my fVcking breakup rant

[mongoose01]

my gf broke up with me about a month ago (she dumped me). if you read my prior post she has broken up with me about 8-9 other times. i had always went whining back to her like a b!tch and for whatever reason she would let me back into her life.

i have not talked to her in a month. i have not called nor has she called me. i think about her all fvcking day every god d@mn day all d@mn day long. she is very beautiful and i can't imagine her being with anybody else, but she will.

i'm a fvcked up person. i was jealous, argued alot, the whole nine yards. i just want to call her so bad and just see, i just want to see how her attitude is toward me is. i really love and i'm having a hard time.

sometimes i can't cope. i laid off right now so i try to keep myself busy, but sometimes it's hard. some days i just can't cope and i drink-alot. i cry too. i miss her. i'm having a hard time. i really can't deal with this. i'm 34 and i'm too old for this.

it's just not fair. she can dump me and just put on a dress and get on with life. all this horny bastards will whine and dine-she's that fine. this sh!t is not fair.

the worst thing about is - i was a bad boyfriend. i'm not sure what the hell is wrong with me. something major has to wrong with to drive a such a good person. she was fun to be around and did anything i asked of her.

i want to call her so bad. she hasn't called me. she said she wasn't going to talk to anymore. she has dumped at least 8-10 times and some how we got back together. i must have low self esteem.

now i'm the one that has to sit around lonely and depressed. she wasn't perfect. she didn't have to break up with me. i can't believe she does not even call me. we were talking about getting married. now she won't even talk to me. how can someone do that.

i just want to call and talk to her. i'm having a hard time coping and dealing with this.

i just don't see how someone can turn their back on you like that. we've been together for a year and a half. every fvcking day i was at her place. i was really involved with her life. i would help her son do homework.

it's not fair.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I feel your pain bro, but wallow in your self pity a little longer and after a few months the pain will go away.

You two were not meant for each other - if you broke up ten times already - what is it that you don't understand?

Maybe you'll learn to handle women better because of this - take this as a lesson.

Oh yeah, don't smother a woman to death by being around her on a daily basis, and crawling back on your knees after she dumps you!

Read the DJ Bible - you have alot to learn!!!

 

[ManOMan]

yikes! I went through the same thing.

but one thing you got to do , YOU GOT TO

is stop berating yourself, and putting her on a godly pedestal!!!

NO WOMAN is PERFECT! YOU ARE NOT PERFECT, We all make mistakes!

Im replaying the emotions I felt when my girl dumped me. I felt the same way. Why hasnt she called? we had so much? I drank. No answers. I waited. No Answers. I thought, and thought somemore, NO ANSWERS.

then I came to a point where I was getting so sick of thinking about it, so sick of drinking, so sick of wondering what she is up to. Thoughts of my lame life racing through my head, and thinking how great her life is.

Then I FORCED myself, to change my emotions. Instead of self pity, I got angry. I hated EVERYTHING she stood for. All those times she dissed me, stood me up, didnt return my phone calls, cheated on me, yelled at me all built up.

I hated her.

This anger made the sorrow go away. It felt way better to hate her vs hating myself,or to idolize her and throw my life away

The anger was temporary. Its gone. So is my love for her or missing her.

Im back on track now. I dont hate her anymore. I actually feel pity for her. But realized, anger was part of the healing process I didnt want to feel.

How can you hate someone you love?

but its one of the mechanisms of breakups alot of people dont want to feel , because its socially unacceptable to hate or be angry.

DO IT.

you will see the light, and learn something new about yourself.

 

[NewMan]

I feel your pain.

Same thing happened to me, although I was with her for 4.5 yrs - lived with her for 2.

I thought the same - how could she - how could she throw it all away and go with someone else. How could I find another chick as good looking as her. How could my life go on without her. How bad was I to her. How many guys are lining up to be with her...

The list goes on.

Reality check.

Life goes on my firend.

What's happening now is that your glorifying your past with her. Things were not that good - your jut lonely now - that is why. Your only looking back on the good times - not the bad times

Things will get better slowly.

It's not an overnight process - and it something that you need to go through.

You will grow stronger.

As PRL said - you need to look back and learn from this experience.

What does not kill us makes us stronger.

And me????

7 months on - I'm banging a chickie 8 yrs younger than me. I get it regularly - when I want, how I want.

Is she as good looking as my ex? nope. But there's zero drama - and she takes care fo me. That's all that counts.

 

[KiInCollege]

Given time, everything happens as it should. The stock market may have a bargain share available, but after time, it's value is realized and the latest price truly reflects it's value.

You two were together on and off, but after enough has happened, this is your outcome. You both have learned enough about each other. She wants to do better than you, and you've realized you need to improve yourself for the next girl you meet. Don't make it harder on yourself by getting all emotional. Fukc 10 other women, as they say here...

 

[willo]

that sucks man

I'm going to have a chat with my gf and if things don't improve over the next couple of weeks NEXT
The better part of 6 months waisted grrr

 

[Speed Demond]

Honestly..i know waht your going threw dude....but it's something we all get over...i realised that there was no point in actiing like that..i even analysed her and noticed..SHE WASN"T EVEN MY TYpe! Any ways..i'm sure you'll realise that and you'll laugh at yourself after a while...But in the mean time..if you wanna quick fix...that i found really worked for me...Go GET LAID!! I'm telling ya...it's fun to do..and it'll get your mind completely off of her!

 

[Trance]

The oposite of love isnt hate, its indiference.

 

[WestCoaster]

All your resources are right here!

The good news is everything you need is right here -- well not here on this message board but in those often overlooked articles. Read them and the DJ Bible and call me in the morning!

Seriously, all you'll get on this board is "I feel your pain" (and I do, I've been there a few times -- it sucks, sorry brother) or "shape up."

Believe it or not, the first DJ article I read altered my thinking 180 degrees and rushed me on the way to DJism where I don't need ANY woman's approval anymore.

Here was that gem and I hope it helps:

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/kiss.htm

Please read parts I and II. No woman on this planet should ever dictate your emotional level ... I learned this WAY too late in life as I'm a few years older than you. It sucks being an AFC or even a figmant of one. Trust me, I was the king of AFCs in my younger days.

Oh sure, we get the DJ bashers in here and women who say this philosophy is bunk. It's not.

I do feel your pain, it truly, truly sucks. But the best way to re-think this is to read some of the DJ Bible and the articles and Hall of Fame posts.

Allen Thompson and his guest author's insights are incredible.

This stuff is not being taught, read, or sold anywhere else. READ IT ... please.

 

[ManOMan]

Westcoaster,

I have read that article, and I agree NOBODY should obssess about any girl.

But Allen is somewhat retarded in his assumptions.

#1 How can you just ASSUME she likes you, when every action she has made is contradictory???

She doesnt return my calls? yea , she likes me

She kissed another guy in front of me?, yea she likes me

She tells me we are just friends? Yea she likes me

C'mon, is this even realistic?

If anything, it keeps men delusional and persistent to the point of frustration

I hope allen's posts was meant as a point to soothe one's shattered ego, and not obsess over a girl, but this method is just too far fetched.

We are humans, we take cues from women as to whether they like us or not.

Living in a fantasy world where you choose to ignore those cues and live by unrealistic optimism, will only lead to false hope.

The only cure with avoiding obsessing over 1 girl, is to have MANY to choose from. and I have been down that road.

Most of my oneitus's stemmed from focusing on one girl, and ignoring the rest.(before I found this site)

This will never happen again.

Whenever I feel myself slipping into a oneitus with a girl, I go out and force myself to meet other women, and usually I am pleased at the results.

Oneitus results from a lack of options or choice. When you have a herd of cows, your favorite one slipping away is just so insignificant.

 

[WestCoaster]

ManoMan, perfect cure for oneitis!

Great post by you when you said:

***********************

The only cure with avoiding obsessing over 1 girl, is to have MANY to choose from. and I have been down that road.

Most of my oneitus's stemmed from focusing on one girl, and ignoring the rest.(before I found this site)


*****************************

(How do you get those quotes bolded anyway?)

I think my point on the Allen Thompson article was just that there's not one gal that's worth obsessing over. That article was an eye-opener for me.

I think you should write a DJ tip of the day on having a stable of women to prevent oneitis. Always worked for me, too. It truly is the only way to get over oneitis. Once you realize that there are other fish in the sea and you can hook em', the oneitis starts to go away. It really is the only way to rid oneself of this dreaded disease.

In the end -- no matter how hot a girl is, no matter how much fun she is in the sack or out of it -- she's not worth changing your life over or getting all bent out of shape. Not one gal on this planet is worth obsessing over and once we learn this we'll all be better.

So far in my life American women have been like the Boston Red Sox: Every year I think I'm going to the World Series, and every year in the end, I get screwed over.

Best to focus on career, fitness, friends, overall self-improvement, and let women be a side dish not the main meal.

 

[Lola]

wow you sound a lot like my ex.

the worst thing about is - i was a bad boyfriend. i'm not sure what the hell is wrong with me. something major has to wrong with to drive a such a good person. she was fun to be around and did anything i asked of her.

Im curious. Why do you say that you were a bad boyfriend? Just that you were jealous and argued with her a lot? ^

I think a lot of what you are worried about is that she will find someone else? When we (most women at least) really care about someone its not as easy as you think to get him out of our minds, even when hes screwed up. And if shes gotten back together with you 8 times? Well its obvious to me at least that theres no way shes going to forget about you. Shes probably wondering when youre going to call her to beg for her back. My suggestion is this, dont. Youve gotten into a pattern and dont think she doesnt realise it. If you dont call, at some point she probably will. Then you will have total control of the situation and maybe you'll realise you dont need her. Because to me at least, you two dont sound very good or happy together. Breaking up 8 times in 1 and 1/2 years is not very good.

sometimes i can't cope. i laid off right now so i try to keep myself busy, but sometimes it's hard. some days i just can't cope and i drink-alot. i cry too. i miss her. i'm having a hard time. i really can't deal with this. i'm 34 and i'm too old for this.

Please dont take this the wrong way, but it sounds to me like you should maybe work on yourself a bit before you decide if you need to call her. If you had some other stuff going on for you this may not be the only thing in your mind. Call up some friends and have them come over, or go out with them. Search for a job. Maybe you want to change careers? Take this time for yourself.

I hope everything works out for you. I know how bad a breakup can feel.

 

[mongoose01]

i dont know

the job thing is not a big deal. the company i work for is incorportating under a different and relocating. in the mean time i was told to chill out for a few (i get paid under the table).

i am thinking of relocating to cali. i'm finishing up a no-budget movie i've been working on and writing another script (that's what i've been doing with my time when i'm not just laying around).

you're right i do need to work on myself, i have a self destructive pattern. i'm gonna go back to counseling and try to stop drinking (i'm drinking now).

i know everything wasn't my fault, but i initiated alot of stuff. i get jealous, needling, etc, etc, i have toned down alot but it's hard for me.

women tell i'm attractive or handsome (dark skinned black dude) but sometimes i resign to the fact that i might actually spend my life alone. that's pretty fvcking sad.

i do have this incredible urge to call, but i just can't. she said some harsh sh!t about me and it's probably how she really feels. plus she has already dumped numerous times in the past. i got some sort of pride.

i really do miss her. i'm talking small sh!t that i think of every goddamn day. she way she walked, her smile, hell the way she shaped her eyebrows. she would buy sexy outfits because she knew what i liked her to wear. that's the kinda sh!t i like.

can i find that again. why should i live my live with something i don't want or like. i liked her...sometimes.

my buddy is married. he and his wife are always fvcking arguing. maybe that's part of life (and she's a loud mouth cow).

if he can put up with that sh!t who am i not to crawl back to a beautiful women (even though she has dumped me several times) who has all the attributes i like in a lady.

i'm confused. i need another drink.

i'm gonna get help before i move to cali.

she's not gonna call me. her last relationship lasted well over 5 years and she never called that dude back ever. she moved on. she's doing the same with me.

i think she took me back all those times because it probably gave her a feeling of power. who doesn't like power. she's been trying to get rid of me for months (always saying little sh!t-i don't feel like typing it right now).

sometimes i feel some women are incapable of love.

i'm tired. i gotta scrape a house tomorrow. then i'm to borders to finish up my script.

i still feel like sh!t.

i don't feel like putting forth effort to get some puzzy. i'm really depressed.

sorry this was so long.

 

[mongoose01]

one more thing

when i move to cali and become a successful director of my insane movies-i'm gonna screw lots of rap video *****s.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Get yourself together hombre! Your best move is to get over this woman and try to find someone more compatible to your nature. If two people are always fighting then this tells me it is a compatibility issue. There must be a balance in the personalities of those involved in the relayionship!

If this woman likes to control and have power over you, why are you, as a man, allowing such a role reversal - you are of the more aggressive sex not her!!! Do not call her or crawl back to her, this is exactly why she is controlling the relationship - because you let her!

Why does she weaken your state of mind so much? Let me guess, hhhmmmmmmmm? Could it be what's between her legs? 'No' you say, "It's because she treats me very well"! Then why are you treating her so bad? Your anger? Your jealousy? Why are you angry and jealous?

Honwstly answer this and your next relationship will be a more fruitful one!! And no, the answer is not in a bottle!!!

