my gf "guy friends"

[congruence]

I need some advice on how to keep my gf.

I been going out this Colombian girl for about 3 month now. just a little background. She still lives at home.. I don't know if it's just in their culture or what but she likes to make guy friends..

She's naive in that she thinks most guys make friends with girls just to "be friend"

Being a guy, I know that's a load of shiz.. most guys just want a piece of action..

Here's the situtation..

My gf lives in an apartment complex.. Recently my gf met this guy at the gym and now.. they are "friends" and he has come over to her house couple of times.

This may shock you.. but when I first met her.. I was able to hangout at their house.. Again, I don't know if it's in their culture.. but they seem to just open their house up to people.

We communicate very openly about our relationship and I clearly
told her that I don't like the idea that she's hangout with a guy. especially in her house.

She told me that she's not going to cheat on me.. she told me that she know what it feels like to be cheated on.. plus her parents when through a bad divorce where the dad cheated on the mom. She has good track record with honesty with me.. so I want to trust what she says..

She says, "I won't be responsive if he tries to do anything.. and he'll get tired and move on" sounds like she's inviting him to try something.. while in the meantime they are supposedly friends.. which bugs the hell out of me.. what's the general guideline on gf and their guy friends??

No doubt, I will keep an vigilent eye on this.. but should I give her the benefit of the doubt? Should I let her hangout with this "friend" .. I know this guy doesn't have any good intent...

I don't want to come off as an over-protective bf.. but how do I deal with this situation. I don't want to lose my gf.

Thanks

 

[Kuen1]

Well...I'm not an expert but it seems to me that you're screwed. You've already told her how you feel about it, and she basically said "tough luck." She did not invite the guy from the gym over to her place to have tea, and discuss the latest book she read. I don't think there is anything special about Columbian women to where they invite ugly guys that they have no interest in over their house.

 

[congruence]

every signs points that way.. but there are things that i didn't disclose for the sake of message length.. but I'm a RAFC and I love a good challenge.. so i'll keep u guys posted..


she wasn't really sayin "tough luck." more like "i won't do anything."..

but I certainly need to confront her about why she wants to have guy friends..


but for LTR ppl.. what's your guidelines on gf and "guy friends"..

 

[Jake Steed]

"I don't know if it's just in their culture or what but she likes to make guy friends.. "

Ha ha ha. No. It's not in their culture. She just needs the attention and can't say no to him. I'll tell you what's in latin girl's culture though, they love to FVCK.

Meeting a guy "friend" at the gym is 100% shady, and your girl is flat out disrespecting you by having this guy around. How would she feel if you started taking girl "friends" home from the club? Perhaps you should take some home and find out how she would feel.

Here's the deal. This guy has plans to fvck your Colombian gf's brown ass by sunday. That you and I agree on completely. She met this guy at the fvcking gym for christs sake. Who's she kidding? Many insecure girls are like this in that they CRAVE male attention like drugs. It's not that they want to cheat, or that they intend to cheat, but they just cannot say no to male attention.

"I won't be responsive if he tries to do anything.. and he'll get tired and move on"--gf

I agree with you, this statement is fvcking ludicrous. What is this guy, a fvcking grizzly bear? Is she going to play dead in the woods while he paws her until he's convinced she's dead and move on? Jesus christ, your gf is an idiot.

So what can you do? Here's what: You CAN'T start trying to run her life and "forbidding" her to see certain people. That will just push her towards him. You have to be confident in yourself and you have to truly not give a shyt about this little game your gf is trying to play. Do NOT play into it.

Here's what you say to your gf, "This guy wants to fvck you. Do you disagree?" Her, "blah blah blah". You, "Do you think that by hanging out with a guy who wants to fvck you in your home, you are disrespecting me?" Then be silent. Let her answer the question. She may try to deny it, she may not. No matter what she says, you've just spelled out that you know she is disrespecting you, but you aren't whining about it like a bytch. You've just ACKNOWLEDGED the situation.

