Murk's relationship - SOS

[Pierce Manhammer]

Bluepilled guys like catsmeow make fun of it and give out toxic advise, but the truth is that our gynocrentric society more often than not is a con job set up against men.

Heh @catsmeow is a vagina owner, and not the same way I am…

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

What a lovely way to describe the feminine to your masculine.

You're quite the MAN @Pierce.Manhammer .

All done in fun @catsmeow and you have thick skin and can handle a good ribbing.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Many of us have been utterly devastated and obliterated by women. Men historically have not had a “safe space” to speak openly about our emotions and problems. Men are raised to believe that you do a certain list of things and the dream will be handed to you: follow rules and you will be rewarded. It’s simply is not true.

As a result many of us become embittered- see “black pill” ideology. In any case, men also speak to one another a very specific way: acerbically, ironically, in a”jocular” way -it’s the “virtual locker room”, it’s combative and competitive- it’s just how troglodytes communicate. We don’t particularly want to modulate the way we speak to one another here just because a woman is here. This is what is talked about in men’s circles - that adding a female’s presence in a group of males always changes the discussion - men simply act differently when a woman is involved.

It is a good rationale for keeping women out of combat arms roles in the military. A whole company of well meaning soldiers would in most circumstances martyr themselves trying to rescue a female soldier in combat - it’s built into us, we protect.

Therefore the tone of a male dominated space changes in women’s presence - some guys do it subconsciously. Many who rail against you know this instinctively and therefore speak to you the way they do - you’re also in many of their minds “the enemy”, see for men everything is combat and sexual access first and foremost.

I’m sure that your DM’s here range from personal attacks to guys flirting with you.

Anyway thought this might help you understand why you receive some of the reactions you do.

Yeah I've developed a pretty thick skin, you've got that right. And I'm still here which is on ME and any shyt I'm given, I own my part in.

But it's becoming more and more difficult reading some of the stuff aimed at me if I'm to be honest.

I realize men and women are different, and view the world and what happens within differently.

But why not attempt to understand and embrace our differences? Versus ridiculing, insulting, belittling and accusations of "shaming"?

Not you @Pierce but a few others.

We're ALL here to help aren't we? Or trying to? Sharing our different POVs and allowing the OP to decide?

That's all, done.

Ciao guys.

 

[CBear]

Never talk or listen to a woman when it comes to dating, sex and partnership, they will set you up for failure.


Claiming to have a mental defect is THE coping machanism of the 21th century so people can avoid the ugly truth about their character and give themselves excuses why they don't stand up for themselves against society. Bluepilled guys like catsmeow make fun of it and give out toxic advise, but the truth is that our gynocrentric society more often than not is a con job set up against men. Most often than not, what people call Anxiety is a real natural instinctual fear respons your subconsciousness is giving you to warn you that you are in the process of being ****ed over. The normal healthy reaction when one is getting ****ed over is to go on the war path and to do ones homework, but current society is teaching men wrong and is supporting people to crawl inside theirself and being cowards, because it makes for docile men who are more easily ruled.

Women are naturally untrustworthy beings and in a society that is supporting them at the cost of men, you are always in a similar role to Tyr having to stick his hand into the maw of the Fenriswolf. It's not about emotion or intimate contact with another person, if you are in a LTR with a woman in this day and age, you are living under the proverbial damocles sword if you don't cover yourself legally and socially.

Constantly focusing or talking about trauma and/or mental disorder is called Munchausen Syndrome. He should read up on it. It's a form of narcissism that many people suffer from nowadays.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Constantly focusing or talking about trauma and/or mental disorder is called Munchausen Syndrome. He should read up on it. It's a form of narcissism that many people suffer from nowadays.

ok now we’re talking…

I’d posit that many men here also suffer from Stockholm Sydrome - where women take the role of the captor…

 

[Am Shaegar]

Lol, I'm FEMALE mate.

This would explain the counterproductive non-sense that you are posting, however there are no women on the Internet!

