my day just collapse because of interaction with girls

[Giacobe.KB]

girl acts interested in me and then stops and my whole day just turns ****ty. i am way too reactive to this type of stuff.

i have tried filling up my life with different events, focusing on school, sports, friends and along i go trying to focus on the other stuff. i think my life is on track and i dont need girls and then i see a girl get interested in me i am like yeaaaa its workin. then today after class i was gonna plan on asking her on a date for next week because teacher on vacation = no class. usually when we are walking she loves talking to me but today she talks on the phone like shes not really interested, its a different vibe during class and this single event sends me back into this pit of depression that i will never get a girl that i really like

i am so sick of falling back into this mess dudes... god damn i just want to seclude myself from the world so i wont have interactions with women which end with me being in a dark hole that i am tired of picking myself out of.

i seriously dont understand why my brain take this stuff so negatively i think there is a serious chemical imbalance in my brain. i need some depression pill or something.

any suggestions, comfort would help

 

[bluemanson]

i think you beating yourself too hard on this. she prob had something on her mind or she got problems of her own.

why dont you wait until the next time she sees you, and make sure you in a good mood, (i think you should only be with her if she in a good mood, if she moody, leave her alone until she in a good mood again)
then ask her to have lunch with you or something.

 

[WillPower]

Lot of inner game work required. First up, women don't validate you. You validate yourself. Your sense of self-worth stems solely from you. So, from that point of view, you only want this woman for sex, and maybe companionship. She's not interested? NEXT! There are boatloads of women out there just waiting for men to come along. Go out and get them.

 

[Giacobe.KB]

WillPower this is what i mean. i cant seem to be happy with just myself. i have improved my life in all aspects, i am in shape, i am doing well in school, i have hobbies and friends but it ALWAYS nag me that i have never had a connection with cute girls and a single action or words of theirs that make me feel a little rejected will send me spiraling down into a state of hopelessness

then i want to give up and maybe 2 days later i am feeling fine again but another interaction goes wrong and bam i am back here again, and it is probably getting worst everything because i feel like i cant get myself out from falling

sorry for being such a negative douche bag but i just feel like things will never work out for me at the moment

 

[WillPower]

WillPower this is what i mean. i cant seem to be happy with just myself. i have improved my life in all aspects, i am in shape, i am doing well in school, i have hobbies and friends but it ALWAYS nag me that i have never had a connection with cute girls and a single action or words of theirs that make me feel a little rejected will send me spiraling down into a state of hopelessness

then i want to give up and maybe 2 days later i am feeling fine again but another interaction goes wrong and bam i am back here again, and it is probably getting worst everything because i feel like i cant get myself out from falling

So you want women. Good. So do I. We're both men, we both want women, and we're willing to do what is necessary to get women. I have to be clear with you before I proceed, I've never been in a relationship either and I'm a virgin. But I'm ok with that. I accept that wholeheartedly. I lack in social skills, yes. So? I've never made out with a woman. So? I know I'm on the path towards getting what I want. I'm doing the Stylelife Challenge and being buffeted pretty horribly by the winds, but I recognize that my issues stem from within me. If I get upset by rejection, it's because a) I was hoping that she would validate my existence b) I wanted the outcome too much. I recognize these issues and stop them dead in their tracks. And continue doing what I want to do.

Being an alpha is ALL about attitude. But in general, if you're pretty down in the dumps, change won't happen in a day. I can prattle on and on, but you have to start believing what I tell you. Believing it truly. And that requires persistence and directed effort. I'd recommend No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover and Mastery by George Leonard to give you the direction you need. Give them a read. Or just use this site. It has loads of articles on attitude, but all of them need dedicated internalization to work.

 

[bluemanson]

So what if a girl is not interested, there will always be others, if you fail with one pick yourself up and talk to another. Only time and persistance will help you.
as you go along it becomes easier. I would think that many would agree on this

 

[K2000kidd]

I used to get the same way but I really found out that there is more to life
than than focusing on that "one" girl who looked at me a certain way
then spending the next month planning mariage house and kids with her.
If a woman is interested in you, she will practicallly stalk you to get yr attention.

 

[Igetit!]

then i want to give up and maybe 2 days later i am feeling fine again but another interaction goes wrong and bam i am back here again, and it is probably getting worst everything because i feel like i cant get myself out from falling

sorry for being such a negative douche bag but i just feel like things will never work out for me at the moment

Well dude,maybe if you'd give us an account of how your interactions with women generally go,we'd be able to find out where you keep going wrong. Because if there's one thing I do know,it's this:IT AIN'T YOU.

YOU are NOT the problem. It's either something you're doing,or some behavior you have.....which is good news. Because if it were you,then you'd just be screwed,because you're ALWAYS going to be you. However,if it's a behavior,or just something you're doing,you can change the behavior and/or stop whatever it is you're doing.

Now,when I say to give an account of your basic interactions with women,I mean:

What do you say when you approach a girl?
How do you say it?(meaning the vibe/tone of your voice when speaking)
How do women generally respond to you?
What's your emotional state when approaching? (emotions are contagious,so what are you feeling while you're approaching).
Where do you generally approach?

