My first LJBF experience , and some questions

[MattB]

had dinner with her at the cafeteria , when i got back to my room, i got this message


on msn

[matt...I just wanted to clarify that you and I are friends. It's just that lately I've been getting a vibe from you that you want us to be something more. But I don't really see it more than just a checking in on each other once in a while kind of thing. See you around]

my reply


[yeah i do like you but I respect ur decisions. We can just be friends

oh yeah but if you do go camping , invite me to come hiking] (cus i really do wanna hike and i dont know anyone else who does this)


anywas I am ljbfed
so what do I do when I see her? Just casual and ****? And is it true that once i am the the lJBF zone, is over? Of course now I have little, if any hopes for her and will be dating other girls now.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Its okay, your alright.

Im glad that you know that its time for new pursuits. You should'nt have said "Yeah I do like you", its corny and now she'll know she can get in your head. When you said it there was no point of saying it. But don't worry about it, your not going to let her do that are you?

 

[becker]

I agree that you're ok, but you shouldn't have said anything about liking her.

If I were in that position, I would have played it off like it was obvious that you two were friends, then just totally play the LJBF game with her by acting like a total friend who is completely disinterested in her. Make her think that there's something wrong with her in that she can't attract a nice guy like you, and all she gets are jerks. Then, play hard to get once she tries to pursue you. That should do it.

 

[Oxide]

ouchy, where did u go wrong?

 

[TesuqueRed]

It may NOT be the first time you've been LJBF'd, although it may be the first time you've been so clearly and unequivocably LJBF'd...

What to do? Be friendly and polite, but cut the time with her in half, or more. Let her see you moving on. I'd convey a sense of quiet amusement.

Of course you've already got the right idea by moving on, so your instincts are right.

 

[MattB]

hang around here for so long has taught me one important thing, dont be desperate and shvt

anyways, i said "i like you" bcus we both know thats a fact, and i dont think is shameful to say it
but maybe thats a bad move, haha , nothing i can do about it now though

haha

and yeah, previously i was like seeing her once a week
i mean think i should see her once a month now or something
but i guess i kinda saw this shvt coming
cus I can tell that she wasnt too interestd at me

 

[Oxide]

just another girl man, just another girl.

 

[thecraftylefty]

MattB,

You did the right thing man. Just because you showed your attraction for her doesn't mean you are less of a man. You showed strength in character and that takes some balls. Just keep DJing the ladies and you'll be just fine.

Getting LJBF from a girl is nothing to be ashamed of because we've all been there. It's just a matter up picking yourself back up and being as strong as you were before. Learn from this encounter and good things will come your way. I know it.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

 

[MattB]

my buddies think that I am upset about this
but i am not

and they think i am lying
hahaha

honestly guys, i dont know why( maybe i am not afc anymore), but i dont feel sad or depressed
in fact, i feel sort of relived
ahhaha

 

[Arctic_FoX]

No matter

Originally posted by becker
I agree that you're ok, but you shouldn't have said anything about liking her.

If I were in that position, I would have played it off like it was obvious that you two were friends, then just totally play the LJBF game with her by acting like a total friend who is completely disinterested in her. Make her think that there's something wrong with her in that she can't attract a nice guy like you, and all she gets are jerks. Then, play hard to get once she tries to pursue you. That should do it.

Good advice man, good advice. She has decided that perhaps you're not "worth it", not knowing her loss. Well, if she chooses not to find out how great a guy you can be, then it's her loss. Give her half the attention that you used to, and see what goes.

Remember:

Getting LJBF from a girl is nothing to be ashamed of because we've all been there. It's just a matter of picking yourself back up and being as strong as you were before. Learn from this encounter and good things will come your way. I know it

 

[Aisle55]

Meet new girls. When you REALLY lose interest in her, she'll know, then she'll give you attention. Just like in Swingers (great DJ movie). It's become apparent to me recently that girls DO have this radar in them that let's them know when ex-bfs and guys who were formerly interested, TRULY LOSE interest. I stopped calling a girl for 2 months and totally forgot about her, then boom! She calls me a couple days ago. I do believe that her radar went off, and she knew she could be missing out on something great!

Good job handling the LJBF. Except for telling that you like her. That's ok I guess. Just act casual like you've got better things in your life than to deal with your petty emotions for her. She'll give you more respect for that.

 

[Duff]

how comes your a master don juan?

 

[Bungo Pony]

I would have turned it around on her, Example:

Whew! That's a relief! I was worried that you were coming onto me and I'd have to make some clarification! I've had lots of women come onto me lately that I'm not interested in. I'm glad we're on the same track.

Anyway Matt, It's good that you're not upset and realize that it's time to look into other prospects. Good job on protecting your heart!

 

[xblitz44x]

Bungo I would have agreed with a few months ago, but I truely believe he should have been real with her. He DID like her for more than a friend, and he spoke his mind. I agree with thecraftylefty.

"You showed strength in character and that takes some balls."

