My first approach! And a nasty ending...

[affliction]

I finally got the balls to approach this girl today at Barnes & Noble. She was reading some bull**** about photography. She had her face buried in the book and when I walked next to her and said hi she yelped & practically jumped out of her skin lol. She was a 7.5 w/ a sweet ass. I was kinda nervous & I think I asked her some questions a little too quickly. Anyway, after I got her name/age/school/etc I just started asking her diff questions about photography. Unfortunately I know nothing about it. After about 3-4 mins I tried to go for the #close but she said she had a bf. Gaysauce. Anyway, here's how it went down.

Me: Hi
Her: (yelp & jump back)
Me: (laughing)
Her: whoa, you scared me.
Me: So are you into this photography stuff?
Her: Yea I am in school for it
Me: what school do you go to?
Her: URI
Me: How old are you?
Her: 21
Me: what's your name?
Her: Jess
Me: Hi Jess, I'm Matt (hand shake)

I then asked her some open ended questions about art & photography & just listened for a little bit. She grabbed a book from the shelf & said it was from a famous photographer. I flipped through it & made a few jokes about them. Started getting bored so I went for the number close.

Me: What's your name again? (yes i forgot it that quickly. lol)
Her: Jess
Me: Jess, I'm gonna take off, why don't you give me your number & we'll go out & you can tell me all about photography.
Her: ohhh I have a boyfriend
Me: How many?
Her: how many? (laugh) just one.
Me: Ok then Jess, take care.
Her: you too. nice meeting you.


Afterwards when I was walking out to the car I felt great! What a rush. Unfortunately the ending wasn't so hot...I got into a ****ing car accident on the way home & my registration was expired so I had to go to the police stations & have my friend come pick me up...haha. Only minor paint damage to the car tho.

Anyway, about the approach...Any advice? Should I have pushed her harder for the # after she said she had a bf? Did I grill her too much at the start? I felt really nervous when I first walked up to her but I think I was able to hide it pretty well--atleast in the body language. Next step is getting my car fixed so I can continue doing these approaches!

 

[skinnydart]

Me: Jess, I'm gonna take off, why don't you give me your number & we'll go out & you can tell me all about photography.
Her: ohhh I have a boyfriend
Me: and... you don't want a better one?

 

[TheNonPedant]

lots of mistakes to learn from there....but great start!!

analyze your mistakes here to death....and improve on them

nice job!

 

[Gipper]

Don't sweat it. This will not be the last time, but you will improve with every approach. Glad to see someone on this site has balls enough to do something instead of whining about it. Well done!

Gipper

 

[MindOverMatter]

I really enjoy reading these "first approach" threads. Field work is the best way to improve at this game, you learn more from one approach then you do from 10 online articles.

Keep approaching. Nervousness will fade after you get better at it. If you do it long enough, approaching will become a second nature to you.

Keep it up man!

 

[blue17]

Well if you were nervous, i'm sure she picked up on it. Women are much better at picking up body language then men are.....

I wouldn't have pushed for the number close, in fact I think the boyfriend excuse might have been made up. You can tell by her short responses, and not following up questions she wasn't interested.

Me: what school do you go to?
Her: I go to URI

Me: How old are you?
Her: I'm 21, how about you?

etc.....

You'll get better when you get more practice...if she is interested then she should be asking you some questions back and you'll have a lot easier time.

 

[Walden]

Originally posted by affliction

Me: Jess, I'm gonna take off, why don't you give me your number & we'll go out & you can tell me all about photography.
Her: ohhh I have a boyfriend
Me: How many?
Her: how many? (laugh) just one.
Me: Ok then Jess, take care.
Her: you too. nice meeting you.

Nice , I also like that "You don't want a better one?"

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by skinnydart
Me: Jess, I'm gonna take off, why don't you give me your number & we'll go out & you can tell me all about photography.
Her: ohhh I have a boyfriend
Me: and... you don't want a better one?

Her: Better one? He's much better than you. (and walks off)

All in all..good first P/U...its good that you feel great and aren't scared. Keep approaching more and the nervousness will go away.

Re-read blue17's response again. There is a DJ who know's how to guage a woman's interest level. Honestly..from the short responses and her not continuing the flow of the conversation with her own questions about you make me believe that her IL was low in you.

And if it was, no amount of C/F would do the trick.

Cold approaches are fine, YES you will succeed at times where there is low IL. You may get a number..it maybe fake, it maybe real. But, guaging interest level will determine if she's worth the number close.

A lot of guys are going to tell you that you should number close every woman...what's there to lose right? But, you're wasting your time trying to close on women with obvious b*tch shields up.

Other than following snares, traps, and seduction patterns...guage the woman's interest level more. Is she KINO'ing you? Is she continuing with the flow of the conversation? Is she mirroring your body flow? These subtle, but key, body gestures will give help you predict your success and fail rate without wasting time and bruising your ego.

 

[skinnydart]

Her: Better one? He's much better than you. (and walks off)

No, if you say it with a slight grin, she'll laugh.

 

[GREAT WHITE SHARK]

Very good!

the first step of the Marathon of love.. hehehhehe

congratulations, you did great! Obviously you were nervous, but its natural. Time and practice you will be achieve skills.

 

[Lan]

Read PU 101 posted by Amog. Research everything in there you dont know, and then practice that for a while. PM me if you have questions. I CAN help you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

1. Don't sneak up on them, you'll scare them. They'll be on edge.
2. Don't play 20 questions asking her personal things right off the bat (name, age, school). It makes you seem like a stalker. Even more so since you snuck up on her and scared her.
3. Gain rapport with a woman before getting the digits. She doesn't know you, she doesn't even know if she likes you. You sneak up on her, scare her, ask her personal stuff and she is supposed to give you her number? Why?