But for real, you will never produce any worthwhile information on this forum as no matter how many books, articles or studies you read and no matter how big you claim your social circle is, you will never be able to understand the male experience. Your high EQ is nothing but a buzzword.
The difference between opinion and advise is semantics, as it is the nature of humans to be inspired by information when they see it regardless of the intend of the author. The information you have given Murks is a beautiful moralistic lie about human behavior, but not the truth about the biological human animal. The truth is that Murks has been conned by the town bicycle and is now experiencing the relationship equivalent of the sunken cost fallacy. So of course he will jump on the idea that the problem is his and if he only works on himself that will somehow change the fact that this woman is a slut that sooner or later in the next years will leave him and take him to the cleaners, should he be so stupid to marry or live with her in one home.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Advice from the old lady:

Murk. Let’s think about this a moment. Who are you? You are an experienced man who has been drunk high and in sexually indiscreet situations before. You went through the whole bad boy phase right? A churchgoing virgin is not going to understand you and you are not going to understand her either. You have the edge that your experience gave you. You can’t put that away. Would a virgin churchgoing woman’s family accept you? Probably not. They’d be more judgy than you are being here. You wouldn’t be pious enough for their unspoiled daughter.

Black and white thinking. A churchgoing virgin or an all-out wh0re…as if there wasn’t an entire spectrum of females in between those two extremes.

Also, let’s not pretend that men and women are the same and should be judged by the same standard. Imagine a grown man who cries when you hurt his feelings. Would you want to date a crybaby? I doubt it. Does that mean men should disqualify women for the same reason? No.

Same thing with promiscuity. The effect that it has on men and women is fundamentally different. A woman with a high body is irreparably damaged. That’s a fact. Not because she’s “impure” or a “sinner” or any of that nonsense but because of irreversible damage promiscuity has on the female psyche.

 

[Am Shaegar]

What happens or doesn't happen with this particular girl is NOT the point. The point is @Murk has some personal demons he is struggling with due to his abusive childhood, and had expressed that long before I came along. This will affect how he views relationships in general, it's human nature man, come on. I don't see how you can refute that.

And here you are wrong, because Murk is not a child anymore. People are only bound by their childhood to the degree they allow it themself. The defining quality of an adult is that they can take care of themselves. There was something missing from your childhood or you didn't learn something? Now is the time to teach it yourself or to find a teacher. It is hard to take care of the flaws in our upbringing, as it exposes us to be exploited by others.
And the last point is why it is so important that Murk is not allowing this girl to be more than a *** dump in his life, because he cannot "heal" himself by building a relationship with damaged goods. Damaged goods will always betray the people they have a relationship with and anything he will learn until the betrayal, he will unlearn once the betrayal happens.

 

[SW15]

Many of us have been utterly devastated and obliterated by women.

I would be one of those men who has been utterly devastated and obliterated by women.

Men historically have not had a “safe space” to speak openly about our emotions and problems. Men are raised to believe that you do a certain list of things and the dream will be handed to you: follow rules and you will be rewarded. It’s simply is not true.

As a result many of us become embittered- see “black pill” ideology. In any case, men also speak to one another a very specific way: acerbically, ironically, in a”jocular” way -it’s the “virtual locker room”, it’s combative and competitive- it’s just how troglodytes communicate. We don’t particularly want to modulate the way we speak to one another here just because a woman is here. This is what is talked about in men’s circles - that adding a female’s presence in a group of males always changes the discussion - men simply act differently when a woman is involved.

Black pill is growing far faster than red pill at this point. Yes, men do act differently when women are present in a forum/venue.

 

[Bokanovsky]

In my relationships, I made many bad choices. Men who in the long run were wrong for me.

But I also ran away or pushed away, men who may have been right for me! Why?

FEAR.

Both men and women struggle with fear, in some way, shape or form, it's not uncommon. If you don't, more power to ya.

“Fear” is not the right term for what you are describing. Let’s say you go shopping and you come across a dress that looks great, fits perfect and is reasonably priced. Are you going to be “afraid” to buy it? Or you go a restaurant and see an item on the menu that seems particularly appetizing. Are you going to be afraid to try it because it might be too delicious? Of course not. And neither would you be afraid of dating a man who appears amazing (unless you have reason to believe he’s the next tinder swindler).

