My FB+ bringing up this guy from work all the time

[returningchamp]

So there's this girl who i have a "sexual plus some other stuff" relationship with for about 6 months now.


She moved up to a higher depatment at her job and a new department means new people...


Apparently there's this guy who is REALLY into her. Like buying her things (lunch, stuff from snack machine, etc), always emailing her, begging her for her number and when she gave it - he texts her all the time now...


she's telling me that she has no interest in this guy and that he's too try hard, etc.


but she talks about him A LOT. i can't figure out if she's trying to get a rise out of me; or something else.


Like im sure that i read somewhere that if a girl is constantly bringing up another guy (even in a bad way) - that there's a good chance she is somewhat interested in him.... sound like i could have read something like that or am i just dreaming up seduction stuff now? lol


today she texts me some weird message that i don't understand (numbers from her work or something)... and im like "what?" and she says "oh that wasn't meant for you it was meant for [the guys name]".... and it defintely looked like she was intiating the conversation (something she told me she never did)....


well, fvck! im over analyzing and caring way too much.... if she's using this to get to me - it's working =(

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

You need to put her in a position where she's worrying about you, not the other way around.

Follow your instincts. They serve you well.

This guy is a total afc, she likes the attention but as soon as he tries to escalate he will break himself and she will crawl into your bed.

So let her thoughts go this way, whether consciously or not: returningchamp is doing it right, afc at work doesn't have a clue.

 

[horaholic]

This guy is a total afc, she likes the attention but as soon as he tries to escalate he will break himself and she will crawl into your bed.

Yes, but its amazing how often these afc's end with the girl. I think if he was that much of an AFC, she wouldnt be talking about him. IME, the girls has usually hooked up with her so called AFC friend. I dont know how that works, but if she's talking about him that much, she's interested, and hes not as afc as she's making him out to be.

Do you think she's subtly trying to get you to commit?

Other than that, you're in a damned if you do, damned if you dont scenario. If you call her out on this, you are insecure, jealous, or needy, if you do nothing even though it bothers you, you're a wussbag pushover. Nowadays, if Im in that scenario, I'll take the insecure route. At least its being honest, and its sticking up for what you want.

So, my advice is to call her out, but do it in a man's way, not a insecure guys way. This is what I would say:"I know this isnt a relationship, but I'm not stupid, and you're either trying to make me jealous, or you're interested in this guy, and rubbing it right in my face, and either way, I dont like it, and I think its disrespectful to me."

I dont know what you and her's thing is, but I am not ok with my knowing that my FB's banging other dudes, so I would make it clear that I walk if this guy continues to be in the picture. Obviously, you feel the same way, or you wouldnt be writing this post.

Other people here will suggest you do the same thing as her, and bring a girl into your life all of a sudden, and talk about it around her all the time, and see how she likes it. Thats fine too, but I would get another girl in the picture as a replacement for when I tell the chick goodbye, and not play any of their games.

It depends on the kind of person you are. I prefer the honesty route, but some prefer the 'beat her at her own game' route. Its up to you.

 

[jophil28]

This game is called, " lets you and him fight over me."
It is a centuries old favorite of women.
The game takes three people to play -two males with poor boundaries and no other options, plus one woman with high ego needs who is skilled at "prizing" herself.
The basic outline of this game is for the woman to create a rivalry between two betas for the promise ( explicit ot implicit) of her intimacy.

This game rarely results in one participant actually "winning"...It is more likely that while they are both striving to be victorious, she is offering herself to some bad boy who could care less about her.

 

[returningchamp]

Yes, but its amazing how often these afc's end with the girl. I think if he was that much of an AFC, she wouldnt be talking about him. IME, the girls has usually hooked up with her so called AFC friend. I dont know how that works, but if she's talking about him that much, she's interested, and hes not as afc as she's making him out to be.

Do you think she's subtly trying to get you to commit?

To answer the question - no. Just a big NO.

But i agree with your assesment. I have seen plenty of AFC guys end up getting "the girl".... But normally it doesn't last long. And the woman is wearing the pants from the beginning. Making all the choices, etc. GIRL: "What do you want to do tonight?" GUY: "I don't care baby. Anything with you."... 6 months later.... "I don't understand why she lost interest in me. We were GREAT in the beginning".

I believe most of these guys are "somewhat" good looking, or have some kind of status.... but just never learned how to not be AFC. So they can pull women with persistence, but can't keep them with undieing love...

---

This game rarely results in one participant actually "winning"...It is more likely that while they are both striving to be victorious, she is offering herself to some bad boy who could care less about her.

yeah, i have no plans of winning her (it's not something that's possible). i already have gotten plenty from her. im just curious as to what to say in return.

so far i've been pretty uncaring and nonreactive when she brings his "annoying" ways up.... expecting that would make her stop... only commenting on her once asking me if it was leading him on to let him buy her things and talk sweet to her... i told her it was and that he sounded stalkerish and to be careful...

but she must have taken that as a "i don't want you to talk to him." because, now she finds it necessary to tell me how long it's been since she hasn't talked to him....

she said the other day, "you'd be proud of me" and i said, "why?" and she said, "I haven't talked to [guys name]" in 2 days, i've ignored all his text and emails.... i said, "why exactly would i be proud of you for that?"....


but somewhere in her head she took me saying "that's leading him on" as me saying "don't talk to him!" ....

which makes me think, she is just trying to make me jealous... and wants really badly for me to show it.

