My date (Critique)

[Crissco]

My whole plan was to go out to dinner and get to know her better and her pay her half. So we got to the restaurant, talk for a while about eachother. In all honesty i was tired a fu*k bc I had a long workout before the date. Her attraction seemed to be there at this time. We get out of the restaurant get in her car(She had to drive bc I got a DWI and cant drive). Then shes like what do you want to do, I had to think for a sec bc I had nothing planned.

So i said dave and busters. We get there play air hockey, beat her, she beat me, beat her then beat her, went easy on her at the end. The we played shooting game, then the driving game, had fun. This is where i got a big pissed, rock band didnt work on 2 players, so i offered to let her play, shes like okay and laughed, i was like wtf. but w/e blew it off. it seemed her attracted faded at this time, she started to text a bit, even when we said in the restaurant how we hate when ppl do this bc its rude.

We get out go to her car, listen to music, while she drives me home(again i hate that i cant drive, such a downer) then i pull out my phone text a friend to make it seem like im talking to ppl) none of us txted excessively though. We were very quite on the way home it was weird, i was just out of it bc of the workout and she yawned a couple of times.

Something was off though, at the point i had a problem trusting her so obv my first thought was shes got another guy who shes gonna bang tonight. But again blew it off as w/e. We get to the front of my house, i go in for the kiss, got the kiss, then kisssed her again, got it again..Told her how to get home, kissed her on the lips good night again. But this time as I kissed her she looked down like she felt bad for some reason, threw me off a bit, but played it off asking what she was going Sat, she said dont know, I said ok good bc were hanging out. She said ok

Texted her when I got home asking if he found her way home alright and told her i had fun hanging out with her...she goes...ya you too...like wtf, pissed me off a bit. Overall I had a pretty good time so I cant complain.

Dont know what to think of it though.

Needless to say I havent been on a date in a year, and only went of 5 dates total in the past 6 years. I know nothing at all. But yet I can rule a room and be the center of attention like nothing and get any girl in the room attracted to me. Weird sh*t

Sorry for the long read.

Thanks

 

[Atom Smasher]

Was she put off by paying half?

It could also easily be simple chemistry, that the spark wasn't there.

I say go for another attempt, and after that you will have a good idea. Remember, it's just practice. However the 2nd date goes, keep my signature in mind because it will factor in at that point.

 

[ARrocket]

Your problem, IMO, is that your date lasted way too long. There was a high point while at Dave and Busters, and at that point, you should have changed scenes. I'm sure you could have brought her back to your place if you tried. You have to be thinking ahead.

That goes for after the restaurant too. Next time, make sure you already have something in mind.

Now then, stop worrying, because what's done is done. Hit her up on Saturday and get some nookie

 

[Crissco]

AR---ha ha...I had no more money bro. I ran out and I was pissed..I was paying my dave and busters card with all singles lol Ive never dont that before, it was pretty funny though. Where would you say the high point at D&B was? The attraction was higher at the restaurant. You think it lasted too long bro? Whys that, if you enjoy hanging out with someone, why not make it a long one.

Atom---- Every time I see a post by you, i somehow automatically go right to ur sig. Its weird bro your sig is always in the back of my mind.


This girl did travel about a half hour from her place to my town to meet me though. After i payed for the diinner I doubted it and said hmm. I dont know if I should of done that. She did mention she had money though, I just blew it off and she never brought it up again.

Another thing she ordered a salad, and what did I order, a fu*kin eggplant hero lol. She didnt seem to care tho, she laughed said eat up. Messiest thing i had in a long time, had sauce on my nose too many times, we did have a good laugh about that though haha

 

[Atom Smasher]

It is true that we guys have a tendancy to let dates (and phone conversations for that matter) go for too long.

It's good to always cut things short and leave them wanting more. But that's not necessarily what happened here.

I would just go business as usual. You do seem to be displaying a lot of signs that you're very into her. Just a friendly reminder....Make her work for you. A little tactical detachment can go a long way.

 

[Zarky]

I agree it seems the date went on too long, and since you were tired your energy dropped and she could probably sense it. The fact that you say you "were pissed" a lot makes me feel like you need a LOT more dating because you're not calibrated right. 5 dates in 6 years or whatever is just not nearly enough. You should have a new date every month at a minimum.