Then you put her bullshyt to the test. Go clubbing and start meeting female "friends". Bring girls out with you and your friends, leaving your gf at home. Let her see what it feels like. Let your punishment be made through actions. That's the only way people get it.

Do NOT fight about this shyt with your gf. Do NOT obsess over it. Make sure you fvck the SHYT out of your gf on a daily basis. Fvck her every day. Twice a day. Latin women need c0ck like cops need doughnuts. Keep her puzzy raw and tired from your thrusting dyck. That is the best way to keep a girl from cheeting. MAKE SURE YOU ARE GIVING HER HARD, NASTY SEX! Do not forget that tip.

Jake

 

[congruence]

dude thanks for this much need advice..

but in general how do you deal with gf's who make so called "guy friends"??

just don't give a shiz about it and go out there and make female friends??

 

[Jake Steed]

Honestly, I've never had a gf become friends with guys off the street like your gf did. My gfs DO have guy friends, though. My last LTR of 2 years had tons of guy friends who wanted to fvck her--some of which were her exes and one who was a friend of hers for years who finally drunkenly gushed his feelings to her during the holidays. All of these guys lived in her home town which was far away from where we were going to college.

At first I was very uncomfortable about these guys. I told her they wanted to fvck her and that I didn't believe girls and guys could be friends if one wanted to fvck the other. She denied it. So I was like "fvck it". I dropped it and truly stopped caring. If she fvcked one of them then I'd just dump her and she'd be alone. I even did dump her ass because she started fighting with me about stupid shyt. But she spent the next two weeks begging me to take her back until I did.

Finally, the "friend" of hers confessed to her during the holidays. She told me the story, but from then on, she never argued with me over her guy friends. And she never tried to say they were "just friends". They were still in her life, but my not-caring attitude kept her faithful. It's strange, but they can smell when you can live without them, and that makes them faithful--when you don't NEED them. My girl knew there were lots of girls in my classes who wanted to fvck me, so her jealousy also kept her honest--she knew if she screwed up, I had other options.

What's funny is I actually had a discussion with my current gf about a girl who I hung out with just as friends (but who liked me). This made my gf really insecure, so she confronted me with it. I appreciated her honesty and decided to stop hanging out with the girl because she wasn't a close friend of mine anyways, and I knew how it felt when I was on the other side of the situation.

jake

 

[congruence]

i can't believe this sheeit is happening to me.. bvt certainly I will confront her and keep u guys posted.

 

[kowboy]

gf "will not do anything"

Your girlfriend states that if her "guy" friend makes a move on her, that she "won't do anything". I assume that means she will not encourage him. Does this also mean that she will not discourage him?

 

[Reto]

It's not a cultural thing. My girl is doing the same thing...

You can't tell her who she can and can't hang with. That's too controlling. You voiced your disapproval. That's all you can do. Or, move on.

My girl is exactly like that. Naive. She thinks her "boys" like her for her mind. She actually said this. She has recently had 2 different guy friends make passes at her. I was like told you so!

I voiced my opinion and disapproval. I gave her a line that if crossed, that's it. No discussion, just good bye. I really don't see this relationship lasting too long...

 

[Mr. Latte]

Here are your options.

1) Leave
2) Live with it

In the end, that's all you can do. You can't control her actions, all you have control over is your response.

 

[JohnJones]

I am chiming in with Reto.

You should genuinely distance yourself emotionally from her to some extent.

Since you've already talked about it a little, there's no decent opportunity for you to do anything about it (and I wouldn't recommend creating a jealousy situation either).

Other than that, take Jake Steed's advice (just don't act like you are whining or are threatened by it -- the attitude is that she is perfectly welcome to do what she wants, and you are perfectly entitled to factor that into where you come out on the subject and whether you consider that appropriate behavior or not).

 

[echo1212]

This is a complete and utter lack of respect on her part towards you. I can't beleive she has the balls to actually do this. I have no problem with a girl having guy friends..even though imo 99% of all guys have it in the back of their mind that they want to do any girl they come in contact with...but by your girl inviting this guy over to her apt...that's just wrong.

