My Ex-gf is Confusing Me!

[Genji]

Hi. I'll try to keep this short. I'm an RAFC and I've just started using some DJ techniques a short while ago. I know I still have a long way to go.

Before I started coming to this site, my girlfriend decided that she needed to take a break from our relationship. I realize now that this was just a result of her having a low IL due to me not being much of a challenge.

I could move on and start dating other girls, but I feel that I should at least try to salvage the relationship.

So here's my situation. After a few weeks with no contact (during which time I dicovered this site), we decide to get together for a little bit yesterday morning. The whole time I'm acting like a challenge and being somewhat indifferent to her. I tried to keep the conversation lively and fun. At first she's a little thrown off by my new behavior, but soon it seems like she's enjoying it. She started laughing, having fun, and she even initiated a little KINO. By the end of the date, I give her a hug good-bye and then she gives me a quick kiss (I didn't kiss her back).

It all sounds good, right? But then last night, I check my e-mail and there's a message from her. She says something to the effect of, "I didn't have fun at all today and I don't think you did either. It seems as if you've changed for the worse. You didn't compliment me once the whole time. It seems as if you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how you're doing fine without me."

What gives? It seemed like she was having a good time to me. Was she just pretending to have fun to be polite? Could she be testing me? Maybe she's just frustrated because the power has shifted in the relationship. Has her IL gone up a bit, or has it crashed down to zero? I'm confused! Does anyone have any opinions? Thanks.

Genji

 

[am4591]

She's the one who wanted to take a break from her relationship, not you, yet she seemed disappointed that you're getting along fine without her. I'd say keep doing what you're doing.

 

[trevor2003]

yeah that is kinda weird

although, she probally said that because your not depressed and sad

she expected you to act like an AFC and beg for her back!

you shrunk her ego by letting her know that your cool with the seperation and everything is a-ok with you!

she doesn't want you anymore, she just wants you to chase her

thats just my 2 cents.......i'd like to hear what other dj's have to say about this!

 

[trevor2003]

Originally posted by Genji


It all sounds good, right? But then last night, I check my e-mail and there's a message from her. She says something to the effect of, "I didn't have fun at all today and I don't think you did either. It seems as if you've changed for the worse. You didn't compliment me once the whole time. It seems as if you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how you're doing fine without me."
Genji

if you want to respond to her e-mail, say this, it will blow her mind:

I'm sorry you didn't have fun yesterday. Despite what you might think I had a great time seeing you. I don't think it's fair that your accusing me of trying to hurt you. I just want to move on with my life. I hope that we can still be friends!

 

[Eileen]

Oh ouch Trevor. That would really be sending it home.

Though I do think you need to tell the girl to poo or get off the pot. She can't be expecting you to treat her as your girlfriend if she is in fact not your girlfriend. It was her choice to take a break.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by trevor2003

she doesn't want you anymore, she just wants you to chase her

Trevor hit it on the head right here.

She obviously doesn't want you anymore (hence the "we need a break" bull$hit) - but she has grown accustomed to your constant AFC attention and doesn't like the fact that you no longer shower her with it -

Her email to you is a sh!t test plain and simple - she is used to having control over you and sheis hoping that you will crumble and fall all over her like you used to.

I don't even know if I would respond to that email. If you do - keep it short.

 

[Ronin I]

Re: Re: My Ex-gf is Confusing Me!

Originally posted by trevor2003


I'm sorry you didn't have fun yesterday. Despite what you might think I had a great time seeing you. I don't think it's fair that your accusing me of trying to hurt you. I just want to move on with my life. I hope that we can still be friends.

Perfect.

 

[Genji]

Hi everyone. Thanks for the replies. I did reply to my ex's e-mail. I pretty much wrote what Trevor said, but I toned it down a little bit to be more subtle.

She e-mailed me back in less than an hour. She basically said, "I also want to remain friends. I don't like it when you're so evasive when I'm trying to have a conversation with you. I don't like hints and guessing games [hey, I was trying to be a challenge and keep the convo light and fun]. I feel sad, too. I know I've lost something and it's hard to let go." I can also tell that she's starting to feel pretty insecure now that there is no longer a solid foundation of compliments to hold up her ego.