I think you did too much for an early date. D&Bs is cool but only after you've banged the chick. She should be focused on you in the early stages, not on Spy Hunter (weapons van FTW).

Plus you should have left it at one kiss given the way the date was going there at the end. I can tell just from reading that you're a little desperate right now. Date more women.

 

[Crissco]

It is true that we guys have a tendancy to let dates (and phone conversations for that matter) go for too long.

It's good to always cut things short and leave them wanting more. But that's not necessarily what happened here.

I would just go business as usual. You do seem to be displaying a lot of signs that you're very into her. Just a friendly reminder....Make her work for you. A little tactical detachment can go a long way.

You think I should cancel the date for Saturday and just go no contact for a bit?

I agree it seems the date went on too long, and since you were tired your energy dropped and she could probably sense it. The fact that you say you "were pissed" a lot makes me feel like you need a LOT more dating because you're not calibrated right. 5 dates in 6 years or whatever is just not nearly enough. You should have a new date every month at a minimum.

I think you did too much for an early date. D&Bs is cool but only after you've banged the chick. She should be focused on you in the early stages, not on Spy Hunter (weapons van FTW).

Plus you should have left it at one kiss given the way the date was going there at the end. I can tell just from reading that you're a little desperate right now. Date more women.

Ok, so make dates shorter, check it. Yea in all honesty I am a bit desperate. Lng story short this probation **** and living with my father is killing me, ALOT of stress, they want me to go back on medication for bi-polar, so its always in the back of mind and I feel like I need someone there, ya know what I mean. But w/e thats my problem not anyone elses.

To you how do you think I should of done this, gone out to get something to eat, then try to take her back to my place?
I would of taken her out to someplace fun if I didnt have 40 bucks on me haha. I first date was supposed to be fun, didnt feel like it was to much at certain points, thats why i choose D@B.

Thanks for the help guys

 

[Diaforetikos]

One thing I notice with guys is that they don't realize how much control they have in situations like this.

You were worried about having fun, but you ended up forgetting to have fun. You can choose to make the situation dull or bright. If you were letting loose, having fun, teasing her, taking social risks, and just being that fun guy ready to do whatever, making sure you two were having fun would have been the last thing on your mind.

Also, did you set a sexual tone throughout the night? Your dating for a reason: you guys wanna grow intimate with each other. But how are you gonna do that when the mood for the night isn't a sexual flirtatious one?

Take control of the night by planning ahead, setting the mood, and taking risks. Your the leader, not her. Like on the car ride home for example, you could have turned the music down and turned up the flirtatious vibes. She would have noticed you turning down the music which isn't something one of her regular dates would have done, and then you could have also used this to your advantage by sexing up the environment.

You need to loosen up bro. If you got things to deal with at home, and within your life, I suggest handling those things first. Once you do, you feel free and your mind will be able to think clearer. Being stressed about something else during a date is never a good thing.

Hoped this helped. Good luck mate!!

 

[Crissco]

Explain a bit more about me not realizing how much control I had over the situation? I was teasing her throughout the night, she teased me ...etc Im always down to do whatever, just didnt plan she wanted to hang out after dinner. I set the tone here and there, I should of kept it and escalated, I waited to the end to kiss her when I should of kissed her earlier on(Not counting the kiss on the cheek when I first saw her).

One thing I notice with guys is that they don't realize how much control they have in situations like this.

You were worried about having fun, but you ended up forgetting to have fun. You can choose to make the situation dull or bright. If you were letting loose, having fun, teasing her, taking social risks, and just being that fun guy ready to do whatever, making sure you two were having fun would have been the last thing on your mind.

Also, did you set a sexual tone throughout the night? Your dating for a reason: you guys wanna grow intimate with each other. But how are you gonna do that when the mood for the night isn't a sexual flirtatious one?

Take control of the night by planning ahead, setting the mood, and taking risks. Your the leader, not her. Like on the car ride home for example, you could have turned the music down and turned up the flirtatious vibes. She would have noticed you turning down the music which isn't something one of her regular dates would have done, and then you could have also used this to your advantage by sexing up the environment.

