My ex contacted me after nearly 4 months of NO CONTACT

[pvf94]

And now she is blowing my phone up, called 4 times today....basically begging me to go to the mall with her this evening.....I still have feelings for her.


Wtf is going on?!

This seems dangerous....like....I don't really get her motive. Anybody got suggestions?

The only thing I can think of is the guy she was with recently (not sure if she was but probably) ****ed her over and shes rebounding to me??


Edit: I told her I had plans, and she said she's available this week.

 

[SandHawk]

Just ignore her. If you still have feelings for her, deal with those first. If you start seeing her, you'll crave to go back to a relationship with her. Avoid that at all cost. This relationship didn't work in the past, so why would it work all the sudden?

 

[pvf94]

because it was issues of my own (jealousy/controlling) I know changing that would be hard but if I could it would work....I think, lol. I dunno...my dad is saying leave it alone, **** its hard.

 

[RMM]

because it was issues of my own (jealousy/controlling) I know changing that would be hard but if I could it would work....I think, lol. I dunno...my dad is saying leave it alone, **** its hard.

Precisely what ShadHawk said. Deal with _those_ issues first before you jump in again, do you think you'll be able to work on it while trying to juggle a relationship when you're still harboring lingering past feelings for her and all the baggage from when it didn't work the first time?

You said you're suspicious. Trust your gut

 

[Weezy]

Yo Bro,

It's easy to say you were controlling and jealous, I think to some degree all men are. The real question is did she make you feel that way? Some girls will and some girls won't. If your GF flirts with other guys all the time, you're gonna be more prone to feel like that then a loyal chick who tells you about guys trying to go out with her and her rejecting them because she loves you so much. If you were controlling and jealous because she's an attention wh0re then just cut your losses.

It will be even easier now because you know that you could have it back if you want it. Should help you to move on mentally.

Not to mention, now you will have to deal with all the F'd up emotions of her leaving you to F another dude.. which will make you more controlling and jealous. Those 4 months of NC are invaluable man.. some of the toughest you'll ever have to go through probably. It's a lot to risk, think with your head, not with your heart.

 

[shortie]

Totally agree with what everyone is saying. you said it yourself too, she is rebounding to you. what does that mean to you? that she will leave you again for another in no time? maybe but why take that chance.

Just ignore her to the best of your ability and work on yourself (whatever YOU choose to change). four months took a lot of guts and courage, dont ruin it by going back and going through all of the same again.

Weezy said it best that aside from other issues, you think that you will be able to deal with the feeling that she was with another guy right after you? Its easy to say it and hard to act on it but seriously, dont put yourself back into that position so soon.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

My ex did the same thing. Only I never answered the phone or returned any calls.

You are stunting your own growth by even speaking to this girl.

You are well-advised to forget about her.

You will regret any contact that you have with her.

You'll be riding a carpet for two days and then you'll be right back where you were when she dumped you.

And speaking of the guy she dumped you for, it didn't work out with him, and she needs a 'default branch' for a minute. You will be dropped like a hot potato and forgotten by the same woman, once again, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

But the biggest problem here is, where is your self-respect? Where is your 'inner game'?

Why are you talking to a woman that dumped you for someone else?

She should be abolished from your existence. Are you a great Stallion, running wild across the desert at night, tantalizing every female to dare trying to get you down? Or are you a confused donkey who never leaves the feedlot, even when the gate is wide open?

Such a Stallion would leave his ex in the dust.

 

[Rhino22]

My ex did the same thing. Only I never answered the phone or returned any calls.

You are stunting your own growth by even speaking to this girl.

You are well-advised to forget about her.

You will regret any contact that you have with her.

You'll be riding a carpet for two days and then you'll be right back where you were when she dumped you.

And speaking of the guy she dumped you for, it didn't work out with him, and she needs a 'default branch' for a minute. You will be dropped like a hot potato and forgotten by the same woman, once again, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

But the biggest problem here is, where is your self-respect? Where is your 'inner game'?

Why are you talking to a woman that dumped you for someone else?

She should be abolished from your existence. Are you a great Stallion, running wild across the desert at night, tantalizing every female to dare trying to get you down? Or are you a confused donkey who never leaves the feedlot, even when the gate is wide open?

Such a Stallion would leave his ex in the dust.

That was amazing. Lol...listen to this dude.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

And now she is blowing my phone up, called 4 times today....basically begging me to go to the mall with her this evening.....I still have feelings for her.


Wtf is going on?!

This seems dangerous....like....I don't really get her motive. Anybody got suggestions?

The only thing I can think of is the guy she was with recently (not sure if she was but probably) ****ed her over and shes rebounding to me??


Edit: I told her I had plans, and she said she's available this week.

Don't do it. NO CONTACT MEANS FOREVER. Stop thinking about why, you're trying to trick yourself into finding a way to let her in again. Our minds play quite complicated tricks on us. Really, this is what's happening.

Here's the problem, no matter how much you work on yourself and improve, there are already set stone emotional patterns with your history with her that cannot be removed. They'll always resurface because they're automatic and unconscious things you can't do anything about, they've been internalized with her...this is part of why you're feeling drawn back into it, it's familiar previous "set in" feelings that you know damned well are wrong and you haven't even seen her in 4 months...imagine the bullshait that her actual presence will cause.

Your dad is right, listen to him. He can see it with a birds-eye view that you cannot and he's close to you as well as having seen more of life. He's saying "no", everyone here is saying "no". You need to join the club .