So, for the time being I'd still like to get her back. She really is a good person. She just did what any girl would do to an AFC after he pumped up her ego (the truth sucks, don't it?).

I'm still trying to gage her IL here. From my inexperienced opinion, I would guess that it was around fifty-something percent before the date. After the date, I think it was around 60% (maybe?). I don't really have much else to go on from there since e-mail doesn't tell you what body language or voice inflection do. I'm still trying to learn how to read IL, so any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Genji

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I'd just keep up what you're doing. Keep it light, funny, be slightly rude as inn "It's you who wanted to hang so not my fault" etc but at the same time be normally friendly and stuff. Give her some kino at times etc but at the same time don't care and be detached again.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

When she got upset that is a perfect sign that you are doing things right!! Keep doing what you are dong - showing indifference. What would be great is if she would see you with another woman - showing her that the train is moving forward and may leave you behind if you don't jump on board - this take balls on your part. Anyways, you should be moving forward with your life and looking for someone else and not put all your eggs in one basket.

 

[uniassign]

I don't think you should respond anymore to her emails. Responding to her will keep you thinking about her, and the more you think about her, the more you want her back, and the more likely you will degrade back to AFC behaviour.

It is true that the email she sent to you after your get-together was a sh!t test. She was trying to see whether you put on an act, or whether this was indeed a change in your personality.

I don't think responding to her sh!t testing email was the best idea. But it seemed you pulled through that one.

The best way to combat sh!t test are:

1. C&P;
2. misinterpretation; and/or
3. ignore.

Personally, I would have ignored the email because it would have been dangerous to employ C&P due to the ease of misinterpretation over emails.

She basically said, "I also want to remain friends. I don't like it when you're so evasive when I'm trying to have a conversation with you. I don't like hints and guessing games [hey, I was trying to be a challenge and keep the convo light and fun]. I feel sad, too. I know I've lost something and it's hard to let go."

I wouldn't respond to her emails anymore, rather wait for her to call you. Continuing on email will get you into LJBF land.

When she calls you on the phone, pick up and say that you are busy and will call her back (even though you are not).

Then don't call her back. She will call again.

When she calls again, say you were busy and then be all C&P on the phone. Talk to her for about ten minutes then set a time to meet. Continue the C&P on the meet, and more kino and then kiss her.

Meanwhile, you should go and see other girls. Having other girls will help you get this one back.

 

[NATHINNICE]

LET HER GO

SHE VIOLATED BY SENDING YOU THE FIRST EMAIL. GOOD PEOPLE DONT FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS.

 

[Player_Supreme]

"I didn't have fun at all today and I don't think you did either. It seems as if you've changed for the worse. You didn't compliment me once the whole time. It seems as if you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how you're doing fine without me."

1. When a woman takes a break, that REALLY does mean she has someone else she is seeing...sorry. I hope you were not stoopid enough to really think it was a break.

2. Almost always after "they" break up with you they will contact you to see how much you've missed her...this feeds her ego. Remember it's about "her". Her pathetic little ego needs to see you in pain, so she can feel good about "her". she wanted to see you being upset and crying and begging.

3. She has already lost all interest in you...hence the break time. Don't think you can re-kindle anything here by symping out again.

4. You did the right thing by letting her see a new you. Now her interest level has been piqued and now she is wondering if she made a mistake....I hope you don't blow it with some whimpy assed email back to her funky butt.

5. Let her go and start dating other women and you will see your ex freak out. Accidently call her by another's name when she calls...act like you don't know it's her on the phone...say something like ...hey susie, your calling because you forgot your sweater last night huh...

do that and watch this attention ho hit the roof.

6. Go to this site: www.hoslap.net and make yourself feel good for a moment...then get out their and get some more ho's for ya team!

 

[drake]

That site is unreal funny. I have been laughing all night. Good Sh(t!!