Answer these questions as ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE. Also,if you think there may be any other piece of info that you think might be helpful,then state it as well.

When you realize how just a few simple adjustments to you tone and demeanor when talking to women will have such a DRAMATIC CHANGE on the reactions you get from women,you're going to feel SO STUPID.

You're going to be like,"Uh....that's it? That's all I had to do?". And I'm serious dude. But like I said,we'll need a detailed account of what it is you do,say,and how you behave,plus the way women usually respond to you.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Remember the PUSH and PULL technique. Wave oscillation.

You can't have constant emotions, for every PULL there has to be a PUSH.

These girls are playing "game" on you, man. They are interested but want to see if you got the mental fortitude to handle them.

IF you work it in reverse, and play game on them, then you would act interested one day, and later on go cold and distant, than act interested again out of the blue, just be unpredictable.

 

[cola]

Women can sense thoes *****lips in your pants.
Nothing sexier than a dude who just doesn't give a **** what anyone says..

 

[Kevin Feng]

Hehe,

I totally understand where you're coming from, I mean geez, my loser ass was on the show.

Here's the problem you're having and it's more life and wisdom related than it is pick up related.

I made the same mistake, after I finished college, I did the whole PUA thing full time with Mystery/Matador, and Asian Playboy and I got burned out way too quickly and more importantly, I became very dependent on womens' reactions because my life revolved around it.

They say the best thing you can do for a woman is to have something better than her to do. It's so true, it alleviates your need for her validation and more importantly, it makes her chase you instead of her.

You need to return back to the basics and get your fundamentals down. Check out this article by Asian Playboy, I think you'll find it enlightening.

http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/2006/03/how-can-you-be-one-of-successful-pick.html

-Kevin

 

[Giacobe.KB]

Well dude,maybe if you'd give us an account of how your interactions with women generally go,we'd be able to find out where you keep going wrong. Because if there's one thing I do know,it's this:IT AIN'T YOU.

YOU are NOT the problem. It's either something you're doing,or some behavior you have.....which is good news. Because if it were you,then you'd just be screwed,because you're ALWAYS going to be you. However,if it's a behavior,or just something you're doing,you can change the behavior and/or stop whatever it is you're doing.

Now,when I say to give an account of your basic interactions with women,I mean:

What do you say when you approach a girl?
How do you say it?(meaning the vibe/tone of your voice when speaking)
How do women generally respond to you?
What's your emotional state when approaching? (emotions are contagious,so what are you feeling while you're approaching).
Where do you generally approach?

Answer these questions as ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE. Also,if you think there may be any other piece of info that you think might be helpful,then state it as well.

i would like to think that it is because of my behaviors but when ur 18 turning 19 and still haven't gotten a kiss, a girl then you start believing maybe there is something inherently really wrong with you that everyone knows and u are too clueless to figure out.

most of my interactions with girls begin through classes, friends, and hobbies. really at first i dont mind them no attention because i think that if first i will be happy and humorous with everyone else around so i make a lot of friends so it forces them to interact with me in someway and it attracts some girls

wow i just gave a little thought about it but when i first meet girls a BUNCH of them are initially attracted to me now that i think about it. like i can remember alot of unusually long eye contacts, touching, starting conversations, flirting, hair brushing and stuff.

and then all of a sudden they start to lose interest. man i dont know but could it be because i dont act needy enough? like sometimes the girls say something and i act like i dont care of their opinion

for example:

me: my favorite color is red
girl: i dont like red
me: haha i dont care what you dont like

or i try to act like i want class to be over so i can go home

maybe i am putting off girls because i act a little like i dont really care. i try to act like sometimes i am interested in them and then some times i kind of pull away. could it be because i am playing games and they dont like it and lose interest? or is it because they are initially infatuated and once they get to know me the mystery is kind of gone

sometimes maybe they are interested in me but little things they do make me form the quick conclusion that they dont like me as much as i thought.

i really dont know

 

[Giacobe.KB]

Remember the PUSH and PULL technique. Wave oscillation.

You can't have constant emotions, for every PULL there has to be a PUSH.

These girls are playing "game" on you, man. They are interested but want to see if you got the mental fortitude to handle them.

IF you work it in reverse, and play game on them, then you would act interested one day, and later on go cold and distant, than act interested again out of the blue, just be unpredictable.

yea i really cant tell if they lost interest or they are push/pulling me. i have to admit i do this a lot and maybe its their defense against mine. maybe i am not showing enough interest and they do it to see how i respond.

but its so stupid because if we both play these games then how do we get to the next level

 

[Giacobe.KB]

Hehe,

I totally understand where you're coming from, I mean geez, my loser ass was on the show.

Here's the problem you're having and it's more life and wisdom related than it is pick up related.

I made the same mistake, after I finished college, I did the whole PUA thing full time with Mystery/Matador, and Asian Playboy and I got burned out way too quickly and more importantly, I became very dependent on womens' reactions because my life revolved around it.

They say the best thing you can do for a woman is to have something better than her to do. It's so true, it alleviates your need for her validation and more importantly, it makes her chase you instead of her.

