My friend is so AFC...

[The_last_Gunslinger]

...that he's beginning to drive away his male friends. Its beyond AFC at this point, and truly sad for him.

I've known this guy for close to 8 years, he never really had a girlfriend and when he did manage to hook-up with a semi attractive nutcase he pulled all the classic AFC tricks day after day until finally that wreck of a woman dumped him. It's worse when damaged goods dump you because your just so damn AFC.

So the last 8 years have basically been him giving up incrementally. He has surrounded himself in his apartment with everything that makes him comfortable. He invites friends over often but rarely goes out. He is the master of the world in his apartment. He gets to call the shots and act like the one in charge for the evenings. Unfortunately those evening never consist of having girls over or doing anything new. It becomes him retelling stories over and over again, watching the same damn television shows. The poor guy hasn't seen a gym in 15 years and it shows, his weight is becoming rather unsightly. His closet is filled with cloths from the mid 90s, some completely fused with pit stains. He uses cynicism as a substitute for personality, generally casting off anything new, challenging or exciting as "kids ****". When he does go out he hovers, clings to his friends like a bad characterization of a drowning rat. When out of his carefully manufactured comfort zone he puts on a frown, and adopts closed body language. So not only does he harm himself socially, he effects the rest of us sitting with him. Nothing like trying to talk to a girl while some fat, glum AFC is 3 inches from your shoulder chewing up your happy, approachable aura. I offered him the book of pook about 2 years ago. He just looked at me and scoffed, acted like he didn't need this type of help or maybe was to embarrassed to admit so, even though I explained to him that I was just as embarrassed to admit that I needed external help and that by showing him the book of pook I opened myself for his criticism yet genuinely wanted to help him.

Well the time and energy to help is past. My life can no longer revolve around my friends at this age (35). My time must be dedicated to me, and I must maximize my efforts for maximum results. What does that mean for my super AFC friend? At this point I consider him cut adrift. He is a liability at any social gathering involving people he doesn't know or any gathering with females involved in any form. He either intentional or unintentionally ****blocks me at the most inopportune times. Since we don't ask him to come out anymore and we plan around him it seems he has grown even more bitter. An AFC of this magnitude, in such denial about himself, going in the direction he is becoming sad to watch. I hope the best for this guy. I just don't want the wet blanket draped around my shoulders anymore.

Point of my short story guys: Don't give up, always be moving forward. It's not Hollywood where the brooding heartbroken good guy is one day rewarded with an intense love in the form of Cameron Diaz. If you think giving up will somehow garner you the pity attention from friends and they will somehow work overtime to help you get a girl is a fantasy. You will only create a bigger and bigger hole for yourself. You will construct a comfort zone so fulfilling for your myopic, lonely life that it will become your prison, and you will not be able to operate outside of it.

Keep fighting, fight with every fiber of your being! I would rather rip the world and myself apart fighting for opportunities and chances than admit defeat and watch my life deteriorate with no love, friends, or joy. You can end up losing more than just getting your **** wet. :box:

 

[zekko]

He is the master of the world in his apartment. He gets to call the shots and act like the one in charge for the evenings. Unfortunately those evening never consist of having girls over or doing anything new.

Some people on this forum are so cynical about women that I wonder why they want them in their life in the first place.

Sorry about your friend, but it's his choice how he lives his life. At least you tried.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work, but never forget it's like triagé; save the ones you can, read last rites to the dying.

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

 

[The_last_Gunslinger]

Thank you Rollo for referring to law 10.

Make no mistake men, its very real. I never thought you could be an AFC by association, it felt very much like an infection.

Having a small amount of cynicism to draw from can add a lot of wit and ****iness to your style, but too much cynicism can lead to a lack of joy, and extensible your ability to have fun and demonstrate fun. I almost fell into this trap by hanging out with him so much, even adopting his house as a proxy comfort zone. "Why go out, we have beer and games here" I would think. Why, because misery loves company.

We talk a lot about seduction on these boards. The tricks, attitudes, frames of mind, self worth, etc, but take strong note of the company you keep. You want people to elevate you, not sink you. When you find the right people to spend time with, you'll naturally feed off of each others positive energy. The company you keep demonstrates how you value yourself.

Call it what you want; vibe, aura, moxy, 6th sense, instinct. It can be affected for better or worse

 

[Warrior74]

This is the reason most of my former friends have become acquaintances. You sound like you are talking about a few of my old friends. And they drag you back into that mindstate with them, or they hate on you for not cosigning their BS.

 

[squirrels]

Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work, but never forget it's like triagé; save the ones you can, read last rites to the dying.

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Is that an Iron Law of Tomassi, or one of Robert Greene's "48 Laws of Power"?

I wouldn't de-friend him entirely, but I WOULD be seeking better stuff to do and better friends to do it with. If he's a real friend, you can be straight with him. Just tell him, "Man, nothing against you, but I'm just tired of sitting around the house and being miserable. I'm going out...you're welcome to come, but don't sit there and be a sad-sack. Try to enjoy yourself."

Back in my AFC days, I was a "downer" in the clubs at times, too...it took my friends basically telling me to "shut the fugg up" to snap me out of it.

If you can't be brutally honest with your guy-friends, then are they anything more than girls with penii?

 

[Splendidostring]

You guys are harsh

I do understand it's hard to deal with a friend like that but yet he came from somewhere .. where he is now is the direct result of this whole life. It sounds more like you're looking for an excuse to get rid of him. I mean hell, sure he can be cynical, but hey news flash, life's a *****! Sure, it's not a reason to always feel like a victim but it's also impossible to be always on top. As a matter of fact, everyone here who can say they're on top had to reach the bottom like your friend might be doing now ..who knows maybe you're gonna be looking at a changed individual someday. It's not your job to tell him so, your job is to be his friend. Trust me, if you suggest him stuff to read or stuff that could help, he won't accept because that makes him feel like he's not worth a damn and he doesn't like that. Don't tell him what to do, show him the way with your own actions, actions speak louder than words.

My 2 cents, later.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Some insight about the topic

1. "I must be cruel, only to be kind"

We see our compassionate generosity often abused. It seems to some, the more you give them, the more you should give. These people act as if you owe them. Out of your desire to be kind, you expose yourself without a protective shield. Strange but true, we often abuse those who support and loves us the most.

2. "Beat ten men in combat using your spirit"

We say either "I´m available for you to take advantage of me" or "Don´t tread on me". It´s not whether your words or actions are tough or gentle; it´s the spitit behind your actions and words that announces your inner state.

Thick Face, Black Heart