My ex BPD girlfriend dumped me

[yomismo]

I have been in a relationship with my ex BPD girlfriend for over 5 years. Yes, a BPD girlfriend, so you all know the drill : cheating, lying, acting...the usual.
She is also a heavy drinker when she drinks,perfect excuse to cheat on you.
When confronted all you find in front of you is nothing but spectacular lies that make you think you are paranoia.
We have been on and off but most a 3/5 days break.
This last time she has broken up with me looks to me more serious.She went to her mum's but after 3 days she sent me letter telling me how much she loves me and at the moment i replied i love her very much i got another letter telling me she doesnt see a future anymore despite the fact she was begging me to marry her for the last 4 years.
No further contact for the last 2 weeks.Her father calls me to remove her stuff from our apartment.
I dont know if she got somebody already but she looks damn serious about this break up although BPD girls are usually on cycles.
I am not under any illusion and I know I am better of without her but I want her back for this last time to pay her back for all the misery and pain she made me go through. Not a good thing to do but I want to.Aside from that,nothing wrong wanting to have another 1 month of freaky sex.
Do you think she will be back ? Any advise on how to trig her to come back ?
Will she really overlook my acceptance to marry her ?

 

[49au]

You should check out bpdfamily.com. There is a section there on deciding whether to stay or leave.

You are also never going to "get her back" for what she's done. She is emotionally dysregulated. Whatever pain you may somehow be able to cause her, she can forget in an instant when her primitive defense mechanisms kick in.

 

[yomismo]

I sent her a letter telling her i agree with the break up and went full NC hoping this will trigg her fears/curiosity to contact me back.
Any advise on how to best get her back ?

You should check out bpdfamily.com. There is a section there on deciding whether to stay or leave.

You are also never going to "get her back" for what she's done. She is emotionally dysregulated. Whatever pain you may somehow be able to cause her, she can forget in an instant when her primitive defense mechanisms kick in.

 

[movistar]

She will call you when she gets bored, stay NC.
It's hard to see it now because you want her back for the immediate future, but it's best to walk away. What you want to do to her is a bit emotionally unhealthy as well, maybe comparable to the BDP you mention.

Visualize what is best for you, that is to walk away, be the better person, find a better chick, trying to get her back won't work because you have some emotional connection with her... been there done that, it's tough but just leave her alone. You WILL find a woman that you like much better, the sooner you leave her alone the sooner it will happen for you.

 

[yomismo]

THANKS!!! good piece of advise,very wise...thing is that I dont have those feelings for her any more and all i want is to give her same medicine,really.
I went out bitter and need to release it. Of course, all I want is revenge,nothing else. Excuse my openess but I went to hell and back !!!

She will call you when she gets bored, stay NC.
It's hard to see it now because you want her back for the immediate future, but it's best to walk away. What you want to do to her is a bit emotionally unhealthy as well, maybe comparable to the BDP you mention.

Visualize what is best for you, that is to walk away, be the better person, find a better chick, trying to get her back won't work because you have some emotional connection with her... been there done that, it's tough but just leave her alone. You WILL find a woman that you like much better, the sooner you leave her alone the sooner it will happen for you.

 

[Micko07]

e jebi ga nije trebala tako

 

[sexysuave]

Dude, she set you free lol. Now fly!!

Read this thread entirely:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=164551&highlight=Jophil28

Then read this thread entirely:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55034&page=2&highlight=personality+disorder

Then read this thread entirely:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=113359

You OWE it to your self to sit down and take as many hours as it takes reading those threads. And see how you feel about your relationship after reading that, and if you feel releived that she "set you free".

Do you even realize what you're saying? You actually put up with her cheating and lying? I do not understand guys doing this. As soon as you found out her cheating for the VERY FIRST TIME, you should have ejected quickly. It doesn't matter how long you've been with someone, if she cheats, she's OUT!

I don't care if you think she's "the one", if she cheats, she's OUT!! This is the biggest dealbreaker out there, and too many wimps let it slide. You're letting her fertilize her egg with some other dudes sperms, putting in jeopardy your own damn reproduction! LOL, I know that's a little dramatic, but if you think of it taht way, you will realize how important and big of a deal it is. If she cheats, she is OUT!!