 

[justheretohelp]

Originally posted by Genji
Hi. I'll try to keep this short. I'm an RAFC and I've just started using some DJ techniques a short while ago. I know I still have a long way to go.

Before I started coming to this site, my girlfriend decided that she needed to take a break from our relationship. I realize now that this was just a result of her having a low IL due to me not being much of a challenge.

I could move on and start dating other girls, but I feel that I should at least try to salvage the relationship.

So here's my situation. After a few weeks with no contact (during which time I dicovered this site), we decide to get together for a little bit yesterday morning. The whole time I'm acting like a challenge and being somewhat indifferent to her. I tried to keep the conversation lively and fun. At first she's a little thrown off by my new behavior, but soon it seems like she's enjoying it. She started laughing, having fun, and she even initiated a little KINO. By the end of the date, I give her a hug good-bye and then she gives me a quick kiss (I didn't kiss her back).

It all sounds good, right? But then last night, I check my e-mail and there's a message from her. She says something to the effect of, "I didn't have fun at all today and I don't think you did either. It seems as if you've changed for the worse. You didn't compliment me once the whole time. It seems as if you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how you're doing fine without me."

What gives? It seemed like she was having a good time to me. Was she just pretending to have fun to be polite? Could she be testing me? Maybe she's just frustrated because the power has shifted in the relationship. Has her IL gone up a bit, or has it crashed down to zero? I'm confused! Does anyone have any opinions? Thanks.

Genji

Seriously they are called EX - girlfriends for a reason!

If they didn't want you then, why should you give yourself to them now when they decide, "Oh, well, it's time."

Time for what?

Is there some sort of incubation time period that should be observed like some chicken's egg before she realizes that she really does want to be with you? What was wrong with you then? In that time that you took the break it was SHE who realized that she was lonely without you. You had no contact so she couldn't say that you matured, became more romantic, etc. The TRUTH IS --- YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TILL ITS GONE!

I think people who keep going back to their ex girlfriends for that on again and off again relationship are weak! They don't care that they are being toyed with, and that someone is having a ball at someone else's expense. If she really cared about you she would have been there for you throughout, and not asked for some stupid break, and send a stupid letter that is full-on accusatory! "If you don't come at my beck and call, I will break this vase with the shrill of my scream!"

Give me a break. She sounds like she needs to do some growing up...and even then how much will she grow up? The fact that she is confusing you shows her lack of concern about you. She has no regard over anything but herself.

The world is full of other women. Let this chick go to hatch her eggs elsewhere!!!

 

[NatureGuy]

It all sounds good, right? But then last night, I check my e-mail and there's a message from her. She says something to the effect of, "I didn't have fun at all today and I don't think you did either. It seems as if you've changed for the worse. You didn't compliment me once the whole time. It seems as if you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how you're doing fine without me."

I say she's telling you what she wants from you. She still has interest, so if you proceed
in a challenging manner there may be a
future here. Be nice, confident, give no
clues that you need her, and you may have
to tell her what you want from her (just
as she's done) !

 

[NewMan]

It all sounds good, right? But then last night, I check my e-mail and there's a message from her. She says something to the effect of, "I didn't have fun at all today and I don't think you did either. It seems as if you've changed for the worse. You didn't compliment me once the whole time. It seems as if you just wanted to hurt me by showing me how you're doing fine without me."

She is not interested in him at all.

All she's looking for is for some emotional ego boost.

The minute you even hint that your interested in her - she will run the other way.

She left there feeling like sh#t because she expected you to be a soppy b@stard. You were not.

She's probably not having fun in her life, so she wanted to feel better by seeing you and getting compliments. You didn't give her that, so she probably left feeling worse than ever.

I'd keep doing what your doing. Ignore her a## - don't play back into her games and date other chicks.

You want to get her to the point where she's basically throwing herself at you - then and only then, after she's grovelled on the floor for at least an hour, cleaned you appartment, washed and ironed your clothes, fixed you dinner and walked your dog - do you consider having her back in your life.