dominating. I want a guy that when we meet a group of people that he takes the lead and says things that gets everybodies attention"

Shes said "I like being quiet, but when ever you try to talk to people they dont pay attention so I have to say something to grab their attention and say something charming"

I have social anxiety, and she knows that, so I mean thats kind of harsh I think to hold that against me.

She said " Your lazy, and I'll call you and all you'll say is oh nothing just watching a movie instead of having a hobby or working out or reading"


She doesnt think Im charming enough and that Im too sensative for her. I admit I have cried in front of her many times.

Its just thought that she was with me for so long that she knew who I was as a person and she accepted me. So I stopped trying to be attractive for her and just be myself.

Except she didnt find who I was a person attractive.

She said women want their prince charming. Dominating and strong.

I guess this is a lesson. That either I shouldnt date because no women are attracted to who you are unless you fit the mold I just described. Or you change yourself to what is attractive.

I thought I could be who I am and still get attraction.

This sucks...

I have to admire the girl. She told you straight out why she didn't feel attracted to you anymore. Obviously she must have spent time thinking about it too. Alot of women would have just broke off with no explanation but she told you exactly what you need to do to become a better man.


Women cannot feel attracted to feminine men unless she's a masculine (ie bossy) woman. They need a man to be masculine to feel attracted to him and thats where you fail big time. You need to develop your inner game. Pretending to be somebody you're not will not work because the real you always comes out sooner or later if you're not trying to better yourself.

 

[MascaraSnake]

meta, couldn't agree more...

Women are attracted to MEN. A man is a person who has drive, ambition, a long-ass list of things to do and places to visit before they die...stuff like that. (Since I don't know anything about the original poster, this isn't an accusation against him...just against dudes with no drive).

You HAVE to have a set of interests, a life, hobbies...you don't necessarily have to have 25 friends or be Mr. Perfect, but if you find some great passions and stick to them, women LOVE that. You appear like you're sincere and you know what you want out of life.

SIDE NOTE: I have to add this...make sure the passions tend to be in areas you're actually gifted in or knowledgable in...having a general thirst for the subject will even do. I've too often seen guys pick up a guitar without the commitment to practice it (or without any musical curiosity), and it pisses me off. I'm an aspiring musician myself, and I get insulted when I see someone use a musical instrument solely as a pick-up prop.

 

[Mavrick]

I'm sitting wondering what she was really thinking. I bet you were always there and always available. I bet you sat and waited for and jumped every time she said jump. I also bet that you were so predictable, that she got tired of you.

You have to let the girl be the one to chase you and be that bad boy just out of her reach, just a touch away, a kiss away, and hug away...

You were probably the guy that apologized when he missed her phone call. You probably said you were sorry a lot.

Girls don't like it easy. They would rather imagine you being sensitive and ***** about that actually have you be that way.

Social Anxiety is an excuse. That's all it is. It's something someone came up with so people could be lazy and not meet their fear head on. You defeat your fear by facing your fvcking fears, you don't give up and say it's true. Social Anxiety is believed to be a disease like depression, but what is depression really? Depression is just stinkin' thinkin'. It's negative thinking that gets a person stuck in the past with thoughts of shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Social Anxiety is a term used to excuse yourself to be shy, but a real man faces his fears and doesn't depend on terms and definition that gives him an excuse to be that way. Stop using a term that allows you to limit yourself. Tell yourself that you DON'T have Social Anxiety, and you don't succumb to debilitating terms that are just excuses not to change.

Another thing is that a woman that clicks with you and is right for you will stand behind you and help you in the right direction. She won't put you down and ridicule you. This woman isn't worth the effort you're spending trying to find answers on this forum.