I met my ex girlfriend on a working holiday in the United Kingdom. Things kicked off, and we were at it like madmen in the begining. We are both from the same country, and things were always fine between us.
She had this "gay" friend, a best friend, back in South Africa who she kept in contact with. One day his mother phones, this dude had slit his wrists and was in hospital. The mother was saying that her friend believed that he could not be without her, he was in love with her. Apparently, the mother did not know he was "gay", and neither did he. The cookie startes to crumble.
My girlfriend insisted that she had to go home and make sure he was OK, but would return in two weeks, for a trip through Europe we had planned. I flipped out, because if these dude was queer, what the hell is he doing putting a sword to his wrists?
Eventually, I give in, let her do what she needs to do. I trust her. She goes. Two days after she lands, she tells me its over. The ussual breakup garbage ensures, and I hear nothing from her afterwards. Being the stubborn person that I am, I refuse to even phone her. She did phone me once though, just to "see how I was". I asked her just before she left and we were still together to drop off christamas presents for my family, which she agreed to do. Out of the blue, after we have broken up and only spoken on the phone once, she goes to my place, introduces herself as my girlfriend to my family! Now this makes no sense to me at all. She phones again, hinting that she wants to get back together. I told her I would be returning home soon since Europe was off, and we will see what happens, but I told her upfront I was still angry about the shole situation.
I get back, and saw her twice. Every time I try to mention this other dude, she wont talk about it. Eventually, the third time I saw her, I managed to get the full story. They were together, but she was unhappy. She was only with him because she loves him as a friend, and out of fear that he is going to hurt himself, shes going to just stick it out. When I heard this I wanted to rip his head off his shoulders, but would not giver her the satisfaction of seeing how badly I took the whole thing.
I flat out told her that we were done, and we were not going to happen. She asked if we could stay friends, and I agreed that we could. We always had a good time together, and she knows more about me than anyone else I can think of. So it stayed plutonic.
She ended up telling this guy to take a hike, which I did not know about. I would see her occasionally, and sometimes we would just hang out. She was always very flirty, but Im not the type to get involved with someone who has a man, so I played it down a lot. The attraction was still there, but I never showed interest. One night we went to a club, had a bit to much to drink, and one thing led to another. I took it for granted that she wanted to get back together, esspecially after she asked me to meet her folks the very next day. Against my better judgement, I went, knowing we had failed once before, wondering if it would work again.
Two days later, phone calls go unanswered. I manage to find out she was out on the town with her "gay" mate. I flipped out like expected, told her she lied to me one last time, and gave her the boot. Now, as friends, I did meet him once. He IS gay. Im talking fairy gay here. Staright as a banana. But she lied, and its something I would not tolerate.
TWO months go by, and she phones me out of the blue. 23:30 at night on a weeknight, crying her eyes out. Says she is unhappy, wishes things had worked out better, do I hate her, she never wanted to hurt me, bla bla bla.
I said we could meet for a drink, which we did. It was good to see her again, and what was meant to be a one hour appointment ended up being an entire day we spent together. I told her I was not interested in getting back together, and if anything did happen between us again, it would not happen now. She agreed it was for the best, and said she wanted to be alone for a while.
We stayed in touch, and I started seeing more of her. Again, very flirty and complimentry. The more time we started spending together, I started getting a bit more flirty. I got crapped out because I dont phone enough or show interest. Now I was keen to get back together, and seeing things the way they were, I went into full hunt mode. And then as soon as I showed the slightest bit of interest again, I have been given the cold shoulder.
Now here is the dilema. I do love this girl. But Im not one to be pushed around by anyone. I know this girl feels much the same way, but I get nothing but mixed messages. We are good together, sex was great, we have a lot in common, family liked me, mine likes her. Our problems were never about each other, it was always something or someone else that caused any issues.
My mates being the useless bunch of idiots they are cant seem to give me the right type of advice. Im getting the ussual "just do her dude" to the "tell her to get lost". Im on the verge of going crazy here. Im not sure if I should give her her space and let things sort themselves out, or if I should just give her the boot for good this time and move on, or if I should be in full hunting mode and chasing her the way I know she likes to be chased. When we first got togther, I had a bit of a reputation at the hotel we worked at. I liked her from day one, but she was intimidating as hell, and Im not one to be scared off by women easily. So I worked my ass of to get together with her after I showed interest and got shot down. We were together for about 7 months before we broke up first time.
