My Boot Camp Desire

[beyondform]

Hey DJ's, just want to run a few things past you for a bit of advice.

I'm 33 years old and have very little experience with women. I have been very shy and withdrawn, always with a few friends and living a relatively boring life. I've just decided to make some major life changes to allow me to do the things I really value, which includes moving to the city.

I want to start off on the right foot and immediately begin to build a social network and meet women once I move. I wonder if the DJ Boot Camp will facilitate this process well, and was hoping to see how it has affected others who had similar desires.

I have been around the seduction community for a long time and have rarely done any approaching. I realize now that my resistance is simply habitual conditioning, and the only way to break out of it is by taking action in spite of my fears.

I welcome any input you may have.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm 32 and have been around the community for a long time too. My number one piece of advice is don't buy any products or pay for bootcamps. That part of the community is all marketing and will do you little good. My friends and I spent thousands on that stuff and did not improve. No guru can make you a ladies man, regardless of what they claim. Even if a guy really is great with women, looks aside, he can't convey to you what he does unconsciously to attract them. Even if he could, it may not work for you because it may not be congruent with your personality or look. I would even argue that much of the "success" of these commercial "systems" is placebo effect. If I went out to the club tonight confident with "secret knowledge" of the XYZ Method, I would probably do well because of my confidence and enthusiasm, not because of the method itself.

The only part of the community I like is SoSuave because it has guys genuinely helping each other and it's not so commercialized. That being said, there is a lot of very good free material here. I have not yet tried the DJ Boot Camp, but it looks very good.

I've heard public speaking such as Toastmasters is also very good to improve your confidence and speaking skills. I'm will be joining that shortly.

You mentioned moving to the city. That sounds like a good move. A new environment can help you meet new people and expand your horizons.

With respect to approaching, one thing that helps is, approach who you want to approach and most importantly, USE YOUR INTUITION (i.e. gut instinct) to select targets. I don't agree with the "approach everyone like a robot" that some gurus preach. Approach because you genuinely want to talk to her and because your intuition tells you she would be a good one to approach. I have been MUCH more successful this way. A girl might give me eye contact, and I get a good vibe from her. So then, I will approach. If a girl is totally ignoring me, won't even look at me, and gives off a b*&chy vibe, I do not approach her. It's a waste of time and a near certain rejection. My best and most successful nights were when I selectively approached one or two girls that I had good feelings about, never when it was 15 or 20 random cold-approached ones.

In the past, I would follow the "three second rule" and force myself to approach girls even when my gut instinct would tell me it's a bad idea to approach a particular one or group. Whenever I went against my gut instinct, it was then followed by a cruel rejection and/or some belligerent boyfriend appearing and threatening me. I'm not talking about letting fear rule you (nor do I support that), but ALWAYS trust you gut. I'm sure you know the difference between normal fear i.e. approach anxiety and your gut telling you to stay away. If you're gut tells to avoid a particular girl or group of girls, then avoid them. On the other hand, if you're having a good feeling about a woman and are just feeling a little shy, then step up there and say something, even hi.

At the end of the day, it is about taking what you can from here and developing you. Best of luck to you man.

Mike

 

[beyondform]

My number one piece of advice is don't buy any products or pay for bootcamps. That part of the community is all marketing and will do you little good.

I agree 110%. Fortunately, I have not spent as much, but I have done one bootcamp, bought a couple of products (and downloaded a bunch others), and have found them largely to contain advice that I felt I could not apply at the time.

The only part of the community I like is SoSuave because it has guys genuinely helping each other and it's not so commercialized.

Reading through the DJ Bible, I get that feel. It seems as if all the stuff you'd ever get on inner game elsewhere is already here, and has been for years. And as for practical advice, the DJ Boot Camp seems to be unmatched. It even comes with glowing testimonials [/QUOTE]

I like what you had to say about instinct. I have had so many instances being out with other guys who made me cringe in the way they approached. Many have said, "at least they had the balls to approach, good on them," but I will not even give them that. Yes, it will be nerve-racking, but when you are this bundle of nerves spouting some scripts, all you do is condition a pattern into the brain - in the long run, this cannot be efficacious.

I am learning theories of evolutionary development that make sense in regards to approach anxiety. It seems that the shame we feel has been enculturated in us since a young age. Now that we are fortunately aware of this, we can choose to overcome our conditioning, and I love that communities such as this one exist for us to support the efforts.

My strategy will be to follow the Boot Camp exercises, and utilize the tools from a relatively new psychological school called ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Rather than trying to get rid of negative thoughts and feelings and in the process amplifying the struggle, I will go through the process, experiencing all the emotions and thoughts and letting them be. Sometimes they will suck me in; other times, I will notice them, and they will dissipate.

In this way, the road to becoming a DJ is actually a psychological practice (and it may be said, even a spiritual practice, though I hesitate to confuse this with religion). Life becomes more rich and meaningful, and a hell of a lot more interesting.

My plan is to begin next week. I'll post my journal in another thread.

Gary