Bible_Belt said:
Me too, me too. I have read that men coming out of relationships with BPD girls have a hard time not being bored by normal women. A relationship is simply not as intense, as you are finding out.
That is dead peg on the nose, that comment is resonating within me in an eerie way. It brings some comfort.
Being with her amplified my pickup training, my mastery over body language, nlp, conversational skills, tone control, reality testing, etc, they're overwhelmingly power against chicks in the wild, but pisses me off that they're useless against her.
I know my bpd girl because she was married to a guy who was a childhood friend of mine. He knocked her up when she was 17. Years later, after they divorced, he and I stopped talking and argued about some unrelated things. She went to jail over a dui and then got knocked up again by a guy she met in jail, whom as you might imagine is a real winner. She still loves her ex-husband, and he still loves her, but he just cannot get over her having a kid by another guy, so he will never take her back. Over the years she has practically begged him to let her come back, but he never would.
I met my bpd over the net. We were both in a club, and she lived a good 45 minutes away. And we were both married at the time; we would chat a good bit on the net (i was a total afc at this point). We got pretty close, and her husband pulled things back by limiting her computer usage.
She used to talk so much **** about him, painting him as the prince of darkness, trying to control her every breath. She was at that point a heavy drinker, etc.
After we had not spoken for a few months, my wife up and leaves me. Turns out she was ****ing one of my groomsmen, I get a call a week later, she had left her husband on the same day. We agreed to met up that night, I was going to pick her up. She called a little while later and flaked. Red flag number one.
A week later we do end up hanging up, and I drove her up to see her friends, as she went to stay with some family, she was interested in someone else, but was using me to get there, I didn't know the other guy was going to be there. Red Flag #2.
I find out on the drive back, her son is with his father, red flag #3. I knew it wasn't right, but there was something incredibly seductive about her.
We end up hanging out all week, culminating to going to a bayside tiki bar, having a bunch of drinks and sharing a kiss at the bar after sharing some future stuff.
She trys to **** me in the car, when we go to leave. She was incredibly aggressive, we were making out, and I was feeling her up, and she tries to go down on me, but I wouldn't have it. I ended up making her wait over a week, even through major heavy petting and makeout sessions.
This whole time I'm chasing my wife, so I'm completely emotionally unavailable to her. She began to mirror me, become the perfect mate. About 6 mos later she moves in with me due to lack of options with the family moving, shortly there after I cheat on her with my wife. I try to leave her as I couldn't deal with the moral ambiguity. She fights wickedly hard to keep me.
Talk about having a baby starts happening, she ends up knocked up a couple months later. About a month after shes knocked up, and I begin to 'love her', the my perfect mate began to disapear, intimacy declines rapidly.
Come the birth of my son -- I was helping a friend, who I knew off the net who was down on his luck. I move him up here, get him a job, and introduce him to my ex, my company moves him here about 2 days before we go into the hospital to have my son.
I end up cosigning for him to get an apartment due to his massively ****ty credit.
I didn't like the friend upon meeting him, massive incongruence between his speech, tone and body language. And from there, it was on. It was an 8 month long power struggle with him trying to undermine me, take control/authority over our department, and generally trying to get me canned.
This of course was not until after I introduced him to my social circle. My BPD and him worked together to alienate me from them. My BPD worked singularly to alienate me from my family.
I know now I became enemies with this other man because I decisivly homed in on his NPD, the emptiness to his facad, and through my own body language must have show my disgust. I admired the man's skills very much until I figured out, it was mostly smoke and mirrors. I withdrew my adoration and admiration, he went on the offensive.
Turns out he and my BPD began secretly speaking on AIM. Que up another 2 1/2 years of me trying to fix our relationship and simultaneously hating the **** out of this man. He ended up copying alot of my interests, and arranging his life with interests he perceived hitting home with her.
She even know, as we started finally speaking again, tells me how she knows he doesn't love her, and just isn't that into her, but just wishes I could understand how much she loves him, and how well they mesh together. They have similar likes and dislikes .. its just their hobbies that differ.
They also havent hashed out my son staying with them, because of some concerns with me, and his unwillingness to let me see his place (where my son would be staying), to which I can really only say grow up.
That is how it is going to be with any bpd girl. She will drift in and out of your life, never quite yours but never quite gone, either.
And that sucks, so much. She vilified her exhusband for years. Towards the end of our relationship, showing her completely lack of respect for boundries she began calling her now remarried ex-husband, and began the distortion campaign on me, telling him and his wife I would tell her she needed permission to speak to me, and my terrible terrible mood disorder.
This was all incredibly wild stuff, and a crazy goddamn ride until I found out about BPD.
BPD is all about the abandonment. That's why you have your child most of the time, and also why she wants to be in a never-ending breakup drama with you, as well as why she has chosen a man who is not really emotionally available to her.
She talks a good game about how not having her children is destroying her, but her actions don't show much otherwise. As for chosing an emotional unavailable man; I wasn't very available until my son was born and I learned what empathy was.
BPD girls will always want what they can't quite have, and oh the abandonment drama, doesn't it just break your heart? My bpd girl is in love with two men - me, who dumped her for my current LTR, and a guy in jail. It's the sadness of abandonment that gives them their fix.
I highly doubt shes in love with me, when we do speak, she trys to chitchat, joke around, and generally rub **** in my face inbetween, trys to claim her and her new man don't have sex, etc, eludes on "if they're planning to be together" in response to some basic logistical questions regarding visitations and such.
I'm having difficulty having my son full time, and thus want her to share some of the responsibility, as such, she tells me her boyfriend is 100% there for her, and ready to give up everything, but I just don't see any action on that front. So yes, I speak out of jealousy and anger, but also from fraustration -- even though this is the way things are, she really needs to parent our son a few days a week so I don't lose my own mind. Recovery from a BPD is hard enough, but being thrust into fulltime parent hood as a man is a tough break all by itself.
You have to stay strong and be able to see that her behavior is simply the acting out of her personality disorder.
I'm able to see it that way AFTER the fact, but its hard to stay in that mindset during communication, she bends reality quickly.
She is not really in much control of herself, but that can
work in your favor, too.
Do tell? I've been trying to figure out how to shake things up for months.
Everyone here will try to reason with you as to why you should not love her. I won't, though, because I am in a similar position.
They give the advice because its the right advice, I full accept that I'm feeling this way and wanting her because of a fatal flaw within myself to allowed me to be conditioned. Its hard to hear 'walk away', when your thoughts are being consumed by her, her relationship, her ****stick boyfriend, and the rest of the time I get to worry about my son.
My work has suffered terribly.
I love a crazy b!tch, and everyone knows it, including my current girlfriend whom I live with. It is what it is, we all just try to accept it and do the best we can. Your feelings for her are not going away; they never will. It's like AA - the first step is admitting you have a problem.
Good luck, man
Yep .. I love a crazy btch, and everyone around me knows it. My current girl even knows I"m not over it.
The part about my feelings not going away, ever...thats a painful bit, I know I have a problem. If I had a choice, two magical buttons, one bringing her back to me, and one alleviating how I feel, I would press the second .. its this inbetween limbo I cannot stand.
Her being his possession also pisses me the **** off, as well as his ability to maintain attraction with her on the simple basis that his personality is disordered, as well pisses me off.
Hey -- I could be wrong, he could be a completely nice guy. And he may have not been OVERT about his seduction of her, but when a BPD goes after you, there isn't any real credible deniability, and with that said, only trash goes after chicks in a committed relationship with small children, especially if the guy was an old friend.