You need to return back to the basics and get your fundamentals down. Check out this article by Asian Playboy, I think you'll find it enlightening.

http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/2006/03/how-can-you-be-one-of-successful-pick.html

-Kevin

how do i find something better to do. i am learning musical instruments, doing mma, studying retardedly hard for pre-med but i always think everyday about how i do all these things because i am trying to distract myself from the fact that i dont have a girl...

 

[Mavrick]

I feel your pain, and I know exactly how you feel, but you have to see it for what it really is. It's ONE friggin incident. You're basing all your feelings about how you feel about yourself from one negative moment you've had with this girl. You want her to give you attention, and she didn't. There's a gap in between what you want and what you got, and that gap was filled with pain (i.e. it's a pain gap). You can either beat yourself up about it, or you can accept it. If you show her in anyway that it upsets you, you're done. Maybe not this time, but it will happen again, and you'll show her again, and then again, and then not again because there won't be another "again". She just won't have anything to do with you.

I think that if she does it again, you don't need to get upset, but you need to pull yourself out of that situation. If you really cared for yourself, you wouldn't put yourself in that painful situation. Don't go telling her you don't like it, or ask why she doesn't pay attention to you anymore. Those are questions you want her to ask because when she does, you'll know that you're in control. Just pull away. Do everything through actions and not words, and I promise you she will be right back to herself again. If she doesn't get back to being herself around you again, at least you've taken yourself out of that painful situation. At least you've taken a step in the right direction of treating yourself with respect because if you don't, no one will.

I also want to say that if it seems that I'm talking down to you in any way, I'm not only talking to you, but working things out for myself. It's very therapeutic to speak my thoughts (or type my thoughts). Sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes I'm right, but in the process, I learn a lot of sh!t.

 

[WillPower]

for example:

me: my favorite color is red
girl: i dont like red
me: haha i dont care what you dont like

or i try to act like i want class to be over so i can go home

Now this just sounds rude. Are you scared of intimacy? Are you afraid that they might actually like you? There's a difference between being C&F and being rude. How do girls respond when you say/do stuff like this?

 

[Giacobe.KB]

thanks everyone for replying

i dont feel so down at the moment but i know it can be ruined at any moment.

but what do u mean am i scared of intimacy willpower? i want intimacy! i am not scared that they like me... i want them to like me.

you are probably right though. my C&F probably is very rude most of the time and i am not aware of it. i am going to stop being C&F

i think one of my problems is that i try too hard to show that i am not unneedy so they might take it as if i am not that interested so they play the same game back. or i could be totally wrong. but it all comes down to that i am way too reactive when an interaction go wrong and i need to stop being reactive

 

[WillPower]

but what do u mean am i scared of intimacy willpower? i want intimacy! i am not scared that they like me... i want them to like me.

It can manifest in many ways:
You start feeling fear if things are actually going well
You follow that up by sabotaging the PU
You are always defensive around women. There is a need to defend yourself.
You act like a tough guy/bully because you're ashamed of who you really are deep down inside. Aka the 'inner shield' is down and the 'outer shield' needs to compensate. Basic survival.

If you fit any of these, you have intimacy issues. If you don't, excellent! Just approach more women and you'll be fine.

you are probably right though. my C&F probably is very rude most of the time and i am not aware of it. i am going to stop being C&F

i think one of my problems is that i try too hard to show that i am not unneedy so they might take it as if i am not that interested so they play the same game back. or i could be totally wrong. but it all comes down to that i am way too reactive when an interaction go wrong and i need to stop being reactive

Attachment to outcome is never good, but sometimes I don't think it can be eliminated. Anyway, the key here is to remove the NEED for women and replace it with a WANT. Much easier to deal with. If you can't, work on your self-worth first. Think about it, these things are holding you down from being who you want to be and doing what you want to do. Loosen the chains AMAP and proceed. Then again, if there were no chains, you wouldn't want to move at all . But I digress.

 

[Al Moh.]

Hey Giacobe.KB,

I know how you feel, just like you I was a virgin and had never kissed a girl when I turned 19. It actually took me another half year of constant DJ training to eliminate that.

You see I think the reason why I started to be successful was a mixture of these: patience, challenge and mistery.

I suddenly had patience when it came to women because I knew that I'll soon have loads of them. So I focused my efforts on bettering myself and having fun. I was a lot happier just because this website gave me so much hope and a reason to believe that I could change my life (and it's true!), so I was in a better mood all the time.

Challenge because I tried to practice those DJ techniques on strangers. Before, I always had crushes on my female friends (and they all rightfully ran away from my developing oneitis!). But now, I subconciously friendzoned all of them since I concentrated on other females. I was stunned a few months later when I found out that now a lot of my female friends where interested in me, without me trying to attract them whatsoever.

Mistery because I changed so fast that people couldn't keep track. I did many things I would never have done before and people (male and female) asked me all the time what I was doing.

So basically what you need to do is not to try as hard. See talking to women like an experiment. Have faith, because you know that this website will change your life, there is no need to be unhappy anymore, be happy and shine!