My Ex

[Gandalf]

Hey guys, I've been reading everything on this messageboard lately and I really enjoy it and find the information very useful, so hopefully now I'll be participating a lot more.
Anyway... here's my situation. I went out with this girl, we only went out for, well, I think it was less than a month (at the time I wasn't into this site yet like i am now). She broke up with me.. I think it just kind of got old or something for her. The break up went really well and all, and afterwords I called her a couple times and talked to her online when she came on, but I was always the one to initiate communication (and I got the impression she only talked to me out of politeness... but I'm a pessimist like that). Then I discovered this site and I've not been able to stop reading everything on here, so I decided I better stop thinking about her and stop talking to her because it will only screw with me. Well now I'm seeing the effectiveness of the things I've learned... See I completely stopped communicating with her... and now whenever she pops online she starts talking to me. My communication is more Don Juanish with her, too. She hasn't called, but she mentioned once 'gimme a call sometime' (I didn't call cuz i'm such a player now hehe

Anyway, I know this is usually shunned here, but I was wondering how I should handle this if I were to want to get back together with her (dont worry, I havent ever mentioned this to her, or even implied it - in fact i've tried to give a vibe that i could care less about the break up). I think it has potential for working if it were to happen, considering our relationship ended in a pretty early stage and we didn't know each other that well still.
Thanks for your insight!

- a young don juan

 

[Anti-Dump]

Gandalf,

You said "She broke up with me".

You were DUMPED. No matter what you do or say or learn, you have been put in a little file box in her head under 'loser'.

Nothing on the face of the earth can help you now (with her).

You need a NEW girl with a BLANK file box . March forward young Don Juan! Seek out new blood.

The next girl will be ALL OVER YOU.



[This message has been edited by Anti-Dump (edited 05-07-2000).]

 

[Gandalf]

I totally agree with you and see where you're coming from... but what about her talking to me and telling me to give her a call sometime?

 

[Anti-Dump]

Gandalf,

You said "what about her talking to me..."

Computer talk is just TALK. It is NOT a relationship. She prefers to just TALK to you. She could pick up her phone at any second. She never will. Why? You are giving her all the attention she needs. Why should she call you. She can get what she wants from you everyday. SHE KNOWS HOW TO HAVE IT ALL HER WAY. She dumped you when SHE wanted. She keeps TELLING you to call (ordering).

She thinks (incorrectly) you'll do what ever she wants. You see she won't call because she's programmed by the little file box. It tells her you're willing to go along with her.

A relationship has to be 50-50. Alot of women think equality means having it all their way. WRONG!

Prove me wrong. Call her. Ask her out . I guarantee that she will be TWICE as ONE-SIDED as she was. Why? Because you have shown that you are a willing victim. You are willing to give her lots of your Don Juan time. If you want to be friends that's alright. Just don't think she will suddenly turn into Miss Cooperation. It will never happen.

She's not interested in you the person. If she was your phone would be exploding. She sees the new you. She talks to the new you. Is the phone ringing?

She doesn't know that you've changed . You can't tell her you've changed. You can't tell her about all the things you now know. It's too late.

She will always see you in the old way.



[This message has been edited by Anti-Dump (edited 05-07-2000).]

 

[Vassago]

These situations are too easy man. Be seen with another girl that is better looking than she is. Thats it. But before you agree to go back with her I want you to do me a favor. Hook up with 10 other girls and see if you still want to get back together. Thanks in advance.

 

[Gandalf]

It's easier said than done. I know that the best way to get rid of this whole situation is to get another girl right now.. but I'm only starting to learn the ways of the Don Juan, so I can't exactly go and hook up with a girl in the next 48 hours.
Not only that, matters just complicated. Today she asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with her and one of her girlfriends... I said no and that I was busy (which was true), and then when she got home she talked to me more and asked me to email her this pic I told her i found that had both of us in it. You might note that all this back-and-forth was done online. I'm just not sure what the hell is going on, so beat me into (Don Juan) shape guys

thanks

 

[tomazu]

Originally posted by Gandalf:
It's easier said than done. I know that the best way to get rid of this whole situation is to get another girl right now..

it is also the only one! go reading doc love's advice.. if for one thing he's completely right it is for challenge.. go out with as many hot babes you can and be seen! if she still has interest you will notice for sure! this will actually boost her feelings for you (if she has them!); and if she doesnt you're on the right track anyway with so many other hot babes hanging around :-D
the solutions to this seems to be pretty simple, because you just have 1 solution!

but I'm only starting to learn the ways of the Don Juan, so I can't exactly go and hook up with a girl in the next 48 hours.

why not? have you tried?

