"My boyfriend wants a paternity test, what should I do?"

[MatureDJ]

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090506101425AAb9rXF

It seems that the next meme is to shame and denigrate men for wanting such a test?

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
First of all, make him pay for it.. it will run him 600-900$

Then, when the results prove that the baby is his...A.) Throw it in his face during every argument or B.) leave him and have him pay child support. Obviously there is a trust issue here, and this relationship doesn't sound like one worth sticking around for.

I think that you have every right to be insulted and hurt by this request. It shows that your boyfriend doesn't trust you or believe that you are the type of woman who is faithful. However, tell him straight out that you are fine with a paternity test, that he must pay for it himself, and that you expect a really big apology when it comes back that the baby is his.
Also, you should probably think twice about staying with a man who is so easily swayed by rumours, doesn't TRUST you, and thinks that you are a *****.
You know the old saying - you don't go looking under the bed unless you've been hiding there yourself.

 

[Nutz]

Why on Earth would a woman have a problem with a paternity test unless she's got something to hide? After all, she's got no qualms about the hospital making sure the right baby goes home with her, right? Same exact thing. Why should women have assurances their baby is theirs, but not men?

 

[SecondHalf]

A two year old thread.
I wonder how that story ended.

My read on the woman's story is that she was nervous about something.

I would only ask for such a test if the woman was a promiscuous type.
But then again, maybe I say this because where I live it's mandatory testing and you don't have to ask such a question.

SH

 

[goodfoot]

I think paternity tests should be mandatory. They have those kits you can buy, you take the dna from the kid and mail it off. That will have to be good enough.

 

[Blackmm]

I think paternity tests should be mandatory. They have those kits you can buy, you take the dna from the kid and mail it off. That will have to be good enough.

Yeah. Like while you are playing with the little tyke, do a swab of the inner mouth, mail off the sample and get the results, all without the mother ever knowing. If it comes back saying you're not the father, then get on her about getting an "official" test, otherwise just let it die.

 

[backbreaker]

when i found out my girl was pregnant i made her get one. we kinda got into it, same reasons, i had to make her see it's nothing personal, but this is the rest of my life we are talking about. screw not wanting to hurt your feelings, kthere are more imoprtant issues in the balance.]


if a woman can't understand that, than that's her issue.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yes, when in doubt, getting the test is a good idea.

Also, if you're in a situation where you're being "set up" to pay child support for a child that ain't yours, AND you find out that the child is NOT yours, then you should be AT LEAST as happy as this guy here:

YOU are "NOT" the Father

 

[Zarky]

Again, I don't see why a guy would really care about what any woman (or any man) might think about his insistence on a DNA test.

All the women I date know that I would demand one. But that's because I let them know that I'm not a pushover and I don't give a sh1t what they think of me, and that I trust nobody. If a woman ever asks, "Don't you trust me?" I say "I trust you about as far as I can throw you," and then I look down at her body and add, "And I can't throw you very far."

Honestly guys--and this is why I never understand these threads--if what women think and want is a big enough deal to you that it would influence your decisions, you're doing something wrong.

Of course that might be because I'm 36... maybe in my past I would have cared. These days I'm out for myself and I let all women know it. And they respect it. I mean I treat them mostly well, and I can be sweet sometimes, but they know the bottom line is that I'm number one in my world. They don't like that, they can get the F out.

The article seems to be by a girl who is hurt by the fact that her guy wants one. But, so what? I mean really, so what? He can be nice about it, say, "Honey I trust you about as far as I can throw you, and it's nothing personal, but just to rest my mind forever let's get it done." Sure she'll nurse some bad feelings for awhile, but too bad.

If you really, really think it's yours and you don't want to make the next 9 months at all uncomfortable, then just wait to announce the fact that you want a DNA test until after the kid is born. And if you're a real pvssy you can do a cheek swab of yourself and the kid without the mother's DNA for about $300 and get it to a 95% chance, IIRC.

