hi,
i'd like to tell you the story of my relationship that ended two days ago. i am feeling really bad at present, i seem to have 'oneitis'. i hope that this helps me to deal with this situation. i'd appreciate any comments. perhaps someone can even learn from the many mistakes i've done...
i got to know her 1,5 years ago at a club. i am 25, she's 24. although we have many different interests the relationship seemed to work out. half a year ago she moved to my flat. i still live at my parents flat but we have two entrances and so it's almost like a own flat. both of us work in the advertising industry and we work a lot. most evenings we met at home after work, which was at 9.30 - 11 pm.
both of us have some troubles at work and my way of dealing with it was to suppress these feelings. when i came home i didn't want to talk about it any more, just like i didn't have this job. my gf dealt with it contrarily: she wanted to talk about her problems but i was so fed up by that so i hardly listened and got angry at her. this went on and on. she needed some support by her boyfriend but i couldn't give it to her. i just wanted to watch tv etc. in order to relax from work.
additionally by suppressing my bad feelings for my job i also suppress my emotions to everything else, including her. the connection between her and me faded constantly. for me it was okay at that time, i was glad that there was someone i really liked at home everyday, someone i could talk to etc., someone who made me feel a little better.
but it was kind of 'convenience relationship'. i didn't feel in love. i didn't feel too much anyway. i just tried to get from weekend to weekend as i didn't like my job too much. my emotions were not accessible to me, i had many problems i didn't want to face up to. i think i became kind of a machine that got its work done but had no feelings neither bad nor good. if the relationship broke up, i could handle it - at least that's what i thought.
my ex-gf addressed these issues from time to time. she gave me warning sign that things were going the wrong way. she said she detaches more and more from me, that she sometimes feels sad when she sees other couples. i didn't really get it... i didn't hear it, i didn't want to hear it, i didn't care too much. i thought this kind of relationship could go on like this forever. sometimes i wrote her a nice text msg or i kissed her etc. this was not enough.
two days ago she came home and said she couldnt give me a welcome-kiss today because she made out with someone else the day before. she said she was not drunk or anything but this guy gave her something she had not got from me in a long time.
i was really shocked. suddenly all feelings that i had burried so deeply inside me were there again. we talked for a long time. at once i was kind of enlightened. i saw the many mistakes i made and all the warning signs that i ignored. i felt like the biggest fool ever. how could i be so cold-hearted to someone i love so much. i didn't care too much about the fact that she cheated. i said i could change many things and that i think we should give it another chance but she said she started disconnecting from me many weeks ago.
on the next day i gave it another try. i told her that for the first time that i loved her. this was a huge step for me because always had a hard time talking about these kinds of feelings. both of us were crying. we felt very close again. but only in an amicable way (from her side). so no future for the relationship... i was hit rock bottom.
she still lives at my flat but she's got a new place from june 1st. 10 more days.... she said she'd understand if i wanted to get her out. she said she might move to her friend's place for this period. i said it's ok if she stays. i know i have to move on somehow although that seems impossible these days. on the other hand i still want her to be around. i feel so lonely if she's not here any more. however, i know that might not have been a wise decision. it would be good if i could slowly learn that she's not more than a friend for me any more while she's still at my place. on the other hand there's still some hope that everything will turn to good account although i know there isn't.
how should i deal with that situation (flat)??
and i wonder how i should deal with all the teariness. i could once again try to suppress all those loving feelings (which made me loose her) or i could try to find negative aspects on her / the relationship to make me believe it's not such a loss. but deep inside me i know that i love her and i'd do anything to get one last chance. i'm not angry at her for cheating. i'm just dissappointed.
yesterday i was at a club with my friends. i thought it would be good to go out and socialize although that's very difficult. i also thought it might be good to make out with some girl etc. to forget my ex-gf. but on the other hand it wouldn't be right. i'm missing my ex-gf for her personality, not for the sexual reasons.
if there are any comments / questions etc. i'd love to hear them. it helps much to talk with friends or to write about it here....
