My bootcamp

[Magnatolia]

Hi Guys,

Decided to start the bootcamp today. I won't be able to match the requirements - a few reasons:

1. I'm uncomfortable even saying hi or smiling at women, so this is challenging
2. I need a perfect situation for me to be comfortable
3. I find it easier if they give me some sort of sign first - be it they stare at me, you know, where some woman glance at you and others look.
4. I'm from Brisbane and my daily routine doesn't provide much in the way of attractive women. Half my trip to work is in the dark, the other half is a little better but when you're sitting on a train any attractive woman can go the other way or sit somewhere away from you.

Okay, first my questions.

1. If a woman is walking past you, you naturally look at their eyes. What do you do if they don't notice you? In my area women rarely look around them regardless of just how busy they are.
2. Say you're seated on a train and a woman gets on and sits/stands a metre away from you. I look at them and see if they notice, they usually don't.
3. I'm finding it really hard to smile at them if they don't look at me. I'd look pretty stupid if I smile at them and they don't even notice so what do you normally do in this situation?

I'll post todays report in another message.

Thanks
J

 

[Magnatolia]

Field Report: Day 1 22 May 2005

Train station - 6:00am
Okay, well I get up in dark so there's hardly anyone around. A few people at the train station mostly execs those sort of people. Not any good looking woman on the train yet. 20 minutes into the trip a girl gets on with some guy - they're chatting but not showing any signs of intimacy so I glance at her. I 'think' she glanced at me for a split second, not really long enough for me to be able to smile. Tried a few more times but didn't get her eye.

Got to the bus stop at 6:50am
Definitely no one attractive at the bus stop. Plenty of hot girls walking past (at least a metre away) to the station. Didn't smile at any as it's very hard to get eye contact long distance (for me anyway). As the bus pulled in a good looking woman arrived:

some details about her:
I said hello to her about 1 week ago, the next day I looked at her but didn't say anything, she smiled and said good morning. Friday, I panicked and didn't say anything.

Okay, so today I didn't say anything again (aagghh!!) but looked at her. She returned the look smiled and said good morning. What do you make of that? She continued on her to the back of the bus. What would you do in this situation?

An okay-looking schoolgirl (too young) sat opposite me. I tried unsuccessfully to get her eye contact. Then her mother sat next to me so I stopped trying

Skip forward to work. I wanted to try and make a good impression with one of the ladies I work with.I didn't feel comfortable 'finding' her to talk to her as she moved all over the place. Seems too obvious. I couldn't get the courage up to ask if she wanted to have lunch with me. So grabbed my balls literally and the fear was gone. I asked and she said she'd brought lunch with her and thanked me for the offer. I tried to subtly influence her calendar by offering to train her in some stuff but I was given other tasks. I find it easier to chat with someone if I'm training them, I guess it's because I have the safety of talking about what I'm teaching them if the convo goes flat.

A girl rode past me at the station on the way home, couldn't smile - god it's a pain in the ass. Probably a 4.5/5. On the train saw what appeared to be an attractive woman sitting with her back to me. Walked past and took a seat facing her. She was okay - maybe a 5. Looked at her but didn't get any eye contact. Was going to try again but realised her friend was partly drunk and they were acting like fu*ken idiots so I ignore them. No intereste in stooping to that level. Being drunk in a public place is stupid. Pisses everyone off.

Well, that was a pretty piss-poor day. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Day 1 Stats
Smiles: 1
Greetings: 1
Convos: Zilch

Let me know your opinions. And all advice is really appreciated.

Thanks
J

 

[Magnatolia]

Day 2 23rd May 2006

Fu*k it, today wasw worse than yesterday. I was in a real downer today - I tend to have mood swings with the downside lasting longer. Anyway, bought my train ticket and there was a cute girl behind me. I considered saying hi but didn't. Probably due to the fact that I've seen her walk past me everyday for the past 6 months and she hasn't given me one glance

At work I struck up a small conversation with a cute girl for about 3-5 mins but I came to a complete standstill - basically I asked her how she was doing, how long she'd been with the business - then I couldn't think of anything at all. I ended up just getting back to my work.

By the end of the day I was in a foul mood. I was cursing myself on the way home for not getting anywhere, I was just really really down. Still am at the moment although I've had a few hours to mull and the energy has died down.