EDIT: Upon further research... the "Identigene" testing kit can be found in the drug store for $25, cheek swabs can be obtained at home, then sent in with a $125 lab fee for a grand total of $150. Results are available in 3-5 business days. You only need cheek swabs of the kid and the dad, though a mother's cheek swab increases the reliability of the test. I mean really, $150? That's nothing. Every shmoe can paternity test their kid(s) at any time, and probably should. There's no excuse these days. For an extra $150 they will certify the results such that they can actually be used in court.

Here you go, don't say I never give you nothin: http://www.dnatesting.com

 

[Mr.Positive]

EDIT: Upon further research... the "Identigene" testing kit can be found in the drug store for $25, cheek swabs can be obtained at home, then sent in with a $125 lab fee for a grand total of $150. Results are available in 3-5 business days. You only need cheek swabs of the kid and the dad, though a mother's cheek swab increases the reliability of the test. I mean really, $150? That's nothing. Every shmoe can paternity test their kid(s) at any time, and probably should. There's no excuse these days. For an extra $150 they will certify the results such that they can actually be used in court.

That is great advise, and should be one all men follow at the minimum. The concern I would have...is that you already signed the birth certificate, assuming you do this test at home and not in the hospital directly after birth. That could cause a lot of problems if the child was not yours, ie getting out of child support, etc. I really don't know, to be honest.

 

[Nutz]

Also, if you're in a situation where you're being "set up" to pay child support for a child that ain't yours, AND you find out that the child is NOT yours[/B][/URL]

IMO you should report it to the police. As far as I'm concerned it's no different than if she'd tried to steal a credit card or check out of your mailbox. Hence the FRAUD part of paternity fraud. It absolutely should be a criminal act and punished as such when women claim someone is the father and they know full well he isn't or that a possibility exists other men might be the father.

If a man forgets a court ordered paternity test to escape paying, he's guilty of paternity fraud as well and can be jailed. Why aren't women charged with at least perjury for filing false claims with the court when they petition it for child support? It's the falsification of an official court document.

 

[Noodles]

Why on Earth would a woman have a problem with a paternity test unless she's got something to hide?

True, but like most things this is probably a timing issue. If you've been playing happy families for a while and planning for child this is obviously poor form to immediately ask for a paternity test.

If you've been playing happy families for a while and it's a surprise I'd still say this is probably poor form. It's not exactly what she wants to hear when she's vulnerable and pregnant with your child (we'll assume she is). It'd be like you asking her to marry you, and then whilst you're down on one knee, her asking to see proof of income.

If you're just 'seeing' each other, or you've got doubts though, I completely agree. I'd imagine it's pretty much a relationship ender though. But then if you have doubts like that, then that's not a bad thing.

 

[pdx1138]

Why on earth would you marry someone you couldn't trust to have kids with, thinking she might have fvcked some other dude?

 

[goodfoot]

Why on earth would you marry someone you couldn't trust to have kids with, thinking she might have fvcked some other dude?

I feel like it is best to not have any doubts about it. No matter how trustworthy the chick has been I would still want one. I've heard stories about wives telling their husbands that their kid is someone else's just to piss them off. I feel like it's best to just nip it in the bud.

 

[MatureDJ]

Why on earth would you marry someone you couldn't trust to have kids with, thinking she might have fvcked some other dude?

If I took that attitude, I would NEVER get married and have children.

 

[pdx1138]

I would never get married to a woman, I would have to take a paternity test with to prove the off spring was mine. But I have dated one.

Doesn't make sense to me. Why bother being married if you don't trust them that much?

Are you a swinging couple? Joking of course.

 

[pdx1138]

"Trust but verify" I like it.

It truly blows that we have to resort to these sort of tactics, but that is what the world has become.

 

[Zarky]

Why on earth would you marry someone you couldn't trust to have kids with, thinking she might have fvcked some other dude?

Even if I were 100% sure the kid's mine, I'd still do it.

 

[mrRuckus]

"Trust but verify" I like it.

It truly blows that we have to resort to these sort of tactics, but that is what the world has become.

Trust is earned, and it can only be earned by having proof from time to time that what someone said or did was valid.

Paternity is too small of an issue to be one of those things you just trust on, even if that trust is based on past experiences. The consequences are too high not to verify.