You need to loosen up bro. If you got things to deal with at home, and within your life, I suggest handling those things first. Once you do, you feel free and your mind will be able to think clearer. Being stressed about something else during a date is never a good thing.

Hoped this helped. Good luck mate!!

 

[Diaforetikos]

This is where i got a big pissed, rock band didnt work on 2 players, so i offered to let her play, shes like okay and laughed, i was like wtf. but w/e blew it off. it seemed her attracted faded at this time, she started to text a bit, even when we said in the restaurant how we hate when ppl do this bc its rude.

This is one area I noticed where you thought you didn't have control over the night. Her attraction was in your hands. But negative attitudes don't build positive results.

We were very quite on the way home it was weird, i was just out of it bc of the workout and she yawned a couple of times.

Another area of missed opportunity. You noticed the problem but spent zero time fixing it.

Something was off though, at the point i had a problem trusting her so obv my first thought was shes got another guy who shes gonna bang tonight. But again blew it off as w/e.

This mindset poisons the brain, forcing the brain to distract itself with self cleansing, instead of letting it do what it was intended to do... Process information. Why are you worrying about some other guy?? She was yours for the night. Yours. Even at that moment, you had control.

Im always down to do whatever, just didnt plan she wanted to hang out after dinner.

Why not?? Just dinner, and then that was it? Wouldn't that be boring? There is only so much you can do at dinner... But dinner doesn't let you show off your true self. Your manliness, your fun side, your risk-taking outgoing personality.

You are a man. Be in control of the situations you are dealt. If you can't control the situation, analyze whats going on, and readjust yourself to maintain a clear mind and sense of competence.


Don't take this too hard, as I am just being real with you, giving the advice I would want to hear. Keep dating, and you'll improve.

 

[The Assistant]

My whole plan was to go out to dinner and get to know her better and her pay her half. So we got to the restaurant, talk for a while about eachother. In all honesty i was tired a fu*k bc I had a long workout before the date. Her attraction seemed to be there at this time. We get out of the restaurant get in her car(She had to drive bc I got a DWI and cant drive). Then shes like what do you want to do, I had to think for a sec bc I had nothing planned.

So i said dave and busters. We get there play air hockey, beat her, she beat me, beat her then beat her, went easy on her at the end. The we played shooting game, then the driving game, had fun. This is where i got a big pissed, rock band didnt work on 2 players, so i offered to let her play, shes like okay and laughed, i was like wtf. but w/e blew it off. it seemed her attracted faded at this time, she started to text a bit, even when we said in the restaurant how we hate when ppl do this bc its rude.

We get out go to her car, listen to music, while she drives me home(again i hate that i cant drive, such a downer) then i pull out my phone text a friend to make it seem like im talking to ppl) none of us txted excessively though. We were very quite on the way home it was weird, i was just out of it bc of the workout and she yawned a couple of times.

Something was off though, at the point i had a problem trusting her so obv my first thought was shes got another guy who shes gonna bang tonight. But again blew it off as w/e. We get to the front of my house, i go in for the kiss, got the kiss, then kisssed her again, got it again..Told her how to get home, kissed her on the lips good night again. But this time as I kissed her she looked down like she felt bad for some reason, threw me off a bit, but played it off asking what she was going Sat, she said dont know, I said ok good bc were hanging out. She said ok

Texted her when I got home asking if he found her way home alright and told her i had fun hanging out with her...she goes...ya you too...like wtf, pissed me off a bit. Overall I had a pretty good time so I cant complain.

Dont know what to think of it though.

Needless to say I havent been on a date in a year, and only went of 5 dates total in the past 6 years. I know nothing at all. But yet I can rule a room and be the center of attention like nothing and get any girl in the room attracted to me. Weird sh*t

Sorry for the long read.

Thanks

I literally joined just to reply to you (and hopefully help others in need)

We've all made this mistake before, and you will learn the hard way (like I did), that you NEVER EVER EVER EVER take a girl you are trying to get to know to dinner (even if you don't pay). Isn't this a basic rule of sosuave as it is anyway?

