My dad's a fking loser :-(

[evolvingnerd]

my god my dad is a bloody loser, i feel so sorry for him

my parents divorced many years ago, and dad (nor mum) remarried or anything like that. in fact, my dad leads the life of a hermit. he has next to no friends outside of work, he goes no where, he does nothing. i'm pretty sure he's an alcoholic.

he comes home from work, eats, drinks and is in bed at around 7pm

he's lived like this for a copule of years now. every once in a while we see each other, but it really mkes me sick, not because i'm disgusted by him or anything like that, but from pure guilt, that somehow it's my fault

i've started to feel really guilty nowadays whenever i try to go out on a date or have fun with my friends, because i konw he'll be at home alone, either sleeping or watching tv.

it's hard to talk to him about his life for me, i dunno why, but the few times i've tried to get im interested in anything, or find a jobby or anything like that, he always just says no, and that's the end of it.

wtf can i do??

al i think is, **** i'm a d!ckhead son. here i do'nt even call my dad once a week, yet i can call this chick i barely know

 

[lYlasTer]

take the effort to try and spend time with your dad. When he passes away, you WILL regret not taking the opportunity to hang out with him more. Maybe watch TV with him and you guys will have a fav show. Watch it every week with him. Call him him a few times a week just to tell him what's going on. IMO best thing you can do is call him for advice about something. It'll show that he's still a part of your life. Please don't **** this up. You only have one dad.

 

[Soma de Sade]

Dude, stop actin like a d!ckhead. That's your fvckin dad, man. Show some respect. If it wasn't for that "loser" you wouldn't have the opportunity to come to this forum and b!tch about him.

Every once in a while someone here makes a post like this...talkin shiet about their parents. Fools.

Like Master said, take some time to understand and get to know your dad. Even if he's completely out of it and wants nothing to do with you, don't talk shiet about him. He gave you your life. Just move on with yours.

 

[ego]

"Dude, stop actin like a d!ckhead. That's your fvckin dad, man. Show some respect. "

The whole thing is THAT he cares for his dad - else he wouldn't even have made this post asking about help or advice.

He's worried about his dad, and just stating the fact that his father is having problems with his social life, drinking habits and relation to his son.

Why don't you show HIM some respect, instead of b*tching about such a d*ckhead he is? After all he's just asking for help since he really wants to get his fathers life together, due to the fact that he loves and feels sorry for him.

 

[karusel]

See, now this is how the roles of father and of son switch sometimes. Your dad is not a looser, eventhough he had lost someone, perhaps through no fault of his own, thinking that he should have done better and feels guilty and has no will to start anew.

It is very clearly up to you to put things into perspective and change his apathy into interest and excitement, how you're going to to that, you know best. Good luck!

 

[dietzcoi]

He probably thinks he competely fukked up his life. I know I think that sometimes. BUt he needs to start a new life. It can be done... many have gone thru the divorce/kids/ruined finances thing and survived it.

Take the other advise here, try to get with him and show him somebody cares. He may need to see a doctor if he is depressed or an alcoholic. Try to help him, do what you can.

ANother lesson to you young guys who want to get married TOO YOUNG and to Ms WRONG.

Dietzcoi

 

[Dukester]

hey be grateful u got a dad.
i have one, but he's an alcoholic, he doesnt pay child support, he does drugs, and he's in jail.

so dude, spend time with your dad. he may be a loser, but at least he isnt in jail.

 

[I-am-someone]

Okay... I know how you feel.
My dad has been unemployed for the last two years and has basically been sitting on his ass the whole time.

However, I have found a solution.
I became his father.
I started to care for him and try to motivate him so he would get on with his life in much the same way he did with me when I was younger.

Ofcourse he still remains my dad and still has power over me, but he is happy that someone else is finally guiding him back onto his path. The same is happening to both my brothers - we are all raising him back into being a father, teaching him new things about life all the time.

At one point in life you will have to take this step. Everybody has to, otherwise you will always remain submissive to your family, which is not what a DJ is. As you grow older, somehow you will become an equal to your parents and in some cases you will become the dominant person. Don't fear this process, instead embrace it and make the best of it.


For the last few weeks my ties with my family have grown stronger. They respect me and I can respect them. My mom is happier than ever because I am happy. I am finally able to communicate with my dad, who has been a closed shell to the entire world for almost his entire life. He told me stories about his childhood, he told me about his life, he told me about his parents, he told me a lot that he hasn't told anybody but my mother.
Today, I went to my grandfather who has become an evil bastard. Instead of being submissive to him as I normally would have, I reprimanded him each time he started complaining about how bad his life was and he accepted it. I am unable to change his personality, but at least I know he will not complain to me anymore, in essence making him feel better around me because he knows I won't let him think about bad things, only good things. Unbelievable but true. After I spoke to my grandfather, I spoke with my grandmother for half an hour. She told me a lot as well and was more than happy she could get it off her chest. I was unable to help her however, because she has alzheimer and wouldn't remember anything I said to her. Plus, the alzheimer has probably made her happier than she has ever been in her entire life, so she's on the right track anyway .


I wish you luck, you have a long road ahead of you.

 

[Dukester]

Originally posted by I-am-someone
Okay... I know how you feel.
My dad has been unemployed for the last two years and has basically been sitting on his ass the whole time.

However, I have found a solution.
I became his father.
I started to care for him and try to motivate him so he would get on with his life in much the same way he did with me when I was younger.

Ofcourse he still remains my dad and still has power over me, but he is happy that someone else is finally guiding him back onto his path. The same is happening to both my brothers - we are all raising him back into being a father, teaching him new things about life all the time.