Any advice for my Jerry Springer type life would be much appreciated.
She had this "gay" friend, a best friend, back in South Africa who she kept in contact with. One day his mother phones, this dude had slit his wrists and was in hospital. The mother was saying that her friend believed that he could not be without her, he was in love with her. Apparently, the mother did not know he was "gay", and neither did he. The cookie startes to crumble.
My girlfriend insisted that she had to go home and make sure he was OK, but would return in two weeks, for a trip through Europe we had planned. I flipped out, because if these dude was queer, what the hell is he doing putting a sword to his wrists?
Eventually, I give in, let her do what she needs to do. I trust her. She goes. Two days after she lands, she tells me its over. The ussual breakup garbage ensures, and I hear nothing from her afterwards. Being the stubborn person that I am, I refuse to even phone her. She did phone me once though, just to "see how I was". I asked her just before she left and we were still together to drop off christamas presents for my family, which she agreed to do. Out of the blue, after we have broken up and only spoken on the phone once, she goes to my place, introduces herself as my girlfriend to my family! Now this makes no sense to me at all. She phones again, hinting that she wants to get back together. I told her I would be returning home soon since Europe was off, and we will see what happens, but I told her upfront I was still angry about the shole situation.
I get back, and saw her twice. Every time I try to mention this other dude, she wont talk about it. Eventually, the third time I saw her, I managed to get the full story. They were together, but she was unhappy. She was only with him because she loves him as a friend, and out of fear that he is going to hurt himself, shes going to just stick it out. When I heard this I wanted to rip his head off his shoulders, but would not giver her the satisfaction of seeing how badly I took the whole thing.
I flat out told her that we were done, and we were not going to happen. She asked if we could stay friends, and I agreed that we could. We always had a good time together, and she knows more about me than anyone else I can think of. So it stayed plutonic.
She ended up telling this guy to take a hike, which I did not know about. I would see her occasionally, and sometimes we would just hang out. She was always very flirty, but Im not the type to get involved with someone who has a man, so I played it down a lot. The attraction was still there, but I never showed interest. One night we went to a club, had a bit to much to drink, and one thing led to another. I took it for granted that she wanted to get back together, esspecially after she asked me to meet her folks the very next day. Against my better judgement, I went, knowing we had failed once before, wondering if it would work again.
Two days later, phone calls go unanswered. I manage to find out she was out on the town with her "gay" mate. I flipped out like expected, told her she lied to me one last time, and gave her the boot. Now, as friends, I did meet him once. He IS gay. Im talking fairy gay here. Staright as a banana. But she lied, and its something I would not tolerate.
TWO months go by, and she phones me out of the blue. 23:30 at night on a weeknight, crying her eyes out. Says she is unhappy, wishes things had worked out better, do I hate her, she never wanted to hurt me, bla bla bla.
I said we could meet for a drink, which we did. It was good to see her again, and what was meant to be a one hour appointment ended up being an entire day we spent together. I told her I was not interested in getting back together, and if anything did happen between us again, it would not happen now. She agreed it was for the best, and said she wanted to be alone for a while.
We stayed in touch, and I started seeing more of her. Again, very flirty and complimentry. The more time we started spending together, I started getting a bit more flirty. I got crapped out because I dont phone enough or show interest. Now I was keen to get back together, and seeing things the way they were, I went into full hunt mode. And then as soon as I showed the slightest bit of interest again, I have been given the cold shoulder.
Now here is the dilema. I do love this girl. But Im not one to be pushed around by anyone. I know this girl feels much the same way, but I get nothing but mixed messages. We are good together, sex was great, we have a lot in common, family liked me, mine likes her. Our problems were never about each other, it was always something or someone else that caused any issues.
My mates being the useless bunch of idiots they are cant seem to give me the right type of advice. Im getting the ussual "just do her dude" to the "tell her to get lost". Im on the verge of going crazy here. Im not sure if I should give her her space and let things sort themselves out, or if I should just give her the boot for good this time and move on, or if I should be in full hunting mode and chasing her the way I know she likes to be chased. When we first got togther, I had a bit of a reputation at the hotel we worked at. I liked her from day one, but she was intimidating as hell, and Im not one to be scared off by women easily. So I worked my ass of to get together with her after I showed interest and got shot down. We were together for about 7 months before we broke up first time.
Any advice for my Jerry Springer type life would be much appreciated.
