My background, Me, and the future!

[Wildebeest]

Hey, my name is will, and im a recovering piece of **** afc. A few of you will have noticed a couple of my posts lately. Im australian, im intelligent and introverted (intj personality type in myer-briggs test). I dont really fit in with most average people in my culture. I am not ugly, despite feeling that way most of my life. I was the overweight nerd in highschool, who hit puberty extremely late (in the last year of high school). I would constantly throw myself into my homework at school and uni, so I could avoid personal interactions; despite this I managed to make a few great friends that I still have (almost all are male).

I graduated out of uni about a year and a half ago, and despite being consistently in the top 5% of my classes throughout highschool and university (and winning a few notable awards in my uni course), I slipped into some level of depression as soon as I gradutated. I didnt apply for any jobs, I didnt go out much. I sat on my computer everyday, consumed interesting information, played video games, and jerked it to porn, while developing a depency to alcohol to have fun while out.

Consciously, the depression all came from my existential despair and too much time on my hands, but it probably manifested due to deriving a lack of self worth from my lack of sexual relationships....If I was ****ing katy perry, I am doubtful that I would have time to lament the woes of existentialism and the human condition.

The interesting thing was, despite having alot of good friends and family, no one really confronted me on how down I was, no one asked how I was. My 'best' mate would mock me when I acted down. I feel like ive dragged myself out of it now though, despite no massive improvements externally. I realised, its all up to me; to create my reality. And depression is a form of rejection of life based on the assumption that your negative attitude can change things, which is extremely childish and stupid. im reading the book of pook atm and loving every second of it. I believe he is describing the true path; working on oneself to become the man, and the women will come

I am currently in decent shape. Ive had alot of low confidence in the past, but I can be quite witty and fun. I feel successful in everything else other than sexual relationships with women. Usually my intellect and work ethic get me anywhere I need, but it has gotten me nowhere with girls. I am the stereotypical smart guy who never understood women because he didnt know how to get emotional and was scared of his sexuality. I actually feel caught in a cycle; I cant get a woman because of low confidence, and I cant get confidence without a woman. The obvious solution being, make your confidence depend on something else.

I feel like I only came out of this depression because I had 2 options: suicide or try to become a man. Personally, I am not religious and believe hell is a scary story to keep people brainwashed. However, I am not selfish enough to kill myself unfortunately, even though it is completely inconsequential if I had/do. The thing is, I refuse to continue to go through life as I have. So I must become a man that I can be proud of, even if it means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I am currently writing my resume. I have never worked a orthodox job long-term. I have made my money playing poker part-time, amongst other things. My resume will make me look very intellectual, and academically accomplished, but heavily lacking in social experience of working with people, I expect.

I will be hopefully submitting my resume in 3-4 weeks to many places, and working in 6-12 months. I am heavily considering travelling in the time it takes to get my job. I am currently weighing the pros and cons of contiki touring solo vs backpacking solo.

So, Ive never felt a massive desire to travel, probably because ive been too attached to my comfort zone and due to anxiousness. Only my increasing dissatisfaction with my options and myself, as well as the encouragement of friends, is making me think I must travel.

I probably want to visit ireland, scotland, england due to my roots
OR scandanvian countries due to my core values and beliefs (higher levels of atheism in those places I believe)

I will most likely be travelling solo, and it would be nice to meet and **** as many attractive members of the opposite gender as possible.

From what I understand,

Contiki-style bus touring
- party atmosphere,
-rushed
-piss up and screw fest
- convienent
-fast food version of travelling (see as much as you can, as fast as you can, while drinking and ****ing as much as possible)
- probably not growing or learning as much as backpacking
- 'trainer wheels' for travelling

Backpacking
- more challenging; you learn more, you grow more. You rely on yourself completely.
- more dangerous
- flexible, you do what you want when you want
- more likely to meet locals since you will be by yourself
- outside of comfort zone
-slightly cheaper potentially (no middle man)

 

[OnTheWayUp]

OP, you sound exactly like me. If you check out my post history, you will see that several times in the last year or so I have despaired at my lack of social success and success with women, despite the fact that I am otherwise very intelligent and successful in other areas. Like you, I have been academically bright my entire life long: I go to Oxford University in England, one of the top unis in the world, where I came second in the entire university in my subject last year. I speak 3 languages fluently, have played guitar in bands since the age of 9 (I am now 21), and play field hockey to a very high level. Like you, I have also made a decent amount of money playing online poker. I am also an atheist and have never had a full-time job.

The difference between you and me at the moment is that I am currently FWB with two different girls. I would not be lying if I said this is all down to SS. Trust me man, if I can get there, so can you!

What worked for me was completely taking myself out of my social comfort zone for a year. I had the option to take a break from studies and go to a foreign university for a year as part of my course. The academic work was easy (multiple choice exam questions, lol), so I spent the whole year going out and improving myself socially. I went to party after party, either alone or with friends, and met loads of different people. By the end of the year, my social circle was so vast that I could walk into any club on any night of the week and meet someone I knew within 10 mins. I went from having kissed one girl to losing my virginity and dating 30-40 in the space of one year.

I would strongly encourage you to do something similar. It sounds like you're on the right lines: travel would be an excellent place to start. If I were you, I would try to establish a completely new life for yourself, somewhere where no-one knows you. If you can stay in one place for a time, whether that is through travel and working in a bar or something to support yourself, or through study at a foreign uni, you will be able to construct a completely new image. Fast forward 5 years and you won't even recognise yourself.

PM me if you want more info. Your story is basically exactly the same as mine, and it would be a pleasure to help you out. If you come to England, we could even meet up.

 

[Wildebeest]

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