Also, why are you playing games with your self saying you just want her back so you can hurt her? That's bullsh*t, you just want her back. You know what they say, the best "revenge" is living a happy life. Try it bro. You're not happy with someone who constantly cheats on you, you and I both know that. She is actually doing you a HUGE favor here, she is setting you free. Use this chance and dont' get sucked back in!!

Stay no contact and CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! It takes two minutes to change your number, you're obviously deep down praying she calls you back, this is NO GOOD for you. "Oh I just want her back short term for revenge" BULLLLSH*TTTTTT!!! Snap out of it bro.. First thing you do is sit down, and read those damn threads,, READ THEM IF IT TAKES ALL DAY.. and read up on bpdfamily.com like 49au suggested. There are some serious HORROR stories out there.

Things will only get better for you, just stay no contact, change your number, and start gaming other girls right away so you don't end up trying to contact her again.

 

[yomismo]

You are completly right !!!! I might even fall emotionally back in her net... Thanks !!!! But honestly, I am out of love for this b1tch,only thing kept me going was the woooowwww sex...I will remain out and if tempted will post here asking for help!

Dude, she set you free lol. Now fly!!

Read this thread entirely:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=164551&highlight=Jophil28

Then read this thread entirely:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55034&page=2&highlight=personality+disorder

Then read this thread entirely:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=113359

You OWE it to your self to sit down and take as many hours as it takes reading those threads. And see how you feel about your relationship after reading that, and if you feel releived that she "set you free".

Do you even realize what you're saying? You actually put up with her cheating and lying? I do not understand guys doing this. As soon as you found out her cheating for the VERY FIRST TIME, you should have ejected quickly. It doesn't matter how long you've been with someone, if she cheats, she's OUT!

I don't care if you think she's "the one", if she cheats, she's OUT!! This is the biggest dealbreaker out there, and too many wimps let it slide. You're letting her fertilize her egg with some other dudes sperms, putting in jeopardy your own damn reproduction! LOL, I know that's a little dramatic, but if you think of it taht way, you will realize how important and big of a deal it is. If she cheats, she is OUT!!

Also, why are you playing games with your self saying you just want her back so you can hurt her? That's bullsh*t, you just want her back. You know what they say, the best "revenge" is living a happy life. Try it bro. You're not happy with someone who constantly cheats on you, you and I both know that. She is actually doing you a HUGE favor here, she is setting you free. Use this chance and dont' get sucked back in!!

Stay no contact and CHANGE YOUR NUMBER! It takes two minutes to change your number, you're obviously deep down praying she calls you back, this is NO GOOD for you. "Oh I just want her back short term for revenge" BULLLLSH*TTTTTT!!! Snap out of it bro.. First thing you do is sit down, and read those damn threads,, READ THEM IF IT TAKES ALL DAY.. and read up on bpdfamily.com like 49au suggested. There are some serious HORROR stories out there.

Things will only get better for you, just stay no contact, change your number, and start gaming other girls right away so you don't end up trying to contact her again.

 

[AlexDP]

THANKS!!! good piece of advise,very wise...thing is that I dont have those feelings for her any more and all i want is to give her same medicine,really.
I went out bitter and need to release it. Of course, all I want is revenge,nothing else. Excuse my openess but I went to hell and back !!!

Thing is you can't get your revenge, because this person doesn't feel things the way others do. Besides, they are so self absorbed that they would love to see you make the effort to hurt them. And then when you do manage to hurt her (which in all fairness you'll do anyway regardless of your actions, because she's that unstable emotionally), she will do everything in her power to get back at you. This includes going to the cops and fabricating stories. These women don't hold back.

And they never change. I was a bit surprised when I heard my BPD ex's new relationship was still flourishing after 5 months. But a month later she dropped the new guy and got herself another one. Even if she professed her undying love on facebook. Why? Because she went on a holiday without her then boyfriend. This triggers abandonment fears, so she finds someone else. You want this short of BS in your life? Come on, man.