 

[returningchamp]

And to him possibly not being AFC:
- He buys her whatever she asks him for out of the snack machines at her work.
- She told him this drink she loves from dunkin donuts, and he's bought it for her EVERY morning since then.
- He wrote her a poem.
- He added her on facebook and comments on every status update she does almost always 20-30 mins after she posts it!
- He emails and texts her all day, giving her compliments left and right.
- He's asked her on about 10 dates, and she's turned down all of them except for a lunch break "date" in the cafeteria...
- He's already told her he's going to buy her stuff for Christmas.
- He's constantly telling her she's too pretty to be single.
- He brags about material possessions to impress her.
- She was over my house last night and he text her "im at the bar BORED drinking a beer by myself. you should come out with me and keep my company." (i felt sorry for the guy lol)

i dunno... maybe he has some traits that aren't AFC. but from what she's told me about him - he pretty much is.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

This game is called, " lets you and him fight over me."
It is a centuries old favorite of women.
The game takes three people to play -two males with poor boundaries and no other options, plus one woman with high ego needs who is skilled at "prizing" herself.
The basic outline of this game is for the woman to create a rivalry between two betas for the promise ( explicit ot implicit) of her intimacy.

This game rarely results in one participant actually "winning"...It is more likely that while they are both striving to be victorious, she is offering herself to some bad boy who could care less about her.

RIGHT on the money!! This trick is taught in the art of seduction, and if i´m not mistaken it´s called "triangulate".

 

[Warrior74]

This game is called, " lets you and him fight over me."
It is a centuries old favorite of women.
The game takes three people to play -two males with poor boundaries and no other options, plus one woman with high ego needs who is skilled at "prizing" herself.
The basic outline of this game is for the woman to create a rivalry between two betas for the promise ( explicit ot implicit) of her intimacy.

This game rarely results in one participant actually "winning"...It is more likely that while they are both striving to be victorious, she is offering herself to some bad boy who could care less about her.

this...

She's not your FB, she's closer to your girlfriend and you know it. You spend way to much time with her I would guess. Are you still gaming her or are you comfortable with her now?

 

[women haze]

And to him possibly not being AFC:
- He buys her whatever she asks him for out of the snack machines at her work.
- She told him this drink she loves from dunkin donuts, and he's bought it for her EVERY morning since then.
- He wrote her a poem.
- He added her on facebook and comments on every status update she does almost always 20-30 mins after she posts it!
- He emails and texts her all day, giving her compliments left and right.
- He's asked her on about 10 dates, and she's turned down all of them except for a lunch break "date" in the cafeteria...
- He's already told her he's going to buy her stuff for Christmas.
- He's constantly telling her she's too pretty to be single.
- He brags about material possessions to impress her.
- She was over my house last night and he text her "im at the bar BORED drinking a beer by myself. you should come out with me and keep my company." (i felt sorry for the guy lol)

i dunno... maybe he has some traits that aren't AFC. but from what she's told me about him - he pretty much is.

Damn you need to link him to this site......This is just sad!!! I used to do this

 

[returningchamp]

this...

She's not your FB, she's closer to your girlfriend and you know it.

Well, we spend 2-3 nights a week together, and 60% of that time is sexing. The other 40% is drinking and talking. She's more than a FB because it's not just her coming over and us having sex. We also text a little daily.

You spend way to much time with her I would guess. Are you still gaming her or are you comfortable with her now?

I mean, 2-3 nights; 10 or so hours total. I don't think that's too much time... but perhaps it is for a FB... She occasionally stays the night when she drinks too much or it's too late in the night and she doesn't feel like driving.

The "game" doesn't ever stop. There's a switch that comes on when im in the presence of women. Doesn't matter if i've known them for 5 minutes or 5 years. =)

 

[Weezy]

The AFC CAN get the girl or create so much sh1t in your relationship that it just fn sucks.

From my experience, a women can handle the 10 hour a week relationship for 1 year maybe 2 max, but they really all wanna get married and have kids.

Once they realize that your not gonna give it to them, they will eventually start to pull away, slowly.

I agree with Horaholic. Tell her to it's disrespectful so you realizes she can't bring that **** up around you. Doesn't mean she's gonna stop liking it, but at least she will know.

 

[Igetit!]

Yeah,I agree with the other posters as well,especially with what Warrior74 said about her being more of a girlfriend than a FB.


If you two are FBs and FBs only,and she doesn't want anything more than that at the moment,then I think the reason she keeps bring up this other guy is to see if she means anything more to you than just sex.


I think she's trying to see if she's "special" to you.

The fact that you two are sleeping together means nothing. She already knows she could go out into the street and find 5000 other guys who would be willing to sleep with her as well,so you two having sex with each other doesn't make her feel unique.

But you becoming angry or upset at her throwing other guy up in your face would.



Like I said,she could go out and in a instant find a guy to sleep with,but if she went out and told some random guy about this dude at work who likes her,the random guy would be like,"o...kay,uh...what's that to me? Why would I care about some dude on your job liking you?".


Getting sex from a guy is no big deal for a woman.

Getting a guy emotionally attached is a greater challenge.


If I didn't know better,it seems to me that she's trying to turn you into that guy on her job.

She already has him won over emotionally,so maybe if she throws him up in your face,you'll get angry or upset,then bam...she's got you emotionally too.