Not only that, matters just complicated. Today she asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with her and one of her girlfriends... I said no and that I was busy (which was true), and then when she got home she talked to me more and asked me to email her this pic I told her i found that had both of us in it. You might note that all this back-and-forth was done online. I'm just not sure what the hell is going on, so beat me into (Don Juan) shape guys

thanks

dont send her the pic now.. let her beg one more time for it!!! and go out getting other babes.. things are getting better for you!

ciao tomazu

 

[Gandalf]

Thanks a lot for the help guys.
What am I going to do? Well, as for my ex... i'm just gonna take all the enjoyment out of this as i can. Today once again she implied doing something with me ("i have to get a mothers day gift, but none of my friends wanna go with me..."), so I just acted oblivious to her implications, and then said I had to go cuz i was busy. I then realized that I have regained all the power over her, and it is totally giving me a confidence boost - not to mention it's fun reversing the situation around on her. I'll continue to string her along and make it fun until she either gives up and looses all interest or she breaks down and comes right into the open with it that she wants my balls. The great thing... it doesnt matter to me.

As for getting other chicks, the problem is that I am a senior at a small private high school. There's like 160 people in our class, and I already know every single person after 4 years, so I can't meet anyone new. The parties we go to are usually with the people from our school, so again I already know everyone. Where do you guys suggest i find new chicks? just go to the mall and approach cold, or what?

 

[Ralfus]

Hey Gandalf,if you are a senior,then you are going to graduate in like a month and a half,right?Hey buddy, after graduation,it's a world of women!!!Hey and you said you go to a small school,so Try going out with an underclassmen girl .Have fun with her and don't worry what the hell everbody else says!!!Dude,i'm sure you haven't gone out with all the girls in your school!Start being the Don Juan you WANT to be!Right Now!!


Ralfus

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"I tried to think,But nothing happened!"- Curly Howard

 

[Anti-Dump]

Gandalf,

I guess your going to have to learn the hard way. She's baiting the trap.
She can't wait to SUCK YOU BACK INTO A ONE SIDED relationship where SHE has all the power. Remember the little file box? In her mind you are a loser. As soon as you get back she will DUMP you harder than you ever have been dumped before.

Why didn't she ask you to be ALONE with her at the movies? You were asked to 'come along' (second choice) .
Why didn't she ask you to go shopping ALONE with her. Because 'None of her friends would go with her' (you are
second choice again).

You CAN"T be first my friend with a girl that dumped you. She can only put the dog collar around your neck.
What size is it by the way....?

 

[Krynnster]

Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
You CAN"T be first my friend with a girl that dumped you. She can only put the dog collar around your neck.
What size is it by the way....?

As hard as this may sound, in my experience this is absolutely true. Exes will remain exes. If you go back to them (or let them get back to you) it might work for a while and you can have some fun but it wouldn't last. While I found that it's very easy to become best-friends with your exes (no sex), it's almost impossible to have a successful relationship with them. Why? Because you already tried it and it didn't work. You can try again, but it will fail again because both of you didn't really change and everything that was wrong is still wrong. Your best option is to learn your lesson, let her learn hers and move on.

Oh and one more thing, if you don't really care about what's going to happen with her, then don't allow her to get any closer because you will lose control, start caring and get hurt.

Hope this helps...

K.

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If at first you don't succeed, don't let anybody know you've even tried - unknown.

 

[NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER]

can we say BUMP.

 

[SoSuave.com]

bump