MY GF is an AFC

[spesmilitis]

Get her involved in some sports.

Instead of depending on her for excitment, how about you create the excitment. Try streaking.

 

[abcd_z]

Have you considered a double-standard? I hear they can be very useful in situations like this.

Tell her you want to see other people, but that you want her to stay faithful to you. It's not cheating if she knows you're sleeping around.

*sits back and waits for the flames*

 

[vorbis]

I think you might have some issues there abcd_z!

 

[mrRuckus]

You're an idiot. You're everything we complain about girls. I don't want a girl to be a challenge. Do you have any idea how INTO an attractive girl i am if she shows interest from the very get go? It's awesome. I don't want to work for it. I don't want to play games. I don't want to have to say no sometimes on purpose just for the sake of not always saying yes. I want her to be fairly agreeable and easy to get along with.. now she shouldn't just do ANYTHING and not say "i don't like that" sometimes if i were to kick her in the stomach but i don't want there to be an argument about things that don't even matter like which restaurant to go to or the "tone of my text message."

I had a girlfriend that packed my lunch for me for work and everything.. it was awesome. She never really asked for anything but my attention and gave and gave because she enjoyed it. I always appreciated her and didn't take advantage of her. I can only hope to find another like her. Guys i work with were so jealous i'd come in my packed lunch and would grumble all their gfs or wives did was nag them. I only really broke up with her because i moved out of state. Now she's twice the size she was and does a lot of drugs but that's beside the point: that was just a preacher's daughter waiting to happen

My girlfriend isn't there to excite me. She's there to be part of my life. My life is already supposed to be exciting. I don't need an extra external source. If she's just BORING to talk to or doesn't do anything for you in bed i can see that being a problem but the fact that she doesn't cause turmoil and everything else is bad? I already had the girlfriend who caused daily turmoil over the dumbest of things and NOOOOO THANK YOU for that ever again. Sure it's exciting if i like being sad and angry every day. But i much preferred the "behaved" girl.

A guy I work with grew up in Korea and when he hears me talk about women and how guys are such wusses here and what women want and all that he looks at me like i'm crazy... he just says "girls in asia aren't like that.. they're pretty respectful and they do most of the chasing of the guys (at least the koreans)."

stop being such a girl


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edit:

now that i think about it... if she's like a child why are you dating her? the way you describe her is that she's about 7 years old mentally.

 

[Cod3r]

i believe her persona is something coder wants, but not the extreme of what she is doing. i'm sure he appriates everything she is doing. but look...if she doesn't hang out with her own social life...that isn't healthy for her, or him. remember...the same applies for guys as girls..."significant other is a part of your life, not your whole life"

i think most of these replies only see the top layer of what really is going on. we go around this forum telling guys to stop being AFC...yet when it comes to girls it's alright, no matter what extreme. stop being ignorant in saying it's his fault. you know it isn't healthy for guys to be that extreme, it isn't for girls either.

you won't be able to get rid of all of it without her totally being with it. but you can at least take teh edge off, which is what i think you are going after...

Tks for the support and we both know people love pointing fingers and well i'm not going to defend myself, there have been some very useful replies to which I'll listen to, the rest I just disregard :rock:

Get her involved in some sports.

Instead of depending on her for excitment, how about you create the excitment. Try streaking.

Great advice, I think I can definitely do more to create excitement... props

I'd take her out fun places ... bowling, laser skirmish, etc. Try and see if you can turn her in to the sorta chick that loves to go out and have a fun time. I;ve had this before, and she turned into one of the most out there hcicks I know. I could hardly keep up with her ...

She loves doing anything with me, I could throw her off a volcano and as long as I was the one throwing her, she would be happy as a clam. But I'll post this under 'create excitement'... I just feel like i'm always the one creating it and she isn't doing her part, i just feel like i want her to pull her weight.... I know how woman feel with AFC men now, I really do... but i'm not giving up, I love this girl, if i was 27 we'd be discussing this in marriage counseling.. she's that special, so i'm not just going to dump her... we'll work thru it... props 4 advice

Wow, that was refreshing. I don't think she's an AFC, she doesn't seem frustrated, she sounds content about what she's doing.

So often we hear about women trying to change the guys they are dating and the guy is molded into the man she thinks she wants. She ends up controlling him, gets complacent and eventually bored with him.

Given this situation is a little different but still, why date someone if they aren't your type? It's a waste of effort on both of you. It makes me wonder if people get in relationships (any relationship) just so that they can have somebody, anybody.