You rejected the men that “might be right” for you not because of fear but because of boredom. You thought that they were boring and unexciting and the idea of spending the rest of your life with them was unappealing. Am I wrong?

 

[BeExcellent]

Black and white thinking. A churchgoing virgin or an all-out wh0re…as if there wasn’t an entire spectrum of females in between those two extremes.

Also, let’s not pretend that men and women are the same and should be judged by the same standard. Imagine a grown man who cries when you hurt his feelings. Would you want to date a crybaby? I doubt it. Does that mean men should disqualify women for the same reason? No.

Same thing with promiscuity. The effect that it has on men and women is fundamentally different. A woman with a high body is irreparably damaged. That’s a fact. Not because she’s “impure” or a “sinner” or any of that nonsense but because of irreversible damage promiscuity has on the female psyche.

Of course it is a continuum. That should be obvious. Variance by degree. Murks girl is not unusual. Especially if she is both pretty and social. She’s probably more typical in her sexual history than you might imagine.

If you read the extensive psychological research available on the topic you’ll see that promiscuous behavior adversely affects both men and women. But what differs by individual is the actual number of encounters/experiences it takes to damage an individual’s psyche. That is not objective number at all. One woman could be irreparably damaged at a body count of 5 or less, another could be just fine with a count well north of 50. It depends on the context. The same can be true of men too. Men who are overly promiscuous can lose ability to pair bond just as women can. And they also can suffer from the paradox of choice. So much choice that making a decision to pick a partner becomes impossible.

Google around behavioral health studies. It’s simple to see what happens and it’s not good for either gender.

But it’s not an even comparison from one girl to the next. Two women with the same count could have vastly different psyches.

 

[Murk]

After some thinking and marinating on this, I think I understand my feelings a bit more;

My SMV is above her’s and it always was. Outwardly I seem great, but the things internally I deal with, always made me feel “less than”. Like I didn’t even deserve the women I want or that I wouldn’t be able to maintain them, that I’m not “normal enough” that other men have much more to offer than me without the “baggage” I carry internally. I always had it in the back of my mind that while I’m working on myself, progressing my business/money, my fitness and mental health, I’ll eventually move on and go for what I really want.

The thing is, this girl stuck around, she has accepted me for me and I realise I am actually capable of maintaining a relationship, I am good enough, I can do it. We endured lockdown nesting together, so now I have genuine strong feelings for her, and she ticks a lot of the boxes of what I want in a woman. Men stare at her on the street, chat her up when she’s out and want to take her on dates etc. She’s just not my typical tanned latina idealised happily ever after. She’s blonde and blue eyed, never been my thing. I am attracted to her, she gets me hard just kissing, hugging or smelling her, the sex is great maybe the most fulfilling I've had, my friends and family love her, no complaints about her personality that I read from men posting on here about BPD, entitled, ungrateful or sneaky chicks.

The reasons learning about her past bothers me so much is because my ego is hurt and I feel duped, I never really cared about her past enough before because long-term commitment was never on the cards (still 90% on the NO side, due to her not being a 9 or 10 looks-wise and her body count). I'm caring like I want to marry her because my emotions and feelings are getting drawn into that frame, I never wanted that with her.

I raised my issues regarding her past, she knows it isn’t great, she cried and said she was sorry, that she was lost and seeking relationships/dating with purpose but “men don’t want to commit” – yeah commit to YOU I thought, but really I've been that non-committing guy my whole life regardless how hot the girl is. I’ll never know the ins and outs, she explained a lot of things that made sense, it made me feel better, but not totally fine.

I’ve decided to keep her around, for now, to not mention any insecurities I have, and continue to improve myself. It’s helping me to understand my own thoughts and behaviours, like practising sprints before the real race. Yeah it’s kinda weak, but I’m thinking end goal, and this relationship is giving me things I need to help progress.

Recently this has been an unnecessary distraction that has already cost me weeks of productivity when I really need to stay on my “purpose”. I do appreciate all your views and picking me apart, honestly it helps.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Stress and depression are symptoms of high EQ, which is why you have a tendency to help, love and care for others. Many will read posts about this and have no connection to it.

Our EQ becomes attuned over time to those who are ungrateful for our efforts and we will stop helping and stop connecting to those.