My First Next

[darkstarrr]

Just a quick progress report.

My first next after flying over the coo coo's nest last year. I hope all of my mentors here are proud.

Had dinner plans at 8pm with Plate 2. She calls at 7 and says shange of plans - that she can't go to dinner at 8 with me because her friend (a female) is in town and they are going to the club at 1030pm and I can go with them if I want. I was hungry, had to rearrange my dinner plans. I told her I would get back to her.

Instead I went out with Plate 3 to dinner etc nice make out necking close. Had a great time. Starting around midnight plate 2 starts calling and texting. I didn't respond. Maybe I over reacted. I don't care. I didn't like her that much anyways.

 

[librito]

that is the freedom and peace of mind that spinning plates will give to you.
options options, options, when a door closes two more will open.
when a vagina closes, two more will open.

 

[decades]

Just a quick progress report.

My first next after flying over the coo coo's nest last year. I hope all of my mentors here are proud.

Had dinner plans at 8pm with Plate 2. She calls at 7 and says shange of plans - that she can't go to dinner at 8 with me because her friend (a female) is in town and they are going to the club at 1030pm and I can go with them if I want. I was hungry, had to rearrange my dinner plans. I told her I would get back to her.

Instead I went out with Plate 3 to dinner etc nice make out necking close. Had a great time. Starting around midnight plate 2 starts calling and texting. I didn't respond. Maybe I over reacted. I don't care. I didn't like her that much anyways.

:cheer:

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DarkStarr,
Very hard to put it better than Librito....But why buy them Dinner?

 

[Jitterbug]

Well done, that's the way! Say NO to those unacceptable female BS behaviours, and make it a solid NO by having options!

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Nice job. Never, ever look back, or question your decision. Always look forward. Every nexted plate gives you more self respect and boosts your self confidence and self esteem.

Momentum is key.

Nice to read a success story. Thanks.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Nice one! Whether or not you have other girls in the pipeline, this is the type of standard for acceptable behavior that you should keep. By nexting girls that aren't respectful, you are in effect choosing how the women in your life treat you. That's powerful stuff. Getting love and respect from women is largely a result of setting up rules to work in your favor and refusing to play if they don't.

 

[Mr. Me]

Had dinner plans at 8pm with Plate 2. She calls at 7 and says shange of plans - that she can't go to dinner at 8 with me because her friend (a female) is in town and they are going to the club at 1030pm and I can go with them if I want.

You did well.

Obviously she decided that seeing her GF was more of a priority then respecting the plans she had with you. That warrants not just a next for tonight, but forever.

And if she calls, you have to hear a sincere apology - not an excuse - along with an offer that she makes of her own accord to make it up to you. Without both those components, forgiving her would show her that she can wrong you, offer up an apology or excuse and expect that everything will be right again. So there has to be an act of contrition to show she's earnest, like offering to treat YOU to dinner or something significant.

I told her I would get back to her.

Next time, say "No, that won't do." It's stronger.

Instead I went out with Plate 3 to dinner

Sends the signal, "I'm not that busy/popular as to be booked in advance"

You don't really need another plate to sub for someone you nexted. You simply need to be okay with nexting someone, period. Our strength should not have to rely on being supported outside of ourselves by the availability of other women. Maybe I'm strange, but I just would've treated myself to a nice dinner somewhere, count my blessings that she weeded herself out, and see if there were any pretty ladies out that night.

 

[djzulu]

Good job! Never take plates seriously - since they are just plates.

I have been seeing the same 3 plates for over 1.5 years and had everything happen - from them canceling on me, to two of them wanting to see me at the same time. I am always one step removed from the situation - they don't want to see me? Fine - I will just go with the other one.

Should you see her again? That's entirely up to you, but there are no rules - you are a plate for her too...

P.S. - I have decided to replenish my stock, so as of 2 days ago need to find new plates - plates get dirty after 1 year

 

[jophil28]

You don't really need another plate to sub for someone you nexted. You simply need to be okay with nexting someone, period. Our strength should not have to rely on being supported outside of ourselves by the availability of other women. Maybe I'm strange, but I just would've treated myself to a nice dinner somewhere, count my blessings that she weeded herself out, and see if there were any pretty ladies out that night.

I agree. Having other women available makes it a little easier to slide across when plan A goes south, but having your rules of engagment set in stone and being willing to apply them with ruthlessness is much more mature than relying on "plates" to emotionally sooth and smooth you when you get all hissy after a flake.

