My BPD relationship,advice wanted

[Jean Valjean]

brokenupinside

Keep posting here so we can monitor your progress with NC. How many days NC have you done ?

 

[brokenupinside]

You got it.



2 years of dating is enough to ensnare you ,trust me.
In my story I was totally into this girl in ........I would guess a year......totally powerles.
I tried to break it off to no avail,I had to come back and that fed her compulsion to re-seduce me besides I travelled once a year for a month(without her) so big time rekindling there.

Stay busy and get a goal,whatever it is and focus......the only way I know out of this.If you can get yourself some poon do it but I also know that this state of mind affects your libido whether you want it or not.
Ultimately we have to own ourselves again.

I have seen glimpses of the light bro,I have seen women that I go "SHE could make me forget" so you know what,my memories are not THAT sacred anymore,there was a time that I would've forsaken any other,"not no mo".

Keep you eye on the light at the end of the tunnel,whether is your wife or a new life or getting you girl back,but I believe that that goal will ultimately help us out of the bog even if the prize you set for yourself is no longer relevant when you are done,meaning we have trully moved on.


My NC went on valiantly for 10 months (phone calls) and 2 months for emails.My satisfaction is that during those 10 months she was trying desperately to contact me,phone and emails...
She tricked my father by lying whom she was and I talked to her on the phone 4 days ago which sent me for a loop of jonesing for her and general sadness, melancholy and memories flashback.
But came here(I had joined in 2008 whe the breakup but stopped participating after one or two posts) and decided to tell my story get help and support like we are doing.
Did you read the Book of Pook?,long read and good self help,will give you a sense of MAN identity that the years and women have taken from you,me and you are almost the same age so ........I know .

 

[brokenupinside]

I forgot to mention,getting women is not my problem ,my problem is that I am mesmerized buy MY GIRL if you know what I mean,I don't want to be instinctively I know this is bad for me,I have little control but maybe that is one of the reasions,it's a rush to let go and take a ride on this rollercoaster in the dark you know....but then when it stops you NEED tha oxytocin or adrenalin or dopamine ...whatever and you feel like you are withdrawing heroin.
I know I'm not a professional chump cause I was never like this before her but a chink in the armor got me and I was infected.

Since her I have been with a few women,in the space of 1 and 1/2 years maybe 4 or 5, one of them for 8 months,3 of them in their early 20s,the one now 35 y/o.

 

[Jean Valjean]

You got it.

2 years of dating is enough to ensnare you ,trust me.
In my story I was totally into this girl in ........I would guess a year......totally powerles.
I tried to break it off to no avail,I had to come back and that fed her compulsion to re-seduce me besides I travelled once a year for a month(without her) so big time rekindling there..

Actually I meant the 2 years of dating with my ex wife so 25 years peace.

I fell for bpd girl like a rock in just two short months of emails and dance socials. In our emails she called me 'my love' even though we never had a formal date. When we went on our first outside meeting to a park she owned me. I was hooked and thought it was the best Saturday of my life besides my wedding day. Her kisses, head on my lap, legs twisted around mine on the park bench, when we kissed told me I was putting her in a trance, .. I could have died that moment and been happy. Guess I'm way too easy.

She tricked my father by lying whom she was and I talked to her on the phone 4 days ago which sent me for a loop of jonesing for her and general sadness, melancholy and memories flashback.

So back to you. You are going NC like me - no emails and phone calls. How many days of that so far have you done. Is this day 4.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Guess I'm way too easy.


Yes, you are, because you listen to what she says. Ignore what all women say, but especially BPD girls, because every sentence is carefully crafted to have the most powerful manipulative effect.

 

[brokenupinside]

Day 4 or 5 .
Bible Belt is right ,99% of what they say is a lie and the last 1% is a shytze test for you to fall into and fail,cause the test is biased or a paradox from which there's no exit obviously.

So you were with her a few months only?.....then I don't know how attached she is to you,cause they develop some atachment,not as regular people but even if is the desire to control you that is a way of being connected.

I have come to believe that being in control of yourself and your emotions is the healthy way to be anyway(duh!) but it is especially important to be like that in this situation but most important is not to let them see you sweat.
Yes they suffer form object constancy problems (outta sight outta mind)but also when they have no audience the go after it like a cat after a paper ball.They respond to basic instincts like jealousy.

These women are controlled by their ID....so fear ,libido etc all the instincts basically but they lack control given by the other personality structures....a GIRL INTERRUPTED.
What we fell in love or NEED is not a real person but our own idea of whom she is,a projected fantasy.
What I want to know is WHY I'm such a tard that cannot distinguish a fantasy from reality or will live in denial of the fact that I KNOW IT.