thanks
robert
i'd like to tell you the story of my relationship that ended two days ago. i am feeling really bad at present, i seem to have 'oneitis'. i hope that this helps me to deal with this situation. i'd appreciate any comments. perhaps someone can even learn from the many mistakes i've done...
i got to know her 1,5 years ago at a club. i am 25, she's 24. although we have many different interests the relationship seemed to work out. half a year ago she moved to my flat. i still live at my parents flat but we have two entrances and so it's almost like a own flat. both of us work in the advertising industry and we work a lot. most evenings we met at home after work, which was at 9.30 - 11 pm.
both of us have some troubles at work and my way of dealing with it was to suppress these feelings. when i came home i didn't want to talk about it any more, just like i didn't have this job. my gf dealt with it contrarily: she wanted to talk about her problems but i was so fed up by that so i hardly listened and got angry at her. this went on and on. she needed some support by her boyfriend but i couldn't give it to her. i just wanted to watch tv etc. in order to relax from work.
additionally by suppressing my bad feelings for my job i also suppress my emotions to everything else, including her. the connection between her and me faded constantly. for me it was okay at that time, i was glad that there was someone i really liked at home everyday, someone i could talk to etc., someone who made me feel a little better.
but it was kind of 'convenience relationship'. i didn't feel in love. i didn't feel too much anyway. i just tried to get from weekend to weekend as i didn't like my job too much. my emotions were not accessible to me, i had many problems i didn't want to face up to. i think i became kind of a machine that got its work done but had no feelings neither bad nor good. if the relationship broke up, i could handle it - at least that's what i thought.
my ex-gf addressed these issues from time to time. she gave me warning sign that things were going the wrong way. she said she detaches more and more from me, that she sometimes feels sad when she sees other couples. i didn't really get it... i didn't hear it, i didn't want to hear it, i didn't care too much. i thought this kind of relationship could go on like this forever. sometimes i wrote her a nice text msg or i kissed her etc. this was not enough.
two days ago she came home and said she couldnt give me a welcome-kiss today because she made out with someone else the day before. she said she was not drunk or anything but this guy gave her something she had not got from me in a long time.
i was really shocked. suddenly all feelings that i had burried so deeply inside me were there again. we talked for a long time. at once i was kind of enlightened. i saw the many mistakes i made and all the warning signs that i ignored. i felt like the biggest fool ever. how could i be so cold-hearted to someone i love so much. i didn't care too much about the fact that she cheated. i said i could change many things and that i think we should give it another chance but she said she started disconnecting from me many weeks ago.
on the next day i gave it another try. i told her that for the first time that i loved her. this was a huge step for me because always had a hard time talking about these kinds of feelings. both of us were crying. we felt very close again. but only in an amicable way (from her side). so no future for the relationship... i was hit rock bottom.
she still lives at my flat but she's got a new place from june 1st. 10 more days.... she said she'd understand if i wanted to get her out. she said she might move to her friend's place for this period. i said it's ok if she stays. i know i have to move on somehow although that seems impossible these days. on the other hand i still want her to be around. i feel so lonely if she's not here any more. however, i know that might not have been a wise decision. it would be good if i could slowly learn that she's not more than a friend for me any more while she's still at my place. on the other hand there's still some hope that everything will turn to good account although i know there isn't.
how should i deal with that situation (flat)??
and i wonder how i should deal with all the teariness. i could once again try to suppress all those loving feelings (which made me loose her) or i could try to find negative aspects on her / the relationship to make me believe it's not such a loss. but deep inside me i know that i love her and i'd do anything to get one last chance. i'm not angry at her for cheating. i'm just dissappointed.
yesterday i was at a club with my friends. i thought it would be good to go out and socialize although that's very difficult. i also thought it might be good to make out with some girl etc. to forget my ex-gf. but on the other hand it wouldn't be right. i'm missing my ex-gf for her personality, not for the sexual reasons.
if there are any comments / questions etc. i'd love to hear them. it helps much to talk with friends or to write about it here....
thanks
robert
