My First Date Ever...

[kizza]

Wow I'm amazed that I finally went out with this girl.

I'm only 15, she's 14, we lives miles apart, but I see her every saturday. I was soooo happy about this though of course a bit nervous. Here's the main story... I just wanna get it all down, I dno who'll actually read it lol!

I'm not sure how much of a date you could call it, it was just me and her going out for a few hrs. She knew the area well (I live far away) so we went down to starbucks. There was a huge queue so we left and went to Costa Coffee... I ordered while she found a table. We were there for like 30mins just talking, was cool. I played C+F and we had a good convo. Then we wandered down to where some casino type places are. We ended up playing some pool. I tried to get some kino going, but only a little bit. We spent most of the time here, it was loud so not much convo. Then we left after a while... was near 3pm. She had to go which sucked, but we talked for the way and I played on one of the games and won a prize which I gave to her... (maybe a bit AFC). But she couldn't take it with her coz she didn't have a bag so I'll end up giving it to her next time I see her or somet.

I wasn't sure about whether to pay for things or not. She offered to pay at the cafe, but I thought I should just pay for that. For the pool, she didn't have any change so I ended up paying for everything, she said she'd pay back next time. I still think maybe I was a bit AFC.

anyway after pool, we just wandered back and then split up and came home... i got a hug in the end but thats it lol

so thats the first time just me and a girl went out... probably mostly thanks to this website, and its not just some ugly girl. this girl is pretty good looking etc. i'm not sure of her previous experience with boys, just that she says she's never really had a proper boyfriend, but she seems to imply that she goes out with them quite a bit.

any tips for next time or just general comments?

thanks

 

[GaryUranga]

sounds like you did well, good job, its good that she says shell pay "next time" so try to setup that next time, remember that youre the male so you lead

 

[bigw]

Nice work mate, keep up the fantastic work

 

[The Shocker]

Give her a nice big hug next time you see her, make sure to kiss at the end. You should have kissed at the end of this one, but oh well.

 

[sparky0000]

hugs are gay. i have said it once, and i will say it again...hugs are what chubby american girls like to get from their gay friends. just looking into her eyes can be more powerful than any hug or kiss could ever be. at least for a girl it is.

 

[Lust]

Hey Kizza well done mate,

You seem to know what you are doing, if she has implied that she goes out with other guys a fair bit, you want to be the stand out, be different.

hugs are gay. i have said it once, and i will say it again...hugs are what chubby american girls like to get from their gay friends. just looking into her eyes can be more powerful than any hug or kiss could ever be. at least for a girl it is.

Hugs can be more powerful than you think, you shouldn't speak with such certainy with such a generalization.

 

[sparky0000]

the eyes are the key. a hug is something that you give to your sister.

 

[mpimpin]

I agree with your use of eye contact but do not underestimate the power of a hug. I don't know about you but the hugs I give my girlfriend are nothing like what I'd give my sister. The thing to do is use that eye contact throughout your time together to build up tension. Then let it explode with a kiss or hug. Personally I think a proper hug after building up things is more meaningful then a kiss. Hugs are easy ways to break nervous tension or provide a release of sexual tension. A hug can cause a Euphoric feeling.

 

[kizza]

thanks for the feedback guys. now im feeling annoyed that it could've gone better. i could've used more kino + made it better. i keep teling myself to get over it, but it just keeps coming back to ma head. also we haven't talked much since when it happened, so i dont know how she found it or anything.

i probably have some major oneitis now - but otherwise how can i stop thinkin bout how i screwed up loadsa opportunities?

i keep feeling negative, thinkin: what if i put her off? etc.

its so damn annoying like 2 voices in ma head (schizo ). one voice keeps going on about how i messed up some things etc. the other is like: you shouldn't worry much. i think the first voice is kinda winning.

anyway any tips on how to get over this or just see how she is atm.

 

[The Shocker]

To the OP: Stop thinking negative, you shouldn't think about this stuff too much, just feel and trust your instincts.

To sparky: Hugs are very powerful if done right. Women love getting hugged.

 

[kizza]

ok well it happened 2 days ago now, and normally we talk nearly everyday on msn.

we talked for like 5mins, but she was busy so i just told her i had 2 go. whats annoying me is that she seems to have distanced herself a bit more since the date...

this leads my mind to think negatively - meaning she didn't enjoy the date

other thoughts of mine: she might just be playing hard to get to see whether i enjoyed it or somethin? or maybe she just is busy so thats why we havent been talking.

its seriously annoying me and i know i've got oneitis. (i've read the articles on oneitis)

some soothing words/advice are needed.