On the train home I got on and went right. A cute girl glanced at me as I got on, I didn't do a fuc*king thing just kept walking. I always do that, even when they look at me I just panic and scurry away. I sat a few seats away and checked her out, but I can never tell when someone is looking directly at me or in the general direction even when they're only 1-2 metres away. It makes it hard to determine if they're actually looking at me.

Today's stats:
Smiles: 0
Convos: 0


Questions:

1. Say you're sitting on a train and it's about 5-10mins from your station. A cute girl gets on and stands in the middle of the train. Would you actually get up and go talk to her?

2. That girl I mentioned at the bus stop walked past me this morning but I was talking to someone. I looked at her, she had headphones on and was staring into space just to my right. I gave a small smile but she was out of it. She wasn't ignoring me because she didn't realise the bus was pulling in. Whaddya make of this?

3. Can you give me some recommendations on what to do/read/study on improving my conversation skills? As mentioned above I completely ran out of steam in a record 3-5 mins. Although I mentioned something I'd heard to the person I was training and the other girl mentioned that she'd heard about it (something I could have said to her during the conversation).

4. I find it really hard to get girls in public places to actually look at me, so that I can return the look and smile/say hi, etc. Do you go out of your way to get a girls attention, ie - walk right up to her to get attention, when you get on public transport deliberately walk past vacant seats and sit next to her? Give me some things you do to get their attention.

Guys, I really need your advice. I'm completely stuck.

Oh, and I can't look that awful. I know not to put any stock on online 'winks' but on a dating site I receive on average 1 wink a day. All that means to me personally is that my looks can't be too bad.

Thanks
J

 

[Magnatolia]

Hey guys, I'm putting questions at the end of most of my reports. Please respond and answer these questions and post advice/opinions on my reports.


Day 3 24th May 2006

Damn it's getting cold in the mornings - about 6 degrees actually. Nothing happened on the way to work. Although the girl at the bus stop said good morning again.

Was given a suggestion on a good way of asking the girl at work to have lunch with me. Going to suggest a day in the future.

On the way home I caught up with an old school mate. A couple of stations from home a cute blonde got on the train. I smiled (my god, I did it!!) but she gave me a luke-warm smile back - the smile didn't seem to reach her eyes. 5 minutes later I looked at her and caught her eye but didn't do anything seeing as she obviously wasn't that interested.

Well I know now that my conversation problems relate to fluff talk. Anything else and I seem find. I can approach any hot girl I work with if I know what I'm asking. Like I can ask them how they're going with the work that sort of thing. But fluff talk is my major holdback. I guess I've never had much experience with fluff talk in my life. Didn't have any friends until mid-high school and we didn't really talk sh*t.

Zilch results again.

Questions:

1. Any ideas on how I can improve my conversation skills without practice? What I mean is - what sort of things do you keep in mind - latest news, gossip, weather that sort of thing. Give me some ideas on how you go about having a conversation.

2. Obviously my biggest problem with conversations is the fluff talk. I just don't know what to talk about. I freeze up and have to ravage my mind to try and find something I think will be appropriate. Any ideas on improving this?

Thanks guys
J

 

[Magnatolia]

Day 25 May 2006

Post some replies to the questions please.

Okay, got on the train today and was pulling up to my station. Smiled at an average looking girl, can't recall if she smiled back. She ended up going to the same bus stop as me. I helped her out with which bus she needed to catch. Screwed up here though. Turned out she was getting off at the same stop as me. Should have told her to ride with me - could've got talking with her. Oh well, if I see her tomorrow I'll have more confidence to take it up a notch.

Nothing really happened at work. On the way home couldn't see any cute girls on the train so I just put some tunes on. But when I was waiting for the doors to open I saw an average girl come up behind me. Smiled at her and got one back - and it wasn't forced either.

So today was a fraction better. Still got a way to go though.

Stats

Smiles: 1
Convos: 1/2

Thanks for reading
J

 

[Magnatolia]

Day 5 26th May 2006

On the way to the train station, passed a cutie. Almost chickened out of smiling but gave her a weak smile, prolly too late though. She didn't respond but I smiled a bit late so she wouldn't had an opportunity to return the smile.