At one point in life you will have to take this step. Everybody has to, otherwise you will always remain submissive to your family, which is not what a DJ is. As you grow older, somehow you will become an equal to your parents and in some cases you will become the dominant person. Don't fear this process, instead embrace it and make the best of it.


For the last few weeks my ties with my family have grown stronger. They respect me and I can respect them. My mom is happier than ever because I am happy. I am finally able to communicate with my dad, who has been a closed shell to the entire world for almost his entire life. He told me stories about his childhood, he told me about his life, he told me about his parents, he told me a lot that he hasn't told anybody but my mother.
Today, I went to my grandfather who has become an evil bastard. Instead of being submissive to him as I normally would have, I reprimanded him each time he started complaining about how bad his life was and he accepted it. I am unable to change his personality, but at least I know he will not complain to me anymore, in essence making him feel better around me because he knows I won't let him think about bad things, only good things. Unbelievable but true. After I spoke to my grandfather, I spoke with my grandmother for half an hour. She told me a lot as well and was more than happy she could get it off her chest. I was unable to help her however, because she has alzheimer and wouldn't remember anything I said to her. Plus, the alzheimer has probably made her happier than she has ever been in her entire life, so she's on the right track anyway .


I wish you luck, you have a long road ahead of you.

i wish i could get along with my family that well.
see, they know i'm happy, and yet they ridicule me, and try to put me down everyday.
being DJ, i dont let that get to me, and i dont stoop to their level, but damn, they are fvcking jealous of me.
they must be if they have to resort to name calling.

 

[Sir Space]

Damn bro thats the breaks right there.

But you know how the saying goes...you cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. And its true.

Afterall, he IS a grown man...old enough to make his own decisions. Either he decides to rot and do nothing and live in self pity or he gets up and starts living again.

You can try to help change him, or maybe set up circumstances for him to come out again... but you cant force him into happiness.

You could always call the queer eye guys to do a makeover, right?

 

[thefonz]

that's some good advice i-am-someone......

I got problems with my brother, he he basically this passive lazy 19 kid who milks everyone around him for money, never works and smokes pot all day. Being a dj (or rafc i suppose) i refuse to let his actions interere with what i do......if you try to bring up anything like this he will become increasingly beligerent and stubborn and refuses to hear of what you have to say. I have developed this tendency to let everything little thing he does go because no matter how politely or nicely i ask him i will get a hostile and defensive response back......it's REAL hard to do this man....did i mention he's also a compulsive liar which makes it all the more difficult to talk to him. Therapy for us isn't an option because he won't go and will just gets pissed off when i bring it up.......thank god for zen though, it gets me through.

 

[Chemistry]

Nothing you can do except point out what is wrong, but chances are he'll be more stubborn because he doesn't want the parent child role switchin...

Don't really see the relation with this forum... are you inferring that a woman would make his life more worthwhile? I'd disagree because its about self improvement, its about getting his life back on track and then getting a women rather than using a women to get his life back on track because if that doesn't work out then he relapses...

He just needs some self-realisation... its painful to watch but there's not much you can do

 

[Kidd]

Hmm...

Spend more time with him. Maybe anonymously reccomend him this website?

 

[evolvingnerd]

perhaps i should refer him to this website
because this site is dedicated to taking hold of your own life, and allowing all good things to stem from that

now it's te christmas holidays, and i dont know what i'm going to do

i'm working full time , and he's got a week of holidays
and of course, he's just locking himself up in the house for days on end

God i hope my brother will wake up, smell the roses and help me

 

[englishman]

Originally posted by Soma de Sade
.

Every once in a while someone here makes a post like this...talkin shiet about their parents. Fools.

]

Why shouldnt you ***** about your parents, some are fvcking useless...... your mum could have been a slut who banged a john for a pack a smokes...and bingo here you fvckin are! thanks a lot mum, dad ..lol..... just cause there your parents dont mean there great! how ever the guy who started the thread...sounds like you should maybe tell him that you are pissed about his lifestyle and that your concerned about him cause..hey..you like him.. maybe you can start some dialouge?

 

[evolvingnerd]

guys i need some more solid advice
perhaps some stratergies as to how to go about initiating things with him

christmas day: he did nothing, he was sleeping all day, and was hesitant about us (my brother and I) going there

 

[Oxide]

One thing you need to realize: You are not your dad.. He is his own person.. he is the only one who needs to have the will to change.. if he doesnt wish to change, NOTHING you do will help.


Why the hell would you feel bad about enjoy the life you WORKED on becuase some other loser didnt? I know sometimes we all feel sad for less fortunate..but do you have sympathy for the alcoholics under the bridge? Didnt think so.

And yes.. i understand this is your dad and all.. but if the guy feels his life means nothing.. well, there is little you can do.



If i were you, i would simply call him on that.. i would go to his place and state... "You are living like a fvcking hermit.. your life is not over, stop drowning in self pity.. you will not get mom back, so sober the fukk up and make something out of yourself.. i am here to help if you need it.. but i want YOU TO MAKE THE EFFORT to change.."


I know this is a little radical.... but honestly...

 

[evolvingnerd]

any other viewpoints?

 

[Levex]

You're old enough to drink, so take him to a bar,spend some time with him, help him pick up some hot MILF...if he says no then you make him. In the long run you'll both regret the time you could have spent together but didnt.

 

[englishman]

Ever read a book called 'the myth of male power' by warren farrel? good book.....might help to see where your old man is coming from..