 

[The Shocker]

You shouldn't be talking to her everyday.

 

[The Forms]

Don't talk to her everyday. Kizza, seriously. Look at me. Do I have your attention? Don't talk to her everyday.

Especially online. It takes forever, and it really showcases to her how much free time you have (free time=no life). But hey, we also need to factor in here that you're only 15, so its not like you have a full time job or anything. I know I had more free time than I knew what to do with when I was 15. But SHE doesn't need to know that.

Don't be too negative about your date with her. You didn't hit that date out of the park, but you didn't do poorly. Just make sure you keep her IL high from here. Also, remember, she's only 14, so things are naturally going to progress a LOT slower than things do for us older guys on the board. Don't get embarassed about that.

Be busy the next few days. When she calls talk to her for 10 minutes max, and then tell her you need to go, but you want to set up another date with her.

Once you have the date set up, don't talk to her alot before the date. But don't completely ignore her so she thinks that you aren't interested AT ALL and don't want do go on the date.

Just play it cool. That's what you have to keep in mind. Be calm. Don't call her and talk online all the time. Even if you aren't keeping busy, make her think that you are.

Things should progress nicely when you're on the date. When the oppurtunity arises, kiss her.

 

[kizza]

thanks for that. i'm feeling fine about it now. just been trying to keep myself busy. and as for not talking everyday - i'l start on that right now. i am actually quite busy during the day (after school i do something everyday). i normally talk to her at night: 8/9/10 pm.

anyway thanks for the feedback.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Kizza,


Always remember that you are not out to impress HER. SHE should be out to impress YOU. Put her on the "points" system. Everytime she does or says something you like, tell her "Hey, that's cool. I gotta give you a lot of points for THAT." And if she says or does something you DON'T like, penalize her by saying "Naw, that's not that cool. I should take points AWAY from you for THAT."

What you are doing is qualifying and disqualifying her. But you always do this PLAYFULLY. So be careful. Never do this in a mean way. It's just a subtle method that you can use to put the girl in the position where she has to prover herself to YOU, rather than the other way around.

Just stay relaxed, in-control, and confident and you'll continue to do just fine.

The minute you allow yourself to start obsessing and fantasizing about what kind of person you THINK this girl is, or how GREAT the next date will be, you'll be putting undue amounts of pressure on yourself.

So DON'T fall into that trap, soldier!

Whatever moves didn't work last time, change them, and do something else next time. And whatever moves WORKED well last time, do MORE of them next time.

Don't be fascinated by ANY chick. Instead YOU should continue to BECOME a fascinating young man.


March on!

 

[kizza]

Thanks for the advice man. I've been thinking about those things and I think the problem is the AFC within me

I need to sort it out so I can think in the way you described.

I'm gonna try and raise her IL next time we talk, then later on we can arrange another date or somethin hopefully

 

[Charm]

Kizza, great job.

One of the best ways of sorting out the AFC within is to write on paper and understand your limiting beliefs. An example of a limiting belief might be, "I could never grab a girl by the hand because she'd just pull it away" or "I couldn't get a girls phone number from school because girls are all just there to learn, not get hit on by guys"

 

[kizza]

well to finish this off.

i basically think that since saturday, this girl 'nexted' me or somet. we have barely talked, she's always been 'busy' etc. some other stuff too to show low IL.

so she aint worth ma time and i cba with her now. she's gonna hav 2 put in the effort from now if she is rly interested.

i'm obviously kinda pissed off wit her and its been hard forcing maself to see the truth and getting over oneitis. but i think 'nextin' her just makes it easier and hopefuli u guys will agree that if she cant be bothered to make any effort to contact me, then she isn't worth the time.

main reason i think this (some of you will prolly find this AFC or jus plain wrong - i kinda do now but its too late): i sent her a txt msg yday, sayin that we can have a proper talk 2moro (which is today). and i said: 'no excuses ' etc jus tryin to get the point across that i wanted this convo.

anyway no contact has been made, so im gonna 'next' her.

lol i've rambled on for a lil bit, but jus needed 2 get this straight in ma head so jus ignore most of it

this site has helped so much, normally i would be too clingy and be msgin loads more. but the site has made me realise that i need to learn to 'become the prize' and move on!

amen.

 

[bigw]

Ah good. You've taken your second step into a bigger world. Next any girl who screws with you .

Oh...by that I mean next her if she screws you around, not sleeps with you.