 

[Lola]

you're right i do need to work on myself, i have a self destructive pattern. i'm gonna go back to counseling and try to stop drinking (i'm drinking now).

That is really healthy of you to say. Seriously very cool.

she's not gonna call me. her last relationship lasted well over 5 years and she never called that dude back ever. she moved on. she's doing the same with me.

My ex boyfriend said that he had never called a woman to come back to him. Guess what? He ended up calling me. If there is really something there and the relationship is something real that she misses, she will contact you. Right now you are in a pattern with her. She knows you will call. I bet you anything right now shes wondering why you havent already and when were you going to.

i think she took me back all those times because it probably gave her a feeling of power. who doesn't like power.

No. I wouldnt put myself back into a relationship I didnt want to be in for the idea of having power over him. Unless shes insane I doubt thats it. She probably missed you.

sometimes i feel some women are incapable of love.

I think everyone has a different limit to which they can love. I love to a 10 but I think my ex loved to an 8. Does that make sense? Just a theory.

i do have this incredible urge to call, but i just can't. she said some harsh sh!t about me and it's probably how she really feels.

Everyone says things they dont mean when theyre angry. Dont you?

Ok well ive written a book. Sorry its so long. So anyway, besides her being beautiful, is there anything else that is keeping you there? Beauty doesnt last forever and definately doesnt make a relationship. You guys are in a pattern and if you do go back to her you may need some couples counseling. If you dont get that more than likely you will just break up again. Vicious cycle repeats. Its a lot to think about. Do you think she/it is worth it?

 

[Biz]

Whoa...i thought i was readin' my story....bc it was about a month ago for me as well...haha but hey man...stop feelin' so down on yourself....do something that'll keep your mind off of things....i personally decide to stop feelin sorry for myself and hit up the weight room and partied out with my friends....both obvoiusly did lotta good for me....find something fun to do and keep your mind occupied....

 

[cactus3178]

get up.

*Grabs Mongoose by the collar*

Listen, bro....none of this is meant to be taken personally. I'm gonna give you some real advice that WILL help you on your way. The same advice I was given here when I was in your shoes. I've said it once, I'll say it again: the information on these boards and in the DJ bible changed my life...


You sound EXACTLY like me precisely three months ago. I've been there and been even worse. Not sleeping, constantly thinking about 'her'. Everything reminds you of her, right? Can't eat...feel sick to your stomache sometimes?

People in that situation (myself included in the past) tend to focus only on the parts of their (former) relationship that they liked. The first thing you should do is look back at the parts of your relationship that you didn't like. Was there ever a time that you wanted her to change something about herself, or maybe a compromise that wasn't met? What about the relationship made you question it's future? Anything? Would you really be able to spend the rest of your LIFE with this person in complete harmony??

In order for a woman to respect you, your ex or any potential future g/f, you have to be respectable. You have to have drive, motivation, ambition. You've got to have things going on in your life that are more important than your ex!! Screw her, your a busy man with places to go and people to see! Your going places, and you can't let her dictate your feelings or what your future holds. Women are attracted to guys who can provide, and are unpredictable and charismatic. They need to feel safe, and they need to have some mystery and action in their lives. Be a busy man, whether it's work or play....you don't always have time for her (or any other girl) because you have a life of your own too. Create this scenario in your life, and your girl trouble goes out the window.

Is there anything you like to do that your ex used to complain about? Now's the time to take that hobby, etc up again. Again, be busy! If your laid off, go looking for a new job in the meantime. Non-action breeds a stagnant life, quickly. DO NOT FALL DOWN!! Have something, anything to do during the day or during the night....preferrably both. Personally, the nights alone is what used to bother me. Have friends over. Go places. I understand that money can be an issue if your laid off. It doesn't have to be expensive, many things are free and fun. If you go out drinking, don't get blasted. It just creates more problems because emotions are amplified and let's face it, people do stupid **** when their drunk.

The main point is that, and this may come as a shock (it did to me).......even if she NEVER CALLS YOU AGAIN......you are a fun, outgoing person who's doing things with his life. Your a catch. Somewhere, there's lucky ladies looking for you too. I hate to tell you to do it, because you don't want to hear it, but move on. Just move on. Do you really want to feel like this for the rest of your life?

It's a process, too. Don't expect to wake up tomorrow feeling like a million bucks. It takes time, but I've been exactly where you are today, and I'm in a place worlds better today. I know it's hard and I honestly do feel for you, bro. It's tough and don't be ashamed of your feelings. I promise you that it does get better.

Now go do what I said and start a new life for yourself. Only you have the power to do it. Good luck!