 

[bigneil]

The only cure for a woman is another woman. Preferably non-BPD.

I recently and finally cured my one-itis by finding an affectionate woman. I can't believe how much I was missing. The coldness I put up with and "tried to make work" was ridiculous. It's so liberating to find another woman, but she has to be equally physically attractive to really purge your memory.

The problem with oneitis isn't that she lies, cheats, etc... it's that you care. All woman are doing that to someone. But for some reason you only care about and focus on the details of one, which is a lesson in futility.

 

[yomismo]

May I have the last super awesome **** with her, please ? Any advise how to trigg her interest to come back ? Ignoring her ?

 

[Johnnyventana]

ignore the AW. Yes. They hate that. They don't expect that. Ignore her, and eventually she'll put on her 'pretend' in hopes of shelving you. F her. And then, truly move on. She's cancer, and not the manageable kind.

 

[yomismo]

Thanks bro !! I know that eventually she will be back NOT FOR ME but for the simple fact she wants to be married and have children. She wont go through the whole hassle to start all over again and wait any longer which by no means wont stop her fvcking around till she comes back.Old same story...And I will pretend to be the good dog as usual...Aside from her disease there is pure evil there,believe me...and I will fvck her all out of it...for one night...make her all promises of a speedy marriage and then dump her like garbage she is...but first i will use her.
If anyone got more advise as how to trigg her to come back,please,by all means!!! And u guessed right, I am bitter and hurt...but with a purpose!

ignore the AW. Yes. They hate that. They don't expect that. Ignore her, and eventually she'll put on her 'pretend' in hopes of shelving you. F her. And then, truly move on. She's cancer, and not the manageable kind.

 

[49au]

You are more fvcked up than she is. Get into therapy.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

yomiso --

What are you doing man? Do you HONESTLY think that sort of bitterness is going to help you IMPROVE AND HEAL?

LET HER GO. STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF.

Do you understand? JUST STOP.

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE and do not include her. You will torment yourself and YOU are falling into evil with the BS you just posted here. STOP. Find a better girlfriend for god's sake.

 

[Scars]

I had the same kind of "revengeful" thoughts about my BPD ex, hell, I still do from time to time. She's in a new relationship right now and I keep thinking "Damn, all I have to do is start talking to her again and I could completely fvck their little thing they have going up." Thing is, I know it will eventually, and when it does, it won't be by the influence of me. This guy is in for a hard smack of reality, and she isn't going to change ever. So why bother? My life is so much less dramatic now, which is one of the biggest things that bothered me while dating her. Now I keep it low key and I love it. I won't lie, it sucks not having that awesome great sex whenever you want it sometimes, but I just remind myself of all the troubles and headaches I had to constantly endure to maintain it. Do yourself a favor and keep up with the NC. Forget this whole revenge plot. Take this same energy and focus it on bettering yourself or pursuing a girl who is a little less crazy.

-Scars

 

[AlexDP]

I had the same kind of "revengeful" thoughts about my BPD ex, hell, I still do from time to time. She's in a new relationship right now and I keep thinking "Damn, all I have to do is start talking to her again and I could completely fvck their little thing they have going up." Thing is, I know it will eventually, and when it does, it won't be by the influence of me. This guy is in for a hard smack of reality, and she isn't going to change ever. So why bother? My life is so much less dramatic now, which is one of the biggest things that bothered me while dating her. Now I keep it low key and I love it. I won't lie, it sucks not having that awesome great sex whenever you want it sometimes, but I just remind myself of all the troubles and headaches I had to constantly endure to maintain it. Do yourself a favor and keep up with the NC. Forget this whole revenge plot. Take this same energy and focus it on bettering yourself or pursuing a girl who is a little less crazy.
-Scars

I have great sex with my new healthy girlfriend whenever I want it. There are healthy girls who want to have sex all the time too, you know. You're right, borderlines don't change. And more importantly, they don't feel the way we feel. One might plot revenge and execute it perfectly, but she will ultimately feel great about it. Because that's what she wants, she wants to see that the guy cares. Negatively or positively doesn't matter. Caring is enough. If you let her go and just get a new girlfriend and be happy, she will go insane. Hell, maybe she'll even, for a minute, think something is wrong with her. It's the only way to go.

