My GF almost becomes my boss - total head f*ck

[DJSmooth]

I need some advice getting this straight in my head.

I'm ambitious and work hard, and was hoping to advance in my company. But they overlooked me for promotion, and then made my younger girlfriend manager of her department - so indirectly, she became my senior.

Now I've moved to another job thank the lord, but I still feel small, really really small.

So maybe I had it coming for seeing a girl from work... a bad idea I know. But what's done is done. We had a really good thing going.

Believe me, hearing stories from your girlfriend about her management meetings with your old bosses (the worst kind of egotistical bosses too) is pretty crushing and demoralising in terms of my career and my relationship.

So this is not healthy for me at all. What can I do?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Believe me, hearing stories from your girlfriend about her management meetings with your old bosses (the worst kind of egotistical bosses too) is pretty crushing and demoralising in terms of my career and my relationship.

What are you talking about? First, she was managing in a different reporting stream than you were in; she had no authority over you. Second, despite that you felt the need to change jobs altogether (changing your livelihood) because of this non-existent authority. Finally even after removing yourself you feel that her stories about her job demoralizes you and your career, EVEN AFTER CHANGING JOBS???!!

The problem here is that your ego doesn't seem to be able to handle the success of your GF. You're not proud of what she's done, you're not supportive, you're just running away and YOU are making choices that could hurt your career and your relationship. Don't blame it on her, she seems to have her act together and will probably survive with you around or not.

 

[DJSmooth]

Sure, you have a point about ego, but I was proud of my work, and my contribution as well as having worked there longer and felt pretty shortchanged when no promotion came about - so moving jobs was inevitable...

But how do I deal with this? Is it really doomed? What would other people's attitude be in this situation?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

The cream always rises to the top. If you are as good as you think you are, you will get your promotions, etc. If you are not, then get to work on yourself.

You are coming across as an insecure prik, so just don't act this way around her; nobody wants somebody who acts so insecure and immature.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Sure, you have a point about ego, but I was proud of my work, and my contribution as well as having worked there longer and felt pretty shortchanged when no promotion came about - so moving jobs was inevitable...

But how do I deal with this? Is it really doomed? What would other people's attitude be in this situation?

If your ego along with your abilities and achievements were tied to your job and couldn't be done elsewhere, you shouldn't have left.

 

[Thorns]

If you REALLY don't want to leave her be honest and talk to her about it. Tell her you don't want to hear all that. Otherwise just think whatever, they promoted her boobs, so what?

 

[DJSmooth]

To put this into perspective, people frequently ended up working up to 60 hours a week at this job, for a poor wage but kept working there due to false promises about better pay, promotions etc.. we once worked a shift that lasted 2 days to save the company from going under.

Anyway so my GF knows this, so for LTR material I'm always wondering which matters more? The company or the relationship?

 

[j0n024]

I think you should stop seeing her then... I mean your asking on which to decide between your girl or your job.... wow I mean didnt you already switch jobs? I think the real problem here is that your hurt because she got the job and not you so your ego is bruised and you dont know how to handle it, well maybe you should cheer up!!!! First you quit your job soo now your working your way up again and now your girl is in a HIGHER paying job so it should mean more money coming into your household! Relax because women say they have it hard and want equal treatment and all that but what they really want is an easier way to get money, I mean they always take jobs away from men it's been going on for a while now but that is beside the point do what you want because it's your decision good luck.

 

[DJSmooth]

Ok. Thanks for all the help so far - I want to get my act together and I don't want to lose this girl. I've got the wrong attitude about this and need to fix it. The first step is I'm going to meet my old boss to find out why it happened the way it did, that should help me get clear on what I think about it.

I want to wish my GF well.. what is the DJ mindset for a situation like this?

 

[Augie]

I suggest you look at it this way, you have a go getting Girlfriend and the company has lost your talents, that in my book is a win-win celebrate your Girls success in the knowledge that she is yours and chances are with this promotion it will open doors for her to possible leave the company.

 

[Augie]

Ok. Thanks for all the help so far - I want to get my act together and I don't want to lose this girl. I've got the wrong attitude about this and need to fix it. The first step is I'm going to meet my old boss to find out why it happened the way it did, that should help me get clear on what I think about it.

I want to wish my GF well.. what is the DJ mindset for a situation like this?

I would suggest that in light of her achievement a nice dinner in a nice restaurant maybe one you haven been for a while or is a little more up market than normal let her enjoy the occasion.

 

[Augie]

Ask her for a raise... lol.

Lovely idea :crackup: