My friends ex making moves on me

horaholic

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She broke up with him 2 or 3 weeks ago for cheating. Im flirty with every girl, including her. I've noticed her kind of after me lately, and even a couple months ago she said "I've Im ever single, we're soooo making out." I reply, "well, you're dating so and so, you'd be off limits." Anyway, whenever she tried to escalate lately, (after the breakup, not before) I kept saying, "you're so and sos ex, I cant do that, at least not yet." She got a little mad a couple times "He's an a**hole, he cheated on me, fvck him!"

Well, we're a somewhat small social circle, and everyone is friends with him. He owns a tattoo shop, and a really nice guy, but a DOG with the ladies. They dated for two years, I think, and she's living with him till the 1st of the month, when she can get her new house.

So last night, everybody went to this really rad punk-rock christmas opera thing, then everybody went back to our home bar. I end up sitting next to her at he bar. Her ex leaves, and things escalate a little. I tried to resist (not really hard, though), but Im only human, and have been in a dry spell. This bar is drama central, also. Nothing happens there without everyone hearing about it. So, Im trying to get her to ease up, but I was in a good mood, and the devil on my right shoulder took over. So, I cave in eventually. My resistance was turning her on. She say she wants to make out with me, but she wont have sex with me. Im like, 'yeah right!' So I tell her NOONE can know about this, and you know how this place is. I tell her I'm going out the back door and home, and if she goes through the front door and to my place I'll let her in. The display in the bar wasn't MUCH more than we normally are.

So she comes in, we make out, jump in bed, and discussing how noone can find out, blah blah blah, Then she says how our friend, who is an artist at her ex's shop, was earlier asking her why I was sitting on her lap for a minute. Im thinking "great:confused:" So we plan for DENIAL. She was adament about not having sex, so I start to do a 'freeze out' and she says she should probably go. I reply very casually "do what you gotta do, if you want to go, go ahead" and I reassure her that Im not mad, which I really wasnt. So she leaves, whatever.

So today, I feel really shytty about the whole thing, and plan to put a stop to anything with her in the future, but Im worried this will bite me in the ass, and if it does, I deserve it, but I dont want to lose friends over a piece of tail, and Im not really feeling it, anyway.

I dont know whether I should pretend nothing happened, and deny deny deny, or if I should head the drama off at the pass by talking to her ex, and apologizing. She SAYS she doesnt want him to find out either, "If I was using you for revenge, I would've fvcked the shyt out of you and went home and told him, so dont worry." -but who knows with chicks, right? I see these people almost daily. I think if I get called out on it by anyone, I will say "I was drunk and horny, and nothing really happened, i was tempted, but I stopped it, and I dont want to be 'that guy,' and nothing else will happen, at least not yet." I never even considered this chick a 'plate.' At one point in bed, she asked me how long I've been crushing on her, and I replied honestly "I really haven't been. You're good looking, I'm single, and I'm not gay. Get over yourself." She didnt like that one! I forget what she said when I asked her the same question.

Let me also state for the record: I would only be in it for the pvssy, and yes I know she isnt ready for a relationship, and thats not what I want anyway.

Lets hear your thoughts.
 

jophil28

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horaholic said:
She broke up with him 2 or 3 weeks ago for cheating.
Hey Rebound Guy !!
She is using you do create just enough drama to yank her B/fs chain. Then she is hoping that he will beat up on you so that she feels back in control and her ego is re-inflated because two dumbshytes are competing for her...
THis is high school stuff. Walk away now.
 

horaholic

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Yeah, Im sure you're right. Theres no chance he will wanna fight over it though, thats not him at all, and he is a true DJ who can take his pick of women, and always has a shytload of plates spinning. I just feel like a total a$$hole for doing what i did. Im sure he's banged at least five chicks by now, but thats besides the point. They were together for a long time, so Im sure he's bummed about it, even though he doesnt show it.

I dont give a crap if Im a rebound guy, as long as their ex isnt a friend of mine. I just like sex, Im pretty good at keeping my emotions in check these days, and if Im a rebound guy, they wont stick around, so its less drama for me, and I get what I want.

I've already decided that I would walk away. I wasnt feeling any chemistry anyway. Im just worried about any damage to friendships as a result of last night. I dont know if I should try to sweep the whole thing under the rug, and hope people dont gossip about it, or man up and tell him I fvcked up, and apologize.

If I were in his shoes, I wouldnt want to know about it, but if i found out, I would hope the other party would own up to the situation, and I'd be cool with him afterwards. It shows class when someone does, in my book.
 

jophil28

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horaholic said:
If I were in his shoes, I wouldnt want to know about it, but if i found out, I would hope the other party would own up to the situation, and I'd be cool with him afterwards. It shows class when someone does, in my book.
If they are broken up, there is NO reason for you to say anything. BUt go ahead and say something to him if you feel the need to. Are you certain that they are parting company, or are you just taking her word? I have been in your situation and the woman told me what your chick is saying .It turned out that she was just pissed at the guy and she played me for a huge ego bloat and then went back to him ten months later.
AS hard as it is to believe this, women do not always tell the truth...I know...unbelievable isn't it ?

However ,you wrote that she is still living at his house until the 1st. Perhaps you should have waited until she moved out...
 

horaholic

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Yes, I know for a fact they're really broke up. I wasnt trying to go for her, it just kinda happened. My game was just 'on' last night, with her anyway. I wasnt trying, I was just being me, and I dont have much willpower when a good looking girl is throwing her vagina at me. Neither does he though, or they wouldnt be broke up! Im sure everything will be fine. Worst case scenario: a few of our friends will think Im a dyck for a minute, then it will blow over.
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

jophil28

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horaholic said:
I wasnt trying to go for her, it just kinda happened.
Dude, you were doing OK with me until you wrote that line..
" it just kinda happened ".
So a young woman just kinda happened to get into your bed ? Get a grip. YOu maneuvered her there, and now you are worried about whether there is going to be any social flak. That is OK but you did not have to let her into your house. YOu let her in because you were wanting some.

That is how women explain their blunders .." i didn't ever intend to screw a married man. He was just there one night and we HAPPENED to go to a hotel and we HAPPENED to get naked and then...well it just kinda HAPPENED."

Sheesh.
 

decades

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go for it if you want to insert an enourmous amount of drama into your life. is your life in a position where you could easily absorb enough drama to shut a person down?

your game wasn't "on" that night. You were just "it" that night. unlucky for you.
 

Magma

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She just wants a "grudge fvck."

Come on man, snap out of it fer crissakes! You're a grown-ass man. Stop making excuses for this and that, and just realize that subconciously you were wanting to bone her. Then, you made up excuses for that subconcious desire. Excuses like, "It just happened" or "My game wasn't on." Pffffttt!!!

I'm not judging anything here. I'm just attempting to point out your rationale and how ridiculous it is.

It just amazes me how there are millions of women out there that need a good old-fashioned pilin' up, and guys are so willing to settle for seconds.
 

horaholic

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O.k., BAD choice of words on my part. I deserve shyt for saying that, I should know better. The only thing I meant by that, was that AT FIRST, it was not my intention, and that's the truth. However, once I made the unwise decision to go for it, I led the entire situation, and rather well, as far as gaming goes. This is why I said 'my game was on.' If you knew me, you would know that I occasionally still find ways to fvck up, even when chicks are throwing vagina at me. I'm proud of myself by the way I handled the seduction phase this time. It was one of my personal best, even if she did make it easy for me.

The point is, I know it didnt 'just happen,' but my mindset at first, was not 'Shes single now, Im gonna hit it, tough shyt for her ex,' which, if news gets out, will be what everyone will think. Thats all I meant. Im not trying to make excuses, I did what I did, and now I'm putting the brakes on.

"your game wasn't "on" that night. You were just "it" that night. unlucky for you."

Thats a good line, I like it. I understand what you are saying, but I disagree. Im a great catch, and she knows it. Yes, shes on the rebound, and maybe she does want to fvck with her ex a little, but she is (and was before) attracted to who I am. Give me a little credit! If the situation were different and she was 100% available, I have no doubt she would STILL be on my nuts, proabably even harder, actually. I'm sure she'd love to reap the benefits of any drama caused and all, but that's not the sole reason behind her attraction. If that were the case, she would have been flirting with me in front of her ex, wouldnt you agree? I told her straight up that I dont trust her, and dont believe a word she says, and I dont.

Guys, I know the games chicks play, and I appreciate and respect the advice and criticisms given, just dont sell me short by implying that Im not good enough for her to actually be attracted to. Its bad timing, and I've learned that if the timing is bad with two people, its game over. No 'maybe someday,' or that crap. Its a lost cause. Move on.
 

horaholic

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Magma said:
^^^ Awesome.

Dude, I never meant to imply that you have no game. In fact, I believe that "game recognizes game."

Glad you're seeing things as they really are. Here's to the New Year!

Hey, thanx man! I'll give you the latest update. I ran into my friend who works for her ex, and he didnt say anything about it, and he is the one that most likely would tell me to my face how fvcked up it is, so, for now, anyway, I think its behind closed doors. Im gonna keep my mouth shut about it, and when I see her, Im gonna LJBF her.
 

horaholic

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Heres the latest update.

Two nights ago, Im out with my friends at our local bar. Ex-guy shows up, and eventually, we cross paths, and we shake hands and say whats up, and its friendly, but he has this look in his eyes like hes kind of mad, but doesnt say shyt. (or maybe I just read it wrong, I dunno.)

Anyway some chick that I kinda know, and have never really liked, and have always been a total dyck to, TOTALLY gets on my nuts. Finally, Im like "Fine. Do you wanna go to my place and makeout?" She thinks Im fvcking with her! She's saying "You hate me! You're lying!" I tell her if I hated her, I wouldnt even talk to her. So, accepts my offer, but it took me a while to get her to leave.


Then, Ex guy comes over and starts moving in on her hard. I casually walk away, and let her chase me. Then she keeps calling for me, and I keep going over, trying to get her to leave, then walking away, etc. Finally, Ex guy is hanging on her, and turns to me, and says "dude, come get your girl, shes into you" and walks away to chat up another chick, who me and my girl are both know. My girl talks to her and comes back. She says she told her she was going home with me, and the other chick says she wanted to go with us!!! Im like "Hell yeah!" On our way out, Ex guy is still moving in on the other chick, and I figured Id be pushing it if I went over and invited his chick for a threesome, so I didnt. It is still a possibility BTW! Anyway, I take my girl home and grudge-fvcked her.

So Im wondering if ex guy is gonna pull shyt like that with me, does it make it fair game for me to bang his ex? I realize that he may have did that to me as a retaliation for what I did, which is fair, in a sense. Im also starting to think that he would have did the same thing to me with my ex, with no quarrels. Hes always been cool to me, and everyone else, but I think there is serious hypocrisy about chicks and sex around here. Noone ever gets pissed when someone cheats on their SO, even if they're friends with both parties. Yet, its 'fvcked up' for this chick to go for me after dumping him for living a double life and cheating, and its 'fvcked up' for me to go for it?

Why isnt he the bad guy in this situation, instead of me and her? He's my buddy, but I feel NO sympathy for him. I think I give my friends WAY too much credit, and I'm starting to think it would be AFC of me to back off just because of him, if he would do it to me in a heartbeat.
Or, would that make me 'stooping to their level.' These people are all my buddies, and a select few of them, I consider real friends, but they are fvcked up in certain ways. Maybe I should just go for what I want, and let everyone deal with it however they want. It seems that thats what they do. They'll get over it eventually, anyway.
 

horaholic

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I forgot to mention that I saw the original chick last night too. I told her I didnt need that kind of drama, and what not and its nothing personal. She says she didnt say shyt to anyone, and nothing is going on anyway and Im just being paranoid. We went across the street to the late night taco-mobile then to my place to eat. We talked about shyt, and she told me what her ex did to her, and lets put it this way: I now have SERIOUS dirt on him, that I will never repeat, not even on this forum! I tell her that even if I did go for her, and it turns into anything more than just sex, I will just be a rebound anyway, and the timing is bad, and bad timing never turns into anything, in my experience. Shes says shes had a crush on me for a long time, and maybe the timing will be right someday, and quit being such a pessimist. I said maybe, but doubtful, and lets not hold our breath. Then we made out for a minute and she went home.
 

Magma

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horaholic said:
Or, would that make me 'stooping to their level.'
Yes, imo, this would be stooping to their level. See, I think that these boards should be used to help guys improve as men. All this drama (reading your post gave me a headache, to be honest) is juvenile, and serves as extraneous clutter in your life.

You are projecting a "scarcity mentality" by even considering inviting this drama into your life. As a man working from a position of abundance, you don't need this stuff. It impedes your growth.

Let it go, and see how much better you will feel b/c of it.

Respect.
 

Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.

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Mr. Me

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Whatever happened to the notion of "bro's before ho's"? But warning: if you followed that, then you'd have to live without all this high school level drama.
 

Hooligan Harry

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Am I the only one here who is grateful you are not a mate?

Jesus Christ. Friends making moves on each others girls, hitting on chicks others guys have called dibs on, sleeping with ex girlfriends before the sun is even up. This is not how friends behave. You put something as abundant as ***** over and above your friends? Its a piece of ass at the end of the day.

The only thing that has been AFC here is the fact that you are a 31 year old man acting like a schoolboy.

Bah, **** it. If this **** does not come naturally to you at your age it never will. You talk about game when you fail to realise that your inner game is so non existent it does not matter how you approach this. Its like watching women in action.
 
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