Got on the train on the way home. Tried to catch a girls eye unsuccessfully. She glanced once that was it. Switched trains and got on the same carriage as an attractive girl. Was all geared up to say hello - the words were on the tip of my tongue then they were gone! Fu*k it! Saw an old mate from school - chatted for a bit.

Not a very good day. Thank god it's the weekend tomorrow. Going to hit the mall and pray that I have the confidence to make some approaches (god, even one I want you all to pray for me

Anyway, thanks for reading and please post some comments as well as answers to the questions.

Thanks
J

 

[poohead]

awesome.

keep it going man! the convo exercise with girls was a real eye opener for me - it's so easy!

 

[Magnatolia]

Weekend 27/28th May 2006

Well, the weekend wasn't as good as I hoped. Guess it was the increased volume of hotties that restricted me.

From memory, I think I only made one smile and that was to a cute store clerk that was standing outside of the local surfwear shop, but she didn't smile back because I smiled at the last minute - no chance for her to return it.

Although I must have done something right at the newsagent. Normally they're pretty too-the-point, but this time she did something wrong and laughed, said something about it being a loong day. I laughed and said 'yeah' (didn't know what else to say) then I acicdentally put my credit card away without paying and we both laughed. No idea if it meant anything but it's more interesting than the 'welcome customer' standard smile they usually offer.

Help: My problem seems to be that woman rarely look around them here and if they do glance at me it's either a split-second glance or right as we're about to pass each other so generally I smile, albeit a weak one but it's too late in the encounter for them to smile back. Any ideas?

Stats:

Smiles: 1
Convos: 1

Cheers
J

 

[Zog]

.....

Im working on similar problems.

Ive just been going to shopping malls, but to be honest I get scared as **** when I try and talk to a woman. I almost allways chicken out.

But as far as Hi's go I have something ive been forcing myself to do. I go up and say

me: Excuse me

me: I just wanted to stop and say hi to such a beautiful woman

Then I walk away. Im usually so nervous I can barely get the words out. (sometimes they dont come out and I just walk by moving my mouth:/ ..)
and often I stutter. Still I get some of them out, and its getting better slowly. very slowly.

Z

 

[Magnatolia]

30th May 2006

Nothing really happened for while. I did start a conversation up with a person that works in the company in a different section - only met the person once so they had no idea who I was at first

Was in a really foul mood over nothing when I left and walked past a bus stop when a reasonably attractive hb6 smiled at me. I smiled back, but didn't say anything - was a shock as I think that's the first time a woman has actually smiled first.

Well, my bad mood got worse. A 1.5 hour trip home took 3 hours. Fu*ked up bus was very late. Noone at the train station. Had to change over at another station. A guy sitting next to me - I sensed something and looked over. He was looking at me and nodded in acknowledgement I returned it.

Got on the train and took a seat on a 4-seater next to two hbs but didn't say anything. Glanced at one but she didn't return the look. One got off a while later and I 'almost' started a conversation with the other hb. Panicked though and didn't say anything. There was a girl standing who 'i think' was looking past me, she was okay looking, I was checking her out and I think she glanced at me every now and then, might have been my imagination. Anyway later when I got off she wasn't looking at me.

So the day turned out better - maybe because my dark mood - maybe it changed my facial expression to something that woman desire. Who knows.



31 May 2006

Nothing's happening today. Took the day off work to sleep in. Although this damn cold is making me feel like shyt today. Although I decided to buy a bottle of 'Lure for him' - with the pheromones. So we'll see what happens when it arrives, lol.

Later
J

 

[Magnatolia]

2nd May 2006

Okay, it was a pretty average day. Nothing happened until I was waiting for the train home. There was this decent HB, probably 6/7. She was on the phone, one of those hyper girls, she kept walking back and forth while she was on the phone. Don't know if it was because I was dead tired or what but I kept looking at her. I started listening to my ipod and then she got off the phone. I looked at her again, caught her doing some kind of 'dance' on the spot. She gave me a smile/laugh - don't know if she was doing that out of embarrassment don't think so though. I smiled back but didn't have the balls to actually do something. She didn't look again (could that have been 'her' move and then it was my turn and I fumbled?)