Remember the story about story about the father bull and his son standing on a hill overlooking a valley full of cows:

YOUNG BULL: DAD!! Look at that herd of cows down there! Let's run down there and get us one!!! **wink**wink**

FATHER BULL: No son, lets walk down there and get them all...

 

[Lan]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Remember the story about story about the father bull and his son standing on a hill overlooking a valley full of cows:

YOUNG BULL: DAD!! Look at that herd of cows down there! Let's run down there and get us one!!! **wink**wink**

FATHER BULL: No son, lets walk down there and get them all...

It was actually Bucks... STUPID!! ARHHHHH... Just playin.

 

[squirrels]

Kudos on actually breaking that social barrier. As you can see, she didn't "bite" when you tried to close, and both of you walked away happier.

You know what, though...it sounds like your approach was way too scripted. Usually when someone comes up to me in a public setting, asks a bunch of standard get-to-know-you questions, and then obviously fakes interest in what I'm doing, I can detect right away that they have an ulterior motive for talking to me. I end up expecting them to ask me how I feel about my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

It reeks of a canned approach:
1 Say hi
2 ****y comment
3 Ask demographic questions
4 feign interest in something she's doing
5 get up to leave
6 ask for the phone number

#6 is the real reason you're there and you know it. You've already committed to step 6 regardless of how the other 5 go and whether you realize it or not, you're obviously showing that you're not at all interested in the other 5 steps. She KNOWS there's a #6 and she knows you're anxious to get to it. And this makes people uncomfortable.

She can TELL by your tone, pace, and body language that you're not interested in the demographic answers, you're not interested in photography, and you're there for another reason.

So if you're going to ask her questions, ask her questions you WANT to know the answer to. For example, if you're not into photography but she's reading a photography book, ask her if she has a class in photography. If she says yes, ask her how she likes it, ask her what else she's taking, find something you can get into about her. If she says no and it's a personal hobby, ask her to show you some pictures she has, or what in particular interests her about it (since it doesn't really interest you). Try to find a connection...DON'T sit there and nod and pretend to be interested in stuff that you're really NOT interested in, or she will sense you're just placating her until you can get to your pitch.

Speaking of which, DON'T try to make a secret of the fact that you're interested in her romantically. I mean, don't come out and tell her, but don't feel like you have to hide behind questions-and-answers until you start to feel rapport. Have you ever had some kid you didn't know start buddying up to you all of a sudden only to find he just wanted to borrow your Playstation? It's a creepy feeling, isn't it? Wouldn't you feel better if he just let you know he wanted to play it...or better yet, played WITH you?

You want to
-establish romantic interest
-find something you can connect with this girl on...you don't just bang a girl without first having some kind of connection, as lame as the connection may end up being...that's the way human beings work

 

[blue17]

a good illustration of how ppl just ask what others do, but don't really follow up with good questions (because they are feigning interest) is in Fight Club.

"What do you do for a living?"

"Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?"

lol.

 

[JT47319]

Stop asking questions.

Like squirrely pointed out, asking questions is being a RAPPORT BEGGAR. You have nothing to offer the conversation and TAKING something from the other person.

Make statements. Tell stories.

And when you are in the rapport phase, then you start to qualify and get to know her.

 

[Lan]

Originally posted by JT47319
Stop asking questions.

Like squirrely pointed out, asking questions is being a RAPPORT BEGGAR. You have nothing to offer the conversation and TAKING something from the other person.

Make statements. Tell stories.

And when you are in the rapport phase, then you start to qualify and get to know her.

JT is right about not begging for rapport. You want the girl to want to have rapport with you. Other wise, you are chasing the girl and she has all the power in the interaction.

JT is wrong about qualifying in rapport phase. Qualifying is basically flirting. You dont want to flirt in rapport. Rapport is genuine. You get into raport and you begin shifting gears (phase shifting) where you become more sexual. It has to appear genuine..

--Lan

 

[affliction]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Blue17: One of the reasons her answers were so short is because I was spitting my questions out rapid-fire machine-gun style hahah. Thats why I didn't even remember her name 5 mins later. Big mistake and a result of my inexperience. I do think she was interested in me tho because in the conversations that I skipped over & didn't itemize in my post she was pretty receptive in. I think I could have bagged the # if i was a little cooler about everything.

Francisco: What should I have done to not sneak up on her? She was totally engrossed in the book. I guess I could've coughed or something but that seems kind of lame. What would you suggest?

squirrels: Good stuff. The questions should actually have some kind of purpose. I'll try to remember that for next time.

Hypnotiq: There's so much to remember & didn't even think to guage her IL in ways like that. You're right in that it's probably helpful. My ego is pretty tough tho & I think I can handle rejections as long as they aren't rude or whatever.

JT: Damn, you're right. When she asked me if I liked photography, I was about to say something like "oh sure, I love pictures of cars & naked women. photography is great." w/ a ****y smile but I thought it might've been too forward. Thinking back, I probably should've said it. I ended up saying something boring like "oh, sort of".

Good advice guys, I appreciate it. I'm going out sarging w/ a local wingman I found on PAIR tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have a few #close success stories to share this time.

 

[david90]

good start man. I know exactly how u felt. I was a wreck during my first approach.