Also, Dave and Buster's is fun and all, but you HAVE TO be a c0cky bastard and be playful about it....you can't just win, then lose, then win, then lose - sounds kind of boring the way you described it there.

You failed to even touch on anything sexual during the "date"

which brings up another point....why do you even go on a "date" in the first place? Aren't you ABOVE the social conditioning that the media has created for all the young men in this country?? You should know full well that chumps go on dates with girls they don't know.....

It's the don juans who PARTY with and HOOK UP with the girls they don't know

Please, by all means, save the "dates" for ONLY girls that you have already had sex with.

Can we make that a sticky by the way?? NO DATES UNTIL SEX

 

[Crissco]

I literally joined just to reply to you (and hopefully help others in need)

We've all made this mistake before, and you will learn the hard way (like I did), that you NEVER EVER EVER EVER take a girl you are trying to get to know to dinner (even if you don't pay). Isn't this a basic rule of sosuave as it is anyway?

Also, Dave and Buster's is fun and all, but you HAVE TO be a c0cky bastard and be playful about it....you can't just win, then lose, then win, then lose - sounds kind of boring the way you described it there.

You failed to even touch on anything sexual during the "date"

which brings up another point....why do you even go on a "date" in the first place? Aren't you ABOVE the social conditioning that the media has created for all the young men in this country?? You should know full well that chumps go on dates with girls they don't know.....

It's the don juans who PARTY with and HOOK UP with the girls they don't know

Please, by all means, save the "dates" for ONLY girls that you have already had sex with.

Can we make that a sticky by the way?? NO DATES UNTIL SEX

Now I know no dates untill sex. Now my problem is escalating the sexual part (Im only good at that when there are a lot of people around and im in "high" moment.)

 

[runner83]

Now I know no dates untill sex. Now my problem is escalating the sexual part (Im only good at that when there are a lot of people around and im in "high" moment.)

Yes, never do dinner with a girl unless you have already banged her.

Don't let the date go on too long.

Do something where your strong points come across i.e. action rather than conversation.

Try to put some kino into the date as it proceeds, rather than waiting until the end.

Something you will learn with more experience is that it is okay to make physical contact during the date. In fact, she is expecting you to, and as along as you have triggered attraction in her, she wants you to.

Even something as simple as when you are walking along, take hold of her hand, and then escalate from there.

And then if she is keen, at the end of the date, suggest she come back to your place. Some sort of semi-plausible reason (so she doesn't feel like a slvt) but she will deep down know what the real reason is.

 

[ne0phyte]

is it really that bad to have dinner with a girl b4 u bang her?
i'm obviously new to the DJ philosophy, but I've just been doin the coffee/ice cream first date, followed by mini-golf or dinner, depending on what I think would increase her interest level more

btw, i consider myself pretty good conversationalist. ppl (guys and girls) have told me so. I understand the whole action vs talking reasoning, but i'm just wondering if it's that big of a deal that he took her to dinner. seems like he just lost control of the night and didn't escalate properly.

 

[Crissco]

Yes, never do dinner with a girl unless you have already banged her.

Don't let the date go on too long.

Do something where your strong points come across i.e. action rather than conversation.

Try to put some kino into the date as it proceeds, rather than waiting until the end.

Something you will learn with more experience is that it is okay to make physical contact during the date. In fact, she is expecting you to, and as along as you have triggered attraction in her, she wants you to.

Even something as simple as when you are walking along, take hold of her hand, and then escalate from there.

And then if she is keen, at the end of the date, suggest she come back to your place. Some sort of semi-plausible reason (so she doesn't feel like a slvt) but she will deep down know what the real reason is.

I know most of that but how to get her over to my place, or get my self over to her place to **** her? Should I just come straight out and tell her?

 

[Noodles]

But this time as I kissed her she looked down like she felt bad for some reason, threw me off a bit, but played it off asking what she was going Sat, she said dont know, I said ok good bc were hanging out. She said ok

My friend, I hate to horrible...but you sound like a woman. You're over-analysing this way too much. It was the end of the date - you got a kiss. Job done.