You're usually astute but you have no idea what is going on here. She is my type, but she takes things overboard, she dosen't know the definition of balance and because I appreciate our relationship I'm trying to help her find that balance, she lacks it in EVERY part of her life, we're growing together. If i was an *******, I'd say 'ehhh ur not worth the time, cya' but i'm not doing that.... don't judge me, u know nothing about me

Is that what we're dealing with her? 'Cos it we aren't explain away.. I don't mean to come off as offensive but this sounds like it's all your problems coming from deep within and she's facing the brunt of it with your constant 'there's something wrong with you' 'i wish you was more like this' .. get a grip you're going to mess this girl up.

While I appreciate your analysis of my situation and I don't take offense to anything, I asked for advice and was/am ready to hear whatever you fellas have to say. I have my problems and she has hers, she's helped me with some of my problems and well right now she's having the problem of BALANCE. She admits herself she's wide open right now and can't control herself, and I think we all know, when we have no control.. its a bad thing...

I understand her feelings, I've felt that way for females before where I couldn't help but do everything in the world for them, but the end result wasn't the girl working with me, it was her telling me she was bored and then fvcking my friend... I'm not doing that to her, I'm telling her how she's making me feel with these extreme actions aka smothered and annoyed...

She agreed to work on things and I've agreed to be understanding and work on myself as well to fix our problems with no worries of me or her going anywhere, we're in love... but love takes work and I just started this thread to get intelligent responses to which I got some and I appreciate it... tks


-Cod3r

 

[Babnik]

OK, this is it...thats the kind of girls I want to be dating and now I know real Japanese girls are like that.

 

[blueguy]

If you're looking for drama, create your own.

If you don't know how to add that excitement into your own life and she doesn't create the drama and fear for you and you absolutely need that, find somebody else.

She sounds like my last girlfriend. If you're stupid enough to leave her, then you deserve the garbage that's waiting for you out there.

 

[Cod3r]

If you're looking for drama, create your own.

Who said I wanted drama ?? I just don't want her buying me sneakers and dinners everyday, I don't want her to feel like crap when I want to take a day to hang out with other people or myself, ect...

She hasn't called me today nor replied to my messages, looks like she's finally learning how to control herself. Maybe she deserves a surprise late night romping, either way we'll be fine... i'm not going anywhere, trust me lol


-Cod3r

 

[wayword]

^ ^ I bought 3 of them for her already...

We actually sat down and read a few articles this past weekend...

Wow, you're actually trying to turn Hyde into Jekyll - an uncorrupted girl who loves men into an obnoxious bych who'll cheat on you in the blink of an eye???

You sir...are a f'n IDIOT!!!! :crackup: WOW...

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ don't be jealous because you aren't with her lol


-Cod3r

 

[Raikojo17]

dont i gotta agree with wayword. not that ur and idiot, but y r u tryin to change her? u have wat most guys dream of, dont chase it away. i wish i had a girl like that. sure she needs her own space and u do too, but jus tell her your bsusy or sumthin, do sumthin else, that will make her look for sumthin to do when she's not with u. relationships r not all jus about having fun and chasing, it's 2 people caring for each other. but all and all jus be careful wat u wish for, cuz u jus might get it.

 

[The Realest Thing]

sorry if I missed a point somewhere, but let me get this straight:

you seem to have a girl who truly loves you, who does not want to play this whole ***** game, hard to get, and all that other bull**** that women try to do that you try to counteract with sosuave tactics. And you actually DONT like it??? I mean if she is hot, sweet, loving, and romantic, I see no reason why you are not in love with her just as much as she is in love with you. You sound like you want to be single.........she might be too good for you

 

[Warboss Alex]

.. and what is so bad about having a clingy, faithful woman who'll do whatever you ask, again? I fail to see the point here.

 

[The Realest Thing]

Warboss - this guy is complaining about the woman of any man's dreams!

the only downside would be if he did not think she was that good looking, in which case I would agree with his low interest in long term happiness with her

 

[Warboss Alex]

Warboss - this guy is complaining about the woman of any man's dreams!

the only downside would be if he did not think she was that good looking, in which case I would agree with his low interest in long term happiness with her

I honestly can't believe what his problem is. He's found a woman who obviously loves him to death and will do anything for him and he's complaining? I found a girl like that once, and I married her! As a result that area of my life has been beyond wonderful for the past seven years now and has no indication of changing. Yet if he'd been with a ***** who cheated on him and disrespected him he'd be wishing he'd had a faithful girlfriend like the one he's got now.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this thread, I really don't.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Wow, this thread is pulling me in a couple of directions here. On the one hand, this girl sounds like a GF I had a long time ago, but even more AFCish. Buying a cake for having a good interview? Now that's out there. If doing these things makes her happy, at least make sure she dosen't feel as though any of it is necessary.