YES. Yes it did. But Matt, you did it in a weak way. Instead you could have said something like "I like you a lot, and I think we could make GREAT friends." Be enthusastic about it because I'm beginning to believe that the friend zone (if you truely ARE in the friend zone and not LJBF'ed...big difference) is NOT a bad place to work from.

Matt, right now is where you have to go out there and BE THE MAN. Start meeting anybody and everybody. Hang out with her and meet girls and guys alike right in front of her. Hook her up, get her to hook YOU up. Demonstrate your personality, she'll be much more open to it and able to open up HERSELF if she truely belives you guys are friends. If you do this right she will become attracted to your personality, and starting wanting to be MORE than friends. Right NOW is your last chance.

-Blitz

 

[Starman]

There are two approaches to this..Bungo's says to play the DJ role..and act like you never even liked her..and to save face, dignity..and POSSIBLY raise her interest level in the future..

Bltz says being upfront builds character, yes it does, and gets rid of any confusion about any possible chance of romance with this gal.

You can go for either approach..#1 is a slim chance..and could lead to one-itus

#2 will get this girl out of your "potential" list..and help you move forward..

I'd opt for #2

 

[Bungo Pony]

There are two approaches to this..Bungo's says to play the DJ role..and act like you never even liked her..and to save face, dignity..and POSSIBLY raise her interest level in the future..

Bltz says being upfront builds character, yes it does, and gets rid of any confusion about any possible chance of romance with this gal.

You can go for either approach..#1 is a slim chance..and could lead to one-itus

I may have been a bit misunderstood here. I wasn't indicating that it's a good idea to keep persuing her. Rather, turn the tables around and go after other targets. However, I like Xblitz's take on this:

Matt, right now is where you have to go out there and BE THE MAN. Start meeting anybody and everybody. Hang out with her and meet girls and guys alike right in front of her. Hook her up, get her to hook YOU up. Demonstrate your personality, she'll be much more open to it and able to open up HERSELF if she truely belives you guys are friends. If you do this right she will become attracted to your personality, and starting wanting to be MORE than friends. Right NOW is your last chance.

Xblitz, you're basically stating to use her as social proof. However, I could see the combination of my previous suggestion and this one working out very well.

I should have made the suggestion of social proof when Matt said the following:

honestly guys, i dont know why( maybe i am not afc anymore), but i dont feel sad or depressed in fact, i feel sort of relived

However I could see it backfiring as well. Matt sounds like he keeps convincing himself that he isn't all that upset about her saying this. Using her as social proof could cause him to develope one-itis for her if he keeps hanging out with her.

This is how I learned to keep my emotions at bay until I actually start dating the girl. I found myself getting less upset when I was rejected.

I guess being out of the dating scene is starting to dull my dating skills

 

[Starman]

naw bungo you usually give good advice..

Matt didnt seem really affected by the first post..i.e. (he wasnt whiny as in "I really really liked her and that b!Tch dissed me!)..he wasnt angry..sounded more like he was trying to learn about himself..

fo shore ..social proof with one-itus = torture and let downs

especially if the girl in question starts becoming jealous and sending mixed signals to lure him back

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by Starman
especially if the girl in question starts becoming jealous and sending mixed signals to lure him back

This is a very interesting point you've brought up, a woman using flirting just to be a c0ckblocker. Even worse, a guy who has one-itis for his c0ckblocker.

This is a very interesting thread.

 

[mage]

Originally posted by becker
I agree that you're ok, but you shouldn't have said anything about liking her.

If I were in that position, I would have played it off like it was obvious that you two were friends, then just totally play the LJBF game with her by acting like a total friend who is completely disinterested in her. Make her think that there's something wrong with her in that she can't attract a nice guy like you, and all she gets are jerks. Then, play hard to get once she tries to pursue you. That should do it.

Let's get this straight. I am somewhat confused when they label lgbf. After that happens, should you continue al the dj stuff like c&f, hypnotic suggestions, neg hitting, and all the rest of the strategy or should you just go the opposite way and stop that stuff, being that you play it safe and talk normally about anything? Casual, non persuing? How do you make her think you are the catch when she has already labeled it as ljbf? I am new to learning the dj material, but when they place you in friends you still do the dj stuff, right? Just a little hazy about how to turn it around.

 

[MattB]

Matt, right now is where you have to go out there and BE THE MAN. Start meeting anybody and everybody. Hang out with her and meet girls and guys alike right in front of her. Hook her up, get her to hook YOU up. Demonstrate your personality, she'll be much more open to it and able to open up HERSELF if she truely belives you guys are friends. If you do this right she will become attracted to your personality, and starting wanting to be MORE than friends. Right NOW is your last chance.

This is certaintly a great thing to do but I dont think is viable. I met her in my dorm and next year she will be living in her house. She's also in a different faculty so it would be hard for me to delibertly hang out around her. haha but I do know this guy who likes her and maybe I should hook them up?

Matt didnt seem really affected by the first post..i.e. (he wasnt whiny as in "I really really liked her and that b!Tch dissed me!)..he wasnt angry..sounded more like he was trying to learn about himself..

Yeah totally agreed. I think this experience will help me and improve my game in the future.