my biggest obstacle with dating

[REPEM]

No social group.

Yup. That's it. I have confidence, sense of humor, decent looks, etc. I was raised by strict parents and graduated school at a young age. I lost touch with alot of my friends quick and haven't replaced them yet.

This is my biggest problem in dating. As soon as a girl finds out you dont have many friends, and arent a social-being..... her interest quickly drops. Social value plummets. It's hard to be a leader of men or alpha male when you are on your own most of the time.


Now I'm not in school anymore. Working part time in a small company. I'm not meeting many new people.


Any suggestions to this issue?

 

[starplayer]

This is EASILY my biggest sticking point too, so I wouldn't mind hearing some pointers from other people. The importance of social value is very underestimated on these forums.

I have friends, but I want more. I want to be the center of a large social circle. Having cool friends is VERY important in how she perceives you.

I'm losing touch with friends from high school and I leave college this year. Next year I might have to move to work in a new city where i know NOBODY and have to start from scratch.

How do you build a social circle from basically nothing?

 

[Chromeo]

Your gonna have to go out, get drunk, and buy some people some beers. Or join a group or class that has a common interest of yours. But make sure you have fun, and others around you are having fun, thats how you become socially valued.

 

[Willis]

As soon as a girl finds out you dont have many friends, and arent a social-being..... her interest quickly drops.

......IM ****ED...

 

[REPEM]

I might have to move to work in a new city where i know NOBODY and have to start from scratch.

How do you build a social circle from basically nothing?

atleast that way you have an excuse.

It's harder when you're stuck in the same old city you grew up in and simply lost touch with people.

 

[starplayer]

atleast that way you have an excuse.

It's harder when you're stuck in the same old city you grew up in and simply lost touch with people.

Well after college I have to move back to my hometown for a bit before I go to the new city. And i have also lost touch with many friends from there. Others have either moved away, or spend their weekends with their girlfriends instead of getting drunk with the boys.

I'm stuck relying on 2-3 friends when i move back home, and if they move away then I'm fvcked.

 

[Jhcl4000]

What, are the girls you date always asking to see or go out with your friends? Just f*cking give them a little white lie about what you are doing every day all day. These chicks shouldn't even know you don't have many (or any) friends and/or hardly ever go out.

 

[Kailex]

How are they finding out whether you are part of a social circle or not?

Really?

And if you are having that much trouble... join a gym, go play basketball every week at the same spot... do SOMETHING.

People with NIL social circles AREN'T trying hard enough.

Ahhhh, should I thank the internet and the MMO's for people who no longer go out and socialize or should we place the blame solely on the shoulders of those who don't dare go out there and venture into the world.

You have interests, right? Go on the internet and google something in your area related to those interests... you are BOUND to find a group that meets outside and does these things.

Besides, do we care if women are part of any social circles? No? Right.

This is my biggest problem in dating. As soon as a girl finds out you dont have many friends, and arent a social-being..... her interest quickly drops. Social value plummets. It's hard to be a leader of men or alpha male when you are on your own most of the time.

WRONG. Their interest is dropping because of something else.
She should NOT be finding out about your social circle unless you have progressed towards an LTR, and even then, at that point, it shouldn't matter.

Honestly, how many times has this happened to you? How many times has a woman lost interest because you didn't have "enough friends"?

I've YET to see this happen to me.

And a TRUE DJ can roll with or without a crew.

 

[starplayer]

What, are the girls you date always asking to see or go out with your friends? Just f*cking give them a little white lie about what you are doing every day all day. These chicks shouldn't even know you don't have many (or any) friends and/or hardly ever go out.

Yeah but sooner or later she will find out. And social status means WAY more to them than it does to us. They do care about your social value.

Also I find it's a limiting factor in the number of girls I can meet. If I'm going out regularly then I do alright with meeting girls cos I get on a roll.

And I've met a lot of girls through my social circle over the years - it's probably my biggest source overall.


EDIT: In my experience, they do care about social status, Kailex. How popular you are is a big thing to them. They want a guy who has a name and is the center of a big social circle.

 

[Kailex]

Starplayer, I get what you're saying.

Maybe my case is different and I just don't see it that way, to be honest.
I'm not always right!

My case in particular is that I live in New Jersey, but I've only lived here for one year, so my social circle is WORK, pretty much. I do have a few friends from the gym and becoming a regular at two local bars... but that's it.

Granted, I do have a job where I have constant contact with people, so whenever I go out with someone, I usually KNOW someone else around... so that might be the "social proof". But as far as REAL friends go, my social circle is back home from where I used to be.

I guess I get what you are trying to relay... that... women don't want to see you as a COMPLETE loner, and in that case, I would have to agree... it could come across as creepy...so I guess, in essence, I'd have to SOMEWHAT retract my earlier statement...