Even the most awesome DJ here could not fix your situation to what it was previously if he were in it. Old patterns pop up as soon as you let down your guard, at first 1%, then 2%, then 3%, and then it all goes to shait in very fast and she's gone again. Lather, rinse, repeat and you waste time in your life and feel more like shait.

Work on yourself. Move forward. She's gone man, GAME OVER. You need to work with a blank slate with another woman and not repeat your mistakes.

 

[pvf94]

damn.

 

[pvf94]

this all made me feel a hell of a lot better. Especially mysterious and julius, thank you. Any further input is welcome.

 

[dalynxx]

The community at large has spoken. The board's decision is unanimous.

 

[pvf94]

The community at large has spoken. The board's decision is unanimous.

lmfao, very nice

 

[DonGorgon]

Ok here is the real deal.. this is your chance to turn her into an F buddy but you must do everything right..

1. Tell her that you guys can get together somtime to talk but you are very busy with x, y and z and will let her know when you have time for her..

2. If she calls again before you are ready to see her ignore that call. DO NOT REPLY TO IT AT ALL..

3. wait 3 days and call her out of the blue after 10pm. and say that you have to go out of town soon for x, y, z reason so you guys can kickit tomorrow night around 930 for drinks at your place. If she accepts tell her you will pick her up. if she rejects simple say "well maybe some other time" then dont answer her calls for 7 days! and never call her ever..

4. If she comes to your house make sure it is clean and neat and that there are NO pictures of her old gifts from her laying around.. this is your chance to show her that you have moved on and are doing well.. Here is a tip : hopefully you have been dating so take two of your movie ticked stubs and leave them in plain sight.. also have some pairs of whine glasses in the sink. Make it look like you may have had female company..

5. The purpose of all this is to make her jealous and suspicious and aroused also.. Ok so wen she comes treat har cool but cold like she is a regular guest tell her to have a seat in the front room and you act distracted and busy. DONT GO SIT NEXT TO HER. DONT START TALKING FIRST. DONT ACT LIKE YOU ARE SUPR GLAD SHE IS THERE!! after about 20 mins go stand near to where she sits and say " yeh so whats on your mind?" ignore her answerr and talk about some new exciting stuff you have going on and check you cell phone like you have texts..

6. Put on a movie (distraction from tension), pour some drinks and relax.... and watch wat happens.. start kino. you have a 80% chance of Fing her as long as you dont act emotional at all..

7. I you do F tell her you have to be up early but you will call her.. (dont call for 2 weeks).. wen she calls you text her back saying you will call her later but dont.

8. If you dont F cause she is not responding to kino.. go to sleep durnig movie then wake up and tell her you have to be up early but you will call her. dont call for 3 weeks.. if she calls you tell her you had fun last time (but you fell asleep..lol so thats just game)

9. DO NOT TAKE HER OUT AND SPEND MONEY... DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU CARE..... DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE PAST.. DO NOT ASK ABOUT HER MEN.. all you do must be related to making her F you..

 

[WhitePimp]

If you still have feelings for this chick, there's no way you'll be able to do all that sh!t to turn her into an FB, he's still emotionally connected. I'd just agree to meet up sometime and then never ever contact her or follow through, at the very least you can mess with her head a bit and make her feel unattractive.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

this all made me feel a hell of a lot better. Especially mysterious and julius, thank you. Any further input is welcome.

Dude, I've got my shiat together. Mr 100% positive vibe and all that because I feel that way inside instead of pasting those things on my external person.

But, it's impossible for me to ever fix "lost" romantic stuff with women. No man is that cool or awesome. I accept that and don't see it as a failure. I learned.

I can have the most kinky and wild sex with girls I have been with but if I ever said "you know, maybe we could go back blah blah blah" they'd run. It's like a law of the universe that cannot be violated.

You can have some of what you had, but it will never be what you think/feel it was. The same for her.

She's already had sex with you. You can do it again, but you can't make or cause her have the general feelings in the same way she had before about, it's completely impossible and I've never seen someone even try to claim they did...that says something.

 

[YAboi]

Ok here is the real deal.. this is your chance to turn her into an F buddy but you must do everything right..

+1 rep; cold, ruthless and effective....i like it.

 

[pvf94]

nah, the **** buddy thing is not an option for me. I would end up thinking about her all the time, when I can just get laid elsewhere. She hurt me when she left, I think the nail is in the coffin after a talk with my dad and you guy's input. But damn dongorgon, that is good ****.


I know I can **** her, but I'm gonna protect my heart and mind and not let her become a parasite. I'm just not strong enough to keep her as a fvckbuddy. It'd be nice, but she was my first love and all....gonna leave it be.

 

[Weezy]

Props bro.. You'll be better off in the long run.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

You can always go out and retrieve a new fvck buddy without all of the emotional past and residue associated with this chick.

I concur with everyone else, and it sounds like you know inside the right thing.

Sometimes going backwards like that only brings back the problems, and prevents us from actually getting better. IE -- a better way to deal with control or jealousy is to seek a _new_ partner who shows expressed commitment to you (ie, doesn't flirt around all of the time) and work on your emotional responses and trust.

Control and jealousy are hard things. In a lot of ways, I agree with Weezy. There are girls that make this more difficult -- ie, if you meet a flirtatious young girl, how could you expect her not to still be flirty even if in a relationship? Think about the type of girl you'd like to have in your life, and work towards that. Focus on your own improvement, perhaps letting go a bit of what you can't control in life, and focusing in on what you can.

Much love man. Keep working on yourself, your mindset, and you'll keep healing. You'll achieve new levels with females you didn't think were possible.