 

[Mr. Me]

Why get hissy at all? I mean, when someone flakes, naturally, you're not going to like it and you'll have a moment to experience that lousy feeling, but then your brain needs to check in and say, "Okay, Self. She flaked. This stuff happens, don't dwell on it. Instead, you know what that means you have to do. Now do it."

I was seeing a girl about a year and a half ago, and in all respects she conducted herself right by me. That is, until the fifth month of dating, where she started to feel a lot more comfortable, apparently, because she cancelled a date on me out of spite. Just because my plan was to go out and she felt that plan slighted her, that staying in with her should've been enough for me. The problem was, the previous date we had we stayed in, and I felt that if I did that again, eventually she'd complain that we never go out! You know how women claim to want something and then when they get it, they object. So I wanted to keep the dating activities diversified despite herself.

Anyway, she calls to cancel, making up an excuse like she's doing this for me, and my response was to play along and say "Hey, thanks for thinking so much of me!" and that was that. A few minutes later she calls back and I let it go to VM, her message was about how what I just said got to her because she saw that I saw through her nonsense and how she really cancelled because she felt slighted. I didn't call her back. Three days later she calls and it goes to VM and her message is a long, rambling excuse intended to sound like an apology, but when someone says "I'm so sorry I acted that way" yet backs that up with "I was going through PMS" and "You made me feel as if staying in with me isn't enough for you", then it's not really an apology. Interestingly, she ended the call by saying "I realize that I lost out on a good thing". But anyhow, I didn't hear an apology, just her shifting the blame, and there was no "let me make it up to you", so what could I do? If I called her back and said, "Awww, that's okay sweetie, all's forgiven. I'll see ya Saturday!" then I've just trained her to abuse me. I put her out of my mind, didn't dwell on it. which is key. Never called her back, never heard from her again. At that particular moment in time, I had no other plates.

My friends think I'm too tough on these women when nexting them. It appears "ruthless", though I think it's not, it's very fair and justified. But I think you have to be like this, or suffer somewhere down the line (and I've suffered enough in the past, thank you very much) and I think the guys that rely on other women to make them feel okay with nexting someone are walking on quicksand in a way. To me, spinning plates is more about enjoying variety.

 

[STR8UP]

Anyway, she calls to cancel, making up an excuse like she's doing this for me, and my response was to play along and say "Hey, thanks for thinking so much of me!" and that was that. A few minutes later she calls back and I let it go to VM, her message was about how what I just said got to her because she saw that I saw through her nonsense and how she really cancelled because she felt slighted. I didn't call her back. Three days later she calls and it goes to VM and her message is a long, rambling excuse intended to sound like an apology, but when someone says "I'm so sorry I acted that way" yet backs that up with "I was going through PMS" and "You made me feel as if staying in with me isn't enough for you", then it's not really an apology.

Interesting point. This is how women "apologize" 95% of the time. And you're right...it isn't an apology at all, it's simply an excuse disguised as an apology.

As far as nexting women for stuff like this....I think it will always be a judgment call. Too many extenuating circumstance to say that if she cancels you should automatically next.

Good points about not needing another plate to be able to next. That is truly the key....being able to drop a woman in a second if she doesn't meet your terms despite having other women around. Women have a VERY hard time doing this, and that's why you end up with a lot of flaky behavior from them in the beginning. She knows she has other "plates" so until you prove that you are a superman, lots of times they are wishy washy because they know they have a backup plan, even if it isn't that good. Keeps that fragile ego intact.

 

[decades]

so many guys feel the need to save face on the forums by having a backup plan when something goes "south" by saying "i called another plate" or "I got 3 numbers after that". What's wrong with just accepting something didn't go as planned and just "living with it", like perhaps actually being, gasp, by yourself? This isn't a competition.

 

[Warrior74]

so many guys feel the need to save face on the forums by having a backup plan when something goes "south" by saying "i called another plate" or "I got 3 numbers after that". What's wrong with just accepting something didn't go as planned and just "living with it", like perhaps actually being, gasp, by yourself? This isn't a competition.

You're right. Plates are just a tool to get to that point. Don't forget, the average guy here is coming from being an AFC or destroyed by some bdp woman....something along those lines. So plates just help him keep his head up high, knowing he has options. Eventually you realise your own selfworth when you next a girl for real and honest reasons and you have no plates lined up and it doesn't affect your inner game and you don't doubt your decision. I just reached that point at the end of last year. I don't have to put up with crappy acting women, and I'm not afraid of being alone, and I know I will always be able to find a woman somewhere.