On the other hand, even the best of things can get old, especially if there is a pattern to it. How often have I read "be a challenge" on this board? Well for me anyway, it goes two ways, I need a bit of unpredictibility in my girlfriend - someone who won't be agreeable all of the time (except of course when I need to get laid). Wanting what you can't have only makes you appreciate it more once you get it, so I don't mind the occasional NO. But if I never heard NO, I'd start to wonder.

She seems like a rare find, and if you let her go you'll regret it I'm sure.

 

[DarkLight]

She admits herself she's wide open right now and can't control herself, and I think we all know, when we have no control.. its a bad thing...

Control is an illusion anyway.
So to see things otherwise is to be led by misunderstanding.

Also... a woman "wide open"... EXCELLENT!
My ex was a sneaky closed mistrusting snake of a B!TCH. (and thats putting it lightly, lol)

Bro, I feel you when you say there is literally no tension, thus its boring. But, maybe you should create the tension you like. Don't pit it on her. Keep her the pure wide open, wanting to satisfy innocence she is.

Everyone else has given you plenty of advice.
The only unique addition I can add is... Becareful.

A situation like this, could flip on you SEVERELY.
What if she does catch on to the game!? What if she does start turning you down, and sees the power she can wield over you. She could easily turn the tables here, once she sees the strings your trying to show her, and what they do. Especially coming from such a desperate place of love/desire to have you. And as you say... she's not one for balance, thus could take this to the extreme as well. Not out of malice, but out of application to achieve her wonderful desires for you.

So... I would warn you, in trying to change her to becoming hip the game. I would simply implement the amount of leverage you need, to keep the relationship fun and attractive.

Many examples have been given.
Night out w. the boys.
More girlfriends/activities for her... (to consume her time).
Etc etc etc.

Peace'

 

[wolf116]

Tips on Turning Your Girl More Like This

When I started going out with my gf, i was an AFC. I gave her everything, she diden't respect me and i had to work for sex(never got head). I only scored her becaues I was so AFC that I was too scared to even call her. So she thought I wasn't interisted. Which naturally attracted her to me. The old 'whant what you can't have' senario.
Then I started reading this stuff and doing weights. Became alfa. Now the tables have turned. she buys me stuff, dosen't care when I go to strip clubs, begs for sex and I tell her when I want head.

Took me bout a year to do. You just have to make her think you might leave her any time. Be a great, loveing, alfa boyfriend but openly check out oher chicks and comment on there tits and stuff. Make her think she isint good enough for you. Comment on a feacher you know she is insecure about. She wont want to lose you because you'r so alfa. So she'll buy you stuff and give you head. It sounds mean but it's only little things. We love eachother more then ever now.

Was well worth it

 

[kyphan]

Cod3r, you remind me of... well, me! For the first year of my last LTR, my girl always wanted sex, cooked for me, bought me things, and did lots of little things for me. It drove me insane at times! There was no challenge or excitement, she was so happy to be a part of my life. Things went downhill in her life after that and she changed so dramatically that I never saw the girl I dated that first year in her anymore. I'd see parts of it, but she got cozy and decided that her being miserable was acceptable for a while. Heck, she only got a clue that things were going horribly right before I ended it. I'd love to have what you have again. My life is insane right now and to have a girl like that would be amazing.

But I wonder if I had it again, would I really want it? I'm a man who love challenges and games. I enjoy women giving subtle hints and not throwing their clothes at me every time I walk in the door. I love being held in suspense. I love not knowing what's going to happen! If this sounds like you, guess what? You may never "grow up" and decide you want an easy-as-pie girl. My best friend never wants a wife. Never. He loves the pursuit too damn much and relationships bore him after a few months.

Everyone is sitting here telling you that you have THEIR dream girl. Is she YOUR dream girl? She sounds great to me, but I have doubts she'd be my dream girl - I like 'em a little feisty myself.

 

[wayword]

the only downside would be if he did not think she was that good looking, in which case I would agree with his low interest in long term happiness with her

Well, that's the bottom line here - she isn't that hot...which is why she's so compliant and he isn't sprung on her.

If she was really hot, she wouldn't be that naive and he certainly wouldn't be whining...(even if she WAS still that nice)!