Texted her when I got home asking if he found her way home alright and told her i had fun hanging out with her...she goes...ya you too...like wtf, pissed me off a bit. Overall I had a pretty good time so I cant complain.

And yet you are complaining. What would you have preferred she tell you? That the date was boring? That she wanted to blow you there and then?

But yet I can rule a room and be the center of attention like nothing and get any girl in the room attracted to me. Weird sh*t

So can everyone on the site by all accounts...and yet they all seem to spend their time asking random questions like you are when it comes to women. Stop reading women's magazines, start to believe in yourself a little more and you'll be fine.

In London, the general rule is a girl doesn't put out until the 3rd date unless it's a one night stand, and has to put out by the 5th if she wants a 6th date. So you got a kiss on the first, maybe you'll get your get your fingers wet on the second, and then 'rule a womb' on the 3rd. Happy days.

 

[Crissco]

My friend, I hate to horrible...but you sound like a woman. You're over-analysing this way too much. It was the end of the date - you got a kiss. Job done.



And yet you are complaining. What would you have preferred she tell you? That the date was boring? That she wanted to blow you there and then?



So can everyone on the site by all accounts...and yet they all seem to spend their time asking random questions like you are when it comes to women. Stop reading women's magazines, start to believe in yourself a little more and you'll be fine.

In London, the general rule is a girl doesn't put out until the 3rd date unless it's a one night stand, and has to put out by the 5th if she wants a 6th date. So you got a kiss on the first, maybe you'll get your get your fingers wet on the second, and then 'rule a womb' on the 3rd. Happy days.

LOL First off bro, I would of rathered her tell me she wanted to blow me off then beat around the bush. Second off, I dont read magazines lol..Third off im getting conflicting info here, other people are saying dont take her out on date until you ****ed her, how ur saying take her on a date then **** her.

Other opinions? (Pref Atom Smasher)

 

[Noodles]

other people are saying dont take her out on date until you ****ed her

And you plan to do that how exactly?

Unless she's a prostitute...or a one night stand. Neither of which are date material.

Tell you what...why don't you go and find out how that works out with an actual women and see how far you get. She how many actual real women are willing to put out without some form of date/getting to know you.

Or...you could actually start doing what you think is right. She's a girl - not a video game. She doesn't have cheat codes that get into her knickers. The only person that can make something work for you with her, is you. And if you do it right...it doesn't matter what you do.

I would of rathered her tell me she wanted to blow me off then beat around the bush.

I meant blow you as in blow job...

 

[Crissco]

And you plan to do that how exactly?

Unless she's a prostitute...or a one night stand. Neither of which are date material.

Tell you what...why don't you go and find out how that works out with an actual women and see how far you get. She how many actual real women are willing to put out without some form of date/getting to know you.

Or...you could actually start doing what you think is right. She's a girl - not a video game. She doesn't have cheat codes that get into her knickers. The only person that can make something work for you with her, is you. And if you do it right...it doesn't matter what you do.


I meant blow you as in blow job...

Exactly what im saying, I dont get how people say dont date em untill you **** em.

 

[Iceberg]

is it really that bad to have dinner with a girl b4 u bang her?
i'm obviously new to the DJ philosophy, but I've just been doin the coffee/ice cream first date, followed by mini-golf or dinner, depending on what I think would increase her interest level more

I despise dinner dates because it's boring to sit there and watch each other eat.

I believe an old phrase used around here is "alcohol = sex, dinner = sleep". It's just not a good environment for breaking out of your shell, or kino, or anything that leads to something sexual. When I'm seriously dating someone, we might do dinner every weekend, but new chicks don't get that because we're still in the stage of trying to excite each other. Dinner isn't exciting.

I know most of that but how to get her over to my place, or get my self over to her place to **** her? Should I just come straight out and tell her?

You two are out at the bar. The mood is great. Maybe you bring up a movie you think she'd love, and tell her "Come over and watch it with me." Maybe you replace "movie" with a good wine, or a cool piece of artwork you have, or whatever.

If a girl's interested enough to come home with you, it doesn't matter what you say. It's not like you're tricking her...she knows what's up. It's just a matter of saying something a little more gentle than, "Let's go back to my place and bang."