 

[typical]

Whats worswe is when your ex BPD gf tells you over the phone you can get a better looking girl anytime you want just make sure she's slim good looking but not that good looking otherwise she will get sad and jelous. They play the victom very well, and any dumbc*nt that runs in to be "capt-save-a-ho" will get taken to the cleaners in more than one way.

They will use you to one end only and thats to make their life more comfortable who cares about you, your a guy and can not be trusted. While she's out dating and fu(king all manner of guys.

I feel sorry for any man that has to deal with this sort of monster, they are THE most self centered uncaring people on the face of the planet, you can not have a healthy friendship or relationship with one it will only destroy you.

If you have been with a BPD you know what I mean with the sweet act one day and the drama queen the next always problems and issues all caused by her indirectly and directly but your gonna be the one that has to deal with them or its always your fault.

If you have survived an ordeal with a true blown up BPD chick I congratulate you, no other woman will ever be able to toy with you ever again !!! If you are going through this crap right now all I can say is RUN away as fast as you can and just forget about the person, nothing you do will ever change her or the situation that she has created. Learn your lesson and learn it well, the mental and emotional wounds will heal in time but they will leave scars.

In time you will forget how badly those wounds hurt and will want to maybe become friends OR try again after a few years, BUT take a look at the scars that have been left and remember all the trouble and issues that had been caused and just leave it at that.

It's only been a little over a year for me and sometimes I start thinking about all the good times we had, I quickly stop and remind myself of all the issues I had to deal with.

Its a bittersweet victory where you know they will get married have kids and everyone will think they have the most perfect life, but you know all the issues the guy that ties the knot with her will have to deal with are not worth the image of being happy and deep down everyone around her will be in the pits.

Just remember you will survive this ordeal and you will grow and be happy, just always remember what you learned.

 

[Scars]

Kinda off topic, but kinda not, who here has seen the movie 'The Crush'?

I think it's a perfect representation of the modern day BPD girl. The story is a tad exaggerated for entertainment purposes but I wouldn't run it past my ex, or any other BPD girls out there who have done some of these things or at least thought about doing them.

The story is about 14 year old girl who falls in love with a 28 year old man. It outlines how manipulative and seductive these woman can be. And although he never had sex with her, in fact, most of the movie he is trying to avoid her, she still manages to destroy his life. She fvcks up his car, fvcks up his career, tries to kill his new gf, kills her own bestfriend, and has him arrested for a false 'assault against a minor' charge. Even goes through the trouble of digging through his garbage and finding a used condom and makes it to where she tests positive for his semen. At the end of the movie she ends up in a psychiatric ward where she belongs, but it just opened my eyes a lot. These woman are fvcking crazy. And although they may not be killing people close to you, they mine as well be, the emotional and psychological trauma you get from being violated by these monsters is tremendous. I have absolutely no sympathy for them whatsoever. Learn to identify when they are playing heart strings and trying to fvck with you. Learn to spot it quickly and eject before they start slowly destroying your life.

-Scars

 

[hardertheyfall]

Thing is you can't get your revenge, because this person doesn't feel things the way others do. Besides, they are so self absorbed that they would love to see you make the effort to hurt them. And then when you do manage to hurt her (which in all fairness you'll do anyway regardless of your actions, because she's that unstable emotionally), she will do everything in her power to get back at you. This includes going to the cops and fabricating stories. These women don't hold back.

And they never change. I was a bit surprised when I heard my BPD ex's new relationship was still flourishing after 5 months. But a month later she dropped the new guy and got herself another one. Even if she professed her undying love on facebook. Why? Because she went on a holiday without her then boyfriend. This triggers abandonment fears, so she finds someone else. You want this short of BS in your life? Come on, man.

Alex how old was your ex BPD?