But my sentiment is that the OP seems to put entirely TOO much stock into the social circle ambience... maybe it's the type of girls he is dating?

I guess he'd have to be more specific... then again, it could also be additional factors other than JUST the social circle and we'd probably never truly know.

 

[starplayer]

Yeah I'm not saying you have to be the most popular guy in town to get most girls (although social status is like money to women - you can never have enough of it).

But like you said, they want to know you're not a total loser and have some social proof.

This is obvious to you and me, but I thought I had to make it clear because there are guys on this site at various stages. Many have no social skills with women, while some have more serious problems such as no social skills AT ALL. Before guys can learn how to be successful with women, they really need to learn how to make friends and have a social circle first.

And also a large social circle is an excellent easy way to meet girls.

 

[REPEM]

@jlx and kailem, regarding how they find out


1. Events, or lack thereof. "What are your plans for New Years?", "What are you and your friends doing on _____" etc.

2. "we should get a bunch of people together and go out for drinks". Ofcourse, I would have to avoid this because I wouldnt have any good wings I'd want to bring out for drinks.



it can also entirely depend on the female as well. There was another girl who almost never asked questions like that.

@kailex.... Age might also be a factor. Younger girls wanna party more often and do more socializing than say, a 27 y/o girl.

Besides, do we care if women are part of any social circles? No? Right.

Do we care if women can make us feel protected? No.

What we look for in women and what they look for in us, is totally different.

 

[Rescue Mission]

learn how to lie properly!

When I was at the top of my game, I used to lie to new chicks all the time, telling them how me and my friends are doing this and that (when in reality, I was seeing other girls instead)........when you dedicate yourself to being a player of women, the amount of time you spend with friends can be minimal and all of these women do NOT need to know about it!

Thus, in your case, make up as many lies as you can to make yourself look good in front of these chicks........all that matters when it comes to having sex with them is what they THINK of you, not what you really are.

 

[UserFriendly]

learn how to lie properly!

Seriously, that'll catch up with you really fast.

 

[Rescue Mission]

Seriously, that'll catch up with you really fast.

It's never caught up to me, why would it catch up to a fellow player?

Your attitude is of the good ole fashioned pvssy who is too scared to lie to a bytch to get what you want from her.

Have fun with that nice guy

 

[UserFriendly]

Your attitude is of the good ole fashioned pvssy who is too scared to lie to a bytch to get what you want from her.

It's not about getting what you want. It's the fact that you are so insecure with your own life and personality that you have to deceive and muddle the details just to get a chick to like you. That's pretty pathetic man. I'm too scarred to lie to a "bytch"? Then you must be too scared to tell her the truth, dumbass.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Besides, do we care if women are part of any social circles? No? Right.



WRONG. Their interest is dropping because of something else.
She should NOT be finding out about your social circle unless you have progressed towards an LTR, and even then, at that point, it shouldn't matter.

Honestly, how many times has this happened to you? How many times has a woman lost interest because you didn't have "enough friends"?

I've YET to see this happen to me.

And a TRUE DJ can roll with or without a crew.

I agree with that!!!

At my age, most of the people I know are married and have kids. Not really conducive for winging me. I have just started talking to a friend whom I have known for 32 years and he is not married and has no kids either, but has a girlfriend that comes to see him and over stays her welcome. If she did not, he and I could hang out more.... But on the other hand, I can only handle him in small doses.

If a woman were to use me not having a stadium full of people for social value against me, then that would say much about her and I would not want her on my team.

 

[The Mad Ghost]

I am in this plight also.

I agree that Fakeing it till you make it can help, only for ONS and SNL majority of the time, but DATING, it will not help. This will not work with hotter girls who live in the limelight. I would give up everything to have a standard great SOCIAL VALUE of a large social group, thats 90% of all the problems here. Once you're at the gym, working out getting toned etc, that alone will skyrocket you're self-confidence, but whats the point when you haven't got that added bulk of the social networking?

You can't do this by yourself, you will need a newtwork, and a good network at that for the finish line. Joining groups via online is not the same as friends you knew since High School or College. I haven't got the energy or time to get to know someone from adam. Trust is a big factor for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ms4uYM3Rk - He couldn't of done this without SOCIAL PROOF.

When I was with my ex, I practically left all my friends int he dark for months and months, she said that if I didn't have any friends, she wouldn't of really been interested.

 

[stayfly]

a social group is overrated and in some cases counter productive

come up with a really good, simple and funny reason why you don't have a lot of friends and run with it. e.g. "I'm too busy enjoying my life and working out on my totally hot and awesome body to keep up with a lot of friends"

if she still has a problem with it then next her. most chicks won't care as long as you are awesome and she's into you.

 

[scorpio1138]

Great thread. I was wondering about this myself lately...