When I'm bored or waiting I listen to my ipod. But I have a problem where I can't put the ipod away to consider approaching. It's like my mind is saying 'no, it's too obvious' or some sh&t. Maybe I should only put it on when there's no hotties around

But had a parcel waiting for me at home. My 'secret weapon' arrived. The little bottle of pheromone cologne. Put it on the next morning. Read about it below.

3rd May 2006

Okay, so went to the shops this morning. Was stuffed around though with parents. Unfortunately they chose the smaller mall to go to. Hardly any hotties there usually. But I put the stuff on regardless.

Just started wandering around aimlessly looking for any hbs. This malls so small you can get from one end to the other in about 30secs. Saw a cute hb probably 6/7 and deliberately walked past her and looked at her. She smiled but I didn't do anything but the girls around here rarely smile first. So that's one point to the pheros.

After a few minutes of looking for the invisible hbs I took a seat. And damn, it was so amazing how many women glanced at me as they walked past. Not looks that said 'I want you' or even interest really. It was more they glanced. I find that to be a very rare occurence generally. One or two looked twice.

I knew when I bought the cologne that it wouldn't remove/ease a woman's social conditioning or whatever but having them look at me gives me the chance to smile/say hi, whatever. Doesn't mean I'll take the chance but at least its there. I can't force myself to make a girl notice me (some guys can deliberately block their path to talk to them).

The same girl that smiled served me at one of the shops, but I can't tell if checkout chicks are being polite/more than just polite so I don't try anything. She seemed quite friendly though.

Another thing that makes me believe in the pheromone cologne is that after about 2.5 hours of wearing it, my folks could hardly smell it and at the same time I was getting less stares.

So there ya go. My take on pheromones. Will hopefully have some more good news about it in a few days when I go back to work.

Later all
J

 

[Fender]

Hey man, props to you for taking the time and effort to do this. Shows that you take action and strive to improve yourself. Good on ya!

I glanced over your journal and heres a few thoughts.

a) Don't be so picky. Smile/say hi to EVERYONE, not just hot chicks. Remember, the purpose of the bootcamp isn't to get you laid/married (although it CAN happen), its to remove your social conditioning and fears. So start saying hi to those sexy senior citizens as well!

b) Read Pooks "Perfect is Boring" post. It seems like you're constantly looking for the "perfect" situation to talk to a girl, smile, etc.etc. It doesn't matter! No ones gonna think any worst of you if you put away your ipod to talk to them, etc.etc. Not to sounds like a d*ck, but no one really cares about you in public. You can keel over dead and people won't notice!

c) Dump the pheremones for now You need some internal aid, not some external gimicky thing to get a few glances. And you may grow dependant on it even if it does nothing (placebo effect).

d) Fluff talk- Ask open ended questions, but never ask 2 question back to back. Sandwich them between "statements."
And always relate back to her last sentance.e.g.

girl: Yeah, I'm going to XYZ street for work.
you: Ooh, what good shops are there in XYZ street?

girl: I like to eat babies.
you: Oh really? I like chocolate babies. Whats your favourite flavour?

I find the best way to have a conversation is to be playful (almost on the border of stupidity). Why? Because there are no boundries...anything goes! Opens up way more conversation topics. Plus its a heck more fun.

Just don't think too much about it and be "in the moment." And relax! You're not looking for your future wife here...just polishing up your social skills.

Have fun man. This stuff isn't meant to make you depressed or angry. Do it for the giggles and for improving your social skills.

Luck! And keep up the effort.

 

[Magnatolia]

As you can see, haven't really had any thing to post over the last week. I started up an email connection with a girl that works in my team (she works in a different suburb). That went pretty well, plenty of questions from her - that makes the convo go easier.

Although there was a girl at the train station who smiled at me, and I returned the smile.

Anyway, I'm at home today but something did happen this morning at the corner shop. I was looking through the newspaper to make sure all the inserts were there - nothing more annoying than getting home to find something missing and the shop assistant happened to be putting some stuff on the shelf. I 'sensed' something and looked over. She appeared to be staring straight at me. I smiled and said hi, she asked how my day was going and I said it was going pretty good. Didn't say anything afterwards, besides some guy started talking to her (they seemed to know each other). Any opinions on that?

I decided to give the pheromones a miss, they didn't seem to do too well on the way to work. And they leave a pale yellow mark on my wrists.

Later
J