A few of the other guys here had it right. You've already told her you don't like it and she said tuff luck, so all you can do is reciprocate. Hang out with some of your friends who happen to be girls. I'm not saying have sex with them, just hang out. Don't act like what she's doing upsets you, even though it understandably does. Then, if she gets jealous and stops her behavior you can do the same, after a while, but not right away. However, is she continues to have this guy come over, you will know that deep down she just isn't that into you. Because if she was, she would NEVER do anything to jeopradize your relationship-thats just how women function.

 

[Kuen1]

True indeed echo. When I read this for the 2nd time I started to get a little angry. What this girl is doing in BS. Congruence...I'm sorry bud but she DID tell you "tough luck" wether you want to believe it or not. All of that "I won't do anything, he is just a friend" is her way of telling you "sorry bud I'll do whatever I want." This is such BS, and as a fellow man it just gets me pissed off thinking about. Your girl is basically dating while she is going out with you. She met a strange guy that she thought was cute, talked to him, and then invited him over to hang out. That's a "date!" If she truley loved and respected you and your feelings then she would NOT do anything to hurt you especially go out with other guys. Should we (men) really have to tell a woman that were in a relationship with that it's not right for her to hang out with guys she just met??? HELL NO! Are we supposed to just stand by and watch our gfs meet strange guys and invite them to her place? HELL NO!
If she has done it a couple of times then she'll keep doing it. She knows that she can get away with it so what's to stop her from hanging out with the next cute guy, and the one after that? FVCK that! Congruence, no female should treat you this way and you should not allow it. Tell her one more time in a calm way that this is not acceptable. If she keeps on going then stand up straight, and walk away.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

I feel that people tend to put too much emphasis on relationship in th earlier stages.

Stop putting all your eggs in one basket!

Let her be your steak and go get you some side dishes.

 

[jwhite17]

Take Jake Steed's advice because it is very good. I'm in a similar situation right now; my GF does hang around a lot of guys. I know they want to bone her, but since I act like the anti-jealous boyfriend without insecurity she likes it. Also, I pull the same shyt on her, and she wants to be with me even more because it makes me look less needy if I have other options, and I can live without her.

It is your call whether you can trust your GF or not. None of us can tell you a definite right answer for this because we don't know you or her personally. Just follow your gut and it should give you the answer you are looking for.
JW

 

[chlywly]

You might as well trust her, but sounds like a case of attention whoring, yep she certainly is inviting him to try and do something.. she likes the attention.. and NO its not really a cultural thing, more of a personal thing.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Here's the scoop, if you are providing the things that your girlfriend needs; romance, respect and affection, you shouldn't have anything to worry about unless she is an attention wh0re.

Here's a question, do you trust YOURSELF enough to handle the possibility that you may seem overbearing and controlling to her with your vigilance in attempting to control the situation? And in that you may drive her away?

Consider putting more effort into understanding the mindset of your woman and how you can sustain her high IL with what you can do with her. The jealousy thing seems to be building and if it's not going to work out it may be best to break things off before they become ugly.

 

[Reto]

FA,

She is an Attn Wh0re. My girl is an Attn Wh0re. A normal chick pulls that and she's gone.

I agree with what was said before, she is on a date. I told my girl this. She disagreed. I replied, "YOU weren't on a date, but your boy sure thought he was!"

I think a lot of guys will say to NEXT her. Most of these guys haven't spent much time involved with an Attn Wh0re. I seem to attact Attn Wh0res. It's pretty much all I go out with. There isn't much that fazes me any more. In the beginng, I was a jelous fool. It got me no where. Now, I don't care what she/they do. As long as she doesn't cross the line, I'll stay with her. If she does, BYE ! No discussion...

 

[Thoroughbred]

It is possible that she likes the guy. And I don't buy that a girl can have so many guy friends and she isn't into one or more of them and wouldn't mess around with them.

 

[Reto]

I look at Attn wh0res this way; She's shopping, but hasn't bought anything yet. But, she will...eventually...