It sounds like you are wayyyyyyyy overthinking this. Stop worrying about these tiny meaningless observations. Start washing your a$$ and start dating women. Seriously, if a woman loves you they don't care about little oddities on your body or scars or stains on your ******* that you shouldn't care about. Woman, in my opinion, are generally pretty insecure and will be too worried about what they look like before/after you slam them rather than what the bottom of your ass looks like